Hate, love and the rest
by Purple panda eater
Summary: There was no doubt that Remus Lupin was having a bad day. He decided that it was definitely in the top 6 worst days of his life... RL/SB
1. One of the Worse days of Remus's Life

_A/N Strong language from the start!_

Usually still lips found themselves quivering, usually expressionless, tawny eyes were quite surprised to have tears stinging them. Formally dry, hollow, cheeks found themselves dampened in straight tracks. Typically still hands shook uncontrollably.

There was no doubt that Remus Lupin had had shit day. He decided that it was definitely in the top 6 worst days of his life.

He wiped his tears on the sleeve of his robes, wondering how many people knew by now. He took a deep breath and told himself that crying was pointless, and that crying pointlessly in a toilet cubicle was pathetic. It wasn't his fault it had happened, nor was it his fault he was like ths; it was nothing to be ashamed of. But he was ashamed. He wasn't just ashamed, he was utterly mortified. He was only in his second year at Hogwarts, he'd only just turned 13 and he'd already been outed. He wasn't even sure he was but there was no point in denying it now, he'd just be kidding himself, probably better for him, in the long run, to be told rather than to have to spend years of turmoil working it out. But he still wished it had never happened.

Remus had woken that morning to the sound of one of his dorm mates owls, softly hooting at the by his bed window. It was a very beautiful owl and he wondered which one of the twats in his dorm it belonged to. They had ignored him from day one, deciding he was strange and not even worth making the effort to talk to, he had, in turn, ignored them, deciding the were not his kind of person (twats). He hadn't even bothered learning their names and simply referred to them by whichever physical attribute jumped out at him first. The owl in question had belonged to Fatty. Fatty seemed to already be friends with Ginger when they came to Hogwarts and had soon become quite familiar with Ugly Gob-Shite. Neither of the 3 had ever said much more to Remus than "Pass the water jug", "Don't touch my stuff while I'm gone" and "Don't take all fucking day in the shower this time". He unlatched the window for Fatty to let his owl in, Fatty ignored this, Remus thought it was at least worth a thank you, even if it was an insincere one. He quickly dressed and went down to breakfast, even though the sight of Ugly Gob-Shite in a small towel had made him lose his appetite.

After the breakfast which he only picked at (scrambled eggs, he hated scrambled eggs) he headed off to his first class of the day, charms. He had, precisely three weeks ago, been moved to sit next to the Potter boy after him and the long haired one that gave Remus funny looks had set the professor's chair to explode with wet start fireworks when he sat down(God only knows how they'd managed it). He had moved Remus next to Potter, declaring that he may be a good influence on him and put the long haired boy next to the whiny chubby kid that followed Potter and him around. Though he had very quickly dismissed Potter as not his kind of person, he soon found himself shocked to actually be enjoying the boys company and decided to remember his name. Potter had always just seemed like a show off, a bit of a prick, harassing poor Lily Evans (One of Remus's few friends, he thought was a sweet girl, very intelligent, very pretty and therefore very tolerable) and blowing things up. But after spending a few double lessons with him, he had discovered that away from the influence of girls and his friends he was quite charming and witty and ,perhaps, most surprisingly, extremely gifted. Despite being one of the more popular boys in his year he had a nice way with Remus and seemed to deeply appreciate Remus's great and unquestionable magic skill and intellect, which often made people dismiss Remus as a swot. Then again Potter was a radical, and if making friends with the school loner was another way to inadvertently rebel against the way things should be, he would do it.

Remus and Potter had had a particularly enjoyable lesson that day; they had worked together on a charm that made inanimate objects dance and sing, which had proved to be extremely funny, so funny ,in fact, that Remus had laughed outwardly, which was really rather rare. Remus was in such a good mood, he had begun calling Potter, James, his first name, and James had returned this atypical affection with a friendly slap on the back and a "congratulations!" for "actually calling someone by their name for once". Though his high spirits were dampened when he heard the long haired boy telling James "not to associate with half bloods, especially ones like Loony Lupin" he was pleased when James replied with a "Fuck off Sirius, your Mummy's not here, you don't have to pretend to believe in that Pure Blood bollocks anymore". James had defended him, they must be friends. He smiled inwardly and walked down to potions with Lily Evans.

"You're getting friendly with Potter now aren't you?" She said, sounding a little down trodden

"I suppose"

"Great, now I think that makes me and Severus the only people in the school who can tell him for what he really is" Remus raised his eyebrow in a way that Lily interpreted as meaning "Can you Lily! Oh please! Do tell! What is he really?" but Remus meant to mean "Lily I like you, but I couldn't care less"

"He's an arrogant twat with all the personality of a Troll"

"Okay... I thought he seemed alright" Said Remus, disinterested, his own opinion of James not even dented

"Everyone does" she smiled and changed the subject "Did you think that shrinking potions essay was hard?" Remus was impressed that she knew him well enough to know that it was pointless talking to him about people and she'd get more out of him discussing something academic. Initially, though she definitely genuinely liked him, Remus knew Lily had only made friends with him out of pity.

*

A few weeks into their first year at Hogwarts Lily might have been have only person who was aware Remus existed, though she made friends quickly and was always with someone, she would spot him in class sitting alone, or eating alone, or in the common room alone reading. It began with the occasional sad smile that said "Hi, I see you're alone there, I think you might be a little lonely or a little sad but I'm not sure if you prefer it this way and if we spoke it might annoy you but if you aren't, I want you to know I know you exist" Remus would often reply with a shy smile and slight shrug that meant "I'm fine for Christ sake, it's nice for you to acknowledge me but there's no need to look at me like you're my mother or something" it was when the bullying started that they began speaking.

Lucius Malfoy, a Slytherin, was in the fourth year at the time, he had a pointed face and sharp pale eyes and a rather stupid, in Remus's opinion, floppy blonde fringe that covered half his face. Remus had been at Hogwarts 3 months and had already acquired the nick name Loony Lupin, because of his solitary tendencies and the fact that he could often be caught talking to himself and because he would hang around in the corridors, in the grounds or sit up in the common room late at night practicing spells, giggling manically if he managed to tackle anything more difficult than a third year level, and positively collapsing with triumphant cackles if he got up to something above OWL level, making himself a pretty big target for burkes like Malfoy and his cronies. He had been messing around with summoning charms in the grounds one weekend and had accidently pulled Malfoy's books from his hands, as the summoning charm was a little tricky for him yet, the books stopped half way and wind scattered them and a few essays across the grass. It was that day that Malfoy declared war on the "insolent little mud blood" and told Remus he would "Make his life a living hell". A few short weeks later Malfoy had decided that funniest thing he could do, would be to call Remus gay and occasionally hex him, even at age eleven Remus would roll his eyes and ignore them. He didn't think it would affect anyone's opinion of him, considering he had rather quickly gone from nonexistent to Loony Lupin the Gryffindor pariah- to be avoided like the plague, he could deflect pretty much any hex Malfoy could throw at him and all gay accusations in any school, magical or non magical, were always taken with a pinch of salt. It was when other Slytherin's started to get involved that it stopped being so easy to ignore. By the time he was 12 and about half way through his first year, he couldn't walk through the corridor without being tripped, hexed or being called a faggot or a poof. If he ever walked behind a boy he would be met with calls of "Stop staring at my arse Loony" and then had spells that took various actions in trying to cover Remus's eyes or turning his neck around or bind his body or make him fall. He often had difficulty controlling the immense strength and anger he had and all werewolves had, he almost began to look forward to full moons when his lycanthropy could keep him out of the general populous for a few days. Even longer if he made special effort to really hurt himself in his wolfish state.

It had all become a little too much for Remus. One night he waited until everyone left the common room (at around one thirty in the morning) and had gone down stairs form his dorm with the intention of crying out all of his frustration. He had wanted to produce silent and dignified tears and then to disappear back up to his bed but had ended up whimpering like a little child, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth. Anyone who knew Remus was a werewolf (Dumbeldore, Madam Pomfrey his parents, 2 St. Mungo's doctors and 3 nurses) always commented on how brave he was and had never seen him cry about it since he was first bitten at 6. It was strange, Remus thought, that excruciating physical pain, he could handle but a few months of hexing and name calling had reduced him to a quivering, weeping baby. He panicked when he heard someone come up behind him, but relaxed slightly when he saw it was the girl who smiled at him, Lily Evans.

"Are you okay Remus?" she said with shocked genuine concern. It took a moment for Remus to readjust to being called by his name (he had gotten do used to fag and Loony), he was also a little taken back that a popular girl like Lily would know his name and care if he was okay or not. Remus replied weakly, his nose running profusely

"Yeah"

"You don't look fine"

"Probably because I'm not"

"I know" She smiled warmly and sat down beside him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder "Is this about Malfoy?"

"I don't care enough to get upset over him"

"It's fine if it is Remus... I'd be upset to it was me having to put up with that every day, in fact I'm amazed I've never seen you like this before, if it were me I would've cried the first time they hexed me, in fact by now I would've asked my parents to come pick me up" She took her hand from his shoulder and placed it on his hand squeezing it a little. "You should tell a teacher or a prefect, because if you don't, I'll kill Malfoy and get myself expelled, you won't want that your conscience will you?" Remus shook his head, with a tiny smile and she hugged him, Remus was extremely uncomfortable with physical contact, but it would seem more than a little cruel to push her away when she was being so sweet to him when he was practically a stranger to her. "Come and talk to me before you get yourself like this next time... not that there will be" she squeezed him again and released him

"I..."

"What is it Remus?"

"I think I might only be so upset because they're hitting a raw nerve"

"What do you mean?"

Remus was amazed he was actually telling someone this "I think maybe I might... be a bit... gay" Remus waited for her to be angry or disgusted, exactly how he'd felt when he felt a pang of sexual yearning after catching a glimpse of the male Quidditch players getting changed and when he realised that cunt Malfoy might actually be on to something.

"Okay... well that doesn't matter... only idiots like Malfoy think it's a bad thing" she beamed at him "Thanks for telling me Remus, I'm glad you didn't bottle that up" before he could even open his lips she said "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone" she brushed a few tears from Remus's face and got up to go back up the stairs, she turned back and said

"I can't remember what I came down here for in the first place you know" She grinned

"Sorry" Remus smiled a little back at her, wiping his nose on his hand "Thanks... Thanks a lot... Lily"

"Goodnight Remus"

"Goodnight"

The next morning, it appeared Remus wouldn't have to tell on Malfoy after all. A group of prefects from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had deducted over a thousand points from Slytherin and given Malfoy about a year's worth of detention. Another unnamed party had hexed "My name is Lucius Malfoy and I wear lady's underwear" on to his face in small purple pimples, a statement which was backed up by several of Malfoy's ex girlfriends.

*

Remus and Lily walked down to potions, discussing the shrinking potion essay, she tutted when Remus pointed out that James Potter was quite clearly watching her arse. James winked as she turned around, she mumbled a jinx that split his back

"HARSH EVANS!" called the long haired friend, his name was Cyril or something like that, Remus didn't care enough to remember.

It had happened that lunch time. It had been about a year since Remus's problems with Malfoy had ended and consequently about a week since Malfoy's detentions had finally finished. One of his big friends grabbed Lupin as he walked alone to the Great Hall. They pinned him against a wall and pinched his nose till Remus opened his mouth to breathe Malfoy poured a potion down his throat and marched him to the front of the Great Hall. About 200 hundred students were there already. Teachers had not yet arrived, Malfoy used the loudening charm on himself and then on Remus.

"Excuse me everyone, I have an announcement to make" Everyone turned their heads towards Malfoy, his voice echoing around the hall "Well at least Loony Lupin does, you see, he has just taken a rather large dose of vertassium! Which I'm sure you all know is a potion which makes you unable to tell anything but the truth" there was a mumble of agreement, a prefect, pre-empting Malfoy's plan got up to help Lupin but found himself hexed by one of his cronies. "So Loony, I would like you to tell us all exactly what your biggest secret is. What would you like the student body of Hogwarts never to hear about you? In fact, what is it you would hate me to know about you?"

Remus tried to keep his lips tight, but found the truth spilling from him; he expected to say "I'm a werewolf" and that he would then be promptly removed from school and condemned to cursed virtually muggle life, he might join the circus if they'd have him.

"I'm Gay" A few people gasped, most stayed silent. Malfoy practically pissed himself laughing. Remus wondered why he was bothered about people finding out he was gay more than finding out he was a werewolf... he then realised he'd probably rather that Malfoy had found out he was a big dangerous animal rather than letting him have the satisfaction of knowing he'd been right all along

"My God and I thought I was only teasing, I suppose you probably had been watching my arse when you walked behind me then"

Remus scrunched his eyes, knowing what he was about to say would earn him a lifetime of torture

"Of course not, I don't find you even remotely attractive, your hair cut is fucking stupid and you don't have an arse to watch, though sometimes I did watch it but only because the VPL the ladies underwear gave you was hard to miss and very funny" The Great Hall erupted in laughter and Malfoy quickly quietened their voices. Remus sprinted away as fast as he could, easily out running Malfoy, who soon took chase. He quickly found the nearest toilets, locked himself in a cubicle and burst into tears. Expecting to be further ostracised from the school after he was starting to settle down again, he thought he might even start making proper friends. He doubted anyone would want to get near him now.

It was quite clear, that Remus Lupin did not expect this revelation to have quite the opposite effect.


	2. Sirius stops preteding

Sirius Black woken up on the morning of one of the six worst days of Remus's life, with a big smile on his face. He'd put an itching spell on Peters underpants and was woken to the sound of him screaming and clawing. Sirius giggled and sat up; he pulled the hangings back on his bed

"What the fuck's wrong with you Pete?" He grinned broadly

"SOME ONE PUT AN ITCHING SPELL ON MY UNDERPANTS AND I PUT MY TROUSERS ON AND THEN THEY STARTED ITCHING AND NOW I CAN'T GET MY BELT UNDONE TO GET MY TROUSERS OFF TO GET MY PANTS OFF" he screamed frantically

"No need to get your knickers in a twist over it" James smirked and suppressed a laugh, he turned Sirius and gave him a sly thumbs up

"DID ONE OF YOU DO THIS?! MAKE IT..." Peter ran out of breath just as Sirius had reached for his wand, he lightly tapped Peter's rather large arse and reversed the incantation "...stop" Peter blushed and laughed awkwardly "ha! Erm... good one guys" he caught his breath and sat down on his bed; he scrubbed his fluffy sandy hair. James went into their bathroom and began to brush his teeth.

"James my dear" called Sirius sweetly

"Wha?"

"Did we have charms homework?"

"No"

"Did we have potions homework?"

"Yesh, d'you do ih?" He heard James spit and begin to gargle

"Bollocks!!! What was it on? Is it something I can do during breakfast?" James spat again and re-entered the room

"Shrinking potions and no, it was an essay"

"UGH! Bollocks! How long was it?"

"About 3000 words"

"Fuck that, I'd rather do the detention" Sirius sat back in his bed and grabbed the mirror on his bed side table, he then began to check his face and hair and Peter awed at how relaxed he could be over the possibility of detention

"Aren't you worried Sirius... they might make you work with Filch all night or... send you into the dark forest or... or..."

"For God's sake Peter, no teacher in their right mind, or even Filch for that matter, would send anyone into the dark forest for a detention, are you thick or what?" Sirius rolled his eyes and got up to dress for Breakfast.

Sirius didn't really eat that morning; they did scrambled eggs again and Sirius hated them more than he hated his house elf. He walked into charms and felt a bit upset when he remembered he had to sit next to Peter now while James got to have fun with his new little half blood friend. He'd tried to warn James about associating with riff raff like Loony Lupin but James had just laughed and said "Who says "riff raff" anymore?" Sirius really hated Lupin, he wasn't quite sure why though. He was just so weird. He use to just sit alone practicing spells and laughing to himself like an idiot and everyone used to take the piss out of him and have no problem doing so. Then Malfoy came along and started picking on him and everywhere Sirius went all he heard was "poor kid, everyone's so nasty to him and he's never done anything to anyone" as far as Sirius was concerned the boy got what he deserved for being such a loner weirdo all the time; he didn't try to make friends, he never even bothered to learn anyone's name and it drove Sirius insane that a half blood could be so rude to pure blood wizards like himself. And now James was making friends with him. It was bad enough that James fancied that mud blood Evans, also a friend of Loony's (blatantly only because she feels sorry for him), but at least she was high upon the social food chain. It was bad enough that he'd been put in Gryffindor after coming from generation upon generation of Slytherin but what if James started making him hang round with these people! Ugh! It didn't even bare thinking about! Sirius spent the entire double lesson ignoring Peter and trying to shoot Loony as many nasty looks as possible, so he knew he wasn't allowed to talk to any one of Sirius's friends outside of whatever lessons they may be forced together in whether those friends liked him or not. Sirius ran up to James while they left the class room

"James! I've told you not to associate with half bloods, especially ones like Loony Lupin" Sirius had used his forceful voice, usually people couldn't do anything but obey him when he spoke like this, well Peter couldn't, James scowled at him and snapped

"Fuck off Sirius, your Mummy's not here; you don't have to pretend to believe in that Pure Blood bollocks anymore". Sirius was amazed; James had just defended Remus Lupin! Loony half blood Lupin! Once more he was amazed at just how much what James had said bothered him. James rarely said or did anything that was deliberately intended to hurt people, but when he did he knew exactly where to poke a sharp stick. Why did he have to go and bring up his mother? His hateful, prejudice, insane, shrew of a mother. He wondered how James knew that the part of his mind that warned him against mud bloods spoke in his mother's voice. He wondered how James knew he didn't really believe in all that pure blood bollocks. He wondered if there was any point in him trying to uphold the Black name, he wasn't like the rest of them. He knew he wasn't like the rest of them. That was why he'd been put in Gryffindor in the first place. To begin with, he'd ignored his placement, he'd told his mother there'd clearly been a mistake and he started hanging round with Slytherins, almost all of them wanted to be his friend, even the older students, none of whom would miss the opportunity to gain a connection with the Black family. But as he grew closer with his old firend, James Potter, a pure blood who not only had he know since he was a baby but shared his love of mischief and pranking but may have just been one of the most awesome people he'd ever met, he also began to fall out with his Slytherin friends; it seemed Sirius was all talk when it came to his hatred of mud bloods, he always refused to join in with them when they tormented any student that wasn't a pure blood and he occasionally found himself slipping into respectfully calling them muggle born or half blood. He'd decided to dump them for good to hand round with James and the other Gryffindors in May of first year; of course he'd told the Slytherins that he wasn't going to hang round with them anymore because they'd started talking to some half blood, Severus Snape. James and him became best friends and Snape has hated him ever since.

After their small argument, Sirius caught up with James on the way to potions

"I suppose you and Loony are pretty friendly now"

"I suppose we are" James replied frowning and nonplussed

"He isn't going to start wanting to hang round with us, is he?"

"I don't think so... he's... he's...erm..." James tailed off mid sentence, he'd been distracted by the sight of Evans arse. Her robes were getting a little tight on her hips, causing her bottom to be highlighted quite clearly, especially while she was walking. Lupin's eyes had briefly flicked over his shoulder, even Peter could've noticed where James's gaze was fixed, he tapped Evans on the shoulder and gestured towards James. Lily tutted and pulled at her robes self consciously, James winked. Sirius couldn't believe the prick had winked. She quickly pulled out her wand and jinxed James, splitting his bag and scattering his books all over the floor

"HARSH EVANS!" called Sirius as she and Lupin walked away, her giggling, Lupin shaking his head. Sirius thought Lupin would be the sort of person who shook his head a lot.

"What were you saying before you started drooling over Evans?" asked Sirius as he bent down to help James pick up his books

"Oh... er, I was going to say that I think he likes to be by himself anyway, oh, and I don't think Lupin would start just hanging round with us, he seems like he'd need a formal invitation first, bless him"

"Yeah... bless him..." Sirius frowned a little at James "Er... James?"

"What?"

"You know what you said before"

"Yeah, sorry about that Sirius, it was low for me to bring up your mum like that"

"No, it's okay James. I hate that I sound like my fucking Mother, and I don't really care about muggle borns and half bloods and... Stuff. You're right"

"I am?"

"Yes, James, you are"

"This means a Black has admitted defeat... Should I send a letter to the Daily Prophet?"

"No, my Mother would probably have me taken off the family tapestry if she found out I'd admitted I was wrong" Sirius laughed and James joined in tentatively, it was funny, but Sirius's family scared the living daylights out of him.

After they'd been let out of potions a little earlier than usual (The Professor had forgotten to take in the essays and Sirius did a little dance in his chair when he realised he'd escaped detention) Sirius and James walked down to the great hall together.

"James?"

"What?"

"We won't have to sit with that Lupin kid, will we?"

"Oh for Christ's sake Sirius! No! But honestly, I wouldn't mind it if he did, he's a bit weird but who cares! I thought you liked weird! Normal is boring as fuck! And, you know what?"

"What?"

"I bet you'd like him if you got to know him"

"You think?"

"Yeah probably" James shrugged and smiled "Where's Peter?" Sirius snorted

"Do you care?"

"Not really, I'm just getting used to him following us around, he's a bit like a big fat smelly puppy" before Sirius could laugh at James, he was interrupted by Lucius Malfoy, who'd marched to the front of the great hall, his voice magically booming;

"Excuse me everyone, I have an announcement to make"


	3. Looking for Remus

**Just a short note from me, the author! I'm glad people are enjoying my story so far and I'm sorry if I haven't really been moving it along quickly enough, I just really wanted to set up my character dynamics and backgrounds properly before I did anything slashy! **

**Just to clarify - I'm not JK Rowling and I don't own the universe or any of the characters (accept for the one's I made up)**

* * *

"Remus?" Lily stuck her head round the door of his dormitory. Douglas Bell was picking up a few books for his lessons after lunch

"Hi Douglas, have you seen Remus anywhere?"

"Erm no... I heard he's a fag though" Lily scowled at him

"Ugly Gob-Shite" she mumbled under her breath, as she descended the boy's stair case, she'd already checked every dark nook and cranny of common room for him; not being able to catch Remus up after he'd fled from the Great Hall ,she'd just assume he'd head straight for Gryffindor tower. She began to check boy's toilets and any broom cupboard she stumbled upon, but after an hour had been unsuccessful

*

"Remus?" James checked stuck his head round the door of Remus's dormitory. Douglas Bell and Roman Child were sniggering so hard, they appeared to have dropped a stack of books on the floor

"Doug, Roman, have you seen Remus anywhere?"

"You mean "Fruit Lupe"!?" Doug doubled over with laughter as Roman spat this at James, clearly expecting him to join in the laughter

"No, I mean Remus" James glowered at them as menacingly as he could

"Oh..." they calmed down a little "no, he hasn't been here since this morning" said Roman still shaking with laughter

"He's joking if thinks he's coming back to do anything other than pack up his things" said Douglas wiping a tear of laughter from his eye

"What do you mean Douglas?" asked James, no longer wishing to have any friendly informality with such a massive wanker

"Well you know... he's... bent" said Roman, his lip curled

"So?"

"So!? He might try and like... do stuff... to us or he might fancy one of us, we're going to put a complaint in with McGonagall" Said Douglas, with genuine fear in his voice, James scoffed

"Are you joking? Him! Fancy either of you? You, Douglas are fuck ugly and Roman, well, you're just extremely fat aren't you" James stormed out of the room

"Any luck?" asked Sirius, bored and twirling a lock of his long dark hair round his finger

"I don't understand why we're doing this" pouted Peter "I've never even spoken to him properly, I held a door for him once and he said "Thanks... er... whiny rotund boy" He's always on his own and he's scary and... And... I don't even think he'd **care **if anyone went looking for him or not"

"Stop bitching Peter, the boy needs help" Said Sirius, with a sudden, new found, enthusiasm

"We'll just try toilets and broom cupboards and other places like that, someone would've caught him if he'd tried to leave the grounds"

*

Half way through her second hour of searching and Lily was in awe of just how many bathrooms Hogwarts had. And at how many toilet cubicles you could fit into said bathrooms. It suddenly hit her that lunch time had finished about 20 minutes ago and that for the first time she was skipping a lesson.

"Oh well, only Herbology this afternoon" she said aloud to herself, "this is far more important." She'd have to be careful not get caught now. It was around 10 minutes later that she bumped into Potter, Black and oh... what was his name.... the fat one.

"What are you doing skipping a lesson Evans? And in the boy's toilets for that matter, waiting for me?" Potter said mockingly, messing up his hair

"I'm looking for Remus; I don't suppose you saw what happened in the hall"

"Yeah we saw..."

"I didn't" said the fat one quietly, Black gave him a cold look that plainly translated as "shut up, no one cares"

"...We're looking for him as well actually" Lily was shocked by James's thoughtfulness

"What? Why? You better not be going to do anything to him"

"Of course not Evans you foolish girl" Black cut in "James simply wishes to confirm the safety and emotional state of his new cuddle bunny"

"He's not my cuddle bunny" James sighed, Black nodded comedically, the fat one giggled.

"Well we might as well look together" she said, ignoring Black "Where've you been so far?"

"We've checked the common room, his dorm, all first floor toilets and cupboards, the ones on the second floor and this is our first room on the third floor" Said James, a bit sadly

"Brilliant, after I checked the common room and his dorm, I started on the fifth floor and I've been working my way down, we can do this floor together, and then we can split up to check the towers"

"Sounds like a plan baby" said James, worming his arms round Lily's shoulders

"Please don't touch me Potter"

"Harsh" said Black, sniggering; James punched him on the arm "Ouch! Mummy James is hitting me!"

"Let's go" snarled Lily.

They spent the next 20 minutes searching until they reached toilets right in the corner of the third floor corridor.

*

Remus had been locked in his cubicle for about 2 hours, no one ever really used this bathroom, so he'd found it quite relaxing sitting in it. The cold porcelain was very soothing against his face, which had been flushed red (well, as red as his paper white skin could get) since lunchtime. After having time to gather his thoughts, he began to compile a list of his problems and some potential solutions and had written them in the air with his wand, he stared across at the glowing gold letters, which read:

1. Problem – I'm gay.

Solution- none, rats

2. Problem - Everyone knows.

Solution – none, they'd have to deal with it

3. Problem - Lots of people are going to start picking on me again.

Solution – none, harassment for RJL is unavoidable

4. Problem – My budding friendship with JP could be over

Solution – none, bollocks

5. Problem – LE will be asking me if I'm alright none stop and telling me things are fine for the next few weeks

Solution – None, sympathy is unavoidable, Lily is too nice and in too many lessons to ignore

6. Problem – My list of problems and solutions is really shit

Solution – Stop writing it

He waved his wand, clearing his list away. His ears pricked up – his excellent hearing was a strange side effect of his Lycanthropy – he heard footsteps and voices. Lily's voice... James voice... and the voices of his friends.

"Come on, it's just this one last block of toilets, then you and Sirius can leave and Lily and I'll start checking the towers" said James exasperated

"But he won't be in here! No one ever is!" said a whining voice – presumably the fat boy

"Oh Peter will you just shut the fuck up! James, I'd rather help search the towers than spend the afternoon alone with him" snapped the boy Remus assumed was Sirius. Was Sirius the long haired boy who'd had a go at James for talking to him? He heard the creak of the old door and the sound of footsteps.

"Remus?" called Lily "Remus? Are you in here? It's okay, nobody cares you know... We only want to see if you're okay... Remus?" He had intended to keep quiet; he didn't feel he was quite ready to leave his cubicle yet, unfortunately some part of him wanted Remus to be discovered. He sneezed. Loud.

"Remus?" asked Lily again

"Is that you mate?" piped James. Remus sighed; there was no point in pretending he wasn't here now

"Yes, I suppose it is" he said. He heard several pairs of feet rush to the cubicle he was in, Lily knocked softly on the door

"Would you unlock this please Remus, we want to speak to you" Remus could hear the sympathetic half smile on her voice. He picked up his wand and used it to turn the lock, he then used it to guide the door open. Lily rushed in and hugged him; she scooped him up like he was an injured baby bird and then practically dragged him out of his cubicle.

"It's alright Remus, no one wants to hurt you" She was stroking his hair "we're all here to help"

"Lily..."

"Remus, don't worry James and I have no problem with you being gay, we don't do we James?" her voice cracked a little

"Yeah mate, we really couldn't care less" he patted Remus's shoulder

"Lily, please..."

"It's fine; we won't let anyone say a word to you"

"No, Lily, you're hurting me" She released him and blushed

"Sorry" she beamed at him, but her face dropped a little "oh... Er... You have a problem Remus"

"I... know" perhaps Lily wasn't as clever as Remus had thought if she was pointing out obvious stuff like that. James stepped forward a little; his mouth was screwed up, suggesting he had some fairly unpleasant news for Remus

"You know the guys you share a room with? Roman, Doug and Jason?"

"Yes, Fatty, Ugly Gob-Shite and Ginger" replied Remus, a little confused as to why they mattered

"Well er... They don't want you in their room any more... they're putting a complaint in with McGonagall" James looked down to the floor "Sorry mate"

"Oh... but then I'll have nowhere to... live, well... I suppose I could sleep in a corridor" Remus deadpanned, disguising his fury well, he knew his EX-dorm mates were twats but it's not like he was going to try it on with any of them, which was obviously the reason they were having him chucked out. James looked guilty and panicked, his mouth still screwed up, he looked over to his friends, who looked sympathetic, but evidently were not listening.

"Look, Remus, I'm hardly going to stand here and let you sleep in a corridor when our dorm is the only one with a spare bed, am I? We'll go back up to Gryffindor tower, you can pack up your stuff and you can move in with me, Sirius and Peter" At first, Remus was dumbstruck by this. He couldn't believe someone would actually do something so _nice_ for him.

"Oh James" said Lily, her eyes sparkling "That is so sweet of you" she placed a hand on his shoulder, James looked like someone had just told him Mrs. Norris had just been eaten by hippogriff.

"What? What was so sweet of him?" Sirius asked

"Weren't you listening?" snapped James, Sirius shook his head "Remus's roommates are planning on throwing him out and I said he can move in with us, considering we have a spare bed"

"But... But... surely, there are other room's with spare beds!" said Sirius irritably

"Yes, Sirius, I'm sure there are, but Remus is my friend and I would like him to stay with us" James raised one eyebrow, daring Sirius to question him.

"Honestly, James, thank you for the offer, but if... is it Sirius?" He nodded "if Sirius and...Erm..."

"Peter!"

"Thanks, if Sirius and Peter don't want me, I'll just go..." James cut Remus off mid sentence, staring furiously at Sirius

"NO! Remus, you're staying with us. That's final" Remus would've continued to politely turn him down, but he was far too frightened. James had one of the scariest glares he'd ever seen.

"Okay... if you insist" Remus forced a smile.

Sirius exhaled noisily, nothing good could come from living with Loony Lupin


	4. Bonding

_A/N this has been edited for a very slight continuity error_

Remus Lupin had been living in their dorm for around a fortnight, and Sirius was beginning to, dare he say, _enjoy _his company. He was thoughtful. Sirius had never really known anyone thoughtful before. His family were the most inconsiderate insane bunch of bastards he'd ever met, James was kind, but sometimes, he was a little rash, (_well that's the pot calling the kettle black isn't it,_ thought Sirius) and Peter, had he been thoughtful in any way shape or form, he would have stopped following Sirius and James over a year ago. Lupin also actually listened to him when he spoke, if Sirius asked James or Peter how he looked with his hair parted this way, they would just say "Fine" without even looking at him; Lupin would actually look, think about it and then say "fine". He also rarely spoke, he didn't snore, he didn't smell, he was clean; he would even clean the whole dormitory for them _and _the bathroom. Sirius had just wished Remus had been put in their room originally instead of Peter. Something else had also dawned on Sirius in the short week he had shared a dormitory with Remus. He was extremely good looking. Sirius had automatically and arrogantly (but accurately) assumed that he was the best looking boy in his year, but after spending a few hours looking at Lupin, while he read and Sirius (sort of) did his shrinking potions essay, he was beginning to think he might have some competition. He was taller than Sirius; by around half a head, maybe a little ill looking and a bit too skinny but he had a really nice face. Remus had these big amber eyes, with the longest, thickest, blackest eye lashes he'd ever seen on a boy, they looked almost gold when they caught the light, his hair wasn't long but it wasn't short either and was cutely tousled, it was a golden brown sort of colour and almost matched his eyes; he had very delicate features, a thin straight nose and high cheek bones which were sparsely dotted with freckles, his face was oval shaped and his lips were almost red and very pouty. Remus Lupin might have been the prettiest boy Sirius had ever seen. Sirius was good looking but he was more dashing... handsome... striking. He had good bone structure, big grey eyes, long shiny hair and nice lips but he was still very masculine looking. With a bit of makeup and the right clothes, Remus could've easily passed for a girl whereas Sirius would've made a fairly ugly looking woman. Sirius almost thanked God Remus was gay, otherwise girls might start paying more attention to Lupin than him, perish the thought. James and Peter had both gone home for the Christmas holidays so it would just be him and Remus for a couple of weeks, he was looking forward to getting to know him better. Most students had gone home this year; it was only the 2 of them and a couple of first year girls left in Gryffindor. One night, they sat alone in the common room by the fire, Remus was reading a book on defensive spells and Sirius, who had been playing with his wand, had gotten bored.

"Remus?"

"Yes?" Remus looked up from his book

"What's up?" Sirius smiled

"What do you mean "What's up?""

"I don't know... how are you?"

"You know how I am" Remus laughed a little "You've been sitting with me for the last 3 hours"

"So... you don't say much... I'm bored, just humour me"

"Okay, I'm just wonderful Sirius, how are you?"

"I'm bo-o-o-ored" he moaned "But! You know what would be fun?" Sirius sat up in his chair excitedly, Remus sighed and closed his book before replying, setting it down on the table in front of them

"Go on then Sirius, what would be fun?"

"We should go down to the kitchens"

"And..."

"Well, the house elves'll make food for us and stuff"

"But I'm not hungry"

"Well neither am I, but it's something to do"

"That's a bad habit you've got"

"Huh? What is?"

"Boredom eating"

"It's not a habit! It's just... Oh... well... we could... I don't know"

"We could go for a walk"

"Alright then! Sounds like a plan Loo..." Sirius tailed off, he went to call Remus Loony again, he hated that every time he made this easy mistake, Remus's face would fall and guilt would wash over Sirius "...pin... sorry, I did it again" Remus shrugged "You know I don't mean it though don't you... I just got kind of used to calling you Loony that's all"

"It's better than Fruit Lupe" Remus smirked and stood up, beckoning Sirius to join him as he laughed awkwardly. They climbed through the portrait hole and began to wander through school.

"So..."

"So..."

"This is a little awkward isn't it" said Sirius

"Sorry... I always get a little uncomfortable around people... especially in one on one situations like this and it's not like it shouldn't be awkward anyway, we've only known each other for a few weeks haven't we" Remus looked at him with his crooked smile, Sirius imagined that, if he was a girl, which he wasn't, or if he was gay, he would've thought his smile was dreadfully cute.

"Yeah I s'pose" he smiled back "we should try and get to know each other better"

"What do you want to know?" As Remus said this their footsteps began to synchronise

"I don't know... What's your favourite colour?" Sirius thought this was a stupid question, but it was all he could think of

"Black, yours?"

"Gold, I think, maybe purple"

"Interesting"

"Is it? Erm... how do you know you're gay already? It usually takes people years to work out, doesn't it?"

"Now, that's interesting... I don't know myself really... erm... I suppose I always thought I might be... I've never really been remotely attracted to girls; I knew they were pretty but I didn't think they were..."

"Sexy?"

"Yeah, I guess"

"But you did think men were sexy?"

"Er... kind of... I've never specifically fancied any one boy but if a good looking boy was around, I'd just watch him, think he was really good looking, imagine spending time with him..." he sniggered a little "...and stuff"

"Okay, that's enough" Sirius laughed "Okay... I have another question"

"Okay, go ahead"

"Where'd you go last week, and why did you miss the morning lessons? In fact... you seem to do that quite regularly... disappear in the evenings and then reappear the next afternoon"

"Oh... it's my... erm... my Mum?" Remus didn't sound entirely sure about his answer "erm, yeah, she's ill and because it's this weird rare thing, we can't really use magic on her... she's got... er... well she's sick a lot and sometimes she asks for me and Dumbledore is under strict instruction to let me leave whenever she does" Remus wiped his forehead, he was shaking

"Are you cold?"

"No, I'm alright, anything else you want to know"

"Yeah, but I don't have to find out everything in one evening do I?" Sirius moved his arm to put it round Remus's shoulder, but Sirius had noticed the look on his face whenever Evans hugged him and decided Remus, probably wouldn't appreciate this "Do you have anything you want to ask me?"

"Okay, well, when James told me to stay with him, you and Peter, you didn't want me there so, are you glad I moved in after all?"

"Yes Remus, I can say I am very glad you moved in, I really like you"

"I really like you too Sirius"

"So are we like, officially friends"

"Yeah, we are"

"Cool" Sirius grinned and Remus returned his usual crooked beam.

They walked round the castle for the rest of the night, till Filch chased them back to the common room.

They spent all of the Christmas holidays together in the common room, Remus would read, Sirius would distract him, they'd play wizard chess or exploding snap, they'd go down to the Great Hall for lunch and then wander the corridor for hours, chatting and laughing and being spied on by Filch. By the end of the holidays they weren't awkward round each other at all. Sirius thought that Remus might come into the category of most awesome people he'd ever met, something which he'd previously only thought about James. True, Remus and him didn't have as much in common as him and James, both Sirius and James a little manic and destructive they were bouncy, loud and brash, words you'd never use to describe Remus, who was sedate, cerebral and always considerate, all together very stable. Sirius thought Remus... complimented them both very well; he was a calming Ying to their explosive Yang.

Sirius had been wrong again, it seemed a lot of good could come from living with Lonny Lupin.

_A/N: Sorry this chapter's a little shorter than the rest; remember to leave a review (a glowing one if you can manage it!)_


	5. Full moons and Caelan Cunningham

_A/N just a warning here, RL/OC slash on the horizon but don't worry, it isn't a Mary-Sue! And just incase anyone was wondering, his name is pronounced with a hard C, like a K, remember, glowing reviews if it's not too much trouble!_

It was in the May of his second year at Hogwarts that Remus Lupin met Caelan Cunningham.

He was a Slytherin sixth year; he was dark, Irish and ruggedly handsome. He wore his hair pushed back; he had a strong jaw, a chin dimple and deep green eyes. He was a prefect, and he played beater and captained the Slytherin Quidditch team and, as a result, had his nose broken in more than one place. He was slender but muscular, and tall; almost 6ft. He, a bit like Sirius, was one of the boys that all the girls fancied, when he walked into a room, everyone knew about it, partially through the boy's natural charisma, but mostly through any female who spotted him sighing dreamily and flushing bright red. He had fan clubs of first year girls that follow him round giggling and almost collapsing with joy when he flashed a flawless white smile and gave them a cheeky wink. Remus couldn't blame the fan girls; if he was a little stupider, a little less dignified and a bit younger he would be following Caelan round as well. Giggling, blushing and waiting for him to acknowledge his existence. But Remus wouldn't dare go near him. He was a Slytherin and Since the veritaserum incident, any Slytherin connected with Malfoy (so, most of them) he came across liked to try and hex Remus, or throw things at him, try and trip him up, call him a [insert preferred homosexual slur here], depending on what kind of mood they were in. Remus was sure he'd be dead from excessive hexing had he not been so good at defence against the dark arts. The attacks had helped him perfect a number of defensive spells; he'd even mastered the shield charm, something which even OWL students struggled with. He was just glad it was only Malfoy's cronies that picked on him now (they lacked a certain vindictive flare that Malfoy had had) since McGonagall had told Malfoy that if she ever caught him within a mile of Remus she'd turn him into a worm, tie him to an owl and have him flown home. Recently, Remus had been getting more and more worried that someone would discover he was a werewolf; one of the down sides of making friends was that now people actually noticed when he disappeared for an evening and was still gone the following morning. He just prayed they wouldn't notice new injuries and scars, or that he disappeared once every 28 days and only on the full moon. The lie he'd told Sirius about his ill mother would stick, as long as Sirius and James didn't notice a pattern. One afternoon, he'd entered his DADA class late, usually; he would have joined Sirius, Peter and James, who would ask him how his mum was, he'd reply with a sad smile "Not too bad", then Lily would run over from the other side of the class room and do the same, she would probably hug him and say "hand in there" or inspirational words to that effect. But today was not a usual day, today; Remus had walked into class with a huge gash across his right cheek. Madam Pomfrey had spent do much time healing a tricky multiple fracture in his wrist, that she didn't have time to heal the cut if Remus wanted to get to his DADA lesson. He'd rather sport the gash for a couple of hours than miss defence against the dark arts. Unfortunately he hadn't thought this decision through and was welcomed by a chorus of questions as to what the fuck he'd done to his face.

"My... broom, it... it hit me in the face when... I tried to use a... a erm... summoning charm! Yeah... I'm really shit at them and when I tried to call for my broom, it just hit me right in the face" he said, trying to feign embarrassment

"Christ Remus, that must be one sharp broom you've got" called James smirking

"Now class! Settle down and let Mr. Lupin be!" Snapped the professor "I believe I was half way through a sentence on Grindylow, now Grindylow are a..." Remus walked to his desk and sat between Sirius and Peter. Sirius got out a spare piece of parchment, tore a piece off and scribbled a note, he pushed it along the desk and left it in front of Remus, it read:

_Seriusly _(Sirius was a poor speller) _what happened to your face? You can tell us_.

Remus replied

_It doesn't matter_. He gave Sirius his best "Don't you dare ask why" look, Sirius wrote back

_Okay, fine, how's your mum and why haven't you been to the hospital wing yet?_

Remus thanked Merlin he took the hint

_She's not good, but she's no worse than last time. I haven't been to the hospital wing yet because I was late getting back and I didn't want to miss the lesson on Grindylow, it's supposed to be very important. I'll do this lesson and potions and when the school day's finished, I'll go and see madam Pomfrey, okay?_

Sirius didn't write back this time, he gave Remus an understanding smile and a thumbs up.

"This'll probably scar, you should've just let me heal it Remus" lectured Madam Pomfrey, she always made him feel so guilty, she didn't mean to of course but he always felt terrible that he turned up once a month, with about 10 broken bones and took up all of her time.

"I know, I just really wanted to get to the lesson on Grindylow, I heard it would be on the exam, I wanted to come back afterward but, I could hardly go to DADA and not turn up to potions! Slughorn would blow a gasket if he found out!" Remus gave her his puppy dog eyes, a look he'd mastered at the age of 3, if he used the eyes, no one could be angry with him.

"Oh alright, don't so the eyes, I understand, when I was doing my NEWTs I would've lost a leg before I missed a lesson" she smiled and ruffled his hair, she and Dumbledore were the only people at Hogwarts who knew Remus's secret, she deeply admired his bravery and always wondered how he managed to survive considering he was bitten so early on in his life. Usually if a child under 14 or 15 was bitten, they would bleed to death during their initial attack, or during their first transformation. The boy was basically a medial phenomenon.

"Thank for understanding Madam Pomfrey" he smiled his crooked smile

"Now run along, Misters Potter, Black and Pettigrew will be getting bored" Remus walked outside, to find Sirius and James slumped against an old stone statue of a rather stern looking healer, Remus jumped when the statue screech at the boys

"_Your friend is here, now get off me!"_

"Okay! Sorry" snapped James they stood up "Old bat"

"_I heard that" _shrieked the statue as they began to walk to Gryffindor Tower.

"Who gives a shit what you hear, you're a statue" huffed Sirius "How's your face mate?"

"It's healed, there's still a mark so Pomfrey thinks it might scar, where did Peter go?"

"We told him to clear off for a while"

"Oh, alright... Why?"

"Shit... Remus... look... mate, there's no way a broom could've done that to you" James began tentatively, looking apologetically at Remus. Remus's heart had begun drumming against his chest, his eyes flicked downward, it was pounding so hard and fast that his shirt had begun to move with his chest, he cleared his throat, which felt tight

"What... what are you suggesting?"

"Remus, just, just bear in mind, before I say this, that if it is true, it doesn't matter and...And er... it's not your fault... we know with your mum being ill and stuff that it must be hard on your family. Well, you've got a lot of scars... and this new cut it's just like... every time you go home, more scars" James swallowed nervously "well... erm... have... has... erm are you..." Sirius rolled his eyes and cut across an anxious, sweaty James

"Remus, has your Dad been hitting you?" Remus had thought he was going to be sick. He thought they'd guessed, he sighed with triumphant relief as his heart beat returned to normal. What did he say now? His dad hitting him could be the perfect excuse for his looking awful every time he "went to visit his Mum", the fact that he always came back with a couple of new scars & bruises and the perfect explanation for why he didn't want to talk about it, if he said yes, they'd probably never ask him anything about his absences again, but what if they tried to tell someone about it, in a desperate attempt to save Remus from the clutches of his violent father, he wasn't sure he wanted people to think his Dad would hurt him either, he was a sweet man, if a little stoic and pragmatic. He decided the best thing to do, would to be to give an answer that only suggested a yes. Remus put on his best "oh no, I've been rumbled" face before answering

"What? I... NO! He... I... maybe... oh never mind, I'm going to the library" he turned on his heel and ran as fast as he could to the library. His feelings of guilt for lying, slightly outweighed by his happiness. His secret was safe for another few days at least. Remus wondered how his friends would react if they found out he was a werewolf he imagined them accepting it, them covering for him if anyone asked where he had gone, he then imagined the response he'd been told to expect if anyone found out. Fear, hate, maybe even a lynching if they were feeling aggressive enough. He couldn't blame witches and Wizards for being so prejudice towards werewolves, there were a lot of werewolves that didn't take any precautions when they transformed, that simply killed and maimed for sport. He wondered if the wolf that bit him had any control over himself at the time, if he had regrets, if he woke up that morning and thought, "Bollocks, I ruined a little boy's life last night". Without even noticing, Remus had reached the Library, he stopped running, and strode to his favourite corner (nonfiction, between the T and U bookcases, by a window with a comfy chair) and sat down to catch his breath. He picked up the nearest book, _Basic Trollish: Ugg, aag and Owag! _And pretended to read.

It was moments later that he spotted Caelan Cunningham; he walked past him leaving the library with a group of friends, mostly Slytherin but a few Ravenclaw, he watched him walk by, laughing, flashing every one of his perfect white teeth. His eyes wandered from his friends around the library, he briefly made eye contact with Remus, who quickly went back to pretending to read.

"Shit! I've left my essay, you guys go ahead and meet you in the common room later" Remus loved his accent, coupled with his deep lulling voice; Remus imagined he could listen to him for hours. Caelan turned around and walked back in the direction he came from, while his friends gave a chorus of goodbyes as they exited. As soon as they were gone Caelan poked his head round the T book case.

"Hey! Are you, Remus Lupin?" Remus jumped, not expecting to be disturbed by anyone, let alone Caelan Cunningham

"Err... yeah?" he swallowed a giggle before remembering his previous encounters with Slytherins "Look, if you want to hex me or tell me I'm a disgusting fag or something, I'm not in the mood right now, so if you could just..."

"No! No! No! I don't want to do anything like that, not that I want to do anything, ha... uh... no I was just going to apologise on the behalf of a lot of the members of my house, it's kids like them that give Slytherin a bad name, you know? We're not all like that, and if I see any one come near you with a wand raised, or call you a name or _anything _I will personally hex them back to next Tuesday"

"Really?" Remus felt himself turning redder than Malfoy's favourite silky undies "You would... you're not" he swallowed "er... pulling my leg or anything?"

"No honestly, I think they're a bunch of evil malicious bastards to attack someone as, quiet and smart and... _cute_ as you, you're an easy target you know?"

"Yeah, thanks"

"I'm Caelan Cunningham by the way"

"I know" they talked for a while, Caelan seemed like a nice guy, not like any Slytherin he'd met before, he came and sat down next to Remus, Remus's heart started pounding again, he wondered if Caelan could hear it, his heartbeat rung in his ears so loud he could barely hear himself think, not that his thoughts were any help, all they said was _He's talking to you! And he said you were cute! Don't fuck up! You're going to fuck up aren't you!? _Caelan asked him about his lessons, about his friends and about books, Remus felt guilty for the conversation only being about him, so he faked an interest in Quidditch and flying. It seemed like such a short while but then Caelan looked at his watch.

"Christ! We've been chatting for over an hour" he laughed "Time flies when you're having fun eh?" Remus giggled. Oh God... he let himself giggle

"Yeah, yeah it does"

"Well, my friends will be worrying about me, I was only meant to be picking up an essay"

"Where is your essay? I didn't see you pick anything up"

"Oh, well, I didn't really leave it, I just wanted to talk to you" Remus thought he could see stars "I've really enjoyed talking to you Remus"

"You have?"

"Yes! Do you know where the Room of Requirement is?"

"No..."

"Well, I'll tell you where it is, and you can meet me there at... say... 11 and we can _talk_ a little more"

"Okay!" Caelan wrote down directions to the Room of Requirement, he ruffled Remus's hair and got up, winking and smiling

"See you later"

As soon as he was out of sight Remus slid down in his chair panting... "_Hang on" _He thought, "_did I just... pull Caelan Cunningham?"_

Remus had never felt amazed, appalled and aroused all at the same time...

*

James and Sirius were left standing in the corridor as Remus sped away mumbling something about the library.

"I knew it! His bastard father's been beating him up!" Sirius felt furious, he wanted to break something! How dare Remus's dad lay a hand on _his_ friend, how fucking dare he!

"Sirius, we don't know that for sure, he did say he wasn't" James looked worried but sceptical

"Are you joking?! Of course he's going to say his Dad hasn't hit him! He's trying to protect him, the noble idiot, if I could get my hand on him, right now, I'd... I'd... Use the Cruciatus Curse on him!"

"Sirius!" James looked around like Aurors would come crashing through the ceiling at the mention of any unforgivable curse

"Well! Have you ever seen Remus with his shirt off! Have you seen the amount of scars he has! No wonder he doesn't like being touched! I wouldn't be surprised if that cunt hadn't used the Cruciatus Curse on Remus already! I am so angry... poor Remus..." he and James began walking, they walked past a huge window, the sky was clear and the stars twinkled, the moon was almost full. James had stopped dead in his tracks

"What?" asked Sirius James was standing his mouth hanging open, his eyes bulging with... fear?

"What is it? James?"

"... was... was it a full moon last night?"

"What? James? Why is that relevant?"

"Just answer me, **was the moon full last night**?"

"yes, I think so, James I don't understand" James wasn't listening, he pulled his DADA book out of his bag and flipped to the section on Dark Creatures, he then flicked a few more pages, before stabbing his finger on one and mumbling erratically

"Sirius! You notice stuff like this... erm what colour are Remus's eyes?"

"Ambery, goldy sort of colour" His eyes widened even more "James what the fuck?"

"Don't ask questions, just answer them, okay" he was frantic, almost manic, Sirius almost felt too frightened to disagree with him

"Okay..."

"Would you say Remus disappeared as regularly as once a month?"

"Yeah, I suppose"

"Okay, does Remus get more aggressive before his disappearances?"

"Yeah, he practically bit my head off yesterday for no good reason, and he never usually snaps no matter how annoying I'm being"

"And he always looks all pale and he looks skinnier when he comes back, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, and he's normally hurt, because of his fucking dad"

"I don't think his Dad is hurting him Sirius"

"What!? He obviously is!"

"No... I think Remus is hurting himself"

"James... What the _fuck_ are you getting at? Why are you looking at your DADA book!?" He pulled the book down; he was looking at the section on werewolves "Oh no... No... You're being stupid"

"Just think about it Sirius, all the evidence is there! For Christ's sake even his eyes are the right colour, have you ever met anyone else with _gold_ eyes Sirius" He couldn't answer "Well? Have you?"

"NO! Alright NO! I just... I" he couldn't think of what to say... there was nothing else that could explain it, when he thought about it, the last time Remus disappeared, it was a full moon too and the time before that "... you're right James... it's... he's... fuck... what do we do, is he, is he... dangerous?"

"Sirius... who's the most balanced none violent person we know?"

"Remus"

"Do you think he'd ever try and hurt us?"

"No... Not deliberately any way"

"Maybe that's why he disappears... so he can go somewhere safe to transform... so he won't hurt anyone"

"Why did he lie to us for all those months?"

"Oh Come on Sirius! You know how people treat werewolves, I'm amazed he even got into Hogwarts" "You're right, if I was a werewolf, I sure as hell wouldn't tell anyone... hey! Do you think Dumbledore knows? I mean... Madam Pomfrey must..."

"Instead of guessing, why don't we just go up to our dorm and wait until Remus comes back, we'll ask him then"

"Should we warn Peter?" asked Sirius, the panic on his face had been replaced with a smile

"Ha! No! Imagine the look on his face"


	6. The Truth Hurts

Remus wandered back to Gryffindor tower in a daze, he couldn't believe he'd even remembered the password to get through the portrait hole. He still had so many butterflies in his stomach he thought they might lift him up off his feet. Or make him vomit, but either way was good because he was about to spend an evening with Caelan Cunningham!

_Control yourself Lupin! You're starting to think like someone's little sister_, he slapped himself on the face as he went up the stairs to his dorm, he opened the door, to find, Peter messing around with a miniature toy broom, James bent over his DADA book and a rather worried looking Sirius.

*

Sirius had been pacing up and down the dorm before Remus came in, he looked weird. He had this odd looking wonky grin slapped across his face.

"Where've you been?" asked Sirius

"Just the library, what's up?" the grin quickly faded from his face

"Oh... you were there for almost 2 hours you know" Sirius trying to suppress a sternness that seemed to naturally appear in his voice

"Was I?" Remus raised his eye brows and James looked up from his book

"It wasn't... you weren't hiding... because of what we said, were you? We erm...don't think... well we do... but not that... anymore"

"James, you're crap at this you know, you've gone all stuttery"

"I know"

"Crap at what? What's going on?" asked Peter

"Yes, what is going on Sirius?" Remus folded his arms

"Okay, just a second" Sirius cast a silencing charm around the door of their room, he then locked it "Remus, we don't think your Dad is hitting you"

"Oh" Remus's arms unfolded and his gaze dropped to his feet

"What!? When did you say he was?" Peter had dropped the toy broom and was staring at them with his lip curled

"We think we know what's going on" Sirius stepped towards Remus, who was trying to control his voice which had begun to shake with fear

"What? What's going on?" asked Peter again

"Shut the fuck up Peter" hissed James

"What do you think is" he cleared his throat and gulped "going on?"

"We know about you, we know why you disappear every month, every 28 days, every full moon" Remus was shaking violently, he stumbled to the nearest bed and sat down, his eyes still fixed on the floor "We know why you're always hurt and pale and sick looking when you come back and we know why your eyes are gold... Remus, there's no delicate way of putting this but, _we know you're a werewolf_"

"Shut up" said Remus, tears splashing onto his knee's eyes still fixed on the floor

"_What the FUCK_?!" squealed Peter he leaped from his bed and ran for the door, James raised his wand and swiftly put a body bind on him

"It's okay Remus, we don't care, and we still want to be your friend even if you are..."

"I said _Shut up_"

"Remus! I just said _we don't care_"

"And I just said, _shut up_" his voice was all over the place, it was thick with tears "I'm not a werewolf, so just shut up" Sirius sat on the bed next to him, he went to put his arm round Remus "_Don't touch me_" he shrugged his arm away and stood up, his knees quickly buckled and he fell back down onto Sirius, Sirius held him to his chest "Let go of me Black!" he wriggled around weakly, no longer able to disguise his tears

"Remus, we know, there's no point in denying it now. We don't care, we're all still your friends, we're not scared of you, because no matter what you become once a month, you're still our friend, our best friend" Remus stop wriggling, he looked up at Black, his eyes bright gold against a sore burning red

"You mean it? You're not trying to trick me or anything?" Sirius shook his head and smiled and Remus went limp and collapsed against Sirius's chest. Sirius wasn't sure what to do; he hadn't seen a boy cry since he accidently set fire to Regulus when he was 6. He then instinctively held his arms tight around Remus

"It's okay Rem, calm down"

"No one" muffled against Sirius's torso, he gasped "Was supposed to" he sniffed "find out about me" he gasped again "Dumbledore made me swear, not to tell!"

"But you didn't tell us, we worked it out!" Sirius said reassuringly, but it was too late, Remus had already begun to panic about breaking Dumbledore's trust. He began to gulp at the air heavily, and began wheezing and coughing, turning an odd shade of pink. James, ran over and sat on the bed, he pulled Remus off Sirius on to the floor and slapped his back, then his face

"Get a hold of yourself Remus!"

"James, it looks like he's having a panic attack! Hitting him won't help!" He pushed James aside and sat in front of Remus "Try and control your breathing, slow deep breaths, slow... deep... breaths" Remus's breathing was still gasping and rapid, he flopped forward, his head now pushed against the floor, still gasping.

Slowly, Remus's breathing returned to normal, but it was not long before he stumbled in to the bathroom, hitting his head on the toilet before vomiting into it.

*

Remus had been sitting with his head in the toilet for a while. He definitely hadn't felt this humiliated since the veritaserum incident. A soft knock at the open door

"Are you okay Remus?" it was Sirius

"I'm sorry" his own voice echoed back at him, the smell of vomit burning his nostrils

"You shouldn't be" That was James

"It was silly for me to react like that... with the crying and the er... panic attack and everything"

"We should've been more... uh..."

"Considerate?" Suggested James

"Yeah, that'll do, we should've been more considerate"

"What is there to considerate, I'm a werewolf, you worked it out, and you had to tell me, the truth hurts and it's not your fault I'm er..."

"Sensitive?" proposed James

"Yeah, thanks Captain Vocab" he lifted his head from the toilet and smiled his crooked smile "Please promise not to tell Dumbledore you know"

"We promise" they answered in unison

"And never mention the crying to anyone. Ever."

"We promise" they said, again, in unison

"So... what do we do about Peter?" asked Remus

"I don't know, but did you see his face? Absolutely fucking priceless" Grinned Sirius

"I suppose we'll just have to ease him into it... he'll have a hard time with it probably, but if he's going to hang round with us the he'll have to deal with it" said James thoughtfully, Remus felt a pang of fear

"But it's not as simple as that... what if he tells someone?" Remus felt vomit rise in his throat again before Sirius started to smirk

"If James tells him not to say anything, he won't breathe a fucking word"

"Shouldn't one of you reverse the..." began Remus, smiling again

"... No, I'm enjoying the silence, so Remus, Master Black and I are off to the dungeons to prank Snivellus, would you like to join us?"

"I can't, I made other plans" Remus felt a flush creep up to his cheeks

"You can miss studying for one evening..."

"I did not make plans with a book; I made them with a person"

"Who? Evans? Don't tell me you have other friends Remus" Sirius said dramatically, an evil grin appearing on his face

"No, not with Evans and he's not really a friend"

"He? Who's he? Has our little Reemy gotten himself a hot date?" said James mockingly, but Remus didn't answer; he just smirked and wiggled his eye brows "No Fucking way! Who with!?"

"Caelan Cunningham"

"NO!" shouted James "NO WAY IN HELL!" his grin now matching Sirius's

"Honestly, he told me to meet him by the Room of Requirement at 11" James was shaking his head, Sirius was strangely still and silent, his beaming smile still etched on his face, thought the hint of mischief had dropped from his eyes and they stared flatly at Remus "Honestly! Look!" he took the note with instructions as to how to get to the room of requirement Caelan had written, James read it aloud:

_Go to the seventh floor, it's opposite the big tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy trying to teach trolls ballet, if I'm not there, just wait _

_Caelan x _

"Ugh! He put a kiss and everything" exclaimed James

"What's wrong with that? He thinks I'm cute you know" He smiled, feeling the butterfly's comeback to his stomach, Sirius spoke this time, grin completely gone and replaced with a look of horror

"Well, Remus, he's a sixth year, so he must be at least 16, 17 probably and you're 13... It's _creepy_" He felt the Butterfly's sink; it was creepy, wasn't it. He tried desperately to convince himself it wasn't as bad as it had sounded when Sirius said it

"I'm 14 in November... Oh good god, he's a paedo." Remus felt sick, his face must've reflected it because James piped up

"Well maybe not Reem, you're tall for your age, you're good looking, you're voice has, at least, started to break" He felt a little better

"Thanks James"

"No problem" Sirius whacked James on the back "Ouch! What was that for?"

"Don't try and make it sound like it's not seriously wrong James! It's not fair, him dragging you down to this "Room of Requirement" in the dead of night, you're young and you're fragile"

"I am** not** fragile" Remus scowled harshly, like he intended to burn a hole in Sirius with his gaze. Of all the words he could've picked to describe him, and he went with _Fragile_. Sensitive he could understand, but fragile? For Christ's sake he went through worse than 100 Cruciatus Curses once a month he could deal with a little date with an older kid

"Well... I didn't mean it like that"

"How did you mean it?"

"I meant" Sirius shuffled uncomfortably, biting his lip a little "I just meant, what if he tries to take _advantage_ of you?"

"What if I want to be taken advantage of?"

He smirked, Sirius and James both squirmed like he'd never seen them squirm before


	7. Date

_A/N, Hey everyone! Thanks for all the great reviews, you're all awesome and I wouldn't have bothered writing this if it weren't for you guys!_

_This chapter gets a little disturbing, it's not particularly graphic, I don't think it's too bad, but I'm warning you just in case!_

"He was only joking wasn't he?" Asked Sirius anxiously, he was chewing at his fingers.

"About being a werewolf?" Asked Peter, who had been released from the body bind when James and Sirius were done pranking Snape, (vanished his robes right off him, genius) all the colour had drained from his face and he'd looked terrified for the last hour but he'd promised not to say a word to anyone about Remus

"No, Peter" Sirius rolled his eyes at him "about _wanting _to be taken advantage of" Remus had left for his so called "date" 10 minutes ago, Sirius thought it was more out right molestation than a date, but that was just his opinion

"Calm down Sirius, he can look after himself! Look," James held his DADA book aloft "it says werewolves can be up to 5 times as strong as humans, if that creep tries anything funny then Remus could easily fight him off"

"You don't think he'll try anything... will he?"

"I don't know Sirius; I really do not want to think about it, I've already got the mental image of him transforming, I don't want one of him _with_ a strapping 6 footer of a Quidditch player as well"

"What's so bad about the mental image of him transforming" asked Peter

"Don't you know?" sneered Sirius

"No... What happens?"

"The DADA book says" James read

"_Monthly Transformations:_ _Said to be significantly more painful than the __**Cruciatus Curse**_ _[see page __**578**__] a werewolf going through his or her transformation will have every bone in their body broken, reshaped and reformed into the werewolf skeleton, they then sprout a thick coat and lose control of their inhibitions, often leading to injuries, e.g. A werewolf may throw his or herself at objects blocking their path, the process of transforming back is the same as the initial one. Every bone is broken and reshaped but often bones will not reform as well, and the werewolf returned to their human state may be left with broken or fractured bones as well as any injuries they may have obtained during their transformation." _Both Sirius and James looked over at Peter, who was now even whiter than before and looked like he might have sold his soul never to have to go through something like that

"That's horrible" he said weakly

"Exactly... poor Remus" Sirius's heart sank at the reminder of the pain Werewolves have to deal with, "I just wish there was something we could do to help" Sirius flopped onto his bed, the image of Remus twisting and contorting in agony kept appearing in his mind.

"Hmm" said James, still reading his DADA book

"What?" asked Sirius, not really interested but needing some kind of a distraction

"Well" James began to read from the DADA book again "_The bite of a werewolf only affects full humans, any other normal animal, magical creature or __**part human**__ [see page __**132**__] e.g. __**Vampires**__ [see page __**135**__] will not be affected." _

"I don't understand, are you saying we should go and get bitten by vampires?" said Peter, starting to shake

"No, I am not saying we should go and bitten by vampires" Said James with great disdain "I am saying that, bear with me on this, because Werewolf bites don't affect _animals, _maybe we could become Animagi, that way we can do something to help Remus, by making sure he doesn't hurt himself, or get out of wherever they're putting him when he transforms and hurt someone else"

"You've got to be fucking joking James" groaned Sirius, the boy had had some ridiculous ideas in his time, but this was on a new level "Have you any idea of the skill or talent or hard work that it takes to become an animagus! You can't just decide on whim "Hmm I think we'll be animagi today" It takes years and years of work, some wizards try their entire lives, make it in to their hundreds and still don't get it right!"

"Maybe they just weren't good enough wizards! You know for a fact how talented me and you are" Peter was waiting for James to say his name, but he didn't "Maybe those wizards just couldn't do it because they weren't gifted"

"It doesn't matter if we're gifted James, we're 13 for Christ's sake!"

"I'm not 13 till August" mumbled Peter

"I'm not saying it wouldn't take work! I just... I... I just want to help Remus, okay? It's so gutless of us to let our friend to suffer unimaginable torture all alone, and since I don't see us coming up with a cure anytime soon, becoming an animagus seems like the only way we can do anything, at least that way, we can make sure he won't hurt himself or anyone else"

"What if he hurts one of us? Or bites one of us? Or kills us? Do you have any idea how guilty that would Remus feel? It would probably kill the poor bastard!" Sirius was becoming steadily more infuriated

"We'll be careful then! We'll become big animals! _I refuse to just stand by knowing our best friend is getting__** fucked**__ by this __**fucking **__evil curse every__** fucking **__month_!" James had difficulty controlling his "fuck" output when he got this frantic; his voice had gotten higher, he breathing heavier than usual, Sirius hesitated and sighed

"You're right again, you courageous noble bastard" Said Sirius "It almost disgusts me how Gryffindor you are" James relaxed at this, his usual evil grin returning to his face

"That's got to be the third time you've admitted defeat this year. Are you sure you don't want me to write to the Daily Prophet this time?"

"I'm sure"

"It would probably make the front page"

"Fuck off"

*

Remus ran as fast as he could from his dorm at 10:45. He was still a little shaken from everything that had happened, the finding out about his horrible secret, the crying, the panic attack, the vomiting. But all in all, it had been a good night; he was astounded at how well James and Sirius had taken to him being a werewolf and quite impressed that they'd managed to work it out. Most of all he was simply relieved he wouldn't have to lie to them anymore, he'd always felt pangs of guilt lying to Lily Evans but it was somehow worse with James and Sirius.

He had spent the last hour or so in the bathroom, trying to scrub every trace of vomit from his mouth, making his eyes look like they hadn't just wept the equivalent of the River Thames and trying to put a little colour back in his face, which was beginning to make Nearly Headless Nick look tan. Once he had decided this was the best he was going to be able to look, he changed into a tidy pair of jeans and a black polo neck and began his sprint to his date on the seventh floor. He ran, not just through eagerness but through an attempt to avoid a Filch shaped detention and also to save time, obviously he couldn't miss the seventh floor but he had no idea where the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy was and he feared it would take some time to find.

*

Sirius couldn't sleep; he was still gnawing at his fingers and worrying about Remus. He decided to get up and go to the common room. He sat by the fire, in his pyjamas, running his hands through his long dark hair, trying to convince himself nothing awful was happening to Remus, occasionally having to hold back the urge to run to the Room of Requirement to save him. He resolved that he would wait up for him, no matter how late he got back. It was Saturday tomorrow anyway and he could use this as an opportunity to do a little reading on Animagi and werewolves.

*

He slid round the corner to find Caelan leaning against the wall opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. He was out of breath

"Am I late?"

"A bit, couldn't you find the tapestry?"

"No, sorry"

"Don't be sorry, my fault for giving you shitty directions"

"Okay... so where is the room of requirement? Behind the tapestry?"

"No it's just here" he said casually gesturing to the wall behind him

"Oh... where's the door?" Remus said beginning to wonder if Caelan really was just winding him up

"Ah, well this is why you've never heard of the Room of Requirement before; the door only appears to those who walk past 3 times concentration on what they need" he laughed as he did just that and the door appeared.

As they entered the room, it was small and cosy; it contained a rather large plush sofa and an orange wood fire burning in a fine black stone hearth. They sat down on the sofa, which was extremely comfortable, Remus stared into the fire, feeling Caelan's gaze upon him. There was silence for a while. Caelan put a hand on Remus's left cheek, he shivered, he guided his Remus's head round to face him, and placed his other hand on Remus's right cheek.

"So... what did you want to- Mmphmf!" his question interrupted by Caelan, who had suddenly pulled Remus into a firm kiss, which quickly softened and deepened, became more passionate as minutes went by. Caelan had begun leaning forward and soon Remus was lying on his back. Still locked in the kiss, Caelan began to unbutton his shirt and Remus, almost mechanically had tried to pull off his polo neck, but upon discovering they would have to break apart, Remus left it pulled half way up his pallid, scarred torso exposing his ribs, which stuck out through his skin and were bruised from last night's transformation. For a moment they stayed like this, and then Caelan began to loosen his belt, then the zipper of his jeans, he was hard. Not trying to mirror him so instinctively this time, Remus broke from the kiss.

"What are you doing?" he asked trying not to sound frightened or overly confused or pissed off, or any emotion that might deter a lover.

"I was... Don't you want to?"

"To do what?" he must've sounded so stupid

"Well... have sex?" Caelan looked a little bemused, had been looming over Remus, but he sat back a little

"Er... I don't know" he said smiling apologetically "I haven't ever before" he looked back at the fire, wishing they were just kissing again

"Oh, you know, you've got to have your first time sometime" he said matter-of-factly

"I know... It doesn't feel right, right now"

"Why not?"

"I don't know..." he could feel a crimson glow of embarrassment working its way up his face

"Are you sure it's not right? I haven't done anything wrong, have I?" Remus was a little frightened; Caelan's voice had adopted an unpleasant cold and sharp tone

"No, I don't suppose you have"

"Well why isn't it right?" his face now morphing into a slight scowl

"I guess it is, when you put it like that" he fought to keep his voice even

"Great!" his face relaxed "so you're sure then?" Remus wondered why he bothered asking

"Yes, I suppose I am" he lied. Though, he was in no doubt that he couldn't remember the last time he had been more unsure of anything.

"Good" he cooed, voice back to his usual gentle lull, smiling, he helped Remus pull off his polo neck and took down Remus's then his own jeans and underwear. "Now, turn around" it was a command, but at least it was a softly spoken one, Remus did as he was told. He could hear Caelan mumbling some spell over his shoulder and he felt his hot breath on the back of his neck.

He screwed up his eyes, balled his hands into fists and hoped for the best.

*

Sirius checked the time; midnight. He had given up trying to read because worry had overcome his ability to concentrate. Every time some stray student had wandered through the portrait hole over the last hour he had dropped whichever book he was half reading at the time and sprung up from the chair he was sitting on and had nothing but received bewildered looks from strangers each time he did this.

It had been just after midnight when Remus had stumbled through the portrait hole, is eyes glazed over and walking with a considerable limp.

"You alright mate?" Sirius had hopped from his chair and bounded over to Remus, quickly knowing without having to be told, Remus was not alright. He didn't answer; he simply half smiled and shrugged. "Do you want to sit down?"

"S'pose" he shuffled over to the chair opposite the one Sirius had been in. He grimaced as he put his weight down. Sirius joined him.

"How did it go?" Sirius was doing his best to sound enthusiastic and curious, but he was now more worried than he had been in a long time.

"Okay"

"Just okay?"

"Yep"

"What did you do?"

"Nothing you'd be interested in Sirius" He raised his eyebrows warningly

"What do you mean? Did you just talk or something?" Said Sirius, not taking the hint

"No"

"Then what di-... oh... eww"

"Yeah" said Remus, sounding distinctly demoralized, looking at his shoes

"Did you... kiss?"

"Yeah, for a while"

"Did you, uh..."

"Yeah we did"

"Was it... okay?" Sirius was praying his voice and face didn't reflect how scared and worried he felt for Remus

"I think so"

"You only think so?"

"It was alright... It hurt... It still hurts... I didn't really want to" Remus rubbed his eyes, Sirius felt a twinge of guilt in his stomach, he felt a little responsible for this, he should've talk him out of it

"Why did you? If you didn't want to"

"I don't know, he sounded so... weird... he's so much bigger than me... I was too scared to outright tell him no"

"Oh Remus..." he sighed sympathetically, he got up and walked towards Remus his arms raised, he bent down to hug him. Remus shrugged his away

"Please don't"

"I'm sorry" he snatched his arms up quickly and folded them

"Just don't"

"What?"

"Please don't take this the wrong way Sirius, but would you do me a favour and just leave me alone"

"Okay, no problem, I understand" He began to back out of the room leaving Remus alone in his chair "You're sure you're alright?"

"No, but there's nothing you can do" Sirius didn't feel right leaving him alone like this, but he did as he was told and climbed the staircase and walked to his dorm. He got into bed, pulled the hangings round it and hoped Remus would be alright soon.


	8. Summer Ends, Thrid Year Begins

As May turned to June and June to July, the boys passed their exams with flying colours, accept for Peter who had only scraped by with passable marks. Sirius, James and Peter had chosen to take divination and care of magical creatures as extra subjects for their OWLs, Remus had also chosen care of magical creatures, but had opted for arithmancy over divination. Remus didn't speak to Caelan again that year, neither seemed to make an attempt to contact each other again, but this was only what Sirius knew; Remus had become more withdrawn and quiet since the night of their "date".

The summer was a long, hot boring one. He had been grounded when his mother had found a photo of Sirius with James, Remus and Peter.

"Sirius?" she had asked while cleaning his room, Sirius was lying on his bad doing a charms essay

"What?"

"Are these your friends?"

"Yes mother, they are, you know they are"

"Well _obviously_ I know James. Peter Pettigrew, I know of his family, but who's this boy" She stabbed a long white finger at Remus's face on the photo, the photographic Remus, frowned and attempted to dodge it "the thin peaky looking one with the brown hair"

"That's Remus" he was hesitant to say his last name, his mother always knew who was pure blood and who wasn't

"Remus who?" she goaded

"Remus Lupin"

"Lupin... I don't know that name, pure blood I assume? Not been associating with the wrong kind of people have we?" he sighed and continued writing his essay "Well Sirius? Answer me"

"No mother, Remus is a half blood,"

"What?"

"His mother is a witch, his father is a muggle... or muggle born, I forget which"

"You're telling me" She took a deep breath and fingered her wand "You've been associating with _Mud Blood riff raff!"_

"Yes mother, I'm also afraid I no longer share your views on what makes a person "riff raff""

At this she had screeched at Sirius on the importance of preserving the Black name, locked Sirius in his room and told him he wasn't allowed out for the rest of the summer.

He had fleeting chats with his little brother Regulus through his keyhole. Regulus's strong desire to obey his mother was occasionally out shined by his curiosity over Hogwarts, where he would be joining Sirius in September, he would ask Sirius all of these ridiculous little questions about the castle, the teachers, the houses and the people, though this would only be when their mother left the house for a few hours and he knew he was safe to talk with him. Sirius did feel sorry for Regulus, not as good looking as he was, not as strong, no will power or opinions of his own, but he was basically a good kid. Sirius wished he could have done something to stop the twisted thoughts of Walburga and Orion Black not worm as deeply into Regulus as they had, but they had. They had always been much harsher on Regulus than they had Sirius, it was no wonder why he was so weak now, he must've had all of the rebellion beaten out of him at a young age.

Sirius got all of his homework done in a couple of days and even had time to proof read and re draft his essays. The thought of what McGonagall's face would look like when Sirius handed in a completed essay on time had amused Sirius greatly.

Apart from the occasional interrogation session with Regulus, the only thing keeping Sirius sane were letters he had received from James, Remus and a sheer testament to his desperation for contact with the outside world, Peter.

Since his mother's ridiculous reaction to Sirius's friendship with Remus, he had kept his letters well hidden, often on his person, as his mother did daily inspections of his room. He wondered how she would react if she found out that: not only was Remus a half blood, but a werewolf and a gay one at that.

He was so lonely, he would think of any excuse to write them letters:

_James!_

_How the hell are you! I feel like we haven't written to each other in ages, you should be writing to me day and night considering that I am your best friend, and I'll be no fun next year if I've gone insane with lonesomeness. Anyway, I was just wondering if you knew which spots were open on the Quidditch team now. Do you think we should try for them?_

_Sirius x_

_Remus!_

_How the hell are you! I feel like we haven't written to each other in ages, you should be writing to me day and night considering it was your photo that got me grounded in the first place, you cheeky half blood you. Anyway, I was just wondering how you were and if any slimy evil Slytherin Quidditch Captain cunts had contacted you over the summer? Are you positive you don't want me to break his legs for you? Noticed it was a full moon last night, I hope you didn't break anything._

_Sirius x_

_Peter!_

_How the hell are you! I feel like we haven't written to each in ages, you should be writing to me day and night considering how much brilliant you think I am. In fact! Why don't you send me a letter about that?_

_Sirius _

As his letters got more and more repetitive and irrelevant, his replies became more tetchy and less frequent

_Sirius_

_I'm fine. You know for a fact that beater and seeker are open on the team. You also know that you will be trying for beater and I will be trying for seeker. You know this because we've discussed it 6 TIMES ALREADY! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE SIRIUS FIND SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO SAY OR DON'T WRITE TO ME!_

_- James (no x's for you, because you're pissing me off)_

_Sirius,_

_Please stop reminding me it's my fault you're grounded, it's making me feel horrible. Cunningham has sent me one letter since we last wrote, it was an apology for what happened in May and it also informed me he's been made Head Boy. I don't know why he thinks I'd care whether he's Head Boy or not, but I accepted his apology, you still don't have to break his legs. Indeed it was a full moon last night, I broke my collar bone, had to go to St .Mungo's, my usual healers and nurses were out, the healers I got instead thought my parents might've been abusing me, it was an awkward couple of hours _

_Remus x_

_Sirius_

_Can't you just look at one of the other letters I sent you about how brilliant I think you are?_

_Peter xxx_

When the summer holiday's ended it was an absolute god send. His mother hadn't even let him leave the house to get his stuff from Diagon Alley; his mother had simply arrived with his things one day. It was a shame; he was looking forward to the fresh air and helping Regulus get his things. He was convinced Regulus would be made the Slytherin that his mother had wanted, but he hoped he would be placed in Gryffindor or even Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, perhaps a placement in somewhere other than Slytherin would finally help him break free from their parents influence.

When Sirius was finally reunited with James on platform nine and three quarters, he had jumped on him and knocked him to the floor, he did the same to Remus when he got on the train and when Peter finally found their compartment Sirius even greeted him with a quick hug and a slap on the back.

"It's been horrible! In my room for five weeks! Nothing to do but study! Ugh!"

"God knows how awful studying must have been for you Sirius" Laughed Remus, who had probably spent the entire summer revising; Sirius guessed he'd spent almost as much time indoors as he had. He'd gotten the most replies from Remus, of course every letter he'd sent Peter had gotten a reply, but he'd only hounded him a fraction of the amount that he had James and Remus. This reminded him:

"James!?"

"What?"

"Why did you start ignoring my letters?"

"Because you were driving me mental, if I'd answered them all I wouldn't have been able to leave the house"

"Remus managed to reply to most of my hundreds of letters, didn't you Rem?"

"I did Sirius, but I don't leave my house much, on top of that I was guilty as hell that I got you locked in your room!"

"I replied to them all" Said Peter proudly

"Well done Peter! Do you want a biscuit or something?" Sirius snapped sarcastically "I don't understand though James! You live out in the middle of nowhere, it's not like you had people be with or anything"

"What can I say Sirius, I'm an explorer, a wanderer, a marauder" teased James, Remus tittered; Sirius and Peter had no idea what James was on about.

Soon, they were interrupted by Regulus, who clambered into their compartment.

"Hey Regulus" said James smiling and waving slightly

"Hey James, Sirius, I can't find anywhere else to go, is it okay if I sit with you?"

"It's fine Reg" Sirius looked towards Peter and Remus, who both had questioning looks on their faces "Oh, Regulus Black, meet my friends Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, meet my little brother Regulus Black"

"Hi" Said Regulus shyly, Peter nodded and Remus raised his hand and gave a friendly

"Hullo" He smiled warmly at Regulus, who gasped

"You're the mudblood! The one from the photograph!" Remus furrowed his brow

"Please don't use that word"

"Which word?" asked Regulus, dumbfounded. Sirius cuffed Regulus on the back of the head

"Mudblood you moron, it's incredibly offensive" He turned to Remus "It's not his fault he said that, by the way, it's our mother's"

"I don't understand how it's offensive, surely he knows he's a mudblood, doesn't he know he is one?"

"For God's sake Reg, Shut up" growled James from the corner of his mouth

"But he should be told, he's a mudblood if he is one" He said this so coolly and matter-of-factly, that Remus didn't even look angry any more, he looked pityingly at the boy who had clearly had ridiculous values instilled in him from a young age, that ,as far as he was concerned, they were fact.

"Reg, just get out"

"It's okay, I don't mind sharing the compartment with him"

"Really? Are you sure he shouldn't just hang outside the train, so as not to offend your delicate pure blooded eyes" mocked Sirius, the sarcasm was clearly lost on Regulus

"No, he's fine in here" Regulus smiled completely innocently, Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbed him by his robes and hoisted him out of their compartment, Sirius dropped him outside and closed the door behind them

"You don't just go around calling people mudbloods now! It's not as bad when we're at home, but not anymore, it's only a word that ignorant wizards use, people hate it. You'll get yourself beaten up or you'll get yourself into trouble!"

"But..."

"No buts Reg! You don't say that word! It's muggle born or half blood r even their first name if you can handle it, you're going to apologise to Remus" With that, he hoisted Reg back into the compartment.

"Reg has something to say to you Remus"

"I'm sorry for calling you a mudblood"

"That's fine Regulus, as long as you know not to do it again, I don't even care"

They talked for a while, even after Regulus's little outburst, he and Remus seemed to get along well, he left the compartment when he was asked to join another group of first years, one of whom was one of Sirius and Regulus's many relations

"James?" asked Remus

"Yeah?"

"How did you know Regulus already?"

"I've known him and Sirius since we were babies" noting the look of confusion on Remus's face he added "we're related, didn't you know?"

"Had no idea"

"Yeah, James is like our second cousin or something. That's how it get's with pureblood families, we're all interconnected like this, from purebloods trying to keep their kids pure by marring other purebloods and so on and so on... most of us are interbred, it's sick really, my parents are second cousins are something. To be honest I think it explains a lot of the insanity in my family" Sirius chuckled darkly. James, Remus and Peter nervously reciprocated the laugh.

*

Their first month back at Hogwarts had been a fairly uneventful one, apart from Sirius's fear being realised when Regulus was indeed sorted into Slytherin, nothing major had happened.

It wasn't until October that things started to pick up. Sirius and James had tried out for the open positions on the Quidditch team and had been quite successful, James being instantly accepted as seeker and Sirius, after some consideration, had been appointed the new Gryffindor beater. Their first match was, unfortunately, against Slytherin,

"Brilliant! Any Bludger I get my bat near is going straight for that sleaze bag Cunningham" plotted Sirius to James on the way back from a practice

"Neither of you ever explained to me and Peter what happened that night"

"You _seriously_ do not want to know the details Jamesy, all you need to know is he's a complete bastard and a perv" his eyes were glinting with a vengeful insanity

"Can't you just exact revenge by helping the team beat his team by aiming skilfully at chasers and the keeper, rather than firing Bludgers into his face?" pleaded James, he didn't want his first match ending in a disqualification for foul play. Sirius closed his eyes and threw back his head, he inhaled deeply and threw his head forward

"I shall try my best James, but if my best is not good enough then so be it"

"Sirius" he nodded at James "Please don't fuck this up for me"

"Fuck what up?"

"My first match, don't do anything dodgy, don't fuck this up"

"Again, I shall try my best, but if my best is not good enough..."

"...then so be it" scowled James, Cunningham better have done something pretty bad to Remus.

*

"They're playing WHO?" exclaimed Remus tensely, knocking his books onto the floor, the rest of his arithmancy class turned around to look at him

"Slytherin" answered Lily, picking up a book that had landed near her feet

"Oh fuck" he whispered as the class returned to their usual chatter as they worked

"Why is that so bad? I know James will be acting like a prat if Gryffindor win, but I thought you said he wasn't a prat to you?"

"It's not about James acting like a prat"

"Then what is it"

"I... I kind of had a _thing_ with Cunningham for like 5 minutes last year"

"NO" said Lily her mouth, spread into a grin, practically on the floor

"Yes"

"NO!!!"

"Yes! Now keep your voice down"

"But he's been seeing a fifth year! Donna Ashcroft in Ravenclaw since last April!"

"He can cheat can't he"

"Well, yes, but Donna's a girl, all of his girlfriends have been, and you're not a girl" She was smirking, having not heard anything so scandalous since that Malfoy wears lady's underwear rumour, Remus shrugged,

"Well he didn't seem to have much of a problem with that at the time, no problem **at all** ,actually"

"Oh my God! I don't believe it" her eyes widened "Now you've said that, I can't help but thinking, well, Donna, she's really pretty, but she's really tall and thin and totally flat chested. Her shoulder's are broad and she doesn't wear much make up" Lily laughed "Even her hair's short! Shorter than yours! Anyway, what's this got to do with Quidditch?"

"Well, with Cunningham... it was a disaster, sort of... ugh.... well now Sirius really hates him and he wants to break his legs"

"So..."

"Well they just gave Sirius access to a big bat and huge dangerous balls"

"Ah..." She was too distracted by Remus's revelation to give any helpful advice "why was it a disaster with Cunningham? I didn't know you knew each other? When did you meet? What happened!??"

"Well... I had gone to the library one night, and he was there with his friends, they left, he came over. We talked for an hour or something, he told me to meet him at 11 that night so I did"

"And then what!?" Lily was grinning again

"Well, we snogged for a while and..."

"AND!"

"... and we had" he looked around and whispered "sex"

"OH MY GOD! How was it a disaster?"

"Well, I wasn't really up for it, when I told him I wasn't, he went a bit... funny"

"Oh" her face fell

"So I did and I've never regretted anything more, we didn't speak after, he sent me a letter apologising in the summer, I accepted, but I didn't mean it"

"Oh Remus" she said in the exact tone Sirius had used on that night. She hugged him, too tightly for Remus to shrug her off

"Hurting me Lily!" she released him, her eyebrows were furrowed with concern, she began to glower

"If Black wants any help breaking his legs, tell him to come find me"


	9. Fighting, Quidditch, fighting again

The night before the match Remus was walking back from a late revision session at the library. He walked briskly back to Gryffindor tower, he would have to up early for the match. Well, James and Sirius had to be up early and it was their first match, he wanted to give them as much support as possible.

"Psst" Remus turned around, wondering if Mrs. Norris was hissing at him or something "Psst!" no cat "Remus, over here" he recognised that voice, deep, gentle, Irish, deceptive.

"What do you want Cunningham"

"I'm Cunningham now? I liked being Caelan more"

"Whatever, what do want?"

"I just wanted to talk"

"About..."

"Us"

"There is no us Caelan"

"I have some memory of a night in May that begs to differ"

"I seem to _vaguely _remember a big 17 year old I'd known for **an hour** coercing me into sex, after I'd said no... Then I remember not having any contact with him for months, then some half arsed apology and then nothing again"

"I know... I'm a bastard... it wasn't a half arsed apology you know"

"Right, good night"

"I really need to talk to you Remus"

"I remember what happened the last time you wanted to talk to me" he felt his hand dig into shoulder

"Remus wait, I really _need_ you right now" Remus tutted at him, furious

"You don't need me, you need an orifice"

"I... that's not true... I," he closed his eyes and put both hands on Remus's shoulders, he was about 3 inches taller than Remus, he came down to his level "_I'll let __**you **__be on top this time_" Remus opened his mouth to reply no. But this was just a little too tempting. Caelan was a bastard and a user... but he was still really nauseatingly attractive.

"Where would we go?" he said smirking, feeling a little disgusted in himself, but sill smirking

"We can go to the prefect's bathroom"

"Come on then" he said, Caelan smiled, flashing everyone of his white straight teeth

*

"James?" It was the morning of the match, Sirius had woken up in a cold sweat, dreaming Cunningham had pushed him off his broom during their match, that he had fallen to his death and Remus had flown off into the sunset with Cunningham

"Wha?"

"What time is it"

"Time for Quidditch?" James mumbled half asleep, Sirius groaned

"Peter, what time is it" he received no real reply only a snore "Remus, what's the time?" he waited for a crisp clear and fully awake answer. Nothing. "Remus? Reeeeeemus?" he sung playfully "Reemy Reemy Reeemy?". Still nothing. Sirius stood up and walked the short distance to Remus's bed, he pulled back the hangings round his bed. No Remus.

"Where's Remus?"

"It's 5:30... Need more sleep" mumbled James, snuggling at his pillow, asleep again he trilled "Evans you hair is so pretty"

_Where's Remus... I won't be able to sleep if I'm worried about him_ thought Sirius, he went down to the common room, no Remus. Shit.

*

Remus unwrapped his arms from Caelan's chest and pulled his left leg from between his thighs. They had slept curled up on a bed-like rather lavish sofa in the prefect's bathroom. He searched around for his clothes, his underwear were hanging from one of the taps in the large bath, his jeans were strung across a painting of an outraged looking mermaid, his shirt was just in front of the door, his socks were tucked inside his shoes which were lined up neatly in the corner.

_I've been sleep organising again_ He thought. He put his shoes and socks on. Pulling an old piece of parchment from his bag, which was placed neatly by his shoes, and his quill and ink, he scribbled Caelan a note

_Last night was interesting_, _sorry I won't be here when you wake up, have to be back to the dorm before James, Sirius and Peter wake up and start to worry. You kick in your sleep by the way_

_Good luck, Remus xxx_

He pressed the note into Caelan's hand and began the walk back to Gryffindor common room.

As he climbed through the portrait hole, he saw Sirius sitting on the top of the stairs looking panicked

"Remus?"

"That's my name" he replied embarrassedly

"Where the FUCK have you been?"

"What?" his eyes instantly expanding to puppy dog form, as they did when he was frightened

"I woke up half an hour ago, to find an empty bed next to me, I come down to the common room, you aren't here, so tell me Remus, where _exactly_ have you been?" Snarled Sirius, he was never a morning person

"For a walk"

"Bull shit! I've been thinking, what could Remus possibly have been doing alone, all night when it isn't a full moon and I was confused, then I thought, who does Remus know that would be after some relief the night before a Quidditch match _and all the pieces feel into place_" Remus fixed his eyes to the ground, his natural reaction to anything stressful. He laughed coldly "That's exactly what I thought, I can't **believe** you Remus, after what he did to you. And now this. Of all people, I know, you're the person I'd think was most likely to notice when someone was using you! Completely Un-fucking-Believable. You make me sick" he stomped up the stairs.

Remus even heard him slam the door to their dorm.

And he was left, standing alone. Guilty, he couldn't blame Sirius for getting so angry at him because he understood exactly why he'd gotten so. But right now, no one was more angry at Remus than Remus himself.

*

Sirius had no idea why he'd gotten so angry. He hadn't had a problem with Cunningham and Remus before. But now. Ugh. They'd spent the night together. And Remus looked pretty damn happy when he walked through the portrait hole, not like last time. As he threw himself into bed, ripped back his hangings and heaved himself under his duvet, he felt tears sting the back of his eyes and had continuing strange empty lurches in his stomach. He'd never felt betrayed before. Why did he feel betrayed? Seemed a little weird. Probably just because it was the Quidditch match and it was early. He suddenly realised that ,in classic Black fashion, he had overreacted.

He would need to apologise.

Remus quietly opened the door of their dorm, his soft footsteps moved towards Sirius's bed. His voice sounded thick and uneven

"Sirius... I know you don't want to speak to me, but, I just want to say I'm sorry, and you're right. I'm stupid, I should be able to tell when people are just using me, and I'm grateful to have a friend who's not afraid to point it out to me when I don't. Sorry. I'm not going to see to him again" Sirius waited a minute, to make sure there was no lump in his throat, before he replied. He stuck his head through his hangings

"I'm sorry too, I totally over reacted. Next time I get like that, just ignore me, it's just the Black in me showing through" They smiled at each other.

"Good luck Sirius"

"We won't need it. Cunningham is easily the best player Slytherin have and I'm assuming you wore him out last night" It was a joke, but just the thought of them together made him feel sick, he had to force the smile onto his face. Remus blushed and climbed into bed in his clothes.

*

"The Gryffindor team! Newly captained by Chaser Rob Collins" Called Brain Grey, the Quidditch commentator, also a Gryffindor, the crowd roared as he called the teams names "Also Chasing, Orla Flowers and Toby Cheng, Keeping, Samantha Bradley, Beating we have John Mitchell and brand new addition to the team _**Sirius Black**_!" The crowd roared, Sirius was very popular, girls could be heard screeching, his mouth went dry "And finally Gryffindor's brand new seeker, only in third year and already a legend on his broom... _**James POTTER**_" The crowd roared again, James grinned and gave Sirius a thumbs up before they mounted their brooms.

"And now the Slytherin team!" Called Brian considerably less enthusiastically. "Returning as Captain and Beater Caelan Cunningham" Only the Slytherins and some girls cheered " also beating we have Michael Weller, Keeping, we've got Pete Yorke, Chasing we have Dylan Steele, Jake Downing and Lucius Malfoy and Seeking we have a new addition to the team _**Pandora Bridgeman!" **_This time only the Slytherin's cheered, Slughorn was Reffing:

"Give me a nice clean game okay? Collins, Cunningham shake hands" Cunningham gave his usual gleaming, smarmy, smirk and shook hands with Collins.

"They're off!" Called Brian "Straight away Gryffindor are in position of the Quaffle with Flowers, Flowers passes to Collins, Collins is going for the goal, Cunningham just whacked a Bludger towards him, he's dropped the Quaffle ,ooh he's off his broom, that has to hurt. An _interesting_ start to the first game of the season" Collins gave Cunningham the finger while Slughorn's back was turned. He shrugged and smiled insincerely. The second Sirius got anywhere near a Bludger he was going to smack it right in Cunningham's mouth.

"Malfoy has the Quaffle, he's just weaving in and out of the Gryffindor Chasers, on his way to the goal HANG ON! Rats, nice try Mitchell" John had smacked a Bludger at Malfoy, but had only managed to brush the twigs of his broom "Malfoy scores, 10 points to Slytherin, let's just hope Potter can find the Snitch soon" said Brian begrudgingly "No pressure though"

After 20 minutes the score was 70-90 to Slytherin. Sirius wished he could gnaw at his fingers like he would usually do at a time like this

"Gryffindor in possession of the Quaffle, with Flowers, she's going for it this time, come on Orl- BLACK BLUDGER LOOK OUT!" screamed Gray hysterically, reacting quickly Sirius swung his bat frantically, he hit the Bludger, which had come completely out of nowhere. It was as if he and the Bludger were somehow linked, because the it flew straight at Cunningham and hit him right in the nose, breaking it... again.

"OOH! CHRIST THAT LOOKED PAINFUL!" Cunningham waved his hands, indicating he was fine to keep playing. It seemed James had taken this distraction to his advantage, as Pandora, who had been tailing him annoyingly the entire game, flew over to Cunningham to check he was alright. James dived for the Snitch, which he had spotted 5 minutes ago, Pandora made a dive as well, but it was useless, she was half way across the pitch. They had won. "Oh bloody hell Potter's got the snitch! POTTER'S GOT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS! 220 – 90!"

*

"Hey"

"Oh, hi" Lupin looked round the door of the Slytherin changing rooms, he had watched every player leave and decided to enter when he was sure it was just Caelan in there. He hadn't even bothered to change out of his Quidditch robes, he was just sitting with his head in his hands.

"Did they fix your nose?"

"Sort of, it's just a little more off centre now, not too bad, all I need to do now is learn to stop using my face as a bat and I'll be alright"

"Sirius said he was sorry about hitting you by the way"

"Did he?"

"Well... no... He thought it was pretty funny"

"Anything you wanted to say?"

"Well yeah..." as Remus was about to explain that last night, he had used Remus as a means of stress relief the night before the match, Caelan decided this was when he would get changed. He pulled off his robes, revealing his lean muscular figure which was glistening with sweat.

*

"Did you do it?" asked Sirius

"No..."

"Well where were you for the last hour then"

"I was with him"

"But... if you weren't telling him to fuck off, what were you doing" Sirius looked confused, Remus smiled crookedly and laughed awkwardly

"The funny thing is-"

"OH REMUS!" Sirius clapped his hands to his forehead

"I'M SORRY ALRIGHT, HE STARTED GETTING CHANGED, HE WAS ALL MUSCLY AND SWEATY, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO!?"

"TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF"

"WHAT IF I DON'T WANT HIM TO FUCK OFF?"

"HE'S USING YOU"

"WHAT IF I LIKE BEING USED? HE'S DIFFERENT NOW ANYWAY"

"HOW IS ANY THIS ANY DIFFERENT TO WHAT HAPPENED IN MAY, WHEN YOU WERE TRAUMATISED FOR WEEKS BECAUSE OF HIM?" Remus took a deep breath in, and an evil smile split across his whole face.

"Because... _I'm on top now_"

"_I DON'T CARE REMUS_, HE'S A BAD GUY! I'M WORRIED, I CARE ABOUT YOU" Remus looked upset that his last remark, clearly intended to freak Sirius out by putting an image in his head, hadn't given the reaction he'd expected. Then he just looked upset, he turned his back on Sirius and ran up to the dorm

"_I don't see why you should care so much" _At this Sirius scowled and stormed out of the common room, mumbling something about "fucking half breeds"

James looked over at Peter, Peter shrugged

"What the fuck was that?"

"No idea, I'm just glad _we_ were the only ones who saw it, imagine if the common room had been full"

"That would've been embarrassing"


	10. Utter basterds

October rolled into November, and Remus and Sirius hadn't spoken since the day of the Quidditch match, unless Sirius decided he wanted to wind Remus up.

James, Peter and Remus were in the dorm, doing homework. Sirius strode in, looking rather dishevelled and extremely proud of himself. James couldn't help but notice that he was covered in lip stick.

"Evening men" he said as he threw himself down on his bed. Everyone answered accept Remus, Sirius turned towards him "I believe I said evening men, unless you are no longer a man you should've replied Fruit Lupe". Remus had his fist clenched around his quill, his breathing quickened. James was sick of Sirius carrying on like this

"Stop it Sirius, this had gone on long enough"

"What? It's not like he's trying to be my friend or anything"

"He's not saying you have to be my friend, he wants you to stop acting like a dick" growled Remus, the first thing he said to Sirius in weeks

"Ooh look who's suddenly regained the ability to speak" mocked Sirius "I'll act like a dick all I want Remus. I'm surprised you're pissed off about it, I thought you liked dick". Remus slammed his book shut and went for the door. "Aww, what's the matter Remus, your time of the month?" Remus turned around

"No Sirius, it isn't. That reminds me actually, I'm not going to Hogsmeade this weekend" Remus was about to leave again, but he stopped when James began to speak

"Remus! You can't not go because of Sirius! It's your birthday and it's out first trip!" The malicious smile on Sirius's face had dropped somewhat, he had forgotten it was Remus's birthday

"I'm not, not going because of Sirius, as he so eloquently put it it's "my time of the month" next weekend" he spat bitterly

"You're transforming... on your birthday?" asked Sirius sadly

"No, the night before, I'll be in the hospital wing on my birthday"

"Oh..." James didn't think he'd ever seen Sirius look so guilty before. For a third time Remus tried to leave "Rem, wait" sighed Sirius

"What do you want Black?" snarled Remus, Sirius had clearly pushed him just a little too far this time

"I just... I'm sorry" Peter, James and Sirius waited for Remus to accept, and for things to be returned to normal, Remus smiled callously

"Good for you Sirius" he trilled sarcastically, for the fourth time, he tried to leave and did so successfully

*

Sirius blushed; he hated having to be humble but he hated having it thrown back in his face more

"What a prick" he said matter-of-factly, James and Peter had returned to their homework, Peter looked confused, James just looked irritated by him "What?" Sirius asked. No reply. "James, what is it?"

"You're the prick Sirius"

"How!? _I_ apologised! _He_ flung it back in my face!"

"I don't blame him. You've being acting like a complete prat for over a month, you're lucky Remus is such a nice person, I'd've hexed you into oblivion weeks ago" Sirius was shocked. For the first time, James wasn't siding with him

"But... but... I said sorry, what else am I supposed to do?"

"You could mean it" suggested Peter

"I did mean it!"

"It didn't sound like you did" Sirius wished Peter hadn't chosen _now_ to grow a back bone "You sounded all huffy when you said it, like when a child apologises"

"Peter's right you know" Sirius's mouth almost hit the floor "You did sound all pissy when you apologised, I wouldn't have accepted that apology, I don't even think Peter would" Peter nodded in agreement

"I wouldn't you know"  
"But I meant it! Even if it sounded insincere I meant it! I'm just getting used to the apology thing, I've only ever said sorry to my mother before and I never mean it then! I'm just not _used_ to sounding like I mean it! It's ridiculous... I've been acting awful and I really am sorry" said Sirius, every ounce of regret he had for his behaviour reflected in that sentence

"Why didn't you say it like that before? Even I believe you now" Said James rolling his eyes at Sirius.

"Well I'm going to go and get him"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you" sung James

"Why not? He's with Cunningham again, isn't he?" he sputtered forebodingly, feeling that betraying lurch in his stomach

"Sort of, he's going to try and break it off with him tonight... again" sneered James

"What do you mean? How many times has he tried to break up with him over the last month?"

"Pretty much every night since you two had that fight, he thinks you're right, he felt really bad until you started acting like a wanker, but he still kept trying to break up with Cunningham"

"Why couldn't he do it"  
"Because he... I don't really want to think about it, but you can guess why, can't you?" said James, going pink with embarrassment over the thought of Remus and Cunningham together, Sirius saw the opportunity and jumped on it, he smiled innocently and said

"Is it because every time he does they end up fu-"

"YES" Snapped James, who proceeded to massage his temples

"Where do they usually go? His dorm?"

"Prefect's bathroom. I hope they never make me a prefect now" said Peter, shuddering

*

"We need to talk Caelan" Said Remus, when they arrived in the bathroom, his face as serious as he could make it. Caelan twitched his eyebrows

"Okay" he said hopefully, now smiling

"No, I mean actually talk this time"

"Okay, I believe you"

"Seriously, we're talking, don't try anything funny" Remus frowned, he sighed glumly

"Okay fine"

"I don't think we should _see_ each other anymore"

"Why not? Aren't you enjoying yourself"

"Yeah... but, you're just using me"

"Initially, I was, but, honestly, I think you're using me now" he was very straight forward

"What?"

"Well, things have changed, the last twenty or so time we've _seen_ each other, it's been you who's made the first move"

"It has?" Remus tried to think back, to their last liaison, Remus had kissed him... but only because Caelan had done that thing with his lip...

"It has, do you have a legitimate excuse for dumping me?"

"You're still going out with Donna Ashcroft"

"I can be rid of her by tomorrow, if you want"

"I don't like you as a person, you're sly and manipulative." Upon seeing that Caelan was smirking at him "And you can't take anything seriously" he shrugged

"I don't really like you either, you're pedantic and you're a pushover. It's not like you can't be manipulative either"

"My friends think you're bad for me"

"_You told your friends about us_!?" he looked mortified

"Yes. I tell them everything now"

"I can't believe this! I... I trusted you!"

"You never said not to tell!"

"I thought it was given that we wouldn't say anything!" he said furiously scrunching his fists

"I've only got like 4 friends, they won't tell anyone!"

"That's 4 more people who know about me" his teeth were clenched

"So... people have to find out sometime"

"You little bastard" he growled, glaring at Remus

"What?"

"You little bastard! You planned this!"

"Planned what? You're scaring me" Remus said backing away from Caelan

"You were pissed off about that night in May"

"More scared by than pissed off, but carry on"

"You're trying to humiliate me, by spreading shit about us"

"I swear to god Caelan, I"

"Stop talking... Stop it" He advanced on Remus, tense and breathing heavily, his nostrils flared, eyes blazing; he reminded Remus of a bull about to charge. He raised a pre-clenched fist and hit Remus squarely in the mouth, Remus fell to the ground, knowing that any attempt to defend himself would end up with Caelan in the hospital wing. Caelan kicked him brutally in the stomach, and again and again. "_Don't say anything to anyone, and don't dare come near me again_" He stormed out of the bathroom, Remus's mouth filled with blood.

*

Remus had been gone for a while, Sirius, James and Peter had been waiting for him. Deciding that it was a bad idea to go looking for him.

"I just wish he would hurry up I'm not going to feel this guilty forever" Joked Sirius, James tutted. Remus stumbled into the room

"Remus, I want you to know I'm sorry, I was wrong to treat you so badly and I mean it with ever..." Sirius had been looking at the floor, Remus was clutching his stomach, his lip, swollen and bloodied "...What did he do to you?" Said Sirius as he got up to help Remus. He spat blood on the carpet before he spoke

"Bastard went mental when I told him my friends knew about us, he hit me and I fell then he kicked me a few times, that's all"

"Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" Asked James

"No, my stomach isn't that bad and I can sort the swelling on my lip by myself – apology accepted Sirius" He smiled warmly at Sirius

"Yay! Are you sure you're alright mate?" said James, looking through his trunk for some general healing draft for Remus's lip

"Yeah... You were right all along Sirius, he was a bad guy"

"I know, Blacks are always right" he giggled "Chuck me that healing draft Jamesy" James complied, Sirius tore a strip of cloth from a nearby t-shirt, poured some of the raft onto it and began to dab at Remus's lips, his soft swollen lips. Sirius was amazed Remus wasn't upset, the whites of his eyes were completely clear and didn't show a trace of tears. He supposed it must have been easy for him to deal with physical pain

"Sirius, I appreciate the effort, but I can manage" Remus said with some difficulty, he smiled at him

"Sorry" Sirius prayed he didn't blush and handed Remus the piece of t-shirt "Did you just let him hit you?"

"Well... yeah"

"Why Remus? It's not like you can't defend yourself"

"Exactly, werewolves are around" he thought for a moment "five or six times stronger than humans... he might've ended up really hurt"

"Good! It would teach him a lesson!"

"Sirius, violence is never the answer" Said Remus sternly, reminding Sirius of a teacher for a moment

"Oh shut up" he said smiling

Sirius went to bed that night feeling intensely satisfied. Cunningham was finally gone! And he had Remus back. He slept soundly for the first time in over a month.

*

Remus went to bed that night feeling a little apprehensive. He was glad to be rid of Cunningham for the most part. A bit annoyed he'd lost himself about 9 months of sex, but it was better he was gone. He was relieved Sirius and him were friends, he was mostly a good friend, but if Sirius wanted to get to you, he knew exactly where to poke a sharp stick and if he was angry enough he wouldn't hold back. He slept badly, his stomach ached still, and his lips throbbed despite the healing draft. He wished he still had the pressure of Sirius's fingers against them, they had stung less. He raised his own fingers in an attempt to recreate the feeling. It was useless. Was it pressure he needed on his lips to ease the pain?

Or was it **Sirius's** pressure?

**Was it just Sirius?**


	11. Animagi and birthdays and Dreams, oh my!

_A/N aah, finally slash is on the horizon – sorry I took so long getting to it, it didn't seem natural in the story till now! Chapters __**should **__be longer from now on, I've been breaking them up far too much _

"I have no idea how we're going to do this" said James, rubbing his head with exasperation, bent over yet another book on animagi "None of these books explain it properly! It's like reading one of Remus's Arithmancy books" He growled as he turned another useless page. They had decided to miss the first Hogsmeade weekend to keep Remus company in hospital wing on his birthday. That night it was a full moon, so they took the opportunity of a Remus free night to go to the library and research animagi.

"We'll just have to persevere with it James" said Sirius, just as frustrated as James was

"There's no way I'll manage this, I can't even decide which animal to become" said Peter, rubbing his eyes

"We've been incredibly stupid you know" said James with a look of repulsion on his face

"About what?" said Sirius; who'd thought they were being stupid from day one

"We don't know where he goes; we need to find out where he goes first!" Said James waving his hands and clapping them across his eyes

"Why do we need to know where he goes?" asked Peter

"Well, we need to decide which animals to become before we start trying to become them" said James

"Right..." said Sirius and Peter in unison

"What if they're keeping him somewhere weird, we should specify for the terrain" Sirius had no idea what James was getting at

"I don't get it" James frowned and continued

"Well, if he's in a cave, we'll want to be animals that are good climbers or flyers as well as being powerful, it'd be pointless becoming say – a dog if he was there because they can't climb for shit, but, a mountain lion would fit perfectly! D'you get it now?"

"Yeah, you're right; we need to do our research on Remus before we start with this" said Sirius shaking his head and closing his book

*

Remus awoke late on the evening of his birthday, to find himself with: a shattered knee cap, a dislocated few fingers, 2 broken ribs and a broken collar bone, now it was weak, it would probably break every transformation and this one had clearly been a particularly rough one. He was never usually this badly hurt, nor did he ever sleep this late. He opened his eyes to find Sirius Black bent over him, staring directly into them.

"Happy 14th Birthday sleepy head!" he said smiling, he pulled back, Peter was there with a bag full of sweets from Honeydukes and James with a small chocolate cake with _Happy Birthday Remus_ written across it in red icing and a small golden icing lion drawn on it.

"Wow" he said sleepily "this is really nice"

"We got the house elves to do it last night!" said James excitedly, handing him a small oddly shaped package wrapped in purple paper "I had my Mum get you this" he opened it, it was a small stuffed wolf, which roared and wagged it's tail when you squeezed it and a nice photo frame "The cool thing about the frame is, that it changes from day to night and with the weather, see, the sun is setting on it right now, because the sun is setting outside"

"That's brilliant James, I'd hug you, but my arms are really hurting" while James put his cake on the table next to him, Sirius stepped forward

"I got you a photo of all of us, I wanted to get you something proper, but you know my mum, she would never agree to get you anything from me" The photo was taken last July, Sirius was at the centre grinning and waving, his arms wrapped tight around James and Remus's shoulders. James was smiling broadly and was also waving, Remus was stooped a little as he was taller than Sirius, he looked a little uncomfortable but was laughing and waving too. Peter was standing to the right of the three of them, catching his breath with James's hand on his shoulder; he had set the timer on the camera and had to run to get in the photo.

"It's brilliant Sirius, thank you – is this the photo that got you in trouble at summer?"

"err... Yeah, but it's a different copy, I swear!"

"I believe you, thanks a lot, I needed a photo of everyone" he smiled as reassuringly as possible

"I asked Evans to get you these sweets for me!" beamed Peter; displaying the bag "I found the stash you keep under your bed you so all your favourites are in there" he set them down by the cake "Oh! And Evans asked me to give you this from her" It was a rectangular, suspiciously bookish looking package. Remus opened it to find a copy of _The Hobbit _by J.R.R Tolkien"She said, she knew you liked muggle books, and she likes this one, so she got it for you" Peter was still smiling

"Wow, thanks for the sweets Peter, tell you the truth my supply has been running low of late" Peter looked very satisfied with himself "If I'm not out today, tell Lily thank you, and that I'm sure I'll love the book"he set it down by James and Sirius's presents "Thanks, thanks so much, you're the best friends I've ever had... you are the only friends I've ever had, so you do win by default, but none the less" Sirius laughed and ruffled his hair

"It was no trouble. Remus, can we ask you a question?"

"Yes, go on"

"Where do you go when you transform?"

"Oh... well you know Whomping Willow they planted a couple of years ago?" everyone nodded "They planted it for me, you see, there's a tunnel beneath the roots that goes to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade"

"But that's the most severely haunted place in Britain!" gawped Peter

"No it isn't" Remus smiled "The screams and roars and howls they hear are me"

"How do you get close enough to the Whomping Willow to get beneath it? It took Davey Gudgeon's eye out last year and all he did was try to touch the trunk!" exclaimed James

"There's a knot at the base of the tree, when you press it, it stops moving, and you just have to levitate a twig or something, I always have to go early if I want to do it by myself" They were interrupted by a tetchy Madam Pomfrey

"What are you 3 doing here!? Remus is very tired he's had a... bad... accident, you need to leave"

"It's okay, we know about his...er... Furry little problem" Sirius said this and winked, Remus, James and Peter giggled

"Mr. Lupin, I'm surprised at you! You were sworn to secrecy! _By the Headmaster_!"

"He didn't tell us Miss! We worked it out ourselves" said James

"The Headmaster will have to be informed" she said sternly

"_Please_ don't tell Dumbledore about this" Pleaded Remus, using his puppy dog eyes to their fullest "It's my birthday"

"Oh for goodness sake fine, I assume they know how important it is not to tell **anyone** else" they all nodded, she took out a bottle of Skel-o-grow "You're going to have to take this for the shattered knee, I'll have to keep you in over night for that, and _you three_ are going to have to leave now, I have to heal Mr. Lupin's breakages and cuts" calling happy birthday's and goodbyes they were escorted out by Madam Pomfrey. When they left, she ran over to Remus and smiled warmly "Happy Birthday Remus, don't tell anyone... but considering that you're my favourite patient" she pulled out a handful of galleons and placed them by Remus's things "That's 14 galleons" she beamed

"Wow, Madam Pomfrey, thank you so much... thanks... thank you, thank you" the gratitude and affection he felt for the woman couldn't be expressed properly in words

"You're very welcome"

"I'm really grateful Madam Pomfrey, you know that, how grateful I am"

"I know Remus" she was about to walk away when she added "When it's just us like this... just call me Poppy"

*

"Okay... one of us needs to be something small, so we can press the root" James said in a hushed voice on their way back to library

"I'll do that!" Enthused Peter "Being something smaller'll be easier won't it?"

"Probably" agreed Sirius "So that just leaves me and James to be something big to keep control of him"

"We have to inconspicuous as well... what's big and inconspicuous at the same time?"

"Something that you'd expect to find by a forest... or round the village" Sirius thought a moment, James snapped his fingers

"They have deer in the Dark Forest don't they?"

"Yeah"

"I'm being a stag then"

"Trust you to pick the most arrogant animal you possibly could" Sirius rolled his eyes

"Fine then! You pick a big powerful animal that isn't arrogant! How can animals be arrogant anyway"  
"They just can James" he smirked "I'll be a nice big dog, that's not arrogant at all is it? See, it's easy"

"I'm still being a stag" Huffed James "What are you going to do then Pete?"

"I was thinking... maybe... a little bird?"

"If you're going for simplicity a bird would be too difficult, you might get hit by the willow flying towards it anyway – pick something close to the ground and fast- like a rat"

"Can I just be a rat?" Peter asked, Sirius put his arm round Peter and James's shoulders

"This is going to be brilliant... no more unnecessary pain for Rem eh?"

*

They stood in their dorm, knowing they had the rest of the night without Remus they began to practice becoming animals. They had taken every book in the library they could find and had them all strewn across the floor

"Okay so concentrate on becoming the animal... er... really, really concentrate" Said James fluffing up his hair

"OH! Look, my nose has gone all pointy" Exclaimed Peter

"Your nose had always been pointy Peter" groaned Sirius, the boy really was an idiot, Peters smile dropped and he softly muttered an apology under his breath "This is going to be so hard... and we'll only have one night a month to practice... it's impossi... FUCK!" Sirius had raised his hands to his face only to discover he'd grown dog like pads on them. "Look! James, Peter look! Pads! Pads on my hands!"

"Wow! Sirius that's amazing!" said James running his hands through his hair again "hang on" he stopped on his forehead, discovering 2 small bumps sticking out from it "Ha! Prongs! Er... sort of"

"Maybe this'll be easier than we thought" Said Sirius smiling "How do we get rid of them"

"Concentrate on being a person?" suggested Peter

"It's worth a try" James and Sirius screwed up their faces and concentrated as hard as they could

"They're gone!" Called Peter "The sort of prongs... they went back in, and the pads just dissolved"

"Fucking brilliant" Beamed James

*

_Sirius beckons me towards him, I follow, we're in a garden, it's night. The moon is full, I try to leave, warning Sirius but he grabs me and tells me nothing bad will happen as long as he is here. I try to explain, but it's no good, Sirius's hand rises to my lips keeping them shut. I decide to remain outdoors, Sirius's fingers pressed upon my mouth. He takes a step forward closer to me, and another. Our noses now touch; he takes his hand down, running his fingers along my chin, down my neck and chest where it remains, his body is pushed against mine, our stomachs touching, our rib cages feel interlocked, our heartbeats synchronise. I have hot shivers running up and down my spine. His hair blows in the soft wind and stokes my face, his eyelashes brush against my cheek. He tilts his head to the left; I tilt mine to the right. His wet lips about to connect with mine, he says_

"Rem! Time to wake up!"

_No! No he doesn't... he says... something romantic like, I've waited for this for so long, and then he_

"Remus Lupin Wake up you lazy bastard! We've got charms in an hour!"

_Oh for God's sake, never mind_ "I'm awake, you twat" mumbled Remus grumpily

"Aww Remus, usually you're so cheerful when you wake up" Sirius was leaning right over him again, staring into his eyes

"I was having an _interesting_ dream; I wanted to see how it would pan out... don't suppose I'll know now"

"Sorry mate, I hate it when that happens" he smiled apologetically

"Where are James and Peter?"

"Breakfast, you know what Peter's like with his food" Sirius curled his lip

"Oh okay, well I'm going to the bathroom to put some clothes on... ugh, I hate the hospital wing toilet"

As Remus changed out of his pyjamas he contemplated his dream about Sirius. He really wanted to know what that kiss would've felt like, even if it was just a dream. But he shouldn't dream about Sirius again, he should stamp this out before a fleeting attraction turned into a fully fledged crush... or worse. He left the bathroom fully clothed in dark jeans and a shirt.

"We'll need to run up to the dorm before breakfast, I need my robes"

"You fucked up the buttons on your shirt"

"Did I?" Remus looked down

"Yeah, you've put all of them in the hole below the one they're supposed to be in"

"Ah, so I have" feeling strangely self conscious, Remus un-buttoned his shirt and re-buttoned it, Sirius was staring at his torso "Enjoying yourself Sirius?"

"What? Oh..." he blushed and laughed shyly "Sorry, I was looking at your scars"

"Oh, right" Remus thought he'd been looking at his body for a moment; he quickly reminded himself that his scars were far more interesting than his bare chest and stomach.

"Do you get used to it?"

"What?"

"The pain, every month, does it get like... routine?" Sirius was only curious, so Remus was surprised by the harsh tone his reply took

"Never"

*

Sirius followed Remus up into their dorm. He hoped Remus believed his lie because he wasn't just looking at his scars. He hadn't been staring at his body in a _gay_ way, no; it was just out of curiosity that's all, he had wondered for a while how someone as skinny as Remus could have all of this werewolfish strength he was so terrified of using. Sirius was just looking for secret deposits of muscle Remus might have tucked away, but he didn't. He was just skinny, with the lightest trace of a six pack poking through his skin, below his ribs and collar bone which jutted sharply outwards. Sirius found it interesting that though most people looked stronger than a rather skeletal Remus, he could probably kill someone with his bare hands. He could kill Sirius right now, if he wanted to. The thought made Sirius more than a little bit uneasy.

They reached their dorm and Remus quickly put on his tie and pulled on his robes

"You're looking a bit pink Sirius, have you got a fever or something?"

"Am I?" he felt his face, his cheeks were still burning red with embarrassment after Remus caught him staring in the Hospital Wing

"Yeah" Remus stepped forward and placed his hand on Sirius's cheek "Seriously, you're burning up"

"I am?"

"Maybe you should go back down to the hospital wing?"

"No, it's fine, I'll just splash some cold water on my face... it's fine, I'll be fine" He pulled out his wand and pointed the tip over his head

"_Aguamenti_!" water splashed down his face, into his hair and down the front of his robes

"That was stupid" Remus laughed, "you're soaking"

"I'm not hot any more though" Remus felt his face again

"Nope, you're fine; I suppose you weren't running a fever, hang on" Remus pulled out his wand and cast a hot air charm, drying Sirius quickly

"Thanks"

"No problem"

Sirius noted an awkwardness between them, a certain kind of awkwardness one usually experiences when they're alone with someone, perhaps a friend, that they've never been alone with before. Shy smiles and forced laughter, wishing someone else was there. It was strange, Sirius and Remus had been alone many times before, Sirius couldn't even remember the last time the two of them seemed this _uncomfortable_ together

"Should we go down to breakfast?" asked Remus

"Na, no point, there's only about ten minutes left before charms and the Great Hall is further away from the class room any way, we'd just be wasting time"

"Oh, okay"

"Remus, can I ask you a question?"

"Okay"

"What were you dreaming about that made you so pissy when you woke up?"

"Nothing"

"But you said it was interesting" Sirius was aware that chronic curiosity was both one of his most endearing and most annoying features

"It's hard to explain" Remus chewed his lip

"Think of it as a book; just give me a rough plot outline!"

"Oh alright, I was in a garden, the moon was full, but I was fine. I was _about_ to kiss someone, then you woke me up"

"Who were you about to kiss?"

"You wouldn't want to know Sirius"

"Oh Remus, now you've made it sound scandalous, who was it?"

"No Sirius"

"It wasn't Cunningham was it?"

"No way"

"Was it Malfoy?"

"Ugh, fuck no"

"Was it..."

"Stop trying to guess Sirius, you won't get it"

"Oh my God! Was it" Sirius lowered his voice to a hush "_James_"

"No! Sirius you're disgusting, that's practically incest!"

"So it wasn't Peter then" Sirius grinned roguishly

"Eww" Remus curled his lip at the thought

"Oh Remus, it wasn't me was it?" His grin even wider, Remus paused before opening his mouth, only to be interrupted by an out of breath James bursting through the door

"Forgot... charms book... late, come on!" James lazily threw his arm in the air to beckon them, he jogged casually out of the door, Sirius and Remus exchanged a contemptuous glance and followed him.


	12. That Darn Malfoy

_A/N: Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and favouriting me and my story, you're officially one of my favourite people if you have :P Please keep writing more reviews, more chapters on their way in the not too distant future! Enjoy_

_*_

It was the June of that year before James, Sirius and Peter made any significant advance in their attempt at becoming animagi. Everything had remained very steady and gradual till then. Horns got bigger, pads got paddier, noses got pointier, patches of fur appeared sporadically upon their bodies and limbs became shorter or longer depending on which animal they were trying to become.

Remus was away transforming, so the other boys had gotten their books out and begun practicing again.

"Okay" lead James "1, 2, and concentrate! Con...cen...trate..." James was shaking with effort. His horns grew to full adult sized stag antlers, his ears became deer's ears, his legs and arms became sleek and long, hands and feet became hooves. His face lengthened, eyes moved to the sides of his head, nose became flat, square and black. His body became thicker and longer, neck did the same. He grew velvety light brown fir all over his body. Before long James Potter had become a fully grown stag, standing on his back legs before bucking forward, standing with all 4 hooves on the ground

"Holy Fuck!" Barked Sirius, amazed "This is fucking phenomenal James" he laughed and flung his arms around James the stag's neck. Sirius looked at his own arms, which were, dogs...arms? He looked down at himself, he was covered in thick black fir his own body was that of a dog, his legs, dogs legs, when he'd barked with amazement, he'd actually barked! He let go of James and walked to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror, he had become a huge, black shaggy dog. He re-entered the bedroom of the dorm, to find a mostly human Peter (having grown a rats tail, whiskers and ears but nothing else) with his eyes agog, an expression of astonishment smacked across his round face. Sirius looked up at the stag James, his eyes were screwed up, and he quickly transformed back into human James, Sirius followed suit.

"That... was AMAZING" squawked James, he danced on the spot and began jumping up and down and laughing.

"I KNOW!!!" Sirius reciprocated the jumping and laughing, and flung himself into a violent, jumpy hug with James.

"Wow guys, that was brilliant" said Peter sadly, his ears, whiskers and tail shrinking away.

"Aww, don't sound so down Peter, you'll get it soon enough, you're just not as fast as me and Sirius is all. Me and Sirius who are now FULLY FLEDGED ANIMAGI!!!" he screamed, an expression of pride and utter delight glowed on James's face.

*

_The dream commences as always. We're in our garden again, the moon is full, and Sirius assures me I'm still safe. Sirius brushes his hair behind his ears and steps forward. Our bodies intertwined once again. As always, he leans left, I lean right. Our lips connect delicately; his tongue gently works its way into my mouth, and begins to wind it's self round my own, I taste him; his last meal, his toothpaste, his saliva, similar to my own, but somehow sweeter – addictive. My hands, entangled in his hair, now slip down his neck, feeling the crevasses of his spine, my hands soon find themselves clapped firmly around his arse. I squeeze, his storm cloud eyes flash like lightning, and he moans softly and bites down on my lip. His hands, which had been round my waste, slip down the front of my jeans they begin to_

"Upsey Daisies Remus! It's Lunch time!"

_Fucking hell _"Good morning Sirius" he said exasperated, he had been lying on his side, he rolled onto his back and Sirius giggled "What?"

"Oh nothing... more _interesting_ dreams?"

"I suppose, how did you know?" said Remus frowning a little, looking at Sirius, his eyes flashing wickedly as they had just done in his dream, he raised his eye brows and smirked. He nodded his head towards Remus's crotch

"Scouts could camp under that Remus" he giggled. Remus looked downward and found himself pitching quite an obvious tent.

"Holy fuck" Remus's head flopping into his hands

"What?"

"This is incredibly embarrassing!"

"No it's not, I don't think any less of you for it" he put on his flirting voice "_in fact_, I'm quite impressed to be perfectly honest" Remus asked any deity that jumped to mind not to let him be as astonishingly red in the face as he thought he was.

"Shut up" he gathered up his clothes and shuffled into the Hospital Wing Bathroom. It was bad enough that over the months his Sirius dreams had gotten gradually more graphic, but the fact that Sirius had seen_ that _just dragged his shame to a whole new level. Fantasising over Sirius had become a daily occurrence now, he would elegantly worm his way into any stray thought Remus had, his day dreams were now constantly occupied by him and Sirius in one compromising position or another. What was worse, perhaps, is that after his first dream, when Sirius had asked him who he was dreaming about, Sirius had (quite rightly) become convinced he was the subject. Remus took care of the _souvenir_ his latest dream had given him (by thinking about Sirius, how else) pulled on his clothes and exited the bathroom, to find Sirius waiting impatiently for him

"You were ages in there!"

"Sorry, where are-"

"Wanking perhaps?"

"Fuck off Sirius"

"Sorry" he said mockingly, waving his hands in the air as they exited the Hospital Wing and made their way down to the Great Hall

"Where are Peter and James?"

"Feeding Peter, you should stop asking me that"

"Why?"

"Because, at meals times, the answer will always be "feeding Peter"" they laughed "Dreaming about me again then?"

"No, and I never will, no matter how much you clearly want me to"

"Me thinks the wolfy doth protest too much" Sirius grinned maliciously, Remus whacked him on the arm "OUCH!" Sirius grabbed the place Remus had hit him, his face wore an expression of either mock or genuine outrage, Remus could never tell which

"Sorry, it just gets annoying" Remus didn't mean to hurt him, but he insisted on, however inadvertently, digging at the rawest nerve he had

"Gets annoying how much you blatantly want to do me?" Remus glared, he wasn't that transparent

"I can't believe that Lily thinks James is the arrogant one"

"Lily?"

"Evans"

"Oh yeah, she wants to do me as well" he playfully licked his lips, Remus raised his eye brows

"And what, pray tell, evidence is this based on?"

"None really, everybody seems to want to some Black action – Blaction, if you will"

"You really do have one of the biggest ego's I have ever come across"

"I know, but you love me for it, don't you?" he winked

_You have no Idea _

*

Remus and Sirius were a matter of metres away from the Great Hall. Recently, the Slytherin's had become rather lazy in what had appeared to be a vendetta against Remus, only hexing him very occasionally, with spells so weak Peter could block them. But on this day, Malfoy had been the one of his group of Slytherins to spot Remus

"Fag" he called, adding what could've been a rather nasty stinging hex, had Remus not quickly cast a shield charm. Usually, he would've ignored this and carried on walking but Remus had been with Sirius, who was known to go to some extreme measures to defend his friend (having put both Crabbe and Goyle in the hospital wing in January with a single curse)

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Malfoy?"

"Oh no" he spat lazily "Fruit Lupe's got his boyfriend with him, I'm terrified" he sneered, he always sneered

"Sirius, just ignore him-"

"No Remus, I'm not letting him get away with treating you like this!"

"Oh goodness Black, I really am scared stiff, look at his angry face, horrifying isn't it" he laughed, Sirius's "angry face" had always maintained a childish pouty quality

"Fuck you Malfoy, you inbred shit"

"Ha! Me, inbred, this is coming from a Black!"

"That's coming from someone trying to fuck my cousin"

"I am not trying to fuck Narcissa!" snapped Malfoy, looking surprisingly hurt

"I know you aren't trying to fuck her, I heard you _love _her. I was talking about Bellatrix, I see the lust in your beady little eyes. But whichever floats your boat, I think they're both fuck ugly and clearly mental, but like I said whichever..."

"_LEVICORPUS_" Sirius found himself dangling upside down from his ankles; his robes flapped down and hit him in the face. Sirius was glad he put trousers on under his robes today. "_Never_, speak like that about Narcissa again"

"I'll do what I want"

"Promise never to speak about her like that again"

"No fucking way"

"_Sectum Sempra!" _Sirius felt a horrible burning sting on his stomach and chest; his flesh most certainly had been cut, he felt a damp warmth running down his torso

"What the fuck did you do to him Malfoy?" growled Remus

"What the fuck has he done to me Remus?"

"What's wrong Fruit Lupe? Feeling protective of your boyfriend? Want the nasty sixth year to leave him alone?" he mocked. Sirius had no idea what was happening, his robes hung over his face and he couldn't move his arms, the pain on his body had worsened

"Drop him Malfoy! He's going to bleed to death"

"I am?" He heard Malfoy's cold hollow laugh

"Drop him!" The laugh became almost hysteric "I'm warning you Malfoy" Remus's every word was growled "_Put him the fuck down_" the laugh became hideous, unbearable and Sirius could tell without seeing Remus's face, he was glowering at Malfoy, in the dreadful way he sometimes did glower, the way that made his every delicate feature seem distinctly wolfish. Sirius had no idea, what had happened next. He heard Remus give a low, hollow growl, the sound of feet scraping on the stone floor; he'd heard Malfoy shriek and he'd fallen to the floor and been knocked unconscious.

*

Sirius woke up an hour later, Madam Pomfrey leaning over him, re dressing the deep cuts on his mid section.

"What happened?" asked Sirius, feeling horribly light headed

"Well, it seems that Mr. Malfoy used the "Sectum Sempra" curse on you during your argument, Severus Snape invented it, took us almost 45 minutes to get him to stop it bleeding. Malfoy used it while you were suspended upside down. When he refused to put you down Remus attacked him, I believe he jumped on him and began to hit him, he pushed his wrists down if he tried to get up. Malfoy dropped you and you were knocked unconscious. Because Mr. Malfoy had Remus worked up into such a fury, he didn't notice when you hit the floor. Luckily, Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew had been walking by at the time. Mr Pettigrew brought you here and after Mr Potter had removed Remus from Mr. Malfoy, brought both of them in here as well. As Remus came out unscathed, he is now speaking to the Headmaster. Malfoy and you have to go in once you've recovered." Sirius rolled his head to the left to get a good look at what Remus had done to Malfoy. His eyes were mauve and badly swollen, they reminded Sirius of plums. He had dark purple blotches all over his cheeks; presumably where Remus's knuckles had collided with Malfoy's face. His lip had popped and his nose was bleeding, resulting in Malfoy being covered in blood. His gums were also bleeding, and every exposed piece of skin was covered in scratches.

"He got what was coming to him" grumbled Sirius. Madam Pomfrey frowned, but obviously agreed with him. She walked over to Malfoy's bed.

"Time to heal those wrists Mr. Malfoy, it's a simple spell and you'll have stay to take Skel-o-grow tonight" she said disdainfully

"No... Hurts too much"

"Do stop whining" Malfoy groaned and writhed when she touched his wrists "Well you should've thought about this before you started tormenting that poor boy" she snapped.

"What did Remus do to his wrists?"

"He crushed them when he held Malfoy down"

"Christ"

"Indeed" replied Madam Pomfrey, struggling to keep a straight face as Malfoy whimpered and squirmed "You'd think a seventeen year old would be able to deal with a healing spell wouldn't you?"

*

"Do you feel you're calm enough to speak with me now Mr. Lupin?" Asked Dumbledore, staring at Remus across the desk of his study. Remus had flown into a bad rage. He hadn't had one like that since... ever. He had had difficulty calming down; his breathing was still too rapid for him to speak properly.

"Yes" he said trying to sound as cool as possible

"Now, will you care to explain why you attacked Lucius Malfoy?"

"He was hurting Sirius, really badly, he was going to bleed to death, wouldn't put him down... levicorpus"

"I see, and you couldn't have used your wand to lower Sirius yourself?"

"Got so angry Sir... Wasn't thinking straight... wanted to hurt him_ so_ badly... laughing at me. Not usually like this... it's been building up for a long time"

"How so?"

"I hate him"

"With good reason as well" Remus's eyes widened at this "We've all heard the stories of you and Mr. Malfoy. The only reason I didn't expel him was due to his father's influence at the ministry, expelling him would have caused undue uproar and boys like him just aren't worth making such a fuss over. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes headmaster, I would"

"So you would also agree that, however deserved it was, Lucius Malfoy is not worth getting into trouble over?"

"I was more angry that he was hurting Sirius sir. And Sirius is worth getting into trouble for" He noted Dumbledore's "Do go on" eye brow raise "He'd do the same for me... It was just unfortunate that it was Malfoy trying to hurt him, and I'm, still a little unbalanced from the full moon"

"I understand Remus. You have to promise me you'll never attack another student again."

"Yes Sir"

"You have to mean it, another unprovoked attack will result in your expulsion" Remus's jaw dropped "I'm sorry Remus, but another incident like this might cause some questions to be asked about you, rather _prying _questions"

"I understand sir, I wouldn't have fought with anyone again. He was just being Malfoy, being Malfoy hurting Sirius. I can't stand seeing Sirius hurt sir, I just... I can't"

"I understand. I had a friend I felt for like you feel for Mr. Black. A simple curse for them is like a knife right in your heart" At Remus's confused look, Dumbledore simply smiled "You may leave now Mr. Lupin"

*

"Do you feel you're well enough to speak with me now Mr Black?" Asked Dumbledore, standing to the left of Sirius's bed in the hospital wing

"s'pose" he half smiled at the Headmaster

"Wonderful, Sherbet Lemon?" he asked offering the packet to Sirius

"No thank you sir" said Sirius, feeling like if he ate anything he might vomit. Sirius had never dealt badly with the sight of blood but his own blood was quite a different story

"Oh well, more for me" he said warmly, popping a sweet in his mouth "Would you care to explain the events which lead to yours and Mr. Malfoy's incapacitation?"

"Of course not sir" Said Sirius, feigning the good cheer he was so well known for "Malfoy called Remus a, pardon my language sir, a fag and tried to hex him, so I asked him what the funk he thought he was doing, then he mocked me, the he insulted both me and Remus, then my family."

"Then he hung you upside down?"

"Oh – no, I insulted my cousin Narcissa first" He then stage whispered to Dumbledore "_He loves her_"

"And then he hung you upside down"

"Yes sir, he did. He told me to apologise, I was like, hell no and he was all like promise never to insult Narcissa again. And again, I was like hell no!"

"Then he used Sectum Sempra?"

"Precisely, then Remus got a little crazy when he refused to put me down" Sirius felt a pang of guilt "He's not in trouble because of it, is he sir? He was only defending me. He got a bit carried away, but he's a bit protective, that's all, he'd never hurt-"

"-anyone on purpose?"

"Exactly" smiled Sirius

"There's no need to worry Sirius. Remus is not in trouble, house points have been deducted, as they will be from Slytherin, more heftily as I believe it was Malfoy who provoked the two of you. I would like to inform you that Remus will be expelled if he attacks another student. And as it was you he felt so _compelled_ to protect. I suggest you yourself try to stay out of fights, if it's not too much trouble."

"If it keeps Remus in Hogwarts sir I'll have absolutely no trouble at all" Said Sirius, shocked Remus could be expelled just like that but he was sure this was only a one off, there was no need to worry.

"Excellent, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and chat with Mr. Malfoy, what fun" Dumbledore said rolling his eyes.

*

"So you're definitely okay now Remus?" asked James eyes wide with concern as Remus exited Dumbledore's study

"Yes, James I'm positive, I'm calm. I have no desire to rip Malfoy's throat out" Said Remus flatly, they began to walk back to Gryffindor tower

"Okay, just checking" He said ruffling Remus's hair

"You... you really w-wanted to rip Malfoy's throat out?" asked Peter fearfully

"Haven't we all Pete?" said James warningly

"Ha, yeah, we all have I suppose" he said, terror still clinging to his voice

"You don't have to be scared Peter, I only went for him because I hate him so much and because he attacked Sirius. I don't hate you and you aren't hurting Sirius – you're safe" Said Remus reassuringly

"He shouldn't have to be told that" Growled James, glaring at Peter who now looked extremely guilty

"I'm going to the... uh... library" Peter said nervously, blushing under James's searing glare. He scurried off metaphorical tail between his legs.

"Thank god for that" mumbled James

"Yeah... I hate that ever since he found out about me, he seems frightened of me"

"You shouldn't give a shit about that, Peter's a pussy"

"I know, I do give a shit though. No matter how much I've been exposed to and told to expect fear and hatred, I never do expect it. And it always hurts" James smiled sadly and put a protective arm around Remus's shoulder "Dumbledore says he'll expel me if he ever hears I attack another student"

"You didn't attack him! You were provoked!"

"I was provoked, but only verbally, I shouldn't have touched him"

"You were only trying to help Sirius!"

"I could've used my wand James, there was nothing stopping me from using my wand... I stopped thinking. I just acted on this really strong instinct. He threatened my Sirius, I wanted to hurt him... I wanted to kill him"

"We all feel like that sometimes. I saw some creep staring down Evans's shirt yesterday, I wanted to kill him"

"You wanted to, you didn't actually try. For a moment, I turned into the worst kind of werewolf stereotype. Like an animal... I just can't believe..." his voice crackled, James tightened his arm on Remus's shoulder

"Cheer up mate, just stop thinking about it, you're not an animal, you're Remus, okay?" Remus sniffed "Okay? I know you wouldn't have done it if it wasn't Malfoy, or if he wasn't hurting Sirius" Remus nodded and smiled. James always had the most wonderful ways of making him feel better

*

It was later that evening that James had been alone in the dorm doing his DADA homework. He flipped absent mindedly through his DADA book, looking for the page on Unforgivable Curses, the Werewolf section caught his eye and he paused on it for a moment:

_Aggression in Werewolves: it is a misrepresentation that all werewolves in human form are aggressive. It all depends on the humans own personality. Though, a normally docile Werewolf may become more aggressive before or after a full moon, especially so if the Werewolf see's what they may perceive as their "Mate" being threatened._

James paused on that word.

Mate.

When Malfoy attacked Sirius, Remus attacked Malfoy. Sirius, threatened... Remus, Aggressive.

"Don't be stupid" said James slapping himself on the head. "Stupid idea. Sirius is nothing more than a friend to Remus" a friend to, a normally docile Remus. Who suddenly became aggressive, when Sirius was threatened...

"Hmm."


	13. Psychic Lips

_A/N Thanks again for all of the really lovely reviews! _

It had been a day since the fight. Sirius was out of the Hospital wing and Slytherins weren't to be spotted within 50 ft of Remus. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus had arrived at the edge of the Dark Forest for Care of Magical creatures.

"Do you know what we're learning about this week?" asked James

"God knows. I think after the incident with the Pixies, Kettleburn'll be going with something a bit safer this lesson" answered Remus

"Did they find his left hand?" asked Sirius

"Nope, they found his wedding ring though" replied Remus, grimacing at the thought. He was surprised at how well he'd been dong at care of magical creatures; he'd never liked animals, at all, but they always seemed to take to him, no matter how much he froze up or how scared he was.

"Okay Class" said Kettleburn; he was a large man with thinning hair and a kind round face, having recently lost his hand, a new level of cautiousness and fear had entered his oddly high pitched voice "today we're going to be looking a baby unicorns. Lovely, harmless baby unicorns" he smiled "gather round everyone". He led the class to a pen just to their right. Two tiny baby unicorns lay within, their golden fur glowing and glittering in the summer sunlight, these were very young; there wasn't a trace of silver poking through their fur. One was lying down and the other was wobbling towards the left side of the pen, toward Sirius and James.

"Aww look, it likes us" said Sirius, bending down to pat the unicorn. It flipped its head back at Sirius's touch and whined slightly "Okay, okay, sorry" he sneered standing back up. Remus who had been standing behind Sirius stepped forward; the unicorn leant its small head over the side of the pen and began to nuzzle into Remus's trousers

"What's it doing?" he said as all the girls in their class went aww.

"It's trying to befriend you Mr. Lupin" answered Kettleburn "Go on, stroke it". Remus complied and belt down to stroke him felt the unicorn's silky fluff between his fingers "Soft isn't it?"

"Incredibly" he said, plunging his hands into the fur and rubbing up and down the unicorn's back, which closed its eyes and neighed appreciatively

"That is probably the softest thing you'll ever feel. They lose all that when they start to get their horns. By the time they're adults they get a short velvety coat. It's still soft, but it's not as fluffy. Everyone have a go, the smaller one, the one that's lying down is a lot more sociable than Mr Lupin's new friend, it'll let anyone stroke it"

"See you later Remus. Wouldn't want to upset your little buddy" Said James snickering as he Sirius and Peter ran over to the smaller unicorn.

"Wait, come back! Don't leave me with... shit" they were gone, and Remus was left with a small gold horse nuzzling its way into his robes. Lily trotted over to him and crouched at his left.

"Did they just leave you?"

"Yeah"

"Honestly, James is such a dick. I'll keep you company"

"Give him a chance! You only think he's a dick because you only ever see him acting like a dick and he only ever acts like a dick when he's trying to impress you"

"Right... I think he's probably just a dick. Why do they animals always like you so much?"

"If I knew that, I'd be doing whatever I could to counteract it" deadpanned Remus

"Why? Look at how much the unicorn loves you! Aww!" she cooed as the unicorn snuggled against Remus's chest "Professor Kettleburn?" called Lily

"What are the unicorn's names?"

"The one you're with is Tristan and the friendlier one is Galahad"

"Aww, hello Tristan" she said softly, she stroked the unicorn, who was still nestling in Remus's robes, just beneath his armpit

"Lily, can I speak to you about something?"

"Yeah, go ahead. He's so soft!"

"I know, er... have you ever started to have" he cleared his throat "er... Romantic feelings for a close friend"

"Have you been speaking to Severus or something?"

"What? No!"

"Oh... never mind" she mumbled, going pink "What were you saying? Oh yeah, romantic feelings for friends... no I don't think so, why?"

"Well, lately... I've been dreaming about Sirius a bit... I'm scared I might... _fancy_ him. Or worse!"

"Just because Sirius is sometimes in your dreams at the moment doesn't mean you fancy him Remus!" She chuckled

"Well, it's not just at the moment, it's been going on since my Birthday... and it's not just sometimes, it's almost every night... it is every night"

"Right" she said "what happens in these dreams?"

"We'll be standing in a garden at night, the moon will be full and Sirius tells me not to go indoors because I'm safe with him"

"Why wouldn't you be safe? Are you scared of the dark?" she said concernedly

"Yeah, sure why not. Okay, so that happens at the start of every dream, without fail. When I first started dreaming about him, we'd just kiss..."

"Oh my god!"

"Yeah... now we do things that are illegal in some countries"

"Oh My God!"

"The worst part is, now it happens during the day time. If I ever lose focus in a lesson, all I can think about is _him_"

"Remus... I'm sorry but... I think you fancy Sirius. Or Worse." Said Lily cautiously

"You do?"

"Well it sounds like it"

"Oh fuck Lily... I do... I've just spent so much time convincing myself I didn't, but I do! I so do!" Remus felt a familiar hand on his shoulder

"You "so do" what Rem?" asked Sirius, who was now crouched to his right

"Oh... I so do... find this unicorn nestling into me quite relaxing?"

"Ha! Bullshit" Said Sirius "What did he say Evans, he loves me doesn't he, he just had to confess it to someone" Lily's eyes widened

"Uh... no" She sputtered "we were talking about a boy"

"Me" nodded Sirius

"No! A Ravenclaw I fancy! Remus was just saying he disagrees and so does think that me and James make the perfect couple" snapped Lily

"Yeah! I keep telling her James is just right for her, but she won't listen"

"Remus is right you know, he acts stupid around you but he'd a really great guy"

"Whatever" she said "Remus, if you ever need to chat you know where to find me" She stood up and went back to her friends but not without being harassed by James first

"EVANS! Look how much this unicorn likes me! EVANS! EVAAAAANS! LOOK!"

*

"Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus. Remus." That night in the common room, whilst sitting in their favourite squashy sofa and chairs by the fire. Sirius had been trying to peel Remus away from DADA revision. Sirius had given up twenty minutes ago. His attempts to gain Remus's attention had so far been successful

"WHAT SIRIUS? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Barked Remus, slamming his book down on the table in front of them

"What ya thinking?"

"I'm thinking about advanced defensive spells" he growled irritably

"That's a bit boring"

"Why, what were you thinking about that was so riveting?"

"I was thinking about you"

"Really?" he said surprised

"Yeah, I was thinking I wonder what Remus is thinking, because he's reading his book, but he doesn't look like he's concentrating" he got up from his chair and sat next to Remus on the sofa "your eyes weren't moving dummy – what's on your mind?"

"It's nothing"

"It can't be nothing because you'd be reading properly if it was"

"Fine Sirius, you're on my mind – you're always on my mind, I was thinking about what it would be like to have you hold me in your arms and never let go"

"Seriously?" asked Sirius, Remus rolled his eyes

"No, don't be silly. I just can't focus that's all. I'm tired; it's been a rough couple of days"

"I know – I was there. I've had a hard few days as well" Sirius snapped. Remus seemed to have forgotten he'd bled out almost four pints of blood yesterday

"Oh Yeah... sorry mate, I get used to only having to feel sorry for myself" he smiled repentantly.

"It's alright mate, it doesn't matter" his expression softening again feeling guilty for shouting at him "I'm just tired... I'm really tired"

"Me too" said Remus, rubbing his eyes, picking his book back up

*

Sirius woke up to the sound of Peter and James giggling and whispering. He didn't open his eyes.

"Shhh" James stifled a snigger "did you get the camera Pete?"

"Yeah" He giggled as well "they'll be so embarrassed". There was a click and a flash.

"Fucking brilliant, we'll just leave them here, for people to find tomorrow" snorted James as he and Peter ascended the staircase to the dormitory. Sirius opened his eyes, he'd fallen asleep earlier. He was sitting up on the sofa; he didn't understand what was so funny, till he looked down. Remus had fallen asleep and ended up with his head lying on Sirius's lap, left hand on Sirius's knee, right hand clutching at the front cover DADA book which had fallen to the floor. Sirius could feel his warm breath on his thigh. He looked peaceful. Beautiful. Too much so to disturb, Sirius decided he'd rather go back to sleep and risk embarrassment in the morning than wake Remus.

*

It was the last day of term; James and Peter were in detention with McGonagall. They had to write 500 lines of "I will cease my pathetic shenanigans". One of their little pranks on the Slytherin seeker, Pandora, had ended with her in the hospital wing with a rather unsightly green growth on her right cheek. With Remus and Sirius behaving as they had been lately – the thing James had read on Werewolves and how they become aggressive towards those threatening their "Mate" had really been weighing down on James. He needed to get what he'd read off his chest and Peter was the only person he could tell. He wrote quietly on a piece of parchment and pushed it over to Peter.

_Hey Pete! Be careful not to let McGonagall see this one! I was reading something a couple of weeks ago – just after the Malfoy thing – it said werewolves get more aggressive when they think their mate is being threatened. I'm only bringing this up because Rem & Sirius have been getting awfully touchy feely lately._

_**what are you suggesting?**_

_Malfoy attacks Sirius, Remus goes crazy. I'm suggesting that Remus might think Sirius is his mate. In fact, I think Sirius might currently BE his mate_

_**Are you kidding? You have to be talking bollocks. You're winding me up, stop it**_

_I'm not winding you up!_

_**That's crap. They're just close. It doesn't mean they're shagging!**_

_I'm closer with Sirius than Remus is and I've never slept with my head on his lap_

_**Good point**_

_Exactly_

_**But you're still wrong. They just wouldn't, Sirius is a Black, they don't believe in gays... do they?**_

_They don't. They had one of his aunts taken off the family tree when she moved in with another witch. But this is Sirius, he doesn't tend to follow his families beliefs, does he? In fact, he makes extra effort to disobey his mother in any way he can, maybe he's just rebelled so much, he's turned himself gay just to annoy his mum_

_**He's had all of those girlfriends though! He lost his virginity at 12! I just don't think he would. And even if that was all like him in denial or whatever he wouldn't risk his friendship with Remus to shag him.**_

_True, he's a deviant, but he's too loyal, he wouldn't want to upset Remus either. Oh fuck, just forget I mentioned it, I _am_ talking bollocks._

*

"Christ Remus, the Slytherins haven't been near you in weeks!" Remarked Sirius, as a gang of Slytherins walked past them in their favourite shady spot, by the lake

"I know, it's strange isn't it" Remus replied

"Well not really, you did kick the living shit out of Malfoy; I think they're too scared to do anything" Remus smiled sadly at Sirius

"Scared... I hate it when people are scared of me"

"Stop it Rem, you've been beating yourself up over this for ages now. No one thinks any less of you; honestly people seem quite impressed by it all"

"Do they?"

"Yeah, people are happy you finally stood up for yourself"

"Oh. Where are James and Peter?"

"Detention. Don't be so sad mate, it's the last day of term, exams are over, most people are looking forward to going back to their families tomorrow"

"I prefer you and James to my family"

"I prefer you and James too... I wonder if I could convince my Mother to let you and James and Peter, I suppose, stay for a couple of weeks"

"Let James, obviously, let Peter, why wouldn't she? Let the half blood, I doubt it"

"Good point" Said Sirius sadly. He missed his friends horribly over the summer, all over his mother and her stupid blood purity thing.

"I don't think my parents would be very happy to have the three of you round either"

"Why not, your parents don't have a crazy vendetta against pure bloods, do they?"

"No, they just don't like people very much. They don't like loud people, or messy people, or destructive people especially"

"That's basically me and James you just described"

"I know" he smiled crookedly as always. A smile Sirius still thought, that if he was a girl or gay, was extremely cute "We can't very well invite ourselves to James's or Peters can we?"

"Maybe I can, I'll use the silver tongue we Blacks are so renowned for" Sirius poked his tongue out at Remus, who laughed "You won't believe all the things I've managed to talk my way out of using this, and all the girls I've talked my way into" said Sirius, tongue still hanging out of his mouth, Remus laughed again. His laughter was quite infectious and like his smile, cute.

Lots of things about Remus were cute, his big golden eyes and the long lashes surrounding them, his ruffled hair, his lips. His soft pouty cherry colour lips, gentle, amber light catching them from the sunset. Pink tongue running over them slowly, as if preparing themselves for what was about to happen. Psychic lips.

"Remus?"

"Yes Sirius?"

"Can I try something?"

"Alright" Remus looked puzzled as Sirius leaned into him. He looked puzzled as Sirius's lips connected with his own then Sirius could no longer tell if he looked puzzled or not. Their kiss had felt, to Sirius, breathtaking, if strange. Remus knew exactly what he was doing while kissing him, Sirius had no idea. It was soft and tender at first; Remus had lifted his hand onto Sirius's face and pushed his hands into his hair. He then began to kiss Sirius harder, and brought his tongue into the mix, Sirius was all too happy to respond. It felt like fireworks were going off in his brain. Sirius snaked his hands under Remus's arms and pulled him into an embrace. Remus then fell deliberately forward and knocked Sirius to the ground, now lying below him, Sirius relaxed and allowed Remus to lead the kiss, Sirius's hand slipped lower, from his waist down to Remus's lower back, it was then when Remus suddenly disconnected from Sirius, a look of ecstasy etched onto his face. This look, which Sirius was used to from his lovers, suddenly dissolved into one of confusion, then to one of fear, Remus sat up, his knee's either side of Sirius.

"We just..." he tailed off

"Mmhmm" lulled Sirius amorously "Would you like to continue, just..."

"Yes... I mean... I don't... I don't know, let go of me please" Sirius complied and let his arms fall back onto the grass. He stood up properly and fled the scene. Sirius, the one used to doing the fleeing away from his partners, was left troubled, and longing for the best kiss of his life. Left longing for Remus as he watched him stagger, almost drunkenly, quickly back to the castle.

*

It was almost ridiculous how perfect that kiss had been. Remus had rehearsed it in his mind so many times he was amazed when Sirius did exactly as he had fantasised he would do. And he'd just panicked. Panicked and run away from possibly the second greatest moment of his life (the first being the day he got his Hogwarts letter). He hadn't really managed a run though. His knees were weak from the shockwaves of the kiss, so he stumbled as quickly as he could. He collapsed behind a stone pillar in the entrance hall His mind was pounding, his heart beat faster than it had ever beaten before, his early innocent fantasies realised. Perfected. It was odd. It was wonderful. It was Sirius.

And he was in love, there was no use denying it or resisting it now. His face was flushed bright red and all he could do was grin, so wide and so hard he felt like his face might rip, the Butterflies in his stomach have a 10 ft wing span. The utter bliss he was feeling even cancelled out the odd sinking "I've fucked up" feeling. He just remembered the tone Sirius took when he said "would you like to continue just..." the tone that _wanted_ Remus. So why did he run away? Why the fuck _did_ he run away?! What's wrong with him!

*

Sirius watched Remus collapse in the entrance hall. He couldn't tell how his face looked from this far away, but Sirius knew he must have petrified poor Remus. It was cruel of him to "try something" with someone so close to him, even if Remus was gay, it just wasn't fair. He got up from the shady spot and stumbled on the grass as he ran over to Remus, who clearly thought he was well hidden. Remus jumped when he saw Sirius

"Hey Remus..."

"Hi"

"That was..." Sirius tailed off, an awkward smile twisting its way onto his face

"... Yeah" Remus was flushed deep pink, his hands were shaking

"Did I... scare you?"

"No"

"I'm sorry"

"Really, there's no need to be"

"No, there is. I shouldn't have done that, I am sorry"

"Sirius it's fine"

"Honestly, that was silly, I shouldn't have-"

"-Sirius-"

"- kissed you, I don't know what it was, the way you looked in the light-"

"-Sirius-"

"-it was weird, I just had this rush of hormones and-"

"-Stop making excuses-"

"-I couldn't help it, I hope that it-"

"You're ruining this for me"

"-doesn't get in the way of our friendship... Remus?"

"See you later" Remus hopped up and ran away from Sirius, he ran even faster than the day of the veritaserum incident,

Sirius was surprised there wasn't a Remus shaped dust cloud standing in front of him

_A/N- cutting it off here – I'm evil aren't I!_


	14. Summer, Letters, Home

That night Sirius didn't stay awake for long enough to hear Remus return to their dorm, but it must have been late. When Remus had run off he hadn't bothered chasing him, he was too fast any way, but there was no point in embarrassing him by running after him. In the morning Remus watched Sirius pack, neither said a word to the other, only James and Peter spoke.

When they were on the train Remus quickly made an excuse about needing to speak to Evans and quickly fled their compartment. Sirius was soon fixed with the suspicious stares of both James and Peter

"So... I'm sensing a bit of tension between you and Remus" Said James folding his arms

"No shit Sherlock" sneered Sirius

"Well... What's up?"

"Ugh, it's a long story. Ask Remus in a letter. I'd feel guilty telling you"

"You're joking! What the fuck is going on Sirius? Did you have a fight or what?" said James outraged

"We didn't have a fight" he said in a deliberate monotone. He didn't want to give James any clues about what might have happened "Ask Remus later – my lips are sealed"

"Why... what... I- Argh!!!" Growled James through frustration. Peter looked as irritated as James did, but didn't say a word

"We're changing the subject" said Sirius in his monotone

"No we aren't!" replied James indignantly

"Well I'm not speaking, so, ammuse yourself, you won't get a word out of me"

*

"Lily?" Remus poked his head round the door of her compartment, her friends smiled poiltely at him

"Hi Remus" she grinned

"Can I steal you for a minute?"

"Of course – I'll be back soon" she left with Remus as her friends chorussed goodbye. Remus pulled her into an empty compartment he'd found and prepared with a silencing charm minutes before

"Sirius kissed me"

"HE WHAT?!" she realised how loud she'd yelled "Oh sorry" she whispered

"No it's fine – I already did a silencing charm"

"Okay... HE WHAT?!"

"He kissed me"

"Why?" she looked stunned

"He said it was "the way I looked in the light" and "a rush of hormones""

"Oh my god! What was it like?" She said now beaming and jumping on the spot a little

"It was _perfect_. Utterly, utterly perfect"

"OH MY GOD!"

"And then I ran off"

"Oh... What did you do that for!?"

"I panicked, but it's okay, because he came after me"

"Wow Remus, I'm so happy for you" she giggled manically "then what happened"

"he started making excuses, then I ran away again"

"What did you do _that_ for!? That's like something James would do!"

"I know, it was stupid..." he felt tears buring the back of his eyes "We haven't spoken at all since" he swallowed "I think I'm in love with him. It's all fucked up, Lily"

"Aww, Remus" she paused while she searched for comforting words but they failed to find her "it really is isn't it?"

"I know" his bottom lip trembled and he swivelled his head so he was staring out of the window, not wanting Lily to see his eyes fill up. She grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug

"It's alright Rem. You know what you could do?"

"Find new friends and never see Sirius again?"

" him! You have to speak to him sometime"

"Or! I could just hide in here for the rest of the journey" suggested Remus

*****

_Remus_

_What the fuck was going on with you and Sirius yesterday? Sirius told me to ask you._

_James x_

_James_

_I'm not sure you'd want to know. _

_Take care, Remus x _

_Just tell me you bastard. Because I'm convinced the 2 of you are fucking_

_James x_

_We aren't fucking, Sirius kissed me on the last day of 's why we weren't speaking. I only spoke to Evans for a few minutes, I spent the rest of the train journey hiding in an empty compartment. I don't what to do_

_Remus x_

_Thats fucked up. _

_James_

_Yeah, any idea's_

_Remus_

_Nope_

Remus didn't bother replying after that.

*

Sirius was locked in his room again. His mother had asked Regulus if he was "still disgracing the family by hanging round with mud bloods" his brother had ofcourse answered "He told me that we're not supposed to call them Mudbloods".

The last thing Sirius wanted was to be left alone with his thoughts. Thoguhts of Remus. Why did he have to kiss him? Why did he stat making excuses for it? Why did Remus tell him he loved him!? He spent 3 days pounding his head against wall. Not sleeping at all, playing the kiss over and over again in his mind, remebering how Remus looked in that light, over and over agin for 72 hours. And evertime Sirius played that moment back it seemed to tear a hole in him, they made his stomach spin. He felt his hands begin to shake as he dug through his trunk for parchment and his quill he quickly scrawled on it.

No! He wasn't going to let it affect him, even if he felt something like _that _for Remus, he couldn't risk his friendship trying to pursue it.

_Remus, I'm sorry about everything, I shouldn't have kissed you. I suppose I just wanted to try it – but it's really just not on kissing your friends, even if they are gay. Sorry for scaring you!_

_Sirius_

Sirius read his letter back. Perfect.

If only Sirius had an owl in his room.

*

He heard an owl tapping at his window

_Sirius!_

_What the fuck do you think you're doing kissing Rem. You twat!_

_James_

_James, I'm stealing your owl to apologise to him. You won't get this letter or your owl for a few days._

_Sirius_

_*_

Remus was boiling the kettle in his small, too clean kitchen. His mother appeared in the room, fully dressed, apart from little pink slippers, in spite of it being 9 in the morning. Remus could only ever hear her footsteps when she wore her little pink slippers, which made a soft padding sound. His mother was very small, and very delicate, with with long dark curly hair, prematurely streaked with grey, she spoke in her usual tiny quiet voice, Remus could barely hear her over the kettle

"Making tea darling?" she said as she sat down at the kitchen table

"Yes, would you like some Mum?"

"Yes, I would. Such a sweet boy you are. Is it... near the full moon?"

"tomorow night mum"

"oh no. We've had the cellar door sorted – no close calls this time" she smiled slightly

"That's..." He paused to think of the right adjective "safe"

"I cleaned up as well. Got almost all the blood off the walls"

"great, that's just great mum" he said flatly pouring milk into his and his mother's cup before putting a tea bag in his mum's

"that's a bit much milk for me. Remember just to leave the tea bag in for a few seconds" she said, slight smile never leaving her face

"I remeber mum, you like it the colour of old dishwater"

"exactly" she chuckled quietly. Her laugh was not so much a chuckle than it was a light squeek "how are your friends?"

"James is still hounding Lily, Lily still hates him, Peter is still Peter and Sirius is still Sirius"

"Sirius... he's the Black heir, isn't he?"

"Yes mum" the kettle boiled he poured

"Does he know that you're a half blood?"

"Yeah, he decided he didn't care about stuff like that in second year"

"That's nice. I'd like to met all of your friends one day, they all sound like such nice boys and Lily sounds just wonderful."

"They are and she is – do you take sugar still?"

"Sweetner now. Just half a spoonful"

"I don't know how you can drink this mum. It looks disgusting"

"Don't knock it until you've tried it dear"

"I have tried it. I had to drink these everday till Dad interveened and started making me proper tea. Where is dad anyway?"

"He went to work early"

"Oh. I've been home for 4 days and I haven't seen him properly yet" he walked over to the kitchen tble and placed their mugs down. He pulled out the chair opposite his mother

"I know darling, but a lot of the general post owls just got ill. It's a bit of an epademic apparently. They need as much help as possible" she sipped carefully at her tea "You'll see him tonight, I told him not to be too late"

"Okay" Remus said sadly, pushing his hair back. He needed a hair cut, his fringe was begging to get in his eyes. He stared down into his tea, which was a nice light brown colour.

"you need a hair cut, sweet heart"

"I'll do it later" he countinued to stare into the tea

"I've missed you" she said tiny smile widening a bit "You look so grown up now. So tall. Your dad thinks you look like me" his eyes flicked up from his tea. This was true she did have his stupidly big eyes though her's were peircing blue, the colour Remus's eyes were before he was bitten, and a thin nose, she had the same infuriatingly full lips and the same straight white teeth that Remus did. Remus didn't think these features were stupid or infuriating on her, of course, his mother was rather beautiful, but it always annoyed Remus how girly he looked, he had to keep his hair short for fear of being mistaken for a woman. "You're getting your Dad's height though... and you already have his hair" she said, tousling his soft flaxen mop

"Do people ruffle his hair all the time as well?"

"They used to acctually. Then he got too tall and no one could reach it anymore"

"I can't wait" she smiled at him.

"Oh, post!" she padded over to the window to let 2 owls in. A large tawny one, which Remus recognised as James's and a small grey one he didn't recognise at all. "This is Dad" she said brightly untying the letter from the grey owl, she read aloud "_Dear Rhea, everything has gone horribly horribly wrong at work_ – oh dear - _even more owls are ill, huge pile up of letters, don't cook dinner for me because I won't be back till late. Tell Remus I'm x_" She put the letter down on the table "Sorry Remus"

"It doesn't matter mum. Could you pass me the other letter. It's James's owl"

"Of course dear." She untied the letter from James's owl and sent the grey one away. "I'm going to take my tea upstairs. I've got a report to write for work, worst part of being on the Muggle worthy excuse Commitee you know, the paper work" she sighd as she padded out of the room. Remus opened the letter, to his surprise, the letter was from, not James, but Sirius.

_Remus, I'm sorry about everything, I shouldn't have kissed you. I suppose I just wanted to try it – but it's really just not on kissing your friends, even if they are gay. Sorry for scaring you!_

_Sirius x Ps. I know this is James's owl, I'm locked in my room again, so I'm stealing it_

Remus's hands started to shake. He collapsed in his chair. He felt a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. The kiss, had clearly meant nothing to Sirius. It was just an experiment, on which Remus was the subject. He supposed that it wasn't worth ending a friendship over a kiss and an obviously unrequited love. Remus would suffer in silence and get over him.

_Sorry for paniking and running off, I over reacted. Next time you want to mess around, don't mess around with me!!! _

_Remus x_

He tied the not to the owl's leg

"Take this back to Sirius please" the owl clucked disaproovingly "Please? He'll send you right back to James" the owl rolled it's eyes and flew out of the room. Remus still had that sinking feeling in his stomach. He paced around the kitchen, Sirius's letter still clutched in his hand.

*

"Sirius?" Called Reg through his bedroom door

"What do you want Reg?"

"Mother's gone out. James's owl came for you this morning, Mother read the note and saw it was from the half blood" Sirius sat up on his bed upon hearing this before irritably correcting Regulus

"His name is Remus"

"sorry, she sent the owl back to James but she threw the note out"

"And your point is..."

"I'm sorry for getting you in trouble. So I picked the note out of the bin" he tried to slide the note under the door "Okay well Mother's put a charm on your door so I can't put anything underneath it"

"Will you read it out?"

"Okay it says: _Sorry for paniking and running off, I over reacted. Next time you want to mess around, don't mess around with me!!! _ then he put a kiss. That's a bit gay"

"Shut up Reg, go away." Snapped Sirius upon the mentioning of the G word

"Sorry Sirius" he said sadly. Pathetic but genuine

"Sorry for shouting Reg. Thanks for getting the note"

"You're welcome... I miss you"

"I miss you to"

"I didn't get to speak to you much this year"

"Thats because _**you**_ started hanging round with all of those awful Slytherins. They're only hanging round with you because they want a contact with the Blacks"

"But... but they're my friends"

"They're not"

"They are! You shut up Sirius! You've never even spoken to them!"

"for a short while, I bet I was friends with their older brothers and sisters. They only want you for our reputation"

"The do not! I am a Slytherin anyway! What do you expect me to do? Only hang round with people from other houses?" Sirius didn't reply "I've got news for you Sirius, everyone else hates Slytherins! Everyone! I tried to make friends with other people but as soon as they saw my tie or I told them which house I was in they were like "err you're a Slytherin, my friends told me to stay away from them!" And the other Slytherins were nice to me. Told me I could eat with them and come along with them! They didn't even know I was a Black, Sirius!" Sirius remained silent, Regulus sounded close to tears "You think you're so high and mighty hanging round with your little mud blood Gryffindor friends don't you? You can... you can just fuck off!" Regulus stomped off swearing angrily under his breath.

*

Remus heard the sound of the front door unlocking, he jerked awake. He'd sat up in his too clean living room, waiting for his father to come homebut had fallen asleep almost half an hour ago reading his new favourtie book _The Hobbit. _He'd have to remember to thank Lily again for getting it for him.

"Dad?" his father jumped

"GAH!.. oh" he chuckled "its just you Remus. Did you wait up for me?"

"Yes, I have't seen you all week"

"I know. I'm sorry, it's just, a lot of the owls have gotten ill, it's been murder at the office... I'm sorry" His father's voice was a deep boom, a heavy contrast to his mothers. He was tall and lean like Remus, though he was considerably taller (Remus being around 5ft 10" and his father being almost 6ft 5") he had the same messy light brown hair as Remus, Physically they were similar, but because Remus had inherited his mother's feminine features, facially,they looked very different. His dad's nose was short, had a bump in the bridge and ended in a button, though he had similar bone structure to Remus, with his hollow cheeks, his jaw was much heavier and stronger; his eyes were a fairly normal size and were a warm brown colour. He smiled a lot, he had thin lips and a wide mouth, which contained a collection of quite crooked yellow teeth.

"It's alright dad. I just wanted to see you"

"Okay"

"I feel like we haven't talked properly in a while"

"Right"

"So, how was your day?"

"Busy"

"How are the owls showing any sign of improvement?"

"nope"

"Ever the conversationalist eh?" his Dad laughed

"well you know me" he said guiltily, "Strong silent type, I suppose" Remus rolled his eyes

"If you aren't going to talk properly at least ask me some questions. So I can talk at you and feel like we've had at least some proper contact with eachother" his father nodded in agreement

"How are you?"

"I'm great"

"great, how are your friends?"

"Things are a bit weird at the moment"

"Why are things weird?" His father answered, desperately trying to keep Remus happy by continuing the conversation

"Long story"

"Okay then... full moon soon eh?"

"yes Dad" he wondered why both his parents felt the need to bring the moon up evertime he saw them "tomorow night acctually"

"Oh, shame. We've had the cellar door..."

"Reinforced, mum told me. She cleaned as well" Remus smirked

"Bless her" his Dad laughed "I'm going to bed now Rem, g'night" he smiled affectionately and went upstairs. Remus quickly followed and went up to his room. His room was a haven for him, though his mother's obbsessive cleaning had rubbed off on Remus slightly, since Hogwarts he couldn't stand rooms that didn't looked lived in and each room in his house was cleaned with clinical precision, so all evidence of anyone living in them had been removed. Atleast Remus's desk was spotted with ink and his floor had one or two items of clothing thrown upon it. Remus had lived in this house all his life and, at age 4, was allowed to pick how he would decorate his room. Being the boring little boy he was, he had gone for a simple powder blue, which was the same colour as the living room. His mother, who was an avid painter, had turned his ceiling into a stunning night sky. Because she used magical paint the stars acctually twinkled and occasionally, he would even see a metor shower. Over his bed, there had been a huge full moon but that was promptly painted over when Remus had been bitten at 6. He did prefer his room at Hogwarts. It was much more lively and more comfortable. His Navy blue carpet had been worn down from over hoovering and his bed here was too hard, he had a starry duvet cover to match his ceiling.

He awoke early the next morning to find his father with a piece of parchment clutched in his hand

"Morning Dad" said Remus brightly, smiling. His father was pale and shocked looking, he scrunched up the parchment and threw it at Remus

"I found this under the table" he snarled, teeth clenched. Remus opened the scrunched up parchment. It was the letter Sirius sent him. He blushed He must have dropped it and forgotten to pick it up in his disillusionment

"Oh... it's... it's"

"It's exactly what I think it is. It's bad enough that you're _a werewolf. _But now you're _bent_ as well"

"I would have told you..."

"It's like you are deliberately trying to embarress your mother and I" Remus gawped at him "I'm ashamed to have you as a son" he stamped out of the kitchen into the living room

"Dad for chirst's sake!" said pleadingly Remus running after him

"DO NOT CALL ME DAD" he screamed as he slammed the door behind him. Remus walked back into the kitchen feeling numb. He put the kettle down and sat down at the table. He folded his arms and collapsed into them.

*

Sirius heard a soft knock at the door.

"Sirius... It's me" said Regulus "I'm sorry for swearing at you yesterday"

"Don't apologise Reg – I was acting like a twat. I'm sorry"

"Oh. Alright!" Sirius could hear his smile "er, James sent you a letter. Mother's gone out again, so I'm going to read it for you"

"Thanks Reg. Did you have to rifle through the bin for this one?"

"I had Kreacher do it this time" he cleared his throat and began to read "Thanksfor sending my owl back (I'm being sarcastic by the way – don't steal my fucking owl) I suppose I'm not too pissed off at you considering you apologised to Rem, that was the right thing to do. You're still a bastard for doing what you did, but you're forgiven" and then he signs his name"

"Thanks Reg, can you do me a favour?"

"yes, of course"

"Could you send a letter to James telling him to send his owl straight to my bedroom window like he did the first time he sent me a letter. Then send a letter to Remus and Peter Pettigrew asking them to do the same"

"Okey dokey Sirius. I'll see if I can get mother to feed you today as well"

"You're by far my favourite person right now"

"I'd better be" they both giggled

*

"You alright down there sweet heart?" said Remus's mum gently, unsuccesfully trying to to hide the tears in her voice as she went up the steps of the cellar.

"I'll be fine mum, I've done this about a hundred times, dont be upset"

"I can't help it, it must be so-" she whimpered.

"Just close the door, it can't be too long before sun down now"

"Okay dear" she sniffed and began to pull at the massive cellar door, "could you give me a hand with this. Since we got it reinforced, it's extremely heavy. I can't really manage it"

"Okay" Remus plodded up the stairs and pushed it shut for her.

"I love you" she said just before the door was fully closed

"I love you too" Remus gave the door a final shove and blocked her and any light out. The cellar, which had once reeked of blood and sweat now smelt likeMagical Cleaning fluids_. _It was too dark to see and his mum had removed the only light from the room, for fear he would smash it and cut himself unnesecarily. He felt the stone walls. They were grooved and had large chunks missing from them, the floor was the same. He always wondred what he could have possibly done to do this much damage, as he only rarely remembered what happened during his transformations. He lay on the floor for a while, wondering how long till the moon came up. Then he felt it's pull. It wrenched him upward from where he lay, it seemed to pull his bones, pull them up through his skin, pull each and everyone as hard as it could till they broke, every single one at the same time, producing the most hideous noise.

He screamed with indescribable pain – then he blacked out.


	15. St Mungo's, Mothers, Snapes edit AN!

_Hey people, I'm taking out the whole Remus telling Sirius he loves him! I haven't spent nearly enough time on pining Remus, and I really do enjoy writing pining Remus!  
I don't think I gave Sirius long enough either, so you'll need to re-read the end of chapter 13 & pretty much all of 14 if you read them before MARCH 16TH around 17:00 GMT  
Sorry for the inconvenience, I just really hated the way this was going! It didn't feel right with me and it just didn't fit in.  
Thanks for, reading, reviewing, favouriting me, favouriting the story and adding it to your alerts. Apologising again for the inconvenience!_

* * *

He woke up in an unfamiliar bed but to a familiar smell of cleaning fluids coupled with the alien scent of tinned food. He could hear the distant sound of people and could feel someone clasping his hand. He felt the bristles of a beard and the sond of a man breathing thickly. He opened his eyes to see his father, holding Remus's hand to his face. Remus promptly snatched it away.

"Where am I?" he snapped – feeling a very sharp pain in his chest, he clutched at the spot where it hurt. He felt tis same sharp pain everytime he breathed in

"St. Mungo's"

"What did I do to myself this time?"

"Broken leg, some head trauma, that's been sorted. You broke one of your ribs and punctured your lung during the transfomation, your body was deprived of oxygen for a few hours and you were in a coma. You almost died Remus" said his father despondently

"Oh. How disappointing it must be for you John, that your bent embarrassing half breed of a son lived" replied Remus sardonically, his father had his gaze fixed to the floor "Where's mum?"

"She fainted when you slipped into the coma... she's lying in the bed across from yours" he stood up and pulled back the hanging around Remus's hospital bed. There lay his mother opposite him, she opened her penetratingly blue eyes at the sound of the curtain being drawn back

"Remus! You're alright!" she squeeked, before she could finish, Remus turned to his father

"Get out John"

"Remus... I'd like to speak to you before I-"

"Get out" his father looked over to his wife for support, she stared straight through him, shaking her head

"Right... the doctors will want to know that this batch of Awakening draft worked" he left the room, shoulders hunched

"He told me what he said to you Remus" said his mum, she got off her bed and walked daintily over to Remus's bed

"So you know I'm..."

"Yes, I know. To be honest darling, I always suspected you were"

"You did?" she smiled her tiny smile and nodded

"You were always very clean... if you ever saw a shirtless man – you would stare for slightly too long... oh and last year I found a letter from a boy named... Cunningham, I believe, apologising for pushing you into sleeping with him"

"Christ all mighty" he said, blushing, his mother giggled

"I was worried at first. But I soon got over it. It was terrible of your dad to say the things he said"

"But he said them anyway"

"I want you to know, I've never thought you were an embarrassment sweet heart. I've always been very proud of you"

"Thanks mum."

"Your father always had such high expectations for you, he just pinned all of his abandonned hopes and dreams on you. He was sure you were going to be a famous auror or something like that"

"I suppose the ministry won't employ werewolves" he sighed, his mum shook her head and stroked his hair "I wouldn't want to do that anyway. I might be teacher... but I don't suppose hogwarts would employ a werewolf either"

"You never know" she smiled, lying

*

_Sirius, Remus punctured a lung, in coma. Mum told me, going to St. Mungo's to visit him – James_

Sirius felt a little flutter in his chest. He wondered if his Mother would notcie if he wen't to St. Mungo's. She wasn't due to check on him for atleast another day.

*

James skidded into Remus's room, his mother in tow.

"Is he alright is he awake did he come out of the coma yet or is he still unconcoius I'm scared did you fix his lung because I heard those are tricky" he grabled as he ran to Remus's bed. Almost knocking a very petite woman who bore striking resemblance to Remus, presumably his mum, down to the ground.

"Could you say that again with some punctuation please?" laughed Remus

"Sorry madam" he apologised, he turned back to Remus "You're alright!"

"James, I told you he was alright when I brought you here" said James's mum amused

"Well, you know how the floo network messes with my head" he smiled shyly at Remus's mother "Hello Mrs. Lupin"

"Hello James. Does your son know of Remus's... _condition_, Healer Potter?" she said softly sounding almost terrified

"He does. Please call me Dorea"

"He didn't tell us Mrs. Lupin I swear to Merlin! Me and Sirius worked it out for ourselves"

"I believe you James. As long as you promise not to let another soul find out, I don't mind. Oh and please call me Rhea, Dorea" said Remus's mum quietly. James wondered if she was always so timid

"I think it should be a good idea to leave our boys alone, don't you agree Rhea?"

"Yes... if you need me Remus just call" said Mrs. Lupin shuffling daintily behind James's mum. Mrs. Lupin was tiny, James wondered if she could do anything that wasn't dainty or quiet.

"Your mum doesn't half look like you Rem! It's like looking in a fucking mirror! Apart from the height, the eyes and the hair. And the tits of course" Remus snorted "Not that I was looking at your mum's tits or anything"

"Do you think you could get your foot further in your mouth? I stil see some ankle there" quipped Remus, James blushed

"I sent a letter to Sirius telling him you were in hospital, but he's-"

"-locked in his room again. I know"

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to see him anyway"

"Why not?"

"Well... he kissed you"

"It didn't bother me that much!" he laughed "I'm the gay one, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I suppose. Did they get your lung sorted?"

"Yeah, they healed it while I was comatose. They said it'll hurt for a while though" he said clutching his side

"Shame... Oh fuck!" James said smacking his head

"What?"

"I forgot to send a letter to Peter" he scowled "Shit"

"Don't tell him this" Remus smiled crookedly "but I really couldn't give shit"

"Neither could I honestly. I just feel sorry for him, he follows us round and we..." James was interupted by a loud squeak and a small crash. James and Remus turned around to see Sirius with his face pressed up against the little window in the door of Remus's room. He shouted what might have been "Rem, James!" but this was muffled by the thickness of the door. He entered the room and quickly ran to Remus's side, almost knocking James down. He was so red and out of breath, it was as if he'd ran the entire distance from Grimmauld Place to St. Mungo's, rather than flown, evident, as he had his broom clutched in his right hand.

"You're not in a coma! That's brilliant" he panted "I'm going to have" he took a deep breath "a lie down... if that's okay" Sirius climbed onto the bed closest to Remus's "Why is this room empty? Apart from you?"

"Isn't it obvious Sirius" said Remus quietly

"No" said Sirius blankly. James felt his stomach twist into a knot, his mother had explained to him why Remus was alone before he got into the room

"I was still in werewolf form when my parents brought me in. No one wants to share a room with a werewolf. Human form or not"

"oh" mumbled Sirius guiltily "how could they bring you in when you were still a werewolf?"

"They used floo powder to get me straight into the ER" said Remus with a look on his

"No I meant, how could they get near you?"

"The moon was disappearing, I regain more control as it goes away. I was unconcious when mum found me, she came to check on me because I'd been silent for almost an hour. When she found me, I was near unconscious" James giggled

"As if that tiny little woman is dealing with a near concious werewolf!"

"My Dad brought me in" He said coldly

"Is he the big guy with the beard hanging round outside your room?" asked Sirius

"What colour was his hair?" asked Remus, James walked to the door and looked out of the small window

"sort of blondy brown, same as yours really" he replied

"That's him" he rolled his eyes

"Why isn't he with your mum?"

"She isn't very happy with him at the moment" he grumbled "I'm not very happy with him at the moment"

"What did he do?" asked Sirius

"He kept asking me prying questions I was clearly answering evasively. He coudn't take the hint I didn't want to answer any more questions because I've just gotten over a hole in a lung and really can't be arsed to indulge his incessant curiosity today"

"Sorry" said Sirius peevishly. There was a silence, swiftly broken by James

"So Sirius, how did you escape the infamous clutches of Walburga Black?"

"Broke my window open and flew here" he said casually

"Won't your mum notice a broken window and a missing son?"

"The window? probably, me? Probably not; if Reg is there. I'm only planning on staying an hour. She'll be annoyed about the window, but I can blame that on passing muggle children. As long as she doesn't know I've been out, there's nothing to worry about" He said, tossing his long hair back, his t-shirt clinging to his sweaty frame, the red had faded from his face and he had his breath back. James looked over to Remus, who was staring at Sirius with a glazed look in his eye. James cleared his throat, Sirius ignored him and Remus jerked into a sitting position. A few heads passed by the room, peering absent mindedly through the small window at the trio. James had begun to wander around the room as Sirius regailed him and Remus with details of his daring escape from Grimmauld Place. As James strolled toward the window, his eyes caught those of a passer-by. They were familiar, dark cold and empty looking. As soon as James realised those eyes were placed either side of a large hooked nose and framed by greasy, black, curtain like hair, he flung open the door

"Sticking that huge nose of yours in places it doesn't belong_ again _Snivellous?"

"This is a public building, I will look where I want" scowled Snape, flipping his greasy curtains out of his eyes

"You weren't looking though were you Snivelly, you were being _nosy. _Pun intended" said Sirius getting up to join James "While we're being _nosy,_ what are you doing here anyway?"

"My pare..." he mumbled "they're... It's nothing to do with you, what are you doing here? Visiting your boyfriend?" he spat at Sirius

"Which one, James or Remus" He sniggered, putting an arm around James

"You're cheating on me!?" said James full of mock outrage

"I was going to break up with you anyway, Rem's the one for me" he giggled

"Strange that you'd joke about that" sneered Snape

"What? You're asking for it now Snivelly" scoffed Sirius

"I saw you and Lupin down by the lake on the last day of term" he laughed "disgusting" Sirius grabbed Snape by his shirt and pulled him into the room, he held the skinnier boy up against the wall

"_You didn't see anything_" snarled Sirius, dropping Snape, then shoving him and shoving him again

"Touchy subject?" Snape smirked

"Oh for God's sake Sirius I'm too tired for this today" barked Remus impatiently, Sirius turned around instantly, an apologetic look on his face

"What are _you_ doing here?" Snape asked Remus, sneering callously "I thought it was _mummy dearest_ who was ill"

"Get the fuck out Snape" Sirius shoved him again

"_Another _touchy subject?" he sneered again "You boys are awfully sensetive" Snape shoved Sirius back, though Sirius, being quite strong, had managed to knock Snape back a few steps, Snape's feeble arms had barely even gotten Sirius to move a shoulder.

"ugh, don't touch me Snivelly, I like this shirt and grease" He pushed Snape "is an absolute" and again "bitch" and again "to get out"

"Sirius, please" groaned Remus, massaging his forehead. Sirius shoved Snape out into the corridor and slammed the door on his face

"Oily little tit" said Sirius his eyes narrowed, James checked out the small window, to make sure Snape had gone "What's wrong Remus?" wondered Sirius his eyes relaxing and eyebrows contracting into a concerned furrow. James turned around, Remus had his head in his hands. "What is it mate?" asked Sirius again

"Nothing... it's nothing. My chest is hurting, could you get healer"

"I'll get my mum" said James, making a speedy exit

*

Remus couldn't stand it when they picked on Severus. It reminded him so much of how Malfoy used to treat him, that a moment ago, when Sirius had Severus up against the wall, he could almost see Sirius with a mop of floppy white blonde hair and Severus staring up at him with a pair of big gold eyes. Though it was undeniable that Snape was often "asking for it", and Remus never had really done anything to deserve his harassment, it was when James and Sirius attacked him for not washing his hair, or for being _nosy_, or simply for existing that it hit Remus so hard.

"James will be back in a minute okay Remus?" said Sirius, sounding amusingly paternal

"Okay" originally, his chest pain had been feigned, Remus had been holding his head in his hand with despair, but his chest really was hurting now, the dry cough he had had now returned with a vengance.

"Merlins beard Rem, that cough sounds awful" said Sirius anxiously, placing a warm comforting hand on his back

"It's not to bad, the healers said the healing process with a puntured lung" he paused to cough "was a bit longer and they'd need to keep me over night, but I didn't think they meant it, I thought it was just because they never miss an oppourtunity to watch me recover after a transformation"

"Why's that?" asked Sirius, curiosity remaining unspoiled by his apprehension

"Usually, people who get bitten as young as I did don't survive their bite or their first few transformations, because I'm not dead yet, I've become something of a medical phenomenon. My usual Healer has even written a few paper's on me" Remus smirked, Sirius looked as though he wasn't sure whether he wanted to smile as well, or if he wanted to carry on being worried. James re-entered with both Remus's mother and his own. Dorea Potter had trotted over to Remus, brandishing her wand and about six multi purpose medicinal potions.

"Why Remus, who is this dazzling creature?" schmoozed Sirius charmingly, as Sirius couldn't do anything without being charming, taking his mother's hand and kissing it

"I'm his mother and judging by that opening line, you'll be the Sirius Black" she said in her tiny voice as she gave a minute uneven smile

"That I am Mrs. Lupin" he said smiling back at her "Remus, why didn't you tell me your mum was such a divine looking woman?"

"You can stop now Sirius, you've made a good first impression" chuckled Remus as Mrs. Potter poured a few potions onto his chest before mixing a few into a mug for Remus to drink from. He took the concoction and drunk it in one mouthful, he quickly gagged after doing this.

"What the hell was that?" he sputtered as his guests giggled at him "It tasted like vomit"

"It was anti-inflammatory potion mixed with pain blocking tonic, of course it tasted like vomit. I'm sorry it's so foul Remus, but it's the best thing for you." Said Mrs. Potter shrugging she tapped his chest with her wand, which emmitted a warm yellow wave of light "You should be alright for now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of patients to tend to. Please write Rhea, it's been such a long time since we last saw each other" She picked up her potions and left the room again.

"Dad went to work" said his mother, almost in a whisper "I'm going to speak to him tomorow"

"Alright" Remus moped, his mum ran her hands through his hair and kissed him quickly on the forehead. A motherly display of affection that James had the tact to ignore

"Aww" said Sirius blatantly "I wish my mother was like you Mrs. Lupin" she blushed

"Imagine how she would feel if she heard you say that Sirius" she said

"She would be..." he scratched his chin "hmm... Thankful, I imagine"

"No, no mother could ever be thankful to here something like that"

"You've never met Walburga Black, have you Mrs. Lupin?" piped James

"Oh! You're _Walburga_ Black's son. I did once, when I was a small child. I went to her wedding, my mother is very distantly related to her..."

"Well, can you remember what she was like?"

"One never really does forget a woman like that" she said forebodingly

*

"SIRIUS" she screamed just as he flew through the the large broken window, dropping a large stone from his pocket onto the floor as he dimounted his broom and stored it in his armoir "SIRIUS BLACK, I DEMAND AN ANSWER"

"Alright mother, I'm here, I was taking a nap"

"Oh really. Once, I ask for you nicely, second time I shout, thrid time I am forced to demand an answer and then and only then do you reply. This is unnacceptable Sirius"

"I was sleeping mother, I'm sorry. I need to speak to you anyway"

"What about? I also need to discuss something with you, I shall open the door, you shall not make any attempt to escape"

"Fine" she unlocked the door and entere his room.

"WHY IS OUR ANTIQUE STAINED GLASS WINDOW BROKEN?" She howled

"That's what I wanted to talk about, some muggle children threw a stone at the window!" Sirius held the stone up to her face

"Filthy muggle scum" she growled as she pulled out her wand "_Repearo_" the peices of the window flew back into place "You weren't hurt by them, were you?"

"No mother, the glass didn't scatter far enough to hit me"

"Strange, that most of the glass seemed to have fallen outdoors. As if it were broken from in here"

"I had to kick a lot of it outside, so I could get through to my bathroom."

"I see" she raised her eyebrow haughtily. Then again, everything that Walburga Black did and every look she gave was haughty. She had the classic look of a Black woman, handsomely beautiful, dark hair, strong jaw and high cheek bones, heavily hooded eyes. The only Black women that Sirius knew who didn't look like this were his cousins Andromeda, who had much softer features and light brown hair, and Narcissa, who was blonde and was significantly pointier and more feminine looking than the other women.

"What did you want to speak to me about mother?"

"Your father"

"Is he here?" asked Sirius curiously. He was not fond of his father, but, as he was often away on buisness, his appearances in Grimmauld Place were quite rare and frequently unnanounced. Sirius would often be surprised to fnd him skulking around in the library or mumbling a few new deffensive spells around the house

"Yes. Your father would like me to release you from your room. He says that your friendship with the half blood-"

"Remus"

"_The half blood_ is unnacceptable. But he also says that this is simply a rebellious phase and that you will come round soon. He also says I am to stop depriving our heir of food, as it may make you look scrawny, and a Black is not to be seen as scrawny"

"okay... can I go then?"

"Yes. On the condition that no trace of your _mud blood_ friends is ever to be seen in this house"

"I don't think that'll be any trouble" he grunted "who'd want to come here anyway" he said when he was out of ear shot of his mother.

Sirius wandered the corridors of his house for a while, before realising he'd much rather be in his room anyway


	16. 4th year: Kissing, Wrestling and Psyco's

"I'll miss you" she smiled as she stood on her tip toes and hopped to kissed Remus's cheek

"I'll miss you too Mum, I'll write when I can"

"Be careful!" she shouted as Remus walked away, though her shout was like a normal person's speaking voice

*

"I'll write you everyday" she squeezed James tightly "I love you, so very very much"

"Okay mum... thanks"

"Dorea, you're embarrassing the poor boy" said James's dad prying his wife off his son "If you need anything just write. Remember to go to all of your Quidditch practices and do all your homework"

"Right"

"Stay out of trouble!" she called as he tried to get on the train "LOVE YOU!!!"

*

"Hurry up Reg" yelled Sirius impatiently

"Bye Mother" snivelled Regulus as he dragged his feet over to Sirius, away from their mother

"Regulus move it! I want to see my friends!!!" Regulus walked faster, dragging both their trunks

"Can you take your trunk?"

"No, I'm carrying our brooms" he waved the brooms in Regulus's face "See?"

"I'll be happy to carry mine..."

"Stop bitching, we're practically on the train"

"We're not even in the station!"

*

"If James or Sirius are ever nasty to you, you write to me and I'll have word with their mothers"

"Yes mummy" nodded Peter

"remember, you are a very clever, handsome, talented boy"

"Yes Mummy"

"I love you Peter" she kissed him and hugged him tightly "You're the best son a mother could ask for"

"Thanks, I love you too mummy" Peter wiped away a stray tear as he boarded the train. He looked around the compartments for his friends, James's head appeared from a door to the left of Peter

"We're in here Pete!" Peter chose his seat carefully, sititng as close to James and as far away from Remus as was possible. He had been completely terrified of the boy since the day he attacked Malfoy, he wondered how he'd gotten roped into becoming an animagus for him. He'd made very little progress compared to Sirius and James, who were already full animagi. All Peter could manage was the ears, the whiskers and a bit of fur.

"I got your letter about the hospital" he mumbled at Remus "Are you alright now?"

"I'm quite wonderful if I do say so myself" He beamed "And how were your holidays Peter?"

"Fine" he said forlornly

"Missing your mum already?" sniggered James, playfully slapping Peter's back

"No, don't be stupid, I just hate school. It's for nerds"

"I s'pose the three of us are nerds then" shrugged Sirius

"You and James like school?"

"Well, yeah. It's hard work, but it's worth it, don't you think?" asked James

"Yeah, I do"  
"But you just said you hated it" said Sirius, entirely out of spite

"I did, but I didn't mean it"  
"Why would you say it then?" Sirius continued. Peter was flustered, he began a garbled reply before Remus cut acroos him

"Leave him alone Sirius" he said from behind his newest book, not even looking up from it. Lily Evans opened the door to their compartment

"Evans! It's been too long! Come, sit down" said James

"No thanks, there isn't really enough room"

"You can sit here" he guestured towards his lap, she glared at him

"I'm only here to speak to Remus, Potter you pervert" her expression softened "I heard you were in hospital over the summer, are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine, I had a weird accident with my broom. Punctured a lung"

"Ooo that must have hurt!"

"mmm, it did. I'm alright now though. How did you find out?"

"Severus said he saw you. He also said Potter and Black attacked him again" she glowered at them

"He was asking for it, snooping as always" Sirius glared back at her

"You went to visit Remus in hospital without me?" asked Peter, they were always leaving him out

"No... we just forgot to write and tell you till after he left" said James sincerly

"I was only there for one day" nodded Remus reassuringly

"I was there with mum at work and Sirius..."

"... I ran away from home for a few days! So I was staying with James" Sirius continued for James

"Yeah, that's it!" James nodded in agreement

"Oh, alright" Peter smiled.

"Any way, I doubt Severus was snooping" said Lily angrily "He said, he was just innocently looking around and Potter pulled him into the room and started verbally abusing him" James shook his head

"Verbally abusing? Bull shit, name calling"

"Whatever. Then he said Black attacked him"

"He _was_ asking for that" said James warningly

"Why would he ask for it? That's such a stupid thing to say! Remus, can I speak to you away fom these idiots?"

"Alright"

Lily grabbed Remus by the arm and dragged him out the compartment, into an empty one near by

"It's not fair" huffed James "She's always dragging Remus off and talking to Remus. Why won't she talk to me?"

"Because you start being a prat whenever you see her" laughed Sirius

"I do not!" sulked James

"You do to, you just told her to sit on your lap, that's not the way you romance a girl like Evans" said Sirius matter of factly

"And how would you know how to "romance a girl like Evans" I only ever see you with slags" he glared

"Exactly, you're trying to pull Evans like you would try and pull a slag, what you should do..." Peter drifted off in the middle of Sirius's speech on how to pull classy girls. He stared out the window, watching the landscape whip by them, waiting for the witch with the trolley of sweets to come by. He closed his eyes and drifted off into a light pleasant sleep.

*

"How's the whole you and Sirius situation going?" Lily goaded, chucking Remus into the nearest empty compartment

"We discusssed it in 2 letters over the holidays, it was nothing, so I think we're just ignoring it" he shrugged

"What! That's... but... you're in love with him"

"I'll get over him" he said, feeling a lurching _no you fucking won't_ feeling in his chest

"He kissed you! That might mean he's gay as well!"

"Not neccesarily, I think he just wanted to give it a go"

"Surely, if he wanted to do that he would have found someone else to "give it a go" with"

"Name one other openly gay boy in Hogwarts" said Remus placing an indignant hand on his hip, she puased

"I can't"

"Exactly, for that moment I was nothing more than an experiment to him, it meant nothing. It kills me to admit it. But it meant nothing"

"But it can't have meant nothing to you"

"It meant everything" he said feeling a familiar lump in his throat "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm just going to get over him"

"How have your dreams been?"

"I don't think they've ever been dirtier. It's like they get worse for everynight I'm not lying in the arms of Sirius" he said self mockinly but ashamedly

"Oh god" she said smiling "do you..." she clearly couldn't think of anything she could offer him, or anything she could do to help "do you... want a hug?" Remus, was surprised by his answer; a slow nod and a quiver of the lip. Followed by Lily's arms being thrown round his neck. She stretched her neck and placed her forehead against his, she tilted her head, Remus kept his straight. She went forward, Remus leant back.

"Lily, don't-"

Depite his attempts to avoid this, her lips connected softly with his, she stretched her hands up into his hair

"_What the fuck_?" Remus pushed Lily off him, to see James and Sirius standing at the door "What the hell is going on here?" asked James. Remus shrugged

"I've no idea"

"You're supposed to be my friend, you back stabbing fag!" James stormed out

"James! Wait, it's not his fault! I kissed him! JAMES!" called Lily, running after him. Sirius was left standing in the door way.

"Why do you always attract such innapropriate romantic attention?" he said shaking his head and smirking

"I'm just unlucky I suppose" Remus said, wiping Lily's saliva from his bottom lip, finger's lingering there for a moment. His lips buzzed from the strange sensation of the kiss. "I kissed a girl"

"Did you like it?" asked Sirius kicking the compartment door closed behind him

"No... it was weird. She was all soft and fruity... and she didn't have any stubble" they smiled wryly at each other

"That's what girls are like... soft" Sirius took a step towards him

"hmm" Remus reciprocated the step

"So... you know what happened on the last day of term" he smiled enticingly

"mmhmm" Remus raised his eyebrows and smiled crookedly, a guesture which he hoped was equally entrancing

"I-" Sirius was cut off by Peter stumbling into the compartment

"Where'd everybody go? The witch with the food is here – thought you'd want to know" said Peter. Remus acctually could have killed him

"Oh... you hungry Remus?"

"I suppose" he replied, blowing his hair irritably out of his eyes. He recognised the look Sirius had had in his eyes, the smile, that tone of voice, both of which seemed to scream **kiss me**. He hadn't really been able to get the memory of their kiss out of his head over the summer, every fleeting touch they'd had in the hospital had been added to a special Sirius based memory bank. That voice, that smile and that look now consecrated for Remus, he saw it everytime he closed his eyes.

*

Now school had begun again, things were strange between Remus, James and Lily. She had explained to both Remus and James that what she did was a very misguided friendly guesture, that Remus had looked so upset and vunerable that, all of a sudden, he looked quite appealing and that she had a very strange rush of feeling for him and that once that rush of feeling had subsided he was nothing more than her friend again. She apologised again and again to Remus and even once to James who had become oddly cold and ignorant of both Lily and Remus since. Though after a few weeks, he was beginning to warm round to and forgive Remus, he hadn't really looked at Lily with anything other than contempt. Lily often questioned Remus about James, as if she missed the attention. Remus just wished things could be normal again, especially with Sirius. Remus found himself staring at Sirius in all of their lessons together. The only lesson his grades hadn't dropped in was Arithmancy, his only Sirius free class. Everytime Remus saw him, it was like torture, his lips called out to have Sirius pushed against them. It didn't help now that Sirius seemed to take any oppourtunity he had to touch Remus, hardly a day would go by without Sirius touching his shoulder or his arm or giving him a hug. He even went as far as to pull him into wrestling matches which usually ended with Sirius straddling his crothch or his chest and Remus flushed with embarresment and craving Sirius all the more. It was as if Sirius was deliberately trying to make sure Remus couldn't get over him. On halloween Remus and Sirius were alone in their dorm, Peter and James were off hexing Slytherin's some where, Sirius had begun to get ready for the feast half an hour early and Remus was on his bed flicking through a book his mother had sent him on healing charms, after he had expressed a desire to be able to heal his own wounds.

"Do you think my hair looks better straight or natural" asked Sirius, standing topless, infront of the mirror with his wand, tapping his head to straighten his hair

"You are so shallow" snorted Remus

"Shut up, just humour me"

"Oh... natural then, that slight curl at the end suits you"

"That's what I thought. That Hufflepuff girl... what was her name..."

"Cecilia Cooke?"

"Is she the one with the long brown hair, the biggish nose and the boobs?"

"No, Cecilia is blonde, it sounds like you're thinking of Mairanne Ball"

"Whatever, anyway, this Marianne girl, she said she thinks I look better with straight hair"

"You don't though"

"I know! But she says I do"

"Who cares wht she thinks? Unless you're trying to sleep with her" said Remus, trying not to sound completely furious with envy

"Don't be silly Remus" he sighed with relief inwardly "I already did two weeks ago"

"What!?" gaped Remus, setting his book down

"Yeah, she's been stalking me a little since, giving me tips on what to with my clothes and hair... she keeps calling me _Siri._.. ugh"

"I hadn't noticed"

"That's because she only strikes when I'm at my most vunerable" he gave a little shudder

"So why do you care what she says about your hair?"

"I don't, I was just wondering what you thought"

"Oh" Remus really needed to get his blushing under control

"Why did you sound so upset when I said I'd already slept with her?"

"I did not! Even if I did I wasn't!" lied Remus

"You so were. You're jealous of my bitches aren't you Remus?"

"I'm not" he lied again "And don't call the poor girls you sleep with your bitches, it's very crude"

"I'll call them what I want... unless you're trying to start something here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you trying to start a fight? Trying to defend the honour of Black's bitches?" said Sirius playfully walking over to Remus's bed

"Sirius, I'm not in the mood right now"

"Don't back out now Rem, just because you're scared you'll lose"

"I will not!" Remus launched him self onto Sirius, knocking him onto the ground and pinning him. They tumbled around on the floor, Remus enjoying the feeling of Sirius's bare skin and muscle against his hands, Remus foiling Sirius's every attempt to get the better of him. Now Straddling Sirius Remus laughed "This is why you don't fight with a werewolf" he said holding Sirius's wrists to the floor

"I've been waiting for this to happen"

"What?"

"I wanted to see when you'd finnally get sick of losing, and use this bone crushing wolf strength you're so frightened of" smirked Sirius "It's quite impressive"

"It should be" sniggered Remus "I could kill you if I wanted"

"I'll try to stay on your good side then. Though I suppose being half naked and underneath you, I can only be on your good side" he smiled flirtatiously

"You do flatter yourself Black" Sirius did look insanely beautiful beneath him. Eyes alight with mischeif, hair messy and body glistening with a thin coating of sweat. Remus released him and stood up, missing the feeling of a Sirius between his legs. This incident was sure to inspire some particularly sordid dreams.

"Aww, I was enjoying that"

"Shut up" scowled Remus "And put a shirt on"

"You say that as if you aren't enjoying looking at my _sexy body_" he said comedically running his hands down his stomach, Remus laughed and threw a pillow at him "I'm not putting a shirt on, because I'm going to take a shower" Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus and threw the pillow back

"Fair enough" shrugged Remus, wondering if there was a way he could learn to transfigure himself into a tap or a shower head.

*

Sirius was having difficulty controlling what he could only identify as a crush on one of his best friends. He knew this was fruitless, as Remus clearly had no interest in him what so ever, and that it would pass in time, as most crushes do, and even that a crush on someone of your own sex was perfectly normal but there was something about it being Remus that made Sirius uneasy. He had never had a problem with gays, any of them; having a crush on a boy would usually be an expeirience that Sirius would find interesting but he decided that this crush on Remus needed to be nipped in the bud, before it could blossom into something more intense. It really wasn't helping that he still had the memory of their kiss burned into his mind, he remebered the feeling of Remus sitting on top of him that day down by the lake, and had gone to ridiculous attempts to get this feeling back; he'd started getting into thse ridiculous wrestling matches with Remus, in the hope he might pin him, just so Sirius could have the sensation of Remus's crotch pushed onto his chest. So far this had been unsuccesful and due to Remus's docile nature and fear of his own strength Sirius had ended up ontop everytime. In an effort to stop his feelings intensifying and created almost a punishment system for himself. Everytime he thought about Remus in anything other than a strictly plutonic light he would find a girl to fuck. If he thought about Remus while he fucked that girl, he would find a prettier girl to fuck and so on. Sirius's main problem was that he was begining to run out of girls to fuck. A couple of weeks ago, he'd made the mistake of sleeping with a complete psycho named Marianne Ball. Though, despite her being memorably insanse, Sirius could never remember her name. At first Sirius was drawn to the Hufflepuff, her mahogany hair and warm hazel eyes, her nose was a little big, but it suited her, and her mouth was small, pink and full, she was very pretty, she had a nice figure as well, small waste, wider hips and a rather large pair of breasts. She also turned out to be easy, which in Sirius's eyes, was never a negative quality. It was when she seemed to think she was owed some kind of relationship. It was on halloween, during divination that she really started to frighten Sirius. He was staring blankly at James's palm

"Does it say anything about me marrying Evans?" he said sadly, still not fully recovered from seeing her kiss Remus on the train he'd been very miserable since

"You are so pathetic" Sirius giggled "I see no mention of an Evans, apart from this fleck of white that is lingering around your heart line, which I can guess she was responsible for" Sirius cackled when James snatched his hand away

"That's toothpaste you dick" he said wiping his hand on the front of his robes "If you make another crack about Evans I'm going to work with Peter"

"Okay sorry... It's not my fault you get all touchy about Evans's crack"

"That's it" James got up and slupmed down next to Peter shooing the girl he was partnered with away. She skipped over to Sirius and sat down at his table, opposite him

"Oh shit" he sunk down in his chair

"Hi Siri" she giggled

"Pardon?"

"Siri!" she said slapping him playfully "I always call you Siri!"

"Oh, of course you do..."

"Marianne"

"Right, Marianne from Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday?"

"Thursday"

"Before last"

"Yes! You are such a silly Siri! Pretending you can't remeber me!"

"Ha... yeah"

"Give me your hand! The proffessor says I'm ever so good at palmestry"

"Does he?" said Sirius wishing he'd taken arithmancy

"He does!" she yanked his hand across the table "Ooh, when I look at your heart line you know what I can see?"

"No, do tell" he mumbled flatly

"I see a little line here" she said tracing her finger across his hand making some kind of a sad attempt at being sensuous "that could signal a deep deep love" she bit her lip – again failing to be sensuous. Sirius pulled his hand away, his face looking both terrified and disgusted

"Right... are you quite finished?"

"No! I was oping you'd accompany me to the Halloween feast, acctually"

"Really... I'm alright going alone to be honest"  
"But, you should come with me"

"Why?"

"Because! You made love to me!" Sirius shuddered, if there was one phrase he hated it was make love. Yuck

"No. I had sex with you"

"Same thing"

"No it isn't you complete brain case"

"You're so funny Siri! I'll see you later! You should ware your hair straight, you suit it better like that. And that black t-shirt, the v neck one, that looks really hot. I want my boyfriend to look the hottest at the feast"

"JAMES PETER HELP"

"O-M-G Siri, you must be the silliest goose in Gryffindor" she leant forward, so her face was against Sirius's, she was practically lying on the table

"SERIOUSLY GUYS, HELP!" said Sirius craning backard

"Stop it Siri! I know you love me" a horrifying intesity bubbled in her voice

"_FOR_ _THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND MAGICAL JAMES! PETE!" _James shook his head smirking, Peter watched for James's reaction and copied it

"Thank you class for being so well behaved to day, we'll continue this tomorow" said the proffessor boredly, waving them out. Sirius wrenched his chair back as quickly as he good and ran like the wind, if the wind was trying to escape a demented lover.

*

Later that evening Sirius was in the dorm with Remus, he wondered if maybe that psyco had a point when she aid he suited straight hair. He had been standing in front of the mirror for sometime poking his hair with his wand, half watching it go completely straight and return to it's normal state which was mostly straight, fluffier with a slight curl at the end, and half watching Remus absorbed in his book about basic healing charms. He loved watching Remus read, his eyes would glitter if he read anything particularly interesting, very little could break his concentration, Sirius had even taken his top off in a desperate attempt to gain his attention. The straight natural hair issue was beginning to piss him off, he knew it looked better as it was, but why would that crazed Hufflepuff say it looked better straight, he decided to get the opinion of the one person who acctually mattered

"Do you think my hair looks better straight or natural" asked Sirius, Remus looked up from his book and shook his head

"You are so shallow" he snorted

"Shut up, just humour me"

"Oh... natural then, that slight curl at the end suits you"

"That's what I thought. That Hufflepuff girl... what was her name..."

"Cecilia Cooke?"

"Is she the one with the long brown hair, the biggish nose and the boobs?"

"No, Cecilia is blonde, it sounds like you're thinking of Mairanne Ball"

"Whatever, anyway, this Marianne girl, she said she thinks I look better with straight hair"

"You don't though"

"I know! But she says I do"

"Who cares wht she thinks? Unless you're trying to sleep with her" he said with eye brows raised. Sirius did hate revealing to Remus what a man slut he was

"Don't be silly Remus, I already did two weeks ago"

"What!?" gaped Remus, setting his book down

"Yeah, she's been stalking me a little since, giving me tips on what to with my clothes and hair... she keeps calling me _Siri._.. ugh"

"I hadn't noticed"

"That's because she only strikes when I'm at my most vunerable" he shuddered with the memory of her

"So why do you care what she says about your hair?"

"I don't, I was just wondering what you thought" Sirius said, trying not to sound too... gay

"Oh" mumbled Remus, looking away from him

"Why did you sound so upset when I said I'd already slept with her?" Sirius had found it helped him think he might have a chance with Remus, if he kept teasing Remus about fancying him

"I did not! Even if I did I wasn't!"

"You so were. You're jealous of my bitches aren't you Remus?" Remus rolled his eyes

"I'm not" he sounded disapointingly convinced of this "And don't call the poor girls you sleep with your bitches, it's very crude" Sirius felt guilty, but also saw the oppourtunity to work in a little play fight

"I'll call them what I want... unless you're trying to start something here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you trying to start a fight? Trying to defend the honour of Black's bitches?" said Sirius playfully walking over to Remus's bed

"Sirius, I'm not in the mood right now"

"Don't back out now Rem, just because you're scared you'll lose"

"I will not!" Remus launched him self onto Sirius, knocking him onto the ground and pinning him. They tumbled around for a while,he'd finnally managed to get Remus on top of him! He could see Remus's light muscles now bulging from under his shirt. Everytime he tried to get on top of Remus, Remus knocked him back to the ground, hands always clamped round his wrists. Now straddling Sirius Remus laughed "This is why you don't fight with a werewolf" he said holding Sirius's wrists to the floor, Sirius prayed he wouldn't notice the bulge appearing in his trousers

"I've been waiting for this to happen"

"What?"

"I wanted to see when you'd finnally get sick of losing, and use this bone crushing wolf strength you're so frightened of" lied Sirius "It's quite impressive" he said truthfully

"It should be" sniggered Remus "I could kill you if I wanted"

"I'll try to stay on your good side then. Though I suppose being half naked and underneath you, I can only be on your good side" he smiled trying to be flirty

"You do flatter yourself Black" Remus rolled his beautiful eyes, presenting that crooked smile on his mouth that made Sirius want to devour it

"Aww, I was enjoying that"

"Shut up" scowled Remus, thinking he was joking "And put a shirt on"

"You say that as if you aren't enjoying looking at my _sexy body_" he said comedically running his hands down his stomach,trying to hide his embarrassment, Remus laughed and threw a pillow at him "I'm not putting a shirt on, because I'm going to take a shower" Sirius stuck his tongue out at Remus and threw the pillow back

"Fair enough" he shrugged. Sirius stepped into the bathroom, wondering if there was anyway he could entise Remus into the shower with him


	17. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs

The Halloween feast had begun and the Great hall was alight with the sound of eating and laughter. Peter was eating as if no one would ever feed him again and James was doing the same, even Remus, whose appetite was normally quite easily sated, had eaten a considerable amount of sweets and cakes. Sirius, however, was looking back and forth nervously.

"Wha wrong wif 'oo?" asked Peter, spraying cake on himself

"Marianne. I think she's looking for me" he sunk lower under the table

"How bad could that be? She's fit" said James nodding

"She's insane"

"She's fit"

"She's deluded"

"She's really fit"

"She thinks I'm her boyfriend! I've barely spoken to her since the night I fucked her"

"You left that out when you told me about her" said Remus dropping his fork "That's scary. Maybe you should tell a teacher"

"That'll go down well, _excuse me Proffessor McGonagall some crazy girl I screwed is stalking me. Help me! Help me! _She'll probably tell me it serves me right for being such a whore" Sirius slumped as low don as he possibly could "Can you see her any where?"

"No, you're safe for the moment" said Remus as he scanned the hall for her "Maybe this'll teach you a lesson about sleeping around so much"

_I'm sleeping aroud because it's the only thing that get's my mind off of you, you ungrateful tit! _Was Sirius's immeadeate reaction. "I suppose" Sirius replied "Shit! is that her?" he said, sinking fruther beneath the table

"No, it's just a girl with the same colour hair" said James "You could avoid having to hide under the table if my dad would just give me his damn invisability cloak"

"Is he still not giving it to you?" said Peter swallowing, his mouth empty for the first time in half an hour

"Nope, he says I'm not responsible enough yet. Bollocks" he huffed

"_Sirius get down, she's coming!_" hissed Remus. Sirius went completely under the table, Remus shuffled along so he obscured Sirius from veiw. Sirius watched Marianne's feet arrive behind Remus at the table

"Hey, is my Siri here?"

"No" said Remus irritably "You just missed him"

"Where did he go?" she whined

"Back to Gryffindor tower. He's sick"

"Oh no" she raised her hands. Sirius guessed she'd clapped them over her mouth "What's wrong with him, can I do anything to help?"

"No. He has..." Remus paused

"ecoli?" James continued for him

"mmhmm, ecoli" agreed Remus

"But I wanted to speak to him! He is my boyfriend... I want to see him" she whinged

"Well you can't. Now shoo" snapped Remus

"Well that's rude" said Marianne as she stomped off out of the hall, the feet of her friends followed her feet, they tutted at Remus and called after her. Sirius waited until she was well out of sight before sliding back up from under the table.

" "Now shoo?" That was pretty bitchy Remus" he giggled

"She was being whiny, I can't stand whiny people"

"I don't know about that Remus, Sirius is very whiny when he wants to be" said James

"I'm not whiny!"

"You are" said James "isn't he Pete?"

"Yep" he said, Sirius wondered whether Peter acctually thought he was whiny or whether he was just agreeing with James, for the sake of agreeing with James

"Well, Sirius is a special exception to my no whiny people rule" said Remus, wry smile on his face. Sirius felt a buttefly rise in his stomach, he was special, he smiled

"Is it because I'm so damn handsome?" he said with his _please_ _humour me_ smile

"yes Sirius – it's because you are so damn handsome" he said, probably insincerely

"I knew it" he ruffled Remus's hair

"Why do people always do that to me?" he asked as he flattened his hair

"Becuase you're so damn handsome. The same reason Evans ignores James and the same reason people take the piss out of Peter" Sirius laughed and messed Remus's hair up again

*

"Class dismissed" called McGonagall "except you, Mr. Lupin, I need to speak to you" Remus waved his friends goodbye and walked up to McGonagall's desk

"What is it Professor?"

"You are achieving the highest grades in your year"

"really?"

"Yes, a lot of students are stuggling in transfiguration and defense against the dark arts. Two subjects that, if you took a NEWT in right now, with your talent and excess of knowledge, you would probably pass. I would like you to do some tutoring in these subjects. For both OWL and NEWT students"

"Wow... this is amazing" he smiled "You think I'd make a good tutor?"

"Yes Mr. Lupin, an excellent one. You are pleasant, well behaved and very gifted"

"Wow" He beamed, he'd been wanting to go into teaching for a while now, if he could prove himself as an able tutor, maybe he'd be allowed to return as a teacher after seventh year "So, have you got times for me?"

"It would be from Monday to Thursday from 5 till 8. Two hour and a half sessions a night"

"wow, how many people need-" she cut him off mid-scentence, as if she knew already what he was going to ask

"8 people. Gabriel Fisher, Annabell Roth and Katrina Lestat need help with DADA, The transfiguartion students in need of help are Michael Weller" Remus sighed, he was on the Slytherin quidditch team "yes a Slytherin Mr Lupin. Michael Weller, Jane Parker, Martin Green, Layla Leon and Narcissa Black-" Remus muttered a swear word under his breath "well I'm sorry Mr Lupin, but the girl isn't going to pass her NEWT if she doesn' have extra help"

"It's not that I don't want to help her, I do. But she's a Black, I'm a half blood. She won't let me tutor her"

"I have spoken with Miss Black about her _prejudices_" She curled her lip "she is willing to forgoe them in order to pass her NEWT, providing her family or one Mr Malfoy doesn't find out. As you know Mr Malfoy is on the Slytherin Quidditch team Her lessons are scheduled to clash with their practices, and I must request that Michael Weller does not hear you are tutoring her"

"That's fine, I understand" he nodded

"Here's your timetable, you are permitted to use this classroom and your homework load will be quite considerably lightened for doing this" she handed the time table to him

"Thank you for the oppourtunity Professor" he said smiling down at his timetable "You won't regret this"

*

"Okay, just try it once more" Remus paused and waited for Gabriel Fisher to uncross his arms "Come on Fisher! I'm going to use a simple Perificus Totalus on you and all you have to do is shout _Protego_ as you raise your wand and _this time_ I swear to God you'll do it"

"M'kay" he mumbled disheartened

"You ready?" Fisher nodded "okay. One, two, three _Perificus Totalus_!"

"Uh.. _Pr-"_ he began, but it was too late, Fisher had paused for too long and the spell had hit him, he now lay stiff on the floor. Remus walked over and reversed the spell, for the thirtheenth time that evening

"Sorry mate" Remus said as he helped Fisher up

"It's fine... it was my fault" he tugged at his hair and growled "I am shit at this! I'll never pass my OWL, I won't be able to do my NEWT and I'll never get to be in the accidental magic reversal squad" He groaned

"You'll get it! Okay, I promise"

"No I won't! This is our third lesson and I still can't do any of the shit you've tried to get me to do. Why the fuck they stuck _me _in Ravenclaw, I'll never know"

"Calm down Fisher... it's okay... it's only this lesson you're struggling with! You're getting O's in everything else!"

"I know... I just... ugh I just hate being shit at something. I've never been shit at anything before" he kicked at a desk "It's so... what's the word"

"Frustrating?"

"Exactly, that's it. What time is it?"

"'bout half seven. Do you want to try it again or do you want to go onto some Q&A stuff from the text book"

"Text book work. If I hit the floor again tonight I might crack my skull or something" The floor in the transfiguration classroom was stone

"Sorry about that. I'll bring pillows next time" In all honesty, Remus wasn't expecting Fisher to fall down so many times

"Thanks" he said rubbing the back of his head. Fisher was in fifth year, he had short ash blonde hair, twinkly green eyes, he was classicly good looking, he was slim and wore glasses which he pushed up his long straight nose every few minutes. Even if they hadn't slipped down.

"Do you want me to have a look at that?" asked Remus

"I suppose... d'you know healing charms?"

"Simple ones" he walked behind Fisher "can you sit down so I can see it properly?" Fisher was a little taller than Remus. He pulled a chair out from behin one of the rows of desks "There's a bump, no blood, I don't have to do anything to this. Do you feel faint or dizzy? I'll have to take you to the Hospital wing if you do"

"No I'm alright. I'm not dizzy. I'm fucking shit at DADA but I'm not dizzy"

"You aren't shit, you're just... a slow learner"

"I'm not a slow learner. I'm bad at DADA"

"Okay. So you're bad at DADA, it's fine, all you have to do is practice"

"Right, I am going to practice this shit, I'll be able to do a sheild charm by next week. I swear" They sat down at a desk

"Right, we still have 25 minutes left, Q&A time. If you wanted to stun me, which spell would you use?"

"Expulso?"

"Only if you wanted to blow me up aswell"

"Shit" Fisher slammed his head down on the desk

*

"Come on Peter! Concentrate!" Called James as Peter scrunched up his face, rat's ears grew from his head, his nose became long an pointy and his teeth and whiskers grew.

"You can do it Peter! Come on!" Sirius bounced up and down with excitement. Peter had come on in leaps and bounds. Since Remus had started tutoring, they'd had time to practice almost every week night. Peter bagan to shrink and his hands became paws. His eyes became black and beady, he grew dark brown fur all over his now tiny body. He had done it

"PETE YOU'VE DONE IT! THIS IS AMAZING!" Screamed Sirius, bouncing up and down even higher

"I can't fucking believe it" said James shaking his head "I can't fucking BELIEVE THIS!" said James joining in the bouncing, scooping up Peter, there was a knock and creak of the door

"Why are you two jumping up and down with a rat?"

"IT'S NOT A RAT! IT'S PETER!" Called Sirius running up to Remus and planting a silly wet kiss on Remus's cheek

"What?" he said, wiping his face and blushing slightly

"THIS IS NOT A RAT! THIS IS PETE! HE CAN TURN INTO A RAT!!!"

"My ears Sirius, you're right next to me. Are you telling me that Peter. Peter Pettigrew..._ our_ Peter Pettigrew, has turned himself into a rat and is, therefore, an animagus"

"YES! And, guess what!"

"What?" asked Remus, Sirius cackled, he put Peter down and turned into a dog, James followed suit and turned into a stag. Watching the look of fascination and horror on Remus's face, they all changed back "When?.. how?.. why? WHAT?"

"We're animagi Rem!" said James excitedly

"Evidently!" He said, his voice had jumped up an octave with shock

"And we've done this for you" said Sirius lovingly

"Excuse me"

"Well" continued James "I read about werewolves, about how must of the cuts and breaks they get are self inflicted during thier transformations. And we thought"

"You thought, it was all James's idea" said Sirius placing a proud arm around James's shoulders

"okay" he smiled "I thought, this was all the way back in second year, we could become animagi, which We've all managed now because animals aren't affected by werewolf bites, and we could help you by coming with you during your transformations, stop you from hurting yourself!" Remus stood shaking his head, mouth wide open "So, what do you think?"

"Absaloutely not"

"What" said Sirius in utter disbelief

"Absaloutely not! What if I hurt one of you? What if I kill one of you? What the fuck is wrong with you people!?"

"Remus – you're being..."

"What? What am I being? Concerned for my friends well being? I might fucking murder one of you! Not only would you be DEAD but my life would be over too! And it would be even worse than being dead, because I'd have to live with the guilt of killing one of, two of or all of my best friends. I'd be expelled from Hogwarts and the rest of society. I just... I can't..." he said frantically, pacing up and down the room, jittering and twitching with thoughts of what could go wrong

"Remus... just relax"

"NO! How am I supposed to fucking relax? I'm like obliged to have you come with me now, aren't I? I just... it's so fucking... loyal of you it makes me fucking sick, you noble bunch of arseholes! Putting me in this position! I can't..."

"What do you want Remus?" asked James "You don't have to use our help if you don't want us to"

"I don't know... I just don't know. No. Yes. I don't know... "

*

Sirius slid a note over to Remus in potions the next day

_**Mr Padfoot is wondering if a certain Mr Moony wants to have Mr Padfoot, Mr Prongs and Mr Wormtail join him on his next full moon.**_

_What the hell are those names?_

_**I'm trying to use code stupid. I'm Padfoot because the first time we tried to transform the first thing I could manage were the pads on my feet and my hands, James is Prongs because of the same reason, but with horns and Pete is Wormtail because we couldn't think of anything better. You're Moony for obvious reasons**_

_Those are the single stupidest code names I have ever seen, heard of or been subjected to_

_**Sorry, I was just trying to make it subtle incase the teacher caught us passing notes again. I like the names, so does James and if James does then so does Peter, you're out numbered**_

_These better not stick. I'm not having the three of you calling me Moony for the rest of our lives. _

_**Know you nothing of reverse psycology Moony! Now all I'm going to call you for the rest of our lives is Moony! Moony Moony Moooooooony! **_

_I hate you __so much._

_A/N sorry this chapter's a bit on the short side, this just felt like a good place to end it. Secial thanks to reviewing and faving people for reading and taking the time to show your appreciation! And thanks to everyone who reads this and has been patient with my heel dragging!_

_Another chapter on it's way x _


	18. Full moon with friends

__

I wonder what it is about this garden that I always dream about. Why we're always here. I would think we'd be by the lake or in our dorm or even the common room, but we aren't. We're always in this garden, the moon is still full and Sirius assures me I'm still safe. I await the depravity, but none comes tonight. I don't know whether to be disapointed or relieved. Sirius takes my hands and kisses me gently on the end of my nose. He tells me I look cute in the moonlight. He tells me he loves me and he knows I love him. That he always has know and he always has loved me back. He goes on for a while, staring dreamily into my eyes, about how much he love me, the lengths he would go for me, how beautiful he thinks I am, how-

"OI! Moony you lazy bastard" said James digging his elbow into Remus's side

"Wazzamatter" he yawned "I'm up,get you're elbow out of me. It's Saturday, what do you want"

"It's past noon! Time to get up I think" said James impatiently

"No, is full moon. I wanall the sleep can get" He slurred, falling back to sleep again already

"Sorry Remus. I'll wake you up in a few more hours"

"mmm"

"Have you decided about letting us come with you?"

"mmhmm"

"Is it a yes or a no"

"mmm"

"Was that a yes mmm?"

"mmm"

"Brilliant"

*

"Is he still in bed?" asked Sirius as James joined him and Peter by the lake, it was begining to get too cold to spend time there, but they would hold on to that spot till it became unbearably chilly. Sirius always forgot how sleepy Remus tended to get before the full moon, usually he wasn't given the oppourtunity to sleep in, but as the moon had chosen a Saturday night to become full Remus was taking full advantage of the lying in oppourtunity this presented him

"Yeah, I tried waking him but he's still half asleep"

"Why did you try and wake him!? What's wrong with you James!" Huffed Sirius, he always felt very protective of poor Remus during the full moon.

"Nothing, for Merlin's sake, I only wanted to ask him if he wanted us to come with him tonight"

"What did he say" asked Peter, unable to lift the dread from his voice

"He said "mmm"" James nodded

"Does that mean no or yes?" panicked Peter

"Yes, I think. What's wrong Peter, are you _scared?_" teased Sirius

"No! I... no"

"Good, because you press the root. You're pretty integral to this working properly" said James frowning

"I am?" he said delightedly

"Yes stupid" Sirius scowled at him

"I've never been integral to anything before" He beamed

"Well get used to it" mumbled Sirius irritably. James tapped him rather violently on the shoulder

"Padfoot, incoming psycho girl!"

"Oh fuck, see you later" Sirius went to stand up, James yanked him back down again

"She's seen you, she's coming this way, it's too late to run, you'll look like an ignorant bastard"

"I don't care" said Sirius scrambling up and begging to run. But it really was to late, he felt a feminine hand wrench his shoulder round

"Siri!" she called mushily "How's my baby waby pudding pie" she grabbed his cheek

"He's feeling nervous, and fairly pissed off. He also wants to remind you that his name is Sirius and he is not your baby waby pudding pie" spat Sirius disdainfully

"Don't be dumb Siri"

"I'm not being dumb..." her name had gone again "Marla?"

"Marianne! I love it when you pretend to forget my name" she slapped him playfully on the chest "There's so much I love about you Siri... are you busy tonight? I'd love to **see** you, later on" her voice had dropped to an annoying half whisper

"I'm extremely busy, sorry"

"With what?" she whined "Too busy your girlfriend?"

"You aren't my girlfriend Marianne, I spent 1 night with you"

"1 amazing night"

"I'm leaving"

"With me?"

"No" Before she could disagree Sirius ran. He ran around into the enternace hall of the castle, back outside again where he dived into a cluster of bushes, there he tranformed into a dog and trotted back over to James and Peter. He watched Marianne till she was deffinately in the castle. He transformed back

"I think I hate her" said Sirius, utterly disgusted "I've never met a peron who acctually made me want to vomit"

"I know she's annoying, but she's still fit" said James

"Her arse is amazing" nodded Peter

"That's not the point! She's un-fucking-bearable, she's horrible, she's-"

"Still gorgeous" said James

"You be quiet, Evans is over there, you wouldn't want her to hear you acting like you're about as deep as a puddle, would you?"

"no... I wonder if should just give up on her. She hates me, she'd rather get off with my gay best friend than even speak to me"

"There may be hope on the horizon yet. Moony said she was asking about you in arithmancy, he reckons she's missing the attention"

"Really? Wow! Maybe she fancies me after all!"

"That's just what he thinks, don't get carried away"

"Remus is an amazing at knowing stuff like that about people though. There's no way he's wrong"

"Don't stop believing Prongs"

"I won't!" he said brightly

*

"Have you got hold of him properly James?"

"Think so"

"okay, on three, one two three, LIFT!" They had let Remus sleep too late, the sun was going down and he was becoming ill from the pull of the moon. He was deathly white, cold and clammy he writhed with pain as James and Sirius hoisted him upward from his armpits, slinging his arms over their shoulders and supporting his weight they begun the journey to the whomping willow. Peter clearing room for them as they went.

As they passed through the near desserted common room, no body noticed them. Luckily, as they walked through the castle, most people were too wrapped up in their own goings on to notice the half unconcious Remus James and Sirius were carrying. Every one apart from Evans and Snivellus, who spotted them desending the stair case on the second floor

"What the hell is going on Potter?" Sneered Snape

"What's wrong with Remus?" asked Lily - Peter, James and Sirius exchanged a worried glance, Sirius thought fast

"No time to explain properly, bad hex, taking him to hospital wing" he spluttered as he and James doubled their speed, Lily called after them

"But the hospital wing is that way..."

*

They had reached the Whomping Willow, sensing their presence, it's great gnarled branches swayed and creaked angrily at them

"Go ahead Wormtail" mumbled Sirius, his back strained from Remus's weight. Peter became a rat and scurried over to the knotted root at the tree's base. It froze instantly, Peter scampered down the narrow passage enternace that lead to the Shrieking Shack. James forced his way underground through the tight enterance and, with great difficulty, pulled a very weak and shaken Remus through as well. Sirius soon followed. They had to drag him the short distance to the shack, where they resurfaced through a trap door, they pulled Remus up and left him in the middle of the floor taking shallow uneven breaths. The rat Peter was already hiding behind one of the wrecked peices of furniture lying around.

"Do you think there's anything we can do to-" began Sirius

"No" said James forcefully "The moon's coming up, we should tranform" Sirius nodded and watched James reshape into a stag, he felt a whooshing sensation as he became a dog. They stood and waited for Remus's transformation to begin. Sirius scanned the shack, a couple of small rooms, every wall sprayed with blood and engraved with deep scratches and huge dents. Sirius found it hard to believe that his Remus could do this much damage. He wondered how Peter, James and him would communicate but somehow he just knew that James wanted Sirius to back away from Remus at that moment. Remus let out an ear splitting shreik as the moon finnally appeared against the inky black sky. Sirius had to look away as Remus contorted into the most hideous shapes, the sound of hundreds of bones snapping and breaking in several places at the same time, cut across the air like a dagger and stabbed into Sirius's ears. He gagged with it. James had turned around and Peter was jittering underneath his old piece of furniture. Sirius could see Remus's bones moving and reshaping beneath his skin, every now and then one would puncture him and blood would spill. He became longer and wider and his clothes ripped. His nose and jaw enlongated into a snout and his teeth stretched out, converting them into long hooked fangs. He stood and a bulky coat of fur sprouted all over his body. Finnally he turned to face Sirius and though it was only the colour of his eyes that remained as they had been, all trace of Remus drained from them and they were left with the wolf and only the wolf. It lowered onto all fours and stood head to head with Sirius it's eyes alflame, it's mouth foaming. It stared at him, growling ominously till Sirius let out an involuntarily submissive whimper, at which point, the wolf advanced on James. But this time there was no staring contest, the wolf went straight for James, straight for his throat.

*

Remus wrenched his eyes half open, the cold light of the wintery sunrise pouring through the gaps in the boarded up windows of the Shreiking Shack. As always on post transformation mornings, he ached everywhere, he could feel already that atleast one of his fingers was broken. He lifted his head, expecting the sensation of peeling his face from a blood soaked floor; but instead felt soft, warm material, he wondered if James or Sirius had brought him a blanket or given him a tshirt to use as a pillow. It was when the soft, warm material he had his face against began to breathe that Remus fully opened his eyes. He had been using a tshirt as a pillow, but that that t-shirt was attatched to Sirius Black, he also quickly realised that he wasn't lying down, but sitting up. Remus had slept sitting up against the wall next to Sirius, twisted so his arms draped around Sirius's neck and his mouth burried into Sirius's chest. Sirius had his chin rested upon Remus's head, he was also sitting against the wall and was not asleep. He was humming quietly to himself and was messing around with Remus's hair

"Morning" mumbled Remus shyly

"Ha, morning" said Sirius, dropping his hands down off of Remus's hair, Remus felt his heartbeat quicken

"How did we end up like this?"

"Sorry... I was trying to carry you up to the dorms, but I was too tired. So I sat you up against the wall and I sat next to you. You were too weak to support you weight and you kept falling down, so I put your arms round me. Sorry"

"Don't apologise, this makes a nice change to waking up on the floor"

"It does?"

"Yeah" said Remus as he pulled himself off of Sirius "oh... I drooled on you" he noticed Sirius had a black eye

"Eww, thanks for that" Sirius smiled and swatted at the damp patch on his shirt

"How was I? Where are James and Peter? I didn't hurt them, did I?"

"They went back up to the dorm a couple of hours ago, Peter hasn't got a scratch on him. James is a bit cut up but he'll live"

"Oh fuck... what did I do?"

"You kept going straight for him, you totally ignored me and Peter"

"But you've got a black eye"

"You swiped at me after I pulled you off James, that's all you did to me"

"I wonder why I only went fo him"

"Well, Wormtail was hiding all night and, honestly, I don't think you saw me as a threat" he laughed

"Maybe... you do look very cuddly as a dog... Maybe werewolves have a soft spot for cuddly" Remus swallowed his pride. If what he was about to say went down badly, he could blame it on delerium brought on by exhaustion "Maybe werewolves have soft spot for you"

"I doubt that" he smiled carelessly. Remus pulled himself closer to Sirius and tilted his head.

"Sirius... I'm going to kiss you... is that okay?" Sirius didn't respond with words, he responded by grabbing Remus and pulling him into a deep slow kiss. Before Remus could enjoy this properly, his body rembered that it was battered and exhausted and promptly fell unconcious.

*

He was woken up later on that day by the sound of a fussing Poppy Pomfrey

"I'm happy to heal them I suppose, as long as you boys understand that a fist fight is not the way to solve a disagreement"

"We understand" said James's voice. Remus opened his eyes and saw Poppy getting rid of Sirius's black eye with a careful flick of her wand. He looked over at James, who had sustained a rather large cut aross his cheek and 2 black eyes. His arm had an old t-shirt wrapped round it, it was soaked with blood, she moved onto James and began to heal his wounds

"You're up" said Sirius, he leapt to Remus's side, quickly stroking his hair while James wasn't looking. He beamed at Remus, grey eyes glittering and rippling like an icy storm

"Hi" Said Remus, making his best attempt to return Sirius's love in a similar look. James joined them and cleared his throat, breaking the concentration on each other's gaze

"Both of you were away with the faries there" he laughed, ignorant of the meaning behind their stare

"Err" Remus searched his brain for questions to ask them "I... Where's Peter?"

"He was a bit traumatised by last night, he's been hiding under his covers since I took him back up to the dorm" sniggered James

"I was a bad idea to involve him, wasn't it?" said Remus worriedly

"It might have been" Sighed Sirius "But it's not like he's going to tell anyone"

"I suppose not. And if all else fails, my mum used to be an Obliviator" said Remus grinning, James chuckled and Sirius laughed a bit too hard

"How are you feeling this morning Remus?" asked Poppy

"Strangely good acctually" said Remus, surprised by his own good cheer, and the abscense of the feeling like he'd spent last night ramming himself into a brick wall

"That's excellent, you're okay to leave when you want" said Poppy as she went to organise a cabinet full of potions

"I am?"

"Yes, only a couple of broken fingers and a fracture in you shoulder – quite amazing really, you haven't done this little damage to yourself since last christmas when you had the flu" she said as she busied herself in the cabinet. James and Sirius grinned at Remus

"I knew this would be a good idea" said James proudly

"Shut up-" Remus paused and smiled "-Prongs"

*

"So, you're officially agreeing we should do this from now on" said James excitedly as they reached the dormitory. Peter was asleep but they didn't bother to lower their voices, Peter slept like the dead.

"Yep. I've never ever felt this good after a full moon" Remus smiled "You just have to be careful... and you have to get me to the shrieking shack well before sun down next time"

"Will do" nodded Sirius

"So I can walk by myself"

"We know" said James

"And so I have time to undress"

"What?" laughed James

"Well, I rip my clothes during my transformation otherwise" explained Remus "My mum says she doesn't mind but I feel guilty so the clothes have to go

"Fair enough..." said James, smirking "Did you open those letters you got at breakfast this morning?"

"What letters?" asked Remus as the two of them turned to face Sirius

"I got a couple of letters from my family this morning at breakfast but I ddin't open them because we went to the hospital wing to check on you" answered Sirius. The letters had been scrunchd up in his pocket. The Black seal had marked both of them. Sirius had been reluctant to open them, he usually only ever got letters from his family when someone had died

"Are you going to open them?" asked James anxiously

"I suppose, they wouldn't bother writing if it wasn't something important" said Sirius begrudingly as he pulled the letters from his pocket, he opened the one that he dislodged first. He broke the seal and scanned the letter

"It's from Andy!" he grinned

"Who's Andy?" asked Remus who was not as knowledgable as James was on the Black family

"Andromeda, my favourite cousin. One of the only decent people the Black's have ever produced" he read the letter in more detail "She's getting married!" he read the letter aloud

"_Dear Sirius. I have wondeful news! Ted proposed, we're getting married in June! I don't know if your parents will let you come because Ted's muggle born _– uh oh – _but I wanted to let you know personally you're welcome to come to our wedding and you'll always be welcome at our place if your parents ever get too much for you. So is Regulus if you ever win him round to the right way of thinking. Love always, Andy x _Oh shit... oh fucking hell" Sirius cried when he finished reading. If Andy was marrying a muggleborn he was almost certain of what the next letter would say

"What wrong? That's good isn't it?" askd Remus confusedly

"Not if she's marrying a muggleborn... you know what the Blacks are like" said James darkly

"Oh... what would they do?"

"You'll see" spat Sirius. He broke the seal nervously on the next letter "Oh no... it's from my mother" he read aloud sadly "_Sirius, Andromeda is marrying a mudblood, she has been removed from the family tapestry. You are never to contact her again. Regards, Mother_- fuck..." Sirius sat down on his bed and massaged his temples. Not Andy.

"What's wrong? What does "Taken off the tapestry" mean?"

"The Sirius's mum has this huge family tree tapestry, every time someone does something that they think like... disgraces their name, like marrying a muggleborn, they get burnt off the tapestry" explained James

"We're not allowed to speak to them or go near them or even mention them again. It's like they don't exist anymore. All ties are severed and just like that they're disowned forever. I fucking hate my family" Sirius growled. He twisted his mother's letter in his hands, like he was trying to choke the ink from the page. "I'd better warn Andy" he pulled his quill and some parchement out of his trunk and scrawled angrily:

_Dear Andy, congratulations. I'm sure you and Ted will be very happy together. The cunts at Black headquarters have had you taken off the tapestry. I'm sorry. I'll try and get to your wedding but I'm not making any promises. Congratulations again and tell Ted if he ever hurts you I'll kill him, love Sirius x_

"I'm off to the owlery" he mumbled

"I'll come too" piped Remus "I have something I want to send my mum anyway"

*

"You feeling okay Padfoot?" asked Remus as he tickled a fluffy nearby owl

"Yeah... Andy's probably the person I'd least like to have taken off the tapestry, but it's not like I'm never going to speak to her again"

"As long as you're alright"

"You don't have a letter with you Moony" said Sirius matter-of-factly as he tied his letter to the nearest owl and walked it to the window

"I wanted to be alone with you" he said smiling impishly. He walked up to Sirius and pushed his long hair from his face. Kissing him sweetly and gently on the lips, and pulling him into an intense embrace. The rocked on the spot as they held each other

"So... are we _together_ now" asked Sirius

"I don't know... do you _like_ me"

"Yeah... since the start of this year I think... probably since that day by the lake" said Sirius shyly, never thinking he'd be discussing this so freely "Do you..."

"Since my last birthday"

"Wow, well before the day by the lake then" they laughed nervously

"Yep. I never meant to... you know when you always used to tease me about my _interesting_ dreams"

"Yeah..."

"They were about you"

"You're kidding"

"Nope" he blushed and smiled his beautiful smile and Sirius kissed him again. He smiled mid kiss as it dawned on him Remus was his boyfriend. And even wider when he realised Remus had run his hands down and had a firm hold on his bottom.

* * *

_A/N See Eventual slash! Yay : D Reads, Reviews and favoruites are greatly appreicated. And thanks for adding this story into C2's aswell, it's very flattering!_


	19. Fun with Remus

"Oi! Evans!" called James across the corridor as he, Remus, Sirius and Peter waited outside of the potions class room

"Yes Potter"

"I've decided that I'm not pissed off at you for getting off with Remus" he claimed merrily

"okay" Lily curled her lip

"Have you missed me?"

"No! Whatever gave you that idea?" she said, uconvinced of the truth in her own statement

"Oh nothing" he strutted over to her "So, Evans" He thrust his hands round her waist "How would you like to accompany me to Hogsmeade on Sunday?"

"UGH! NO! LET GO OF ME!" she swatted at James until he let go and ran over to Severus who had joined the que outside the classroom. Snape scowled at James and placed a potective arm around Lily's shoulder. James casually strolled back over to his friends and popped the collar of his shirt

"She got it bad" He said doubtlessly

"Are you seri-" began Remus laughing, Sirius elbowed him gently in the stomach and whispered

"Let him dream Moony, let him dream" at that the two of them burst out into a fit of giggles

"You two have been awfully giggly lately" said James cheerfully "What gives?"

"Oh nothing, we both just seem to be in a particularly good mood today" smiled Remus

"You've been like this all week" corrected Peter

"Are we not allowed to be cheery without it coming under such scrutiny?" asked Sirius. Before they could reply the class was ushered into the dungeon classroom by Proffessor Slughorn.

Peter, James, Sirius and Remus sat down at their bench, in that order from left to right, Slughorn had told them not to bother getting any of their books or their cauldrons out because this lesson would be mostly involve Slughorn lecturing them and asking them questions. All they needed were their ears and their quills for note taking. Sirius took this as an oppourtunity to have a little fun with Remus. While Slughorn was half way through a speech on the proporties of Scintillation solution, Sirius placed his hand on Remus's knee. Remus looked at him with his big beautiful eyes, with that smile that Sirius adored so much and slid his hand further up Remus's thigh

"... if I was to make Scintillation solution then I would use the flowers of which shrub... Mr. Lupin?"

"Uh... I think you would use the-" Sirius wickedly ran his hand up to Remus's crotch "_BLACKTHORN_" he yelped, turning his head to Sirius, who was fighting back a cackle, with his lips pursed angrily. The class laughed

"Correct. What, may I ask, was that in aid of Mr. Lupin?"

"Oh erm..." Sirius groped at him again "_nothing" _he cleared his throat "Uh... Stomach cramps sir"

"Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" he asked

"No, they'll pass sir" Slughorn nodded and continued to speak about the properties of Scintillating solution. Remus scowled and scraped his quill against a piece of parchment

_Next full moon, I'll eat you alive _– Sirius grinned and replied, winking as he passed his note

_**You love it**_

*

"I don't see how making me do this is going to help me in any way shape or form" Narcissa's cold blue eyes drilled into Remus's. Her harsh stares always made him nervous, he swallowed and loosened his tie

"Please, Narcissa-"

"- remember, it's **Miss Black** to you" she huffed, Remus groaned

"Whatever, just try it, I swear it'll help" She scowled at him, it was one of her few features that reminded him of Sirius. His scowl had never lost that childish pouting quality, neither had hers. She looked significantly different to most of the members of the Black family Remus had seen, facially, she bore a slight resemblance Sirius and Regulus and mostly to Andromeda but what set her apart the most was her sheet of white blonde hair than fanned down her shoulders. It was hard believe this was natural, considering how dark the hair of every other member of the Black family was, but it must have been, her eyebrows were a very light yellow colour and because she had taken off her make up before their lesson, Remus could see that her eyelashed were the same shade of pale yellow.

"I think you're just doing it to embarrass me" she sulked

"oh for godness sake just do it" he snapped. Remus had been trying to get Narcissa to transform a book into a hawk for the last 10 minutes, something which she had failed, quite miserably at in their last lesson

"You're only making me keep trying this because you know I can't do it"

"Honestly. There is no malice here, I just want you to keep trying at this! I let you give up on the the music box into a canary and the pinecone into the sparrow. You are going to do this"

"Oh Fine!" she flicked her wand stroppily at the book. It sprouted wings and a beak and became covered in feathers, but otherwise remained distinctly booky "See! Can't do it! I told you so"

"What? This is the best I've ever seen you do" he grinned and flicked his wand and returned the book to normal "try it again, not as huffy and maybe it'll work"

"I was not being huffy" Remus raised his eye brows at her "Alright, maybe I was... sorry" she grumbled

"Apology accepted" he said, surprised at her willingness to admit wrong doing. Perhaps the she _was_ more agreeable than he had been lead to believe. She exhaled and relaxed her muscles, she flicked her wand more gently this time and before their eyes the book turned into a hawk, though the plumage on it's stomach did appear to be a contents page, it would do. Narcissa shreiked as the bird took off above their heads and circled the Transfiguration classroom

"You did it!" he smiled and swished his wand, the book fell on their desk with a thump

"I did, didn't I... hmm, perhaps you're a better teacher than I had thought" she said casually pushing her hair back, clearly surpressing a proud grin

"perhaps, or maybe you're just better at transfiguration than you give yourself credit" she could control the smile no longer "well, I haven't got anything planned... I hadn't really expected you to get past the book to hawk. You could try to turn this-" she sighed an interupted him

"Lupin, can I ask you something?"

"Of course"

"There's this rumour flying around at the moment that you kissed my cousin"

"which one?"

"Sirius. Sverus Snape said he saw the two of you"

"Well..." Remus blushed "You know what Snape's like and he hates Sirius, he probably hates me by association as well. It's not true"

"I didn't think so" she shook her head "Lucius was convinced it was"

"He hates me too"

"I know" she said offhandedly, examining her long fingernails

"Do you want to do anything else?" asked Remus tentatively, she dropped her voice down

"Lupin, do you think I acctually have a chance of passing this NEWT?"

"If you keep improving, studying and practicing, most deffinately"

"Alright then, what will you have me do?"

"Er... I didn't expect you to get that done so quickly so... er... turn this chair into a Bald Eagle, then we can be done with birds and move onto conjuring" she nodded curtly and raised her wand

*

"Prongs mate?" Asked Sirius as he lay on his bed, half reading his charms textbook, distracted by thoughts of Remus. His boyfriend. Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin his Boyfriend... Remus Black... Sirius Lupin?

"What" answered James breaking Sirius's chain of thought, James was lying on the bed opposite reading a potions book

"What time is it?" asked Sirius, James check his watch

"about ten to eight" he said, and went back to his book

"Brilliant, time to go and rescue Moony from the clutches of dear cousin Cissy"

"He's a big boy Padfoot, I'm sure he can make his way back on his own" sneered James, Sirius tought he had become increasingly suspicious of him and Remus over the last few days

"I know he can!" he said indignantly "But I want to talk to Narcissa about..." he thought fast "Andy's wedding"

"Oh... fair enough then" he replied

*

Just as Narcissa had finnally gotten rid of the chair legs on her bald eagle, Sirius burst through the door of the transfiguration classroom

"Good evening Cissy! Remus" he grinned suggestively at him

"Don't call me Cissy you burke" she scowled

"Why not, that's what Bella and Andy call you" he said mock innocently

"Don't talk about her" her scowl turned to a glare, her fist was balled around her wand, which shot purple sparks. Seeing where this may be going, Remus quickly changed the Eagle back into a chair having no desire to spend the night cleaning up eagle blood

"Who do you mean?" said Sirius, Remus saw a nasty glint in his eye that he knew meant Sirius was in a particularly malevolent mood "Do you mean your sister Andy?"

"YES" the sparks turned from purple to pink

"Oh, so you're still acknowledging her existance then? I'm surprised at you Cissy, I thought you might have had yourself obliviated" her sparks went light red "Are you going to her wedding? I'm sure she'd love to have you there" crimson

"Sirius, don't" pleaded Remus, knowing that when he was in this sort of mood there was no stopping him

"I will not be going to her wedding"

"It must be terrible for her though. Having her nearest and dearest relatives suddenly deciding they hate her"

"She made us hate her. She shouldn't be marrying a mudblood. She shouldn't be choosing a mudblood over her family"

"Let's just, for a moment, imagine Malfoy was a mudblood, who are you picking between the twat you love and the twats that spawned you?" Sneered Sirius, at that, Narcissa , her fist white around her wand, screamed

"_INCEDNIO_!" before flames could leave Narcissa's wand and ignite Sirius's robes, he pulled his wand and cooly said

"_Impedamenti_a" rolling his eyes and slowing her spell, he stepped aside "_Aguamenti_" water sprung from his wand and extinguished the attempt at fire. Narcissa growled kicked at a chair and stormed from the room, muttering dark curses she wished she had used under her breath.

"Ha, classic Black behavior, prove them wrong and they'll try and set you on fire" said Sirius, still sneering

"There was no need for that Sirius" mumbled Remus quietly, kicking moodily at the floor

"What? She hates her own sister just because she's marrying a muggleborn!"

"I know, she's wrong. But she doesn't hate Andromeda, you can see she doesn't. All you did there was pour salt in the wound"

"So... I... she needs to know she's wrong..."

"It was still completely unprovoked" said Remus, his voice becoming louder and sterner "In fact, that was just plain spiteful"

"Stop talking to me like you're a fucking teacher or something" snapped Sirius

"I don't mean to... sometimes you show this weird nasty streak and it's... well, it's a bit scary"

"It is... I'm sorry Remus... sometimes I just can't help it. I'm angry and it just comes out" he said sticking out his bottom lip

"I know... did you come here specifically to pick a fight with Narcissa, or are you here to pick me up" he smirked

"Here to rescue you from her, acctually"

"Rescue me! We were getting along okay! She even smiled at me"

"You're joking"

"No, she managed to change a book into a hawk, she was really pleased"

"I haven't seen that girl smile since one afternoon she spent at my house years ago, all she did was levitate rocks and launch them at muggle children"

"That's just lovely" said Remus sarcastically "Are we going then?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Merlin, you're thick sometimes! We're alone together for the first time in weeks..." he grinned and enfold himself around Remus, like a horny cocoon

"Oh!" laughed Remus, feeling a satisfying dig in his stomach as Sirius held him closer "what were you thinking?"

"I don't know, all we've done is kiss..." Sirius tailed off, breaking eye contact with Remus

"well, if you want to take things slowly, that's okay with me" said Remus, knowing this was the smart thing to do, but feeling a little disappointed none the less

"But... hmm... You know, we should just let things happen when they happen" said Sirius wisely

"I know, sorry. Trust me to drain all the romance out of a situation with my stupid thinking" he said, irritated

"Your thinking isn't stupid" Sirius nuzzled at his neck, begging to kiss it "It's very sexy"

"Bull shit" he said, as Sirius began to bend, moving his kisses lower and lower, down Remus's chest and stomach, till he was kneeling. Remus laughed, the kisses would've been quite a turn on were he not fully clothed, Sirius was basically just sucking his shirt.

"What are you laughing at?" asked Sirius

"This doesn't really work when I'm wearing clothes"

"That's easily corrected" he winked, reaching for the buckle of Remus's belt

"_What the hell is going on in here!?" _called McGonagall from the door, Remus jumped and turned beetroot red

"uh...uh..."

"I'm just... fixing Remus's belt" said Sirius quickly, hopping to his feet "That should hold" he said, tapping at the buckle "Useless at repair charms, aren't you mate?"

"Yep" he said nervously, hoping McGonagall would never see him perform one of his very effective repair charm

"I am not going to question why Mr. Black doesn't appear to have a wand in his hand" said McGonagall, Sirius was now blushing too "I am simply going to remind you that you are allowed the use of this classroom for _teaching and teaching only. _I am going to walk back down that corridor, and forget I saw this. You will be gone by the time I get back" said McGonagall as she left sounding entirely mystified, Remus had never even heard her sound slightly confused before now. Exchaning a very discomfited glance, the boys ran from the classroom and didn't stop till they reached the common room

*

"That, was completely and utterly humiliating" said Remus shaking his head at Sirius as they climbed through the portrait hole

"I know, I won't be able to look her in the eye again" groaned Sirius, feeling a bit sick

"I'm sure the feeling's mutual" said Remus, rubbing his eyes. James jumped up from the squashy chairs by the fire and bounded towards them

"You took a while" he said, eying them both cagily.

"I know, Mr. Sensitivity here" Remus guestured angrily at Sirius "decided he would confront Narcissa about the Andy sitiuation. They got into a duel. _Luckily_ no one was hurt" he tutted, giving Sirius a sly wink, which Sirius returned

"It's not my fault my family make me so angry is it?"

"I can't be bothered to argue with you Sirius!" he stomped upstairs, hiding a smirk

"You really annoyed him Padfoot" said James concernedly

"Ugh, I know, we weren't ages because of the duel, we were ages because of the lecture he gave me about my "Nasty streak" he just went on and on and on" Sirius had an idea "Pete's not in the dorm is he?"

"What? No he's off chasing some Hufflepuff girl... have you two fallen out?"

"No, no, at least I hope not. I'm going to speak to him now... don't disturb us"

"Er.. alright"

"I'll need about half an hour alone with him"

"O..k" James began to frown as Sirius leapt up the stairs and flew into the dorm.

"That was brilliant" he laughed as he trotted over to Lupin who was sitting on Sirius's bed, in wait for him

"Am I a genius or what" he smiled and pulled Sirius down into a slow, deep kiss, he rolled his tongue into every corner of Sirius's mouth before releasing him so he could speak. Breathlessly he replied

"You're a genius and be prepared to be very impressed when I tell you that I've secured _us_ half an hour _alone_ up here"

"You're amazing Padfoot" said Remus, pulling Sirius on top of him by his tie and lying back on the bed "Hang on" Remus pulled his wand from his robes "_Collopotus_" the dorm door locked, he put his wand back in his his robes before pulling them off

"Good, idea, I don't trust James not to come in" said Sirius "I think he's suspicious... maybe we should just tell him"

"I don't know... how do you think he'll take it?" asked Remus letting go of Sirius's tie and suddenly looking despondant at the thought of being rejected by James

"We'll talk about it later, it doesn't matter right now" Sirius pulled off his own robes, but Remus was looking nervously at the door, Sirius put a comforting hand on his cheek and guided Remus's face round to face his again. He kissed Remus again, though Remus didn't really respond to him "Please mate. Don't think yourself turned off again"

"I'm sorry Sirius" he said sadly "I've made myself upset" he said

"I'll cheer you up" Sirius smiled wickedly and began to kiss Remus, working his way down from Remus's forehead, to his nose, to his lips where he lingered for a moment, before nibbling at his ear lobe. Remus squirmed and smiled, Sirius made note to return to the ear lobe frequently, he loved watching Remus squirm like that. He slid down to Remus's neck and then to his chest, rembering, this time, to undo buttons as he went down. He traced Remus's scars with his fingers, then with his lips, making a futile attempt at kissing them better, Remus muttered softly

"Don't"

"Don't what"

"Pay attention to the scars, ignore them, please"

"but, why?" asked Sirius

"I hate them" he said bitterly. Sirius was shocked, he knew Remus was shyer about his body than he or James or even Peter. In summers when James, Sirius and, to everyone's displeaseure, Peter had taken their shirts off to cool down, Remus had remained fully clothed. For some reason, he hadn't connected Remus being a bit self concious with his scars.

"I kind of like them" he said touching a particularly nasty looking one "They're interesting"

"Shut up"

"They are! It's like you've been mapped out... like the wolf wants me to explore you"

"That was so cheesy" laughed Remus, his taut stomach contracting. Sirius ignored him and continued to work his way downward till Remus's shirt was unbuttoned and he reached his belt, which Sirius struggling with a little. He reached down to the floor and pulled his wand from his robes.

"_Accio belt_" he said, and the belt flew into Sirius's hand, Remus laughed again. Sirius unhurriedly undid the button on Remus's trousers and pulled the zipper down as slowly as he could

"Don't be such a tease Black" moaned Remus, still laughing a little from before

_A/N – Sorry smut fans, I really suck at writing anything like that! Maybe I'll try in future chapters!_

_Review, favourite etc. You know the drill :D _


	20. Twas a week before christmas

"SIRI!!!" called... what's her name... as she sprinted toward Sirius at breakfast

"Fuck" mumbled Remus and Sirius in unision, Peter and James sniggered, enjoying Sirius's pain immensley

"Good morning Siri!"

"Good morning..."

"Marianne" she cheerfully added for him "How is my Siri Wiri today?" she said brightly as she planted a kiss on his cheek, which Sirius promoptly wiped off

"I am not yours! And don't call me Siri Wiri!" he snapped

"You're so funny"

"I'm not joking!"

"Whatever you say Siri, you funny boy" she planted another kiss on his cheek, which Sirius angrily wiped away again "You should take me to Hogsmeade when we get back after christmas, we could go to Madam Puddifoot's and have tea and then we could go to Honeydukes and get lot's of lovely sweets and-"

"_She's __**insane**__ Sirius_" whispered Remus as she continued on about Hogsmeade actvities

"_Do you think if we all just got up, she'd notice?" _replied Sirius

"_Probably not_" whispered James, slowly and carefully they left the table, Marianne stood and continued to witter on, oblivious to their escape.

"That was weird" said Peter, as they strolled casually out of the hall

"Do you think she'll ever leave you alone?" asked Remus

"I hope so... d'you think if someone else sleeps with her, she'll stalk them instead" said Sirius, wondering why he hadn't thought of that before "That shouldn't take too long, should it?"

"No, Lily reffered to her as the Hufflepuff bike the other day" said Remus, smirking

*

They were in the dormitory later that morning, one week before the Christmas holidays, when letters from everyone's parents arrived outlining their plans for their children over the christmas period.

_Remus, me and your dad want you home for christmas this year. You haven't been home for christmas since first year and we miss having you here_

_Love Mum x_

_Sirius, You __are__ coming home for Christmas this year, we're expecting the family on the 28__th__ – Regards, Mother & Father_

_James, Mum wants to do the New Years Eve party again this year, invite your friends! See you next week, love Dad _

_Dear Peter, I can't wait to see you next week! I'm making your favourite dinner for the night you come home! Love Mummy xxxxxxx_

"Shit" said Sirius as he crumpled up his letter and slumped down onto his bed next to Remus "Mother and Father just told me I'm coming home for christmas"

"Don't you get any say in the matter" asked James

"Hell no" he snorted "Not when they're demanding my presence like this and it sounds like **everyone**'s coming round" he groaned "I won't have Andy to keep me company this year

"My parents are doing their party again this year" said James

"The famous Potter New Yars Eve party is making a comeback, eh?" said Sirius

"Yep" he beamed "You're all invited by the way"

"That'll be something to look forward to, Mum and Dad want me back as well. Well, Mum does" sighed Remus

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius "I thought you got on with your parents"

"I do with my Mum" Remus cleared his throat, the memory still hurt "in the summer, my Dad found the letter that you sent for apologising for kissing me that day" Remus chose to ignore Peter's twisted face and shiver "you said something like "it's not on kissing your friends, even if they are gay" and he flew completly off the handle" he recounted miserably

"Seriously?" said James, Peter and Sirius in harmony

"Yep, he was like "first you're a werewolf now you're bent" and then "Don't call me dad", I spoke to him a bit in the hospital, but it wasn't exactly a warm exchange. I haven't spoken to him since. He deliberately worked overtime at the postoffice for the whole summer just to avoid me"

"That's... that's... shit" said James sadly

"Yeah mate, that's just awful" said Sirius placing his arm round Remus's shoulder, hugging him a little

"It's alright, I don't really care, I suppose" said Remus, hoping he didn't look like he was enjoying the hug as much as he was. James swiftly changed the subject

"I can't find my charms book, has anyone seen it?" they all murmered no "Bollocks, I'll have a look for it"

"I'll help!" piped Peter, who instantly began digging around in a pile of clothes, which Remus was sure he'd tidied away the previous night. While Peter and James were busy, Sirius nuzzled at Remus's ear lobe, sending a satisfying shiver down his spine. He gave him a quick kiss, before standing up

"Why do you need your charms book now?" asked Sirius

"Because we've got it first lesson" said James scrambling round for his book

"Have we? I thought it was potions" said Remus lazily "In fact, it is potions" he said, now brandishing his time table

"Aww, bugger" said James, peering at the time table "We don't even have it today"

*

Gabriel Fisher, Annabell Roth and Katrina Lestat sat round a desk in the empty transifiguration classroom

"I decided that, because you're all in fifth year and getting help with DADA, we should start having group lessons" explained Remus brightly "I thought this way, I'd get to see you all a lot more, I've got it all sorted with McGongall, so I see you Monday to Wednesday every other week until it hits exam season. But I thought because it was christmas and you've all finnally mastered the sheild charm. _Stupefy!_" he called suddenly, to his delight all three of his students pulled their wands and called

"_Protego!"_ Causing the jet of red light to bounce back and hit the blackboard at the front of the classroom. All three of them looked very pleased with themselves

"Brilliant, and because you've all managed the stunning spell, no need to demonstrate that thank you" he said as Annabell and Katrina both reached for their wands, the both laughed nervously. Fisher giggled at them both "any way, I thought we'd try something different, a little advanced... really advanced, The Patronus Charm! Think of the extra marks you'd get in your exam if you managed to pull this off" grinned Remus flipping through his DADA text book for the right page

"There's n-no way I'll m-m-manage this" said Katrina softly. Out of all his students, Katrina lacked the most confidence, she had always been bullied and spoke with a bad stammer. She was in Gryffindor and until third year, she had been very short rather on the plump side but had suddenly become very tall and extremely skinny and as a result, obscenely clumsy. She had lank strawberry blonde hair and a spattering of acne. She was as awkward in conversation as she was in movement. She rarely made eye contact and had a lot of trouble being alone with Remus at first. Despite her being, Remus thought, even inspite of her poor hair and skin, quite strikingly beautiful, she had never been treated well by boys and was uncomfortable with them in a group, let alone being by herself with one.

"C'mon, Katrina, it doesn't matter if you do it or not, just give it a go" said Remus "Besides, McGonagall hasn't told me what she wants you doing now. This is just a filler lesson" he said reassuringly

"alright... I sup-p-p-pose, if it d-d-doesn't really mat-tter..." she smiled and gave a fleeting moment of eye contact, before flicking her eyes back to her knee's, where they had been

"There you go" he said smiling "Neither of you have any objections, do you?" he asked Fisher and Annabell

"I'm fine, this shit sounds interesting" said Fisher, reclining in his chair

"I have one" said Annabell with a quick raise of her eye brows "Well, it's not so much an objection, just a question"

"Yes Annabell?"

"Why have you bothered dragging us down here tonight if you haven't got anything proper planned?" she said curiously. Remus liked Annabell, she was always very enthusiastic with their work, in fact, if she was half as competent as she was enthusiastic, she'd be getting an O. She always tried her best and never seemed to be disheartened when her best wasn't good enough, though this had caused her and Remus some injury due to a few botched stunning spells. She was, overall, a very nice person to be around, if on occasion annoyingly positive. She had a mop of fluffy short black hair, which was eerily remeniscant of James Potter's, Remus had even asked if they were related, they weren't. She was of average height and weight and was nothing special, beauty wise, to look at but she had a nice round face with soft brown eyes and a cheerful, welcoming sort of look about her.

"You can leave if you want" said Remus with a shrug

"No! I REALLY don't want to, I was just asking" she said flailing her arms around madly in protest, most of her movements and looks were very overly exagerated

"Hmm... I suppose my over achieving brain and I thought you might think this was like a treat or something... now I've thought about it, it's not really, is it"

"You are talking to couple of Ravenclaws here, we love this kind of shit" Laughed Fisher

"Good point" said Remus "We'll get on then, shall we?" he smiled and began to explain the charm "Basically, you have to think happy thoughts while you say "_Expecto Patronum_" focus on any powerful happy thought, the book reccomends you use a happy memory, but not just any happy memory, a very happy memory, got it?"

"Easy! All I think are happy thoughts" grinned Annabell

"Ha, why doesn't that surprise me? Okay... er I suppose I should demonstrate" Remus raised his wand and searched his mind for happy memory's

_The day I found out I would be going to Hogwarts_

"_Expecto Patronum!_" all he produced was a silvery white vapour "Bugger"

_I always thought that was my happiest memory... Sirius and James working out I was a Werewolf and still wnating to be my friend?_

"_Expecto Patronum!" _the vapour this time was even flimsier "Damn... just a second"

_Why didn't you think of this one before, idiot. The morning I woke up in the shreking shack with Sirius... his warm chest... his heartbeat... that kiss_

"_Expecto Patronum!" _Remus jumped back, Fisher, Annabell and Katrina ducked and awed. From Remus's wand had erupted with a huge silver white animal, it leapt from the tip of the wand and shot to the back of the classroom, it landed on a desk, on four paws. It was clearly a dog. A big shaggy dog. A big shaggy dog, identical to Sirius's animagus form. Remus had no idea he was this predictable.

By the end of their study session, despite their efforts, Annabell and Fisher could just produce a thick vapour and Katrina could not produce anything stronger than a few whispy clouds, claiming she didn't have a memory happy enough to manage one.

*

Michael Weller, Jane Parker, Martin Green and Layla Leon, Remus's transfiguration group, sat at the same desk his DADA group had been. Jane, Martin and Layla were smiling warmly at him, Michael was slouched in his chair and scowling. Remus explained that, like is DADA group, they would now be tutored as a class Monday to Wednesday everyother week, everyone apart from Narcissa was there, as she had requested that Michael didn't find out she was being tutored by Remus, for fear he would tell his quidditch team mate Malfoy. She would be tutored seperately on Thursady nights every week. He would have loved teaching transfiguration as much as he did DADA were it not for Michael, who would sit giving surly looks and grunts whenever Remus asked him to do something. Everyone of his students had come into his classes with Trolls in the subject and everyone of his students had improved accept Michael, even Layla, who really was lovely, but thick as two short planks of wood was getting Acceptables. McGonagall understood that it was Michael's own fault he was not improving, but Remus couldn't help but feel it might jepordise him becoming a teacher in the future. He just prayed that he might improve in a class environment.

*

Sirius, James and Peter had spent all of Friday evening packing, their stuff had been strewn all over their dorm and it had taken hours to find what they needed. Remus, however, had only been half an hour packing because he'd kept his things tidy. By the time they had finished packing, the sun was well set and the moon (_no where near full, thank God_ thought Remus) was out among the bright stars. James gave a satisfied sigh and held up a tiny, well wrapped package.

"Who's that for?" asked Peter hopefully

"Evans, I got her a pair of earings. They're fake emeralds but they look real" he sighed again, dreamily "They match her eyes" he beamed at his present

"I'm not sure she'll accept those" said Sirius darkly

"What? Why not?" James asked heatedly

"Calm down Prongs! I just reckon she won't because of that thing we did to Snivellous"

"What did you do to him now?" enquired Remus exhaustedly, he was getting so sick of this

"Nothing really bad. We just tryed to clean his hair... we were only doing him a favour" said Sirius casually

"Yeah, it wasn't our fault that the Brillo Pad we bewitched didn't stop till it reached his scalp" nodded James

"Merlin knows we didn't expect him to draw blood, but-" began Sirius

"He blead!" gasped Remus

"Not that much"  
"Only a little bit"

"And they grew his hair back really quickly"

"It was still greasy though" James and Sirius both sniggered and Peter tried to join in. Remus rolled his eye and gloweed at them

*

It was an hour after they went to bed that Remus heard the sound of feet creeping across to his bed, he heard a silencing charm cast and the sound of his curtains being pulled back, feeling a new weight in the right hand side of is large bed, as it lay down Remus snuggled up toward it.

"Hey" said Sirius burying his nose into Remus's hair and inhaling deeply

"Hullo" Remus kissed his neck

"Sorry about the Snape thing... I know you don't like it, but I swear to merlin he was asking for it this time"

"It's fine, I believe you" Remus wondered if there were Slytherin's that could lie as convincingly as he could

"Great, that's brilliant" Sirius huffed "I'm going to miss you so much Moony" he said sadly

"You'll see me at New Year"

"I know... I get used to seeing you everyday and mother won't let me have photo's of you three anymore. I feel like I need to have you around" Sirius sounded unnaturally sad

"Cheer up Sirius" he smiled "Ooh! I have something to show you" said Remus excitedly

"You do eh?" he replied amorously

"Not like that" laughed Remus "Sick mind" the two of them sat up and Remus stuck his hand trough his hangings and reached for his wand "Did I tell you I can produce a corporeal patronus"

"A what patronus?"

"A proper one"

"No! You can?!"

"Yeah! You'll love the form it takes" he chuckled as he rembered that moring in the shrieking shack "_expecto patronum!_" the large shaggy dog appeared from his wand and sat on the edge of his bed, Remus waved his wand and it dissolved into vapour before disapearing completely

"My animagus form" he said proudly "That's so... wow" he grinned "I wonder what form mine would take"

"Give it a go"

"How do I?"

"You focus on the happiest memory you have and say expecto patronum"

"Okay, pass you wand" Remus couldn't see Sirius properly, but he imagined he had his eyes rolled up in his head with though "right... _expecto patronum!" _all Sirius produced was a puff of silvery vapour, he looked very dispointed "Aww, I thought there was no way that memory wasn't going to prduce a patronus!"

"It would probably work if you used your wand. What did you think about?" asked Remus

"What do you think" Remus shrugged, Sirius didn't say anything

"I just shrugged by the way"

"Oh right, can't see you. I thought about the first time we went out with you during the full moon... we woke up and you had your arms round me and you kissed me" Sirius said shyly, Remus laughed "I know it's silly but-"

"That's the exact same thing I thought about" Remus smiled and Sirius leaned into him, their lips connecting.

*

Remus gave Sirius, James and Peter a sad wave as he caught sight of his mother on Platform nine and three quarters. He trudged over to her, dragging his trunk in a manner that would suggest it was heavier than it acctually was.

"Did you have a nice trip Sweet heart?" she said so quietly she was almost impossible to hear over the crowd

"Yep"

"Lovely. How's your tutoring going?"

"Wonderfully, everyone's improved so much. It's quite overwhelming really"

"That wondeful Remus. You must have quite a knack for teaching" she smiled wider than usual "Take my arm, I'll apparate us home" He took her arm and with a whoosh, a crack and that awful sickly feeling side along apparation always gave Remus they were stood at the bottom of their garden. His mother walked daintily up to the front door and delicately opened the door, ushering Remus in, she put the kettle on and they sat at the kitchen table, at opposite ends.

"The Potters have invited me to their New Years Eve party" said Remus quickly, failing to re-adjust to the near silence of home

"I know, they've intvited your father and I as well" she pursed her lips

"How is dad"

"He's sorry" she averted Remus's gaze "He hasn't acctually said he is... but he always look so guily when I mention you"

"As he should"

"I know. What he said was awful, I'm sure he'll apologise, it is christmas afterall"

"He'll probably work over time to avoid me"

"That won't happen Remus. He's booked the entire two weeks off"

"Wow... he might acctually want to speak to me then"

"Acctually sweetheart... he doesn't exactly know you're staying here over christmas"

"You're kidding" said Remus angrily, she jumped back a little, surpressing a tiny impish grin

"It's the only way I could see him see him going in the same room as you"

"By tricking him" Remus sighed irately and shook his head "I hope you know how infintile you are"

"I know" she chewed her lip, trying not to laugh "When you were liltte, you used to hide and jump out to scare us. You'd run away and hide for hours and we'de never find you. When he drank a cup of salty tea your father said to me, I wonder where our boy gets his naughty streak, we were both prefects. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was me that swapped the sugar with the salt"

*

Regulus trotted after Sirius on the paltform

"Where are we going? Where's mother?" asked Regulus, sounding frightened, Sirius tutted at him

"She sent me a letter on the train, she's too busy punishing Kreacher for not cleaning quickly enough, we're to go to the Leaky Cauldron and go by floo powder"

"oh... alright" he sighed as they made their way out of the sation and began to walk through London

"What's wrong with you Reg?"

"nothing really. Just, all the other mother's are here to pick their children up"

"well our Mother's not all the other Mother's is she"

"I s'pose"

"She's a demented bint, who's too busy torturing a house elf to come and see her own sons"

"poor Kreacher" said Regulus sadly. Sirius turned back to scowl at his brother, when he suddenly notcied how ill the boy looked. His cheeks no longer had the chizzled hollow that was expected of a Black, he was simply gaunt, he was much paler than usual and his once dark brown hair looked quite lank and mousy, he had huge bags under his eyes

"You alright?"

"What?"

"You look like death-" Regulus cut Sirius off just before he finished the word death

"Like death what?" he snapped

"Just like death"

"I don't look like death anything" he said warningly

"Right! Fucking hell! I was only saying, you look sick, that's all"

"So" he looked shiftily back and forth

"Well, I'm concerned for your well being aren't I" Sirius tutted again "Idiot. How long did you sleep last night, you're all jittery"

"I didn't sleep" he said sadly

"Don't tell Mother, she'll acctually kill you" he put on his mother's voice "_We can't have a Black looking so pale and ill. Crucio!" _Sirius joked

"That wasn't funny" said Regulus, shifting his eyes to the floor

"I was only taking the piss! I know her punishments are harsh but it's not like she's acctually going to use the cruciatus curse, is she?" Regulus said nothing "Is she Reg." Still no reply "...Reg?"

*

"Rhea! I'm home!" Called Remus's dad, both Remus and his mother jumped. He heard him hang his coat up and stumble as he walked through the living room "What's up with the trunk?" he asked he walked into the kitchen "Present for... Remus. Your mum didn't tell me you were coming home" he said. All warmth dropping from his voice

"Well, I'm here John" he spat

"You are. Rhea, bedroom, now please" he said through a false grin. Uneven yellowed teeth bolted together. His mother smiled tinily and walked lighly to the door, followoing her husband up the stairs. Remus could here only muffled shouting from his father and the occasional squeek from his mother. The all he heard was his father's muffled shouts. Suddenly he heard an ear splitting shreik and a conherant sentence

"_**NO JOHN**__! __**YOU**__ LISTEN TO __**ME**__! HE IS Y__**OUR**__ SON AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE TOO EMBARRASSED TO SPEAK TO HIM, BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN MUTTERING IN YOUR SLEEP FOR MONTHS ABOUT HOW SORRY YOU ARE. FOR MERLIN'S SAKE YOU WERE CRYING THE OTHER NIGHT!" _Remus heard a low shy murmur "_TOO FUCKING RIGHT I SAW YOU! YOU'VE SAID SOME AWFUL THINGS. AND IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SORRY YOU __**FEEL,**__ BECAUSE POOR REMUS __**ISN'T**__ A FUCKING MIND READER. NOW GET YOU ARSE DOWNSTAIRS AND TELL HIM __**EXACTLY **__HOW YOU FEEL" _Remus was finding it extremely hard to believe that that was his mum. HIS mum! Who, on the rare occasion she did speak, was barely audible. Remus began to wonder if pigs had begun flying. He heard the heavy thud of his father's footsteps, followed by the light tap of his mother as she landed on the bottom step of their staircase. His dad ducked a little as he entered the kitchen and Remus had his eyebrows as far up on his head as they could go, and his mouth as open as he could get it.

"Remus"

"Yes John?"

"I have an apology for you"

"Really, what a surprise" his Dad blushed

"I said some ridiculous, horrible things during the summer. And I want you to know I've never regretted anything more in my entire life. I love you and" he was choking up "I am so proud of you. Even if you never will be a big important-"

"I'm going to be a teacher"

"Right, even if you aren't going to be big and important" Remus rolled his eyes "and even if you are" he cleared his throat and hesitated for too long

"Gay?"

"Yeah... even if you are that"

"Gay"

"mmhmm, I don't care. Because I love you the way you are. Werewolf or gay or not. I'm so sorry... I don't what I'd do if I lost you Remus"

"Apology accepted. I appriciate how hard that must have been for you"

"Thank you. So much. So we're friends again?" he smiled hopefully

"No... an apology doesn't make up for everything you said"

"What... well what do you want from me?"

"Nothing"

"How do I make it better?"

"You can't"

"But..."

"Time heals all wounds, Dad" Remus smiled at his mother, who was smiling as well, looking quite pleased that her son and her husband were atleast on speaking terms again.

_A/N: can I get a woot for Remus's mum :P And some reviews and favorites etc. My ego needs them to live :P_


	21. A Black Christmas and a Potter New Year

_A/N – Sorry this took longer than usual to update. I feel like I haven't thanked my reviewers in a while, so..._

_Aah my reviewers, how I love thee. Let me count the ways : P You're comments acctually make my day and this wouldn't have gotten remotely as far as it would have without your support! There's still lots more to come, so keep on reviewing, favouriting, sticking me and this fic on your alerts. _

_Thanks again! I send acctual love to you all! _

"SIRIUS" screamed his mother, banging loudly on his bedroom door before unlocking it

"Merry Christmas mother" snapped Sirius sarcastically, he gave her the coldest look he could manage

"Quite. Your father requests your presence down stairs. He, Regulus and I have been waiting for you to arrive for almost one quarter of an hour"

"Merlin, sorry for keeping you waiting" he sneered

"I suggest" she growled "you watch your tone in front of your father"

"Whatever" he grumbled getting out of bed. He hitched up his red pjama bottoms a little and picked a scruffy t-shirt up off the floor, as he pulled it on, his mother frowned at it

"Is that a _muggle_ I see on your shirt"

"Ziggy Stardust is the muggle manifestation of a spcae alien, who wishes to do nothing more than spread hope through rock and roll"

"I have absaloutley no idea what that meant" she said flatly, she tutted "just come down to the drawing room"

"I'm coming!" he whined. He and his mother went down stairs, her walking primly with her head held high, him stomping and slouching as lowly as he could. They reached the drawing room, where Orion Black sat in a high back leather chair in front of the fire, Regulus crouched at his feet. Opposite them, sat an ostentatiously tall tree, decked out in green and silver. Under it, sat a small pile of mostly, green and silver neatly wrapped presents. Sirius's gifts had been wrapped in red paper which was adorned with gold Gryffindor lions

"I see you have finnally woken our heir Walburga" said Orion. Sirius hated that his father clearly thought, our heir was a term of affection.

"Merry Christmas father" said Sirius coldly

"Quite" he replied in a tone alarmingly similar to his Mother's. When Sirius had worked out his parents were cousins, he had been throughly disgusted, and it had gradually began to disturb him over the years how alike the two were. They looked alike, sounded and spoke alike and behaved and thought alike, so much so they could have passed for brother and sister. Perhaps even twins. Even the thought made Sirius curl his lip with sheer abhorrence

"I believe we have gifts to exchange" said Walburga, her nostrils flaring at Sirius's curled lip

"Indeed. Regulus" he commanded. Regulus scurried over to the small pile and seperated them out. There appeared to be three presents for each of them. Noiselessly he scooped up one trio of gifts and gave them carefully to his father, he picked up another three, cradling them, he gave them uneasily to his mother. He came with Sirius's presents, handing them over much more casually, he sat down by his own pile of presents. Sirius and his parents watched him do this in total silence.

"Would my heir like to go first? As always" Orion smiled cruelly, Sirius did not take the smile personally, they always looked like that.

"No Reg should go first, he deserves to go first for once, plus, he's the baby" Sirius smiled affectionatley at his little brother, who returned the smile and looked approvingly up at their father

"Very well" he said, waving his hand nonchalantly. Regulus smiled again at Sirius and tore the wrapping away from his Gryffindor wrapped present. Inside, lay a book called _Playing_ _Quidditch For Begginers: Tips, Tricks and Flying advice _

"A bit boring, I know" said Sirius

"No, it's brilliant. I've always wanted to play Quidditch. Thanks Sirius" He beamed adoringly at Sirius. Sirius blushed and shrugged

"No problem" Regulus nodded and tore into his parents gifts for him. They had gotten him a new broom

"Wow... this is such a surpise. I mean, I could tell what it was from the wrapping. But it was a surprise to see a broom shaped package" he grinned. His other prensent was a broom maitenance kit . Regulus was left with a big smile on his face. He spent the rest of the morning purched on his new broom, hovering a few feet above he ground as he flicked through his book.

"Sirius, if you will" said his father, ushering him to begin opening his presents. Sirius sighed and opened the two presents fom his parents first. They had gotten him an awful book on Wizard genealogy, _Pure Blood, Pure Magic_, and a new set of dress robes.

"Thanks" he said as sincerely as he could be bothered to pretend to sound. He opened Regulus's thin rectangular present, wondering what it could be.

"It's a painting" Sirius said surprised. A rather beautiful black and white painting of him and Regulus, he looked about eight and Regulus looked around six. Regulus was on the old wooden swing they had found in an abbandonned park while exploring, Sirius was standing behind pushing. The sun was high in the sky, birds twirled around above them and the grass behind them swayed softly. They were both laughing "I remember this photo" Sirius laughed "It took me so long to work how to get the camera on timer... Where is that photo?"

"You gave it to me, ages ago... when you went to Hogwarts" Regulus blushed, still looking adoringly at Sirius

"Did you paint this Reg?" He nodded slowly and blushed even pinker

"This is amazing" He said examining the painting in more detail, the brushwork was flawless, the tone and depth made Sirius feel as if he was looking out of a window into a black and white muggle film.

"Thanks" he said shyly. Regulus had also done paintings for his parents, which made Sirius's gift of Firewhisky look more than a bit pathetic, not that Sirius cared. For their father, Regulus had painted an old photo he had found of Orion with their grandfther (his father) Arcturus and his father Sirius (whom Sirius was named after). For their mother, Regulus had painted one of their wedding photographs, but put them infront of the family crest. Upon seeing their paintings, their parents excahnged a warm glance and had harmoniously remarked

"Impressive"

After a long day of spending time with his parents, Sirius was finnally allowed to retire to his bedroom. Just as he was about to curl up with one of the muggle records that James had gotten him last summer along with an old record player, his mother let herself into his room.

"Sirius"

"What do you want mum"

"I am here to request that you behave yourself when the family come on the 28th"

"Right... If I do can I go to the Potter's New years Eve party?"

"I suppose, but only if you are absaloutley perfect, all evening"

"alright"

"No mentioning any of your little mud blood friends"

"Fine" he scowled and she scowled back, she left the room, closing an locking the door behind her

*

Remus heard the softest knock on the door, he wouldn't have heard it, had he not already been awake

"Remus sweetheart?"

"Just getting dressed mum" he called as he buttoned his jeans. He pulled a tidy grey shirt on and quickly buttonned it. He followed his mother downstairs and was delighted to see a stack of very bookish looking presents piled around beneath the small modest christmas tree.

"We wanted to get you a new broom, but we couldn't really affored it" said his Dad nervously "But you only asked for books, so I thought-"

"This is Great" Remus smiled earnestly "I hardly fly any way, it would've been a waste of money getting me a broom"

"well there you go" said his Mum brightly, in her usual almost whisper "go on then" she aid smiling pushing him toward his presents. Remus tore keenly into his gifts. They'de gotten him about twelve books, a mixture of magic fiction, muggle fiction, an advanced defensive spells text book and an advanced transfiguration text book

"We thought they'de help with your tutoring" nodded his Dad

"This is really great. Thanks mum, thanks Dad"

"No problem sweet heart" his mother nodded, she pattered over to her presents, of which there were only two. His Dad had gotten her a peicrcingly blue sapphire necklace "Oh John... this is far too much. We can't afford this" her mouth was wide open as she oogled the glittering stones

"They aren't real Sapphires Rhea, it's alright, it's well within our price range" he smiled, she sighed

"Thank Merlin for that... it's just gorgeous" they kissed, he bent down and she stood on her tip toes to do so. She put on the necklace, which was a few shades darker blue than her eyes and brought the already staggeringly blue orbs out very nicely. She very carefully unwrapped Remus's present. Remus had clearly been on a similar train of thought to his dad when he bought his mum's present; a rather beautiful azure scarf, woven from unicorn hair. Remus had been careful that the material was an exact match in clolour for his mother's eyes. She held it to her face and rubbed her cheek gently on the fabric, she nuzzled it. "Beautiful... so soft... thank you sweet heart... I love it" she kissed Remus softly on the forehead.

"Er... Dad"

"What is it Remus?" he asked coolly

"I didn't get you anything because the last time I was in Hogsmeade, we weren't on speaking terms"

"That's fine" he said sincerely "I wouldn't have gotten me anything either"

*

"SIRIUS, THE FAMILY IS HERE" Screamed Walburga from the landing before going back down the few flights of stairs to greet their their relatives. He heard the murmours and squeaks of enthused greetings, whether the enthusiasm was feigned or not, Sirius could not tell. He stepped off his bed and put on the dress robes he'd been given three days previously. Some how, they were a tailored to him exactly and Sirius was sure he'd grown about a foot since he was last measured. Sirius checked his reflection in the floor lenghth mirror in the corner of his room. They were simple, smart and black. And, as much as he hated to admit it, his parents had excellent taste in robes and he looked damn good.

"SIRIUS, DO HURRY" Called Orion from the bottom of several flights of stairs. Sirius sighed and trudged down the stairs. The ancient and prune like Grandfather Arcturus was shuffling into the drawing room, to throw himself down into an old armchair, his equally ancient wife Melania followed him, she had gone to the effort of putting on her best dress robes, but had failed to remember to remove her slippers. His Aunt Lucretia, in mournful Black as she had recently lost her husband, was fawning over Regulus who looked as if he would've traded a thousand galleons to be somwhere else. Walburga was greeting her father, Pollux who was alone, his spouse also recently having died. Walburga's brother, his uncle Cygnus and his wife, Aunt Druella, followed Grandfather Pollux in, clutching a large present. Behind them was the tall and handsome Rodolphus Lestrange with wife, a tall and handsome cousin Bellatrix, in tow. And trailing in last was Narcissa and her boyfriendLucious Malfoy, who had his arm possesively wrapped around her. From the moment Malfoys cold grey stare penetrated his own, Sirius knew he was in for a rough evening.

Half an hour later, all fourteen of them were sat around the very large and grand dining table. His mother had made a very unwise descision in her seating plan. Sirius was quite happy to be sat with Regulus on his right and he supposed he wasn't completely adverse about sitting across from Narcissa, her recently having been so uncharacteristically civil to Remus, but why his mother had thought it necesary to sit Malfoy next to Narcissa, Sirius would never know. As Kreacher struggled to carry a stack of heavy plates into the room, Malfoy leaned over to him

"Why so glum Black, missing your boyfriend?" he muttered, smirking, Sirius tutted and shook his head "Merlin, you aren't even bothering to deny it any more, are you? I knew Severus wouldn't make something like you and Fruit Lupe getting off with eachother up, it-" Sirius interupted him with a furious slam of his fist down on on to the dinner table

"_Shut the fuck up Malfoy_" he snarled

"Touchy subject? As I was saying, it must be fairly serious if you can't bring yourself to refute it"

"_I'm warning you Malfoy_" Sirius scowled furiously at him. He was sure that if looks could make people burst into flmaes, Malfoy would've been burnt to a crisp by now

"I can't believe it, Sirius Black, A Black for goodness sake, is-"

"Lucious, leave him alone" said Narcissa, fluttering her mascara clogged eyelashes at Malfoy

"But Cissy..." he pleaded

"Please Lucious, I don't want you to cause a fight, it would ruin my christmas"

"It would?"

"Yes. Please, stop it" she cooed at him, she fluttered her eyelashes again and pouted Malfoy smiled lasciviously at her

"For you my love, I will stop" she giggled. He leaned over again as Kreachur set their plates down,and whispered "_I'll see you at school Black" _

Kreachur was about to snap his bony fingers and have their meal appear before them, when he was interupted by a great crash of someone forcing themselves through thte front door.

"Evening all, sorry I'm late" a tall, dark, older man grinned as he stumbled through the dining room door, Kreachur took his cloak hurried away to hang it up. It was Alphard, Sirius's favourite Uncle. He rarely appeared for ocasions like this. Kreacher scurried around and set him another place on Sirius's left.

"Sirius m'boy, it's so wonderful to see you. Have you had a nice christmas?"

"As nice as they ever get in this hell hole" Alphard gave half a smile

"Watch how loud you say that" Sirius nodded huffily. Kreachur snapped his fingers and the first course of tomato soup appeared infront of them, most began eating but Alphard ignored the sudden appearance of food and continued to talk to Sirius "How's things at school, I hear you got on the Quiddith team last year"

"Yep, I'm beater for Gryffindor... obviously"

"I was beater too you know" he clapped Sirius affectionately on the back "Though for Slytherin... obviously. Gryffindor's working out well for you then?" Sirius grinned at his uncle

"Spectacularly" he felt a pleasant warmth wash over him as he remembered, he'd be back in his bed at Gryffindor tower in a couple of weeks, back with James and Remus, back with Remus

"Ha ha! I know that look, someone's got themselves a girlfriend" Alphard grinned back at him and winked, Malfoy inhaled his spoonful of soup from laughing and promptly began to choke, Narcissa pounded his back

"You might say that" said Sirius, smiling knowingly

*

"Rhea, John, Remus! How nice it is to see you!" Said Charlus Potter, James's Dad, enthusiastically helping them from the fire, they had travelled by floo poder. They stepped into the living room of the Potter's very nice, vey large cottage. There was loud muggle music playing and a loud murmur of chat filled the room. The Lupins had arrived a little late and the cottage was beggining to reach maximum capicity "How's the post office? Recovering from the aftermath of the Owl pandemic nicely?"

"Very nicely indeed Charlus, thank you very much" beamed Remus's dad "How are things down in the department of Magicl law enforcemnt?" he asked excitedly

"Aah, really quiet over the last few months. They say there's no rest for the wicked, but it's like they've all gone on holiday" A young black man was stood just behind Charlus, he piped into the conversation

"I reckon this is just the calm before the storm" he said shaking his head

"Oh, John this is Kingsley Shaklebot, one of our newbies... how long ago was it you completed training?"

"About two or three weeks" he said smiling "I think I remeber you from Hogwarts" said Kingsley pointing at Remus "You were probably only in second year when I left though" Remus shrugged and nodded awkwardly "What's your last name again?"

"Lupin" he said curtly

"Lupin... Lupin... I deffinately know you... wait! You're the kid that bastard Malfoy used to torment aren't you?"

"Yes... I am"

"Hey woah, hang on a minute! You never told us about this Remus!" said his dad shakily, his mother dropped her jaw open and said, well mouthed as she was inaudible over the music.

"you were being bullied?"

"well er... sort of..."

"He was, but me and a lot of other prefects sorted him out, didn't we Remus" said Kingsley

"Yeah they did, he left me well alone after they spoke to him. They gave him a years detention"

"There was that one thing with the Verit-" Remus shook his head and Kingsley quickly understood and stopped talking. James had appeared from another room smiling brightly at the group of people, he put his hand on Remus's shoulders

"I'm going to steal Remus away now, if that's alright?" beamed James

"That's fine, James, isn't it?" asked Remus's dad, James nodded and then dragged Remus through the cowded living room upstairs. He pulled Remus into his bedroom, which was, in comparison to Remus's, huge! It was bright red, with a golden coloured carpet, a big plushy bed, with a gryffindor bed spread and several bean bag chairs near a stand for James's beloved broom. James flopped into one of the chairs and beckoned Remus to join him. Remus sat in the chair opposite, finding it almost insanely uncomfortable

"Moony Moony Moony, I must inform you of the location of our friends. Peter's not coming. He says he's busy with family stuff, but I reckon he just doens't want to leave his mummy" they snickered "Sirius is on his way, apparently. He said he was having a bit of trouble getting away"

"Why? The last letter you sent me said he was allowed to come"

"He was... his mum heard somethign about a blood traitor family being invited... big rivals of the Black clan... I don't even kow who they are, but anyway, she's refusing to let him use the floo network, so he's flying"

"Oh no!"

"What? He's a good flyer, he'll be alright"

"Prongs! He lives in london!"

"And?"

"Well you live in Devon! In the middle of no where, in Devon! It's about two hundred of miles away, it's dark and-" Remus got up and wrenched James's curtains open, the sun had been set for a while, and it had been snowing on and off again all day, about three inches of snow lay on the ground "- it just started snowing again!"

"Bloody hell, it's coming down pretty quickly isn't it?" James's jovial expression changed into one of panic "He could get lost..."

"He could crash..."

"... Muggles might see him!"

"He might hurt himself!... Oh James I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him" Remus felt his voice waver, he felt sick a the thought of something happening to Sirius

"I know Moony... I'm scared too... look, Remus mate, don't take this the wrong way... but, is there _something_ going on between you two?" asked James

"James... I... no" he almost considered telling James the truth. But he felt it was wrong to do so without Sirius's consent

"No?" James curled his lip in disbelief

"No" he lied firmly. Remus decided to change the subject "Did Lily accept your earrings?

"I din't send them to her... I completely bottled it. I was just so scared she'd send them back... I like her so much Rem and she hates me... I should just give up on-"

James was interupted by someone entering his room. Familiar long dark brown hair, crazed hazel eyes and a rather large nose... ugh, and that awful high pitched squeal

"Where's Siri?" asked Marianne madly

"Who invited you?" snapped Remus

"Ugh! You are so rude" she snapped back "James's mum is friends with my mum and she told her to bring me along"

"Fine. Who said you could come up here?" asked Remus irritably

"James's mum! She said I should go up to James's room with the boys because I'd be bored downstairs ith the adults" She said mater of factly, placing her hands on her hips. Remus opned his mouth to reply, but James cut him off

"Come on Moony, she an stay. I don't mind her" He smiled lustfully at her. It was at this point, that Remus realised James was not thinking of how annoying the girl was, or how pissed off Sirius would be, this was because James's cock had clearly temprorarily taken over brain function. Seeing that there was no arguing with little James, Remus slumped back in his bean bag and scowled.

"So... where's Siri?" she asked again. James smile fell a little.

"He's flying here, so he'll be a while yet. But while he gets here, you can talk to me babe" James winked. Marianne giggled. Remus was sick in his mouth a little.

"I suppose" she said "Do you think Siri would mind me talking to his best friend when he's as fit as you?" she deliberately crossed her arms beneath her breasts, pushing them up so if James hadn't notcied them, he deffinately had by now

"He's pretty easy going"

"You know, I was thinking of breaking up with him-"

"_You were never going out with him in the first place you loon_" snarled Remus through gritted teeth, Marianne ignored Remus and contiued

"- he's been growing a bit distant lately. You don't seem like a distant person James"

"I'm the opposite of distant" he said getting out of his bean bag and strutting toward her and rumpling his hair up

"I bet you are" she said breathily, she ran her hands through his hair

"Oh for the love God! I can't believe you're doing this when Sirius is potentiallt lost, or hurt or worse!" said Remus angrily. Recieving no agknoledgment from James what so ever he leapt up and exited James's room, slamming the door closed behind him. He ran down the stairs, leaving the sound of muffled giggles behind him, Marianne's reputation as the Hufflepuff bike solidified. Remus wandered around between people, uncomfortably and aimlessly, in the Potter's living room. He still felt sick with worry of Sirius, he had begun to shake, his stomach was wound so tight that hethought he might be sick. He was about to go and speak to Mrs. Potter, when he realised he would surely have to face questions as to why he was not with James. Not willing to explain to her that her son was upstairs doing god knows what to Sirius Balck's stalker, he quickly ducked out of sight, behind a table full of bottles of drink and plastic cups. He sat for a minute, his stomach feeling like it was being whisked, he decided to go out doors and watch for Sirius. He crawled to the front door and rose to his knees, he quickly opened it, slipped outside and closed the door behind him.

Now, Remus was a very intelligent boy, a genius perhaps. But it had not occoured to him that going outside in 5 inches of snow, at night, in jeans and a t-shirt would be not just a bad idea, but an iditotic and potentially life threataning one but until he knew Sirius was safe, he made the decision to remain out doors.

Snow fluttered gracfully but quickly from the sky, and in large heavy flakes. There was no wind, and Remus began to wander among the tree's of the small forest the surrounded the Potter's house. The Potters had strung lights among the closest ring of tree's to make their house easier to spot for flyers, Remus prayed the snow wouldn't be to heavy for Sirius to see them. Remus was now so cold, that the snow stopped melting when it contacted his skin and clothes, and clung to him. He scanned the navy clouded sky for Sirius or any sign of him. Suddenly Remus heard a distant cry of

"_Fucking hell!_" and another of "_shit shit shit!_" Finnally he heard a painful sounding crash and a weak "_o-o-o-ow! Bollocks..._"

"Sirius!?" He shouted

"_Remus?!_" Sirius replied

"Hang on, I'm coming for you!"

"_ha... I bet you are" _Remus frowned at this, but continued to search for Sirius. He found him about twenty foot from where he'd been standing tangled around the trunk of a large fir tree. His left arm was a little mangled, it was bleeding and bent in an odd direction, his broom was also now chipped at the front and had a crack running right down to the tail. Sirius looked twice as cold and damp as Remus felt. His face was bright red and his hair had frost forming on it.

"Christ, are you alright?"

"Yeeeeeah... m'fine"

"Your arm looks broken! And your acctually frosty!"

"Is it..." he poked at his limp twisted arm "ouch... ha shit... it is as well. Help me up. Arse is freezing" Remus pulled Sirius up from the ground and brushed snow gently from his hair. He reeked of alcohol

"Have you been drinking Padfoot?"

"Yeah. I saw the weather and when I found out I was going to flying... so I though a bit of elf made courage might help" he coughed "bottle said it was like two hundred years old or something" he giggled "Orion gonna be aaaangry. I swiped some fire whisky too, for warmthing purposes. Still got some of that acctually" he guestured to a bag he'd had slung round his shoulder, but now lay on the ground by his broom. He went to pick it up with his broken arm "Ow!... No picking up for Sirius" he grumbled, he rubbed his good hand on his face "I feel weird Mooony... I've like completely gashploofed myself..."

"Gashploofed? That's not a word Sirius" Giggled Remus

"It is! It's an ad...verb... jective"

"An adverbjective"

"yeah" he stumbled on the spot and Remus caught him, he supported his weight and wrapped a caring arm around Sirius's icy frame

"Come on, let's get you inside"

"No! I want to stay out here!"

"You're joking, right"

"No! It's so beautiful and sparkly and white! And you look fucking hot... all snowy and wet and flushed"

"God you must be pissed"

"No you look so fucking fuckable right now Moony"

"Shut your face and get indoors" Remus pulled gently, but Sirius dug his heels in the ground

"No! Lets fly some where secluded and just... just fuck"

"Sirius please..." Remus tried to pull him again, but Sirius broke away and grabbed his broom and began to sing an old muggle song into it

"_Come Fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away!"_

"Sirius, You're going to catch pnuemonia at this rate"

"_If you could use some exotic booze..." _Sirius thought for a moment and began to add his own lyrics to the song_ "...then I've got some Fire whisk-ay" _

"Come on!" Remus tried to catch Sirius, but he jumped out the way and ran a yard back

"_Come fly wth me, let's float down to... _is it Peru?"

"Yes, now get the fuck in doors"

"aah yeah... _In llama land there's a one man, who'll toot your flute for you_" he pointed at him self and winked suggestively

"Yes, hilarious. I'm not kidding Sirius, I'm scared for you" he said concernedly, making a small run to catch him again. He backed off again

"_Come fly with me, let's float down to the blue....something something something... We'll just glide with your sexy gold eyes"_

"That one didn't even remotely fit with that line. Seriously, come on now!"

"Whatever _Once we get up there, I'll be holding you so near, you may hear the ang-_**OOF**" Remus had had enough. He'd rugby tackled Sirius and knocked him to the floor. Keeping him pinned, Remus leant over to Sirius's bag and broom and picked them up, slinging the bag round his shoulder and the broom under his arm, he took full advantage of his lychanthropic strength and tossed Sirius over his free shoulder. He began to trudge the short distantance back to the Potter's

"Merlins beard Rem!"

"I'm sorry Sirius, but you forced me to do this"

"What'cha sorry for, I'm fucking loving this... I should get drunk and annoy you more often"

"Please don't"


	22. Sirius and Remus have mad dancing skills

Remus banged at the door till someone came and opened it.

"Remus, what are you... Oh my goodness is that Sirius!?"

"Yeah he had an accident, he flew the whole way here in this weather, he's hurt and he's freezing and he's drunk and he might be ill" explained Remus as he stumbled indoors, the many guests cleared a path for him, he dropped Sirius on the sofa, by the fire.

"Oh Merlin, Charlus, get them some blankets, quickly!"

"I don't need any it's him that's ill"

"I dunno Rem... you're looking a bit blue round the lips... I could sort that though" mumbled Sirius evocatively, licking his lips

"_Sirius!" _he growled. Mrs Potter ran at them both with blankets and threw a very thick and hevy one over Sirius and wrapped one firmly around Remus. She checked Remus's forehead

"You're running a bit of a temperature" she checked Sirius "Oh! Dear you're boiling Sirius!"

"No I'm still freezing" he said defiantly

"Oh dear. I'd better get you up to bed... are James and Marianne still up there?" asked Dorea

"Yeah" She ran toward the stairs "oh god, wait Mrs. Potter!" Remus ran up behind her

"Where are you two going?" asked Sirius, following Remus up the stairs as he followed Dorea. The three of them walked down the upstairs corridor, Dorea, without knocking, unlocked the door to James's room. Remus cringed in preperation for what he might have been about the witness.

"James? Ah, Sirius and Remus have been out in the cold for a while and they're both running temperatures, I want them both in bed"

"Okay mum, that's fine. As long as they're all right" Remus peered into the room, James and Marianne were looking ruffled, to say the least. Marianne's t-shirt was on inside out and James's trousers were undone. His previously neatly made bed had the quilt heaped up and thrown back and the sheets very crinkled. While his mum was distracted with hurrying Remus and Sirius into the room, he quickly fastened his jeans. She sat the two of them down on James's bed, while James and Marianne shuffled uncomfortably in the corner

"Oh, you're both soaking. A hot air charm should sort that" Dorea quickly pulled out her wand and dried them both "Sirius let me take a look at that arm... oh dear, that's broken. What did you do to it?"

"Tree got in my way while I trying to land" he grumbled

"Poor thing" she cooed "only looks like a minor break, I'll get that fixed" she tapped her wand on Sirius's arm, sending a gold wave of light up it. "That feel any better?"

"Miles... wow" he moved his arm back and forth. She took their temperatures again.

"You're both even hotter than before. Get into bed" they lay down in James's large bed "The spare room is full of bags and coats at the moment, so you'll have to share, is that okay?" she asked as she sat them up against a pile of pillows and waved her wand tucked them in so only their heads were visible, cocooning them together tightly. Sirius coughed dryly, wrenching forward.

"Sharing's fine with me Mrs Potter" said Sirius, licking his lips at Remus. He coughed dryly again

"I hope you haven't gotten yourself a chest cold... or pnuemonia... oh and all for the sake of getting to this silly party. What would your mother say?"

"I imagine she'd say something along the lines of: Good, this is what you get for going to a party full of filthy mud bloods... crazy fucking bitch" James flushed at seeing such obcenities uttered with his mother in such close proximity

"Language, Sirius" she said lightly, she walked round to the side of the bed Remus lay on. "You're temperature's not quite as high as Sirius's... does your chest feel okay?" Remus considered, breathed deeply in and out

"Yeah, fine"

"Good. I'll bring you both something to bring your tempretures down and something Sirius's chest" she left the room walking determidly

"So Prongs, care to explain why, her shirt's inside out and why your bed smells like sex?" slurred Sirius, still drunk

"Well Sirius" answered Marianne "if you must know, me and my Jamesy made love. I'm breaking up with you"

"Sweet!" cheered Sirius

"Jamesy is my boyfriend now" she went toward him and flung her arms round his shoulders

"Say what?" he said terrified

"You're my boyfriend now"

"Oh shit..." he muttered, Sirius and Remus convulsed with laughter till Sirius broke into dry cough's again

"Stupid fucking girl" Sirius spluttered "He just wanted to fuck you, he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend"

"No, he's my boyfriend aren't you James?"

"No... sorry Marianne"

"Why not!? It's not like you're going out with anyone... and you do think I'm pretty and stuff, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do... it's just... I can't go out with you"

"Why not?!" she whined, pulling her arms off James and stomping at the ground

"Becasue... I love someone else..." he said shyly, he rumpled his hair and turned away from her

"WHO?" She screeched

"Lily Evans..." he mumbled

"You **love **her?" asked Sirius and Remus together

"yeah... yeah, I think so"

"I hate that Evans bitch" she huffed "Why her over meeee" she whinged

"Because she's smart, caring and completely stunning, where as you're pretty but you're also thick and insane" said Sirius flatly, too drunk to care about who's feelings he hurt "Why would James pick some random slut like you over someone like Evans?" he snapped. She tossed her hair and stormed out the room, and Remus couldn't help but notice she had tears streaming don her face

"Sirius!" exclaimed Remus and James

"What?" he asked cheerily

"That was fucking horrible!" shouted James

"So, I got rid of her... finnally. No more whatserface to worry about" Sirius slurred as he snuggled close into Remus

"You just don't say that to people!" James snapped

"Whatever, too drunk and ill to care" with that James scowled and stomped out

"Sirius, for christs's sake" snapped Remus

"Shhh... sleepy. Need some one to cuddle" he muttered nuzzling into Remus's hair, gently kissing Remus's earlobe

"That's cheating! I'm trying to tell you off here" he kissed his earlobe again "Oh nevermind" too tightly tucked in to menouver himself onto Sirius, or to roll over, Remus twisted his neck as far round as he could get it and shuffled forward slightly and pulled Sirius into gentle kiss

"I want more than this Rem" Sirius mumbled

"What d'you mean?"

"I want more than just the occasional snog or blowjob or whatever in the dorm if we get left alone"

"You mean you want sex? Because I thought we were just going to let it happen when it-"

"-happens yeah. I didn't mean sex, I meant like... 'cos I'm your boyfriend. But only in secret.... I don't want to be your secret anymore and I don't want you to be my secret. I want to be a proper couple, I want to walk down corridors holding your hand, I want to snog in public, I want people to shout get a room when they see us, I want to tell people... I want everyone to know exactly how I feel about you" said Sirius, still slurring, his nose now sounding stuffy. Remus couldn't tell if it was the fever or the alcohol, or both, talking but he could no longer control the word which had been violently threatening to escape his lips for months,

"I love you Sirius" Sirius's eyes widened, he stiffened

"You do?"

"Yeah" he said feeling himself blush

"No one's ever told me they loved me before" he said with such an childishly innocent, sad little smile, it was all Remus could do not to have his heart break right there and then "I love you too Remus" he blushed. Just as he was about to lean in for a deeper longer kiss, Dorea entered the room wielding her wand and an armful of potions, Remus rolled over quickly, but Sirius re-burried himself into Remus's hair and pretended to be asleep. Dorea giggled

"Comfortable Remus?" she grinned just like James

"No, but I don't suppose there's anything I can do about it is there?" he smiled and rolled his eyes

"Bless him" She placed her hand on Sirius's shoulder and pulled him back "Sirius? Are you awake?"

"mmm" he grumbled, giving Remus a sly wink

"Take this love, for your temperature..." she put the lip of a potion bottle to his mouth, tipping it gently upward he drank "there you go and this for your chest" she did the same with a different potion and then she walked over to Remus with the potion for temperatures and helped him take that "I'll let you two get some rest"

"Before you go Mrs. Potter, what time is it?" asked Remus

"About half six"

"So I'll be stuck up here with sleepy all night?"

"'fraid so" she smiled "That potion will make you quite drowsy though, so I expect you'll be asleep soon as well. Maybe you can come down later, but I want you both in bed till those temperatures go down" she said matronly before leaving the room again, this time, turrning the lights out. Sirius jumped

"What?"

"Where'd the light go?"

"She turned them off"

"huh? Surely... what?... candles need putting out"

"The Potter's have muggle light fittings that run on electricity. You only have to flick a swick and they go out"

"Fuck me! That's magic that is"

"Acctually, it's quite the opposite" Remus smirked to himself, Sirius simply looked confused. He nuzzeled himself back into Remus's hair and fell asleep, and Remus, not realising how tired he had been, quickly followed suit.

*

"Remus, you awake sweet heart?" asked his mum's familiar whisper

"mmm" he replied, with no desire to be wrenched from the warm and pleasant slumber he was wrapped in

"Dorea told me about what happened"

"mmm"

"It really is plain stupid to go out doors in weather like this for so long without a coat"

"I know but I needed to watch for Sirius"

"You could've watched for him from James's room"

"No I couldn't" Remus wasn't fully awake yet, and hadn't yet regained his foresight "James and Marianne Ball were having sex up here"

"They were? Oh my..."

"So I could hardly hang round down stairs and face" He yawned "Awkward questions from Dorea. I was sick with worry anyway, so outside seemed like the best thing for me"

"Oh... thats lovely"

"What is" he said irriated, just wanting to snuggle closer to Sirius and go back to sleep

"That you were so worried about your friend"

"I'm not just his friend Mrs Lupin" piped Sirius sleepily

"Pardon?"

"I'm his boy friend. Now shoo, so we may sleep again"

"Alright" She grinned and kissed them both on the forehead before she left

"Don't tell my mum to shoo" groaned Remus

"I love that you're annoyed by that, but not by what I just told her"

"Oh please, it's my mum, she doesn't care I was going to tell her anyway"

"Remus... When are we going to start telling people?"

"I dunno... soon?"

"oh... m'kay" Remus wondered if this required further discussion or not, but Sirius was already back to sleep

*

"Moooooony" Remus awoke, Sirius proding him in the ribs

"mmm"

"I'm not tired any more"

"How wonderful" he tried to shuffle away from Sirius but he was tucked into too tightly. Remus began to wonder if Dorea had put some kind of permanant sticking charm on the quilt

"I wanna go down stairs" he whined

"Well go, I'm still tired"

"I can't... I need your help"

"What?"

"I can't get out of the quilt... it's like somekind of a squashy duck feather prison" Sirius thrashed fruitlessly.

"Hang on, we'll just pull at the edges out from underneath"

"Yeah... that's an idea" Sirius slid beneath the covers where he scrambled around for a little while. He flopped face first onto the floor from the opposite end of the bed "Freedom!" Remus pulled the quilt back and stood up

"well done"

"Now if only we had light" exclaimed Sirius. With a roll of his eyes, Remus flicked the light switch, Sirius gave a little jump

"Those electric things are brilliant" he crawled around on the floor, trying to pull himself up, but failing abysmally

"I've no chance of you sobering up anytime soon, have I" Remus offered a hand to help Sirius up

"Doesn't look like it" Sirius took his hand and pulled himself up. After he was standing, he didn't let go "What time is it?" Sirius asked. Remus looked around the room for a clock, there was a small one on James's bedside table

"Oh Jesus, nearly midnight – we'd better get down stairs" Remus tried to take his hand away, but Sirius held it tighter

"We're being a proper couple from now on" Remus couldn't help but notice Sirius was still slurring. As he lead them down the stairs into the Potter's busy living room, he stumbled frequently and could barely walk in a straight line. He pulled Remus into the small crowd of very drunk wizards who were shouting over the very loud David Bowie record (Remus couldn't work out if it was _Diamond Dogs_ or _Aladin Sane_) which was playing, where they stood for all of two seconds before the song changed on the Bowie record. Hearing a very famous guitar riff Sirius made an odd, but pleased face

"Oh God! _Rebel Rebel_! I fucking love this song Moony!"

"It's alright... Sirius! What the hell are doing?"

"I'm dancing" He wasn't so much dancing as he was rubbing himself up against Remus and shaking his shoulders a bit "C'mon Moony, dance with me!"

"This is not dancing!" Sirius ignored him. He was too busy trying to out sing Bowie

"_YOU'VE GOT YOUR MOTHER IN A WHIRL – _HA! Like me! _SHE'S NOT SURE IF YOU'RE A BOY OR A GIRL _– that's you Rem! _HEY BABE, YOUR HAIR'S ALRIGHT – _That's me again"

"Sirius..."

"Loosen up Moony, for fucks sake! Dance!" Sirius put his hands on Remus's hips and moved them side to side in time with the song, he took his hands away and Remus kept moving "See! Now move your shoulder's a little" Remus obliged "There you go! Like Bowie's about to say – _WE LIKE DANCING AND WE LOOK DIVINE! _That was weird" enjoying Sirius rubbing against him, Remus's dancing slowed down, as he was dragged into a Sirius enduced trance "Keep dancing! I know you love it - _YOU WANT IT MORE AND YOU WANT IT FAST! THEY PUT YOU DOWN, THEY SAY I'M WRONG – _THIS SONG IS, LIKE ABOUT US MOONY_ – YOU TACKY THING, YOU PUT THEM ON" _Sirius grinned and his grinding on Remus became more violent, Sirius opened his mouth to sing the next line, but Remus beat him to it

"_REBEL REBEL!"_

"_YOU'VE TORN YOUR DRESS" _Sirius replied, taking turns with each line, they continued

"_REBEL REBEL!"_

"_YOUR FACE IS A MESS"_

"_REBEL REBEL"_

"_HOW COULD THEY KNOW?" _The next line, the sung together

"_HOT TRAMP, I LOVE YOU SO!" _they both burst into uncontrollable giggles. As they were about to kiss, Charlus Potter bumped passed, not noticing them, he turned the record off, to the great dismay of his guests

"Oh stop whining! It's time to start the count down!" He looked at his watch and they all waited "... now!"

"TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" a few guests immediately burst into a drunken sloppy rendition of _Auld Lang Syne _but most pulled the person nearest to them into a drunken sloppy kiss. Remus felt a familiar but very cold clammy hand on his face

"Happy New Year Moony"

"Happy New Year Padfoot" They began what Remus intended to be a very quick kiss on the cheek, but a very drunk Sirius decided that this kiss should move to the lips, it should also involve open mouths, tongues and hands on arses. After a few minutes or so, chatter had tailed off and _Auld Lang Syne _tailed off into silence. Remus, who's eyes had been closed for the kiss, opened them to see the entire room staring at them

"Sirius..." he said through the kiss, he tried to disconnect "Sirius..." Sirius ignored him again, he shoved him lightly " SIRIUS!" he shoved him a little harder

"What the fuck?" he snapped, Remus guestured to the room full of people watching them

"Oh..."

"HA! I FUCKING KNEW IT!" called James from the middle of the crowd, which he shoved through "I knew it! I knew it! You've been acting funny for months!"

"We are deffinately broken up now Sirius" Snarled Marianne from near where James had been standing

"Oh good lord, how embarassing" Remus heard his Dad groan, he was standing quite near them and had his head in his hands

"Is that your Dad Rem?" snapped Sirius, glaring, poutily but furiously

"Yeah" said Remus shyly

"Oi! Lupin!" he called, his dad looked up through his fingers "What's wrong with you"

"Where do I start?" he said, his face burning red

"Your sons gay, you're going to have to deal with him having a **LOVER** sometime!" at the mention of the emphsised word, the room began to mutter "Yes, his lover! Well done all for not being deaf"

"I don't have a problem with Remus having a..." he swallowed, Sirius waited for him to finish his sentence "you know... having a... friend... a special friend"

"A boyfriend, Dad" said Remus exasperatedly

"yeah, one of those. I don't have a problem with that. I just don't like it on display infornt of me"

"Well, there were a lot of men and women kissing, you didn't seem to have a problem with them" Sirius advanced on Remus's father. The image of 5 ft 9" Sirius trying to intimidate his 6ft 5" father was, in an odd sort of way, quite funny

"The other couples didn't involve my son!"

"Padfoot, he's got a point, just leave him" Remus was now buring as red as his Dad. Atleast now he knew where he got his blushing problem from

"No Remus!"

"Sirius... please?" Remus pulled his secret weapon, the puppy dog eyes. Instantly the glare on Sirius's face melted into an apologetic smile

"I'm sorry Remus... he shouldn't make like you've done something wrong"

"I know, thak you for sticking up for me"

"love you" said Sirius, pulling Remus into a tight hug

"love you too"

"_Awwww!" _trilled the party guests. Remus felt himself flushing bright red again, Sirius quickly let go of him. James hopped over to them

"Well? When did this start"

"First full moon in Novemeber"

"Oh" said James knowingly with a cheeky twinge of his eye brows "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"We were't sure how you'd take it" shrugged Remus

"Oh come on! I dealt with your furry little probem pretty spectacularly, didn't I?"

"Yeah... it's a bad reason but... we just weren't sure how to break it to you" said Sirius, losing his balance a bit

"I'd already guessed"

"I know" said Remus "So you're alright with it?"

"Yes stupid" he said, ruffling Remus's hair. He turned to the staring crowd, who awww-ed again "Well! Carry on! It's rude to stare you know!" with that, Charlus Potter clicked his record player back on and the party quickly returned to it's previous merry drunken state.

_A/N – I bet you didn't know Sirius Black invented Grinding. _


	23. The Storm

_A/N I has a slight warning for you, my wonderful beautiful saucy reader! This chapter get's a bit dark toward the end. (There is bloody war on after all!) So beware, Lord Voldy's on the rise._

The Lupins were in their kitchen, after departing quite suddenly from the party. Remus sat at one end of the kitchen table, his parents stood at the other.

"So..." said his dad uncomfortably, arms folded, shoulders hunched. His Mum looked up at his and rolled her eyes

"...so" replied Remus, with an awkward smile

"Look, Remus... we're your parents"  
"Ten out of ten Sherlock" he smirked

"Don't be mean Remus" said his mum

"Sorry"

"Carry on John"

"Right, we're your parents. When you start a... a... relationship, you should tell us"

"Okay. To be fair, you didn't exactly react well to finding out I was gay. I assumed you wouldn't want to hear"

"I... I have to want to hear Rem, I'm your father"

"Okay, well... I have a boyfriend"

"Tell us about him" said his mum excitedly, her eyes brightening up

"His name is Sirius Black. But I suppose you already knew that, considering we were friends for two years.... uh... he's a Black, he hates his parents because they're all crazy about the pure blood thing... he's much clever than he lets on, he like to play pranks and jokes... er he's brave, he's noble, he's ridiculously loyal... a lot like James really. Probably why they get on so well. We got together properly like, seven weeks, or so, ago, when he was... er looking after me after me... after the full moon"

"Do you think it's serious?" asked his mum, eye's alight with glee and curiosity

"He loves me, I love him. So... yes"

"That's wonderful. Isn't it wonderful John?" his dad looked vaguely terrified, a little confused and mostly, something not as strong as disgusted but something near it.

"Yep, wonderful.... just fucking wonderful"

"Can I go now?"

"No, we need to have a chat about sex" said his mum earnestly

"Jesus christ" said Remus and his dad in unison, both begining to blush

"You know not to rush into anything, don't you?"

"Yes mum"

"And you know to stay safe"

"Yes mum"

"And by that I mean using condoms" his mumsounded serious, but Remus detected an evil glint in her eye. His Dad, looked on the verge of explosion

"YES! Rhea okay! Thank you! He knows!"

"Can I go now?"

"Yes go, please for the love of God go" said his dad desperately shooing him out

"G'night sweet heart"

"Night mum, night dad" said Remus quickly. Flying out of the room like it was on fire.

*

"Has Remus gone?" asked Sirius as he staggered over to James

"Yeah, his parents kind of made him-"

"AWW NO!"

"Yeah... Sorry, he's gone... have you had something else to drink?" said James, backing away, Sirius was standing just that little bit too close to him

"YES! You know James, Prongs, Jamesy, Jimmy Boy... I know me and Rem are in love... I love him so much James. I really do"

"Right..."

"I love you too" Sirius, threw his arms around James's neck "Not like the way I love Rem, but you're like a brother to me"

"Great, love you too Sirius... you can let go now"

"You are my best friend" Sirius's grip tightened

"Thanks, you're my best friend too"

"I love you! I love Remus! I even love Peter! Stupid, fat, arse kisser that he is, I love him"

"That's... good for you Sirius... if you could just let go of me... now"

"Jutst enjoy the moment James, feel the love!"

Sirius woke up the next morning with his head in the Potter's toilet. His nose was blocked and running, his brain felt like it was going to burst out of his head, his chest and throat burnt with every breath. He whimpered and ran his tongue across the roof of his mouth, it was dry and all he tasted was vomit.

"Fuck me" he groaned, pulling his head up from the toilet bowl, he flinched at the sunlight "Aah... fuck... bright" He peeled himself from the Potter's bathroom floor and dragged his feet downstairs, Mrs Potter must've been up for a while, as the living room was already clean, he continued to scrape his feet alomg the floor till he reached the kitchen, where the Potter's were sat picturesquely round their kitchen table, Mr. Potter was reading the paper, James was eating eggs and Mrs. Potter was hacking at her slightly over cooked bacon.

"You're up" said Mr Potter brightly

"I can't remember anything... why do I feel awful?"

"Well" began James with a smirk "When you got here, you were pissed, you're hung over"

"Now you mention it, I do vaguely remember down a two hundred year old botle of elf made wine before I left the house" Sirius's head was still punding, but memories were coming back, fuzzily and broken

"You had half a bottle of fire whisky on you as well You crashed into a tree after flying outside in the snow for two hours"

"You broke your arm, and I think you've gotten a nasty cold and and a cough" said Mrs. Potter

"That explains why I feel like shit"

"Language!" laughed Mr. Potter "hmm, the England team sighned a new player"

"Who?" asked James eagerly

"I've turned the page now!... I'm not turning back... erm, Young Irish lad, plays beater for the Torrnado's... Cunnigham I think"

"_Caelan _Cunnigham" snarled Sirius

"mmhmm, that's his name"

"Bastard! Complete utter bastard he is! I can't believe a prick like that could have such good luck!" said Sirius angrily. James's parents gave him a concerned look

"Oh... he was at Hogwarts with us, he's not a nice person"

"He's a bastard that's what he is!"

"Yes Sirius, we know" said James smirking at him

"What's with the smirky look you've had on your face since I got here?"

"Merlin Sirius! Don't you remember anything that happned last night" he giggled

"No... what did I do?" all three of the Potter's were laughing now "What? Don't tease me when I feel this crappy"

"Well, everyone found out about you and Remus" sniggered James

"Oh... we told people?"

"You didn't need to tell us, you started sucking his face in the middle of our living room"

"I didn't"

"You did, you were so drunk, you forgot what Remus's dad was some sort of freaky giant and started on him for being embarrassed." Sirius's jaw dropped.

"Wow... did I turn into like a complete stupid arse hole or something?"

"You did a bit... Marianne Ball, your stalker, was here and you made her cry"

"I'd want to apologise... but, if I do, she'd start following me again"

"No, I don't image she would. She was present for the kissing incident" Sniggered Mr. Potter

"I'll never live this down, will I?" The Potter's exchanged a glance and a smirk and answered unanimously

"No"

"You got so much worse after Remus left as well" added James

"I did?" James opened his mouth "NO! I don't want to know! Stop it, shut up!"

*

_Sirius – How are you. I know the answer'll be hung over, so pointless question really. Hope you don't have too bad a cold for going back to school – love Remus x_

_**Remus- How did you guess. I never thought a headache could last almost two days, but, there you go. Don't think I've ever vomited as much in my entire life. Cold is pretty bad, can't breath through nose and breathing through mouth makes me cough and hurts my chest. I feel like shit. My oneconsolation being that we'll be back at Hogwarts tomorow. I do hate coming home for Christmas. In fact, I hate coming home, period – Sirius x**_

_Sirius – Aww, Poor baby. I'm smirking in your general direction, get well soon – Remus x _

_**Remus – Don't be mean, on a scale of oneto ten, how much of a twat did I act at the New Years party? – Sirius x**_

_Sirius – You were at about a seven when I left – Remus x_

*

"Remus!" called James from across platform nine and three quarters. Sirius was just behind him, carrying their brooms while James had the trunks

"Hiya" Said Remus brightly "You came together?"

"Yeah, Sirius stayed at mine for the last few days of the holidays. We just popped round his this morning to pick up his things" said James

"Mother was not happy" said Sirius darkly "Not happy at all"

"Shit... she didn't hurt you did she?"

"No, she just shouted. Stuff like that she tends to take out on Reg" Sirius swallowed "Anyway, shall we get on the train? We'll be out of compartments soon. Don't want to share" he mumbled, hurrying onto the Hogwarts Express. James and Remus exchanged a worried glance and hurried behind Sirius.

"This one's empty" Sirius continued to mutter, he shoved the brooms into the overhead compartments

"Oi! Watch it!" snapped James "Be gentle with that!"

"Sorry Mum" sneered Sirius. They got settled and Remus unfurled the _Daily Prophet_ he'd bought that morning for the train

"Did you hear about Cunnigham getting sighned for the England team" said James with a roll of his eyes

"I did" said Remus reciprocating the eye roll. Soon, the boys spotted the familiar podgey sihouette of Peter through the glass on the compartment door

"In here Wormtail!" called James

"Hullo" said Peter sadly, plonking himself down next to James after putting his trunk away. James soon began his obligatory ramble about his futile love for Evans, while Sirius and Peter reassured him. Remus, was too absorbed in the prophet to speak to them, till he noticed a particularly disturbing on the prophets first page

"Have any of you three read the prophet this morning?" asked Remus

"No, is this the Roth murders?" asked James

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"My dad had to go after the bastards that did it. Couldn't catch them" said James grimly

"I didn't hear anything about this" said Sirius indignantly

"Because you were like, dead with your cold yesterday"

"I didn't hear about it either" said Peter "What does the article say"

Remus cleared his throat and read aloud

" "_Manhunt begins for Roth Murder – One Muggle and Six Wizards were found dead in their in house Gloucester city centre yesterday evening. The bodies were that of the Roth family. Muggle Liason officer Jaques Roth, 44, appeared to have died dueling in order to protect his muggle wife Patricia, 39, who was murdered quickly after her husbands defeat. Their five children" _Remus faltered"Oh christ "_their five children were also killed. Their oldest son Mathieu, 16, like his father, died dueling. Protecting his two youngest sisters, Georgette, 9 and Claudia, 4" _Remus felt an uneasy lump rise in his throat "Jesus Christ... "_Eldest daughter Annabell, 15" _Remus's reading tailed off. Annabell Roth was in his DADA tutoring group.

"What's the matter Moony?" asked Sirius, who was looking pale and uneasy

"I tutored Annabell in DADA... we're... we were friends... I saw that it was the Roth family... I didn't think it would be her... " A horrible sickly feeling rose in Remus

"Merlin's beard Moony" said James shaking his head. Remus cleared his throat and carried on reading

" "_Eldest daughter, Annabell, 15, died protecting her infant brother, Rufus, aged just six months." _They've got to be fucking joking" said Remus gravely before he soldiered on with the article "_At the scene of her death one Bartholomew Avery was found stunned"" _Remus laughed, a few tears now spilling down his face

"What is it Rem?" said Sirius concernedly

"I spent months working on stunning spells with her" Remus smiled "Obviously it wasn't enough to save her" He wiped his face and continued the article " erm... _found stunned. Unfortunately, the spell didn't last long enough, and he escaped before he could be aprehended by top auror Charlus Potter and recently qualified Kingsley Shaklebot..."" _Remus remembered meeting Kingsley Shaklebot at the party "... calm before the storm" Remus mumbled to himself "_... it is suspected that muliple dark wizards would have been at the scene, but none were found. As Avery fled the scene, he cast an unidentifiable charm, producing the image of a green skull with a snake putrouding from it's mouth. The Aurors later discovered a note pinned to Rufus Roth, which read:"" _Remus read ahead, almost gagging "erm... this is... fuck... _which read: _

_**Mud Bloods and Blood traitors beware**__. __**The purest of our race are tired of living in secret, tired of hiding like rats from the inferior muggles, tired of men like Jaques Roth dirtying our blood line with their filthy muggle lovers, tired of disgusting mud blood children like this being educated amongst ourselves. This war has been brewing since the turn of this decade, no longer will we act under the wire. **_

_**The Dark Lord shall rise. **_

_**Great and terrible like a tidal wave, to wash away the filth that so brazanly dirtys our blood. This once great race has become weak and pathetic, purification is the only way.**_

_**Mudbloods and blood traitors prepare yourselves, for the dark lord has no mercy. There will be more just like this. More families, more children, more babies. All in the name of the Dark lord's noble and necessacry work**_

_The minister has commented, telling people not to panic. Saying that their is no chance a war will break out, and that this un-named group is no threat and will be taken into custody before another murder occours."" _Remus set the paper down

"My dad reckons that's bollocks" said James, all the colour had also drained from his face. "he said that for the last few years, there've been some really dodgey looking muggle murders and muggle born murders. This group of wizards, whoever they are, are tired of their "purification" being passed off as random hate crimes and muggle baitings, so they're making a big deal of it. Merlin knows who this dark lord is, but my dad thinks he's about twenty times worse than Grindelwald"

"This is the first we've heard of him though" said Sirius, in denial

"No matter how evil Grindelwald got, he never killed little kids... he never killed fucking babies" spat Remus, his fist's clenched. He just wished he taught Annabell something a little more powerful, he knew there was no way a fifteen year old girl could protect herself from a fully qualified wizard, probably using dark magic, but Remus couldn't shake this feeling of guilt he had

"You alright mate?" asked James sadly

"yeah I'm alright" he said, through clenched teeth, tears begining to burn his eyes again.

"Come here" said Sirius, pulling him into a weak hug and then an equally weak, if well meaning, kiss

"What the fuck?" called Peter jumping up from his seat

"Oh yeah... Remus and Sirius are going out with each other" said James lazily, eyes buring as he eyed up the paper

"What? When did... what?" said Peter, looking like this was more distubing than the murder of seven people

"Oh for fucks sake Peter, this had been going on for a few months, sit down and shut up! There are more important things to think about right now!" Snarled Sirius. Peter looked guilty and slid down into his chair

Hardly a word was spoken for the entire train journey. The entire train seemed eerily quiet, even the usually cheerful, trolly witch hardly said a word when she came with her notciably full sweet trolly. It seemed Peter was the only person on the train capable of eating. Even when they arrived back at the castle, the students were gravely silent. At dinner only the Slytherin table rose above a quiet murmur. Mathieu Roth's Hufflepuff gilfriend had become hysterical and had to be escorted out of the hall by Proffessor Sprout, and Flitwick, both Mathieu and Annabell had been in his house, had also left soon after her in a flood of tears. It was at that point that Dumbledore cleared their plates and rose up from the staff table.

"Quiet, students please" there was little need to call for silence, as most sad mumbled conversations had ground to a halt when Mathieu's girlfriend had been lead out the hall to calm down "Welcome back, as we enter 1975, as much as I would've liked to welcome you back on a positive note. Unfortunately the murder's of students Mathieu and Annabell Roth and their family, marks the begining of very dark times ahead. The Minister and the _Daily Prophet_ have assured us that a war is not coming. But I am afraid this war has been under way for almost four years. A dark wizard, a Dark Lord supposedly, is hell bent on the purification of the wizarding race. He has a small collection of devoted followers and will soon try to raise an army. I beg of you all to be on your guard and to stay united. No matter what the Daily Prophet or the Minister says, we **are** at war."

*

As the note found pinned to Rufus Roth had promised; there were more murders.

The next after the Roths were the Fords, who were a mostly muggle family of two parents, two grandparents and three young girls. Only the eldest daughter was a witch and was in her first year at Hogwarts.

The next to die were, the Prewetts. It was only the elderly Mr and Mrs Prewett who had died, the attack had been planned for a newly preganant Molly and Arthur Weasley and their two little boys, who had been planning on visiting the Prewetts that weekend, but were unable to come when little Charlie got himself bitten by a garden gnome. Fabian and Gideon Prewett publically swore revenge on the people who killed their parents and threatened their sister. The Weasley's went into hiding.

After the Prewetts came the Trouts, who were not all murdered. Patrick and Dahlia, the adults, a pair of aurors who had arrested many wizzard over the years for muggle baiting, were murdered but their children, eight year old twins Elliot and Alexi were tortured. Elliot was killed after an hour or so, but Alexi was tortured for what might have been hours, and driven to insanity. When he was discovered by the body of his brother, shaking, covered in burns, cuts, bruises and showing signs of repetative use of the cruciatus curse, as soon as the auror touched him he had a seizure and for the rest of his life, he repeated the same five minutes of converstaion. This was recoreded and released in the _Daily Prophet_:

_he drops his voice down low and swings his head to the right "Bella my love, the dark lord will be pleased" _

_He throws his voice high, and swings his head left "I know, teaches the flithy mud blood scum not to breed, doesn't it, crucio!" _

_voice low, head right "Dirty little mudblood bitch" _

_voice high, head left "Naughty language! Roddy, want to have a go on this one?" _

_his voice changes to his own "No, please, not again please" _

_voice low, head right "You'd rather we hurt your brother?"_

_his own voice again "No! Please just leave us alone... I'll give you all my toys" _

_voice high, head left "You hear that Roddy? The mudblood is barganing" _

_voice low, head right "I do hear Bella, I do! I'd rather hear him beg. Little mudblood?" _

_his own voice "Yes sir?" _

_voice low head right "I want you to beg to Bella" _

_his own voice, full of panic "Please don't hurt us Bella!"_

_voice low, head right "CRUCIO! How dare you speak to my wife like that Mudblood! You call her, Mrs. Lestrange... BEG FOR MERCY" _

_his own voice, him now crying uncontrolably "Please Mrs. Lestrange, don't hurt us! Please Mrs Lestrange! Please! Please!" _

_voice low head right "Will that do, Bella? Are you going to hurt him hurt him?"_

_voice high, head left "No"_

_his own voice changes to a sigh of relief and tears of joy "Thank you Mrs Lestrange, thank you" _

_voice high, head left "That is. No, I wouldn't if it were up to me. But __**Lord Voldemort**__ would be greatly displeased... tell you what. I'm going to crucio you-"_

_his own voice, now an ear splitting horrific wail "NO! Not again! PLEASE MRS LESTRANGE!" _

_voice high, head left "let me finish silly mudblood! I'm going to crucio you, and if you can be a good little boy and not scream, I'll let your brother live. If you do scream, he dies. Fair?"_

_His own voice, completely uncontrolled, a horrific tantrumus scream "FAIR- YES – FAIR – PLEASE"_

_Voice high, head left "CRUCIO" _

_His own voice, a blood curdling shreik and a faint whimper of "no, please" lost among tears and gurgled among saliva_

_Voice low, head right "Oh dear. Someone's been a bad boy for screaming, and now his brother dies"_

_His own voice, simply a burbled wail_

_Voice low, head right "AVADA KEDAVRA"_

_His own voice still a weak distraught gurgle "El-" broken by a hiccup "-iot?"_

_Voice high, head left "He's dead now little Mudblood. This is what happens when your parents offend Lord Voldemort. He would like an apology"_

_His own voice, small strength rising through the feeble cry "No."_

_Voice high, head left completely outraged and disgusted, a scream "HOW DARE YOU REFUSE THE WILL OF LORD VOLDEMORT! CRUCIO! CRUCIO! CRUCIO!"_

_A sick gurgling choking sound, the boy convulses and seizes. And this starts all over again._

"_Bella my love, the Dark Lord will be pleased"..._

After that, evil had a name. Lord Voldemort. Aurors also had another pair of targets to ad on top of Avery, the Lestranges.

The next attack was aimed at the Khans, a pureblood family with one squib son, Taral, and a normal witch daughter, Anjali. The entire family was murdered, apart from the squib son was tortured to insanity like Alexi Trout. Taral would only scream the words "Death Eaters" and like Alexi, he was prone to violent seizures and died not too long after his family's murder.

The next attack came as suddenly as the last. The Peck family, another mixed marriage, suffered at the hands of Voldemort. The muggle father, Steven, was found hunched over his pregnant wife, Cecille, who had been heavily pregnant, she was clawing for her wand. There house was completely destroyed and their young children were crushed. It was then that the Daily prophet reported this "Lord" Voldemort had enlisted giants. The note they left pressed in the rigid cold hand of Cecille read:

_Careful little Aurors, we forgot to collect our giant – Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. _It took three weeks to capture said giant, Voldemort had let him loose on the Fens and marshes by where the Pecks had lived.

With the disturbing message "Half Breeds Beware" etched in blood across a country house in Northumberland, came the murder of vampire Ivan Alucard and his witch wife Jennifer, their one daughter, Keesa, was missing, presumed dead.

With that seventh attack in four months, the ministry finnally anounced that they were indeed, at war.


	24. Marauders, mapmaking and beyond bad news

Fisher and Katrina had not, as Remus had feared they might, let Annabell's murder be a kock to their confidence as it had been to Remus's. On the first gloomy January evening they had met after hearing the news, the first thing Fisher did was hug Remus and say how amazing it was that she'd stunned a fully grown wizard, and it had been Remus who's helped her do that. Katrina even had place a comforting hand on his shoulder as silent tears poured down her cheek, she must have picked up on his guilt, she said the same as Fisher had but added he had nothing to feel guilty about, that there was nothing he could have taught her that would have saved her. Since then, both Fisher and Katrina had doubled their effort and demanded their work load be doubled as well. Soon they were both certain to achieve an O in their upcoming OWL exam.

He wished he could say the same for his Transfiguration group. Ever since Roth's murders Michael Weller had been arrving at the lessons with a horrible smug little smirk on his face, that made Remus want to turn him into a ant and stamp on him. Though the three other members of the group Jane Parker, Layla Leon and Martin Green had been trying their best, that fucking Weller just got to him. He sneered and sniggered, he ignored and yawned and he was as insolent and moody as child in their terrible two's. He was so irritating that after one session in early April, when the group though Remus was much further out of earshot than he acctually was the rest of the group had ganged up on him.

"Oi Weller" Snapped Martin in his thick scouse accent "come 'ere"

"What do you want" he grunted

"We want to... um... what do we want to do again Marty?" asked Layla dizzily

"We want you to stop behaving like such a twat to Remus" growled Martin

"You're not big and you aren't funny. No one thinks you're being clever by deliberatley fucking up in these lessons" said Jane darkly

"I'll do what I want" Remus heard a scrape and a thud against the wall

"No you won't. You'll stop acting like a fucking child and accept Remus's help-" began Martin warningly

"I don't need help from a fucking fag" Weller muttered.

"Don't call Remus a fag! You're a fag! Remus is like, really cool and clever and stuff! And What can you do! Quidditch! That's all!" snapped Layla deffiantly. Jane sighed and performed a hex under her breath, soon Remus was treated to the sight of Weller running past him clutching his bottom, feeling very warm and fuzzy that Marting, Jane and Layla (bless her) would go to the trouble to threaten Weller for him

*

"It's five o'clock, we need to make out way down to the Shrieking Shack" said Remus warily, staggering a little as he entered the dorm. Sirius looked up at poor Remus. He was already shaking, he had thick dark circles beneath his eyes and what little colour he had was drained from his face. James, who had been searching for his Herbology essay dropped the llid of his trunk shut on his fingers

"AACK! FUCK!" he shook his hand and blew his fingers "Come on Wormtail" he said pained. Peter smiled and nodded curtly, dropping the quill he'd been absent mindedly twirling. Sirius walked over to Remus and place a supportive arm round his lover's shoulders. They hadn't quite made it to the "telling everyone how we feel about eachother" thing they'de planned, what seemed an age ago, at New Years. They hadn't even said "I love you" to each other since. At least, now they were free to hug and kiss in the dorm, James had even become quite used ot the sight of the two of them together, though seeing still gave Peter the shivers. Remus smiled apprciatively at the arm Sirius had given him and repayed the favour with a quick and feeble kiss on Sirius's neck

"Thanks Sirius" he said weakly, still shaking as they began to walk out the dorm, down to the comon room

"No problem" he gave Remus a quick nuzzle "Your lips are chapped"

"I always get a bit run down at the full moon though, don't I" he said sadly

"Poor baby" Said Sirius sticking out his bottom lip, Remus snorted, and gave Sirius a very soft, playful whack on his chest

"Hang on" said James "Let Pete go ahead" they nodded and Peter descended the stairs of the common room, he looked around and ushered them down

"Coast's clear"

"Thanks Pete. It would make life so much easier for us if my Dad would just give me his bloody invisbility cloak" huffed James

"Stop whinging Prongs, he probably still needs it for work or something" Said Sirius as he helped Remus down the stairs

"Which route are we taking?" asked Remus faintly

"We'll just walk straight out through the enterance hall, that is, if you're still concious by the time we get you down" James warned

"I will be. You've given me plenty of time today" smiled Remus

"Of course we have! We're proffesionals now" grinned Sirius "Are you alright climbing through the portrait hole by yourself?"

"Yeah should be" Peter went ahead again, and pulled Remus through the hole "Thanks Pete"

"No problem" he smiled and checked around a bit "You know, I don't think I need to check if the coast's clear today. What with Remus being awake and everything"

"Yeah you're probably right" Sirius put his arm round Remus again and they carried on making their way out side "I've had the strangest feeling though"

"What do you mean?" asked Remus

"I don't know... I've just felt like we were being followed... watched"

"You think so?" asked James a panic spreading across his face. Remus jerked his head round

"I thought I saw someone last moon" Remus swallowed "I didn't say anything because I thought I was just imagining things"

"You probably were. We're just being paranoid. C'mon" Said James shaking his head but still looking panicked as he sped up. The four boys were now walking consideably faster than usual. They practically began jogging when they reached the enterance hal, that is, until they bumped into a familiar face

"where are you going Potter?" asked Snape snidely

"Just outside. Why? Am I not allowed or something?" he narled, advancing on Snape

"No, just seems strange"

"What's strange Snivellous?" sneered James

"That you're going outdoors at six O'clock in the evening, it's getting cold" Snape said with a curl of his lip and a shrug "What's wrong with Lupin?"

"What?" said Remus dizzily

"What's wrong with you? You look like shit"

"Thanks for that" Said Remus, rolling his eyes

"Pot calling the kettle black, isn't it Snivley" snarled Sirius, shoving the boy with his free arm

"oof" Snape rubbed the spot on his chest where Sirius had shoved him "Upset that I offeneded your boyfriend Black?" he sneered

"As a matter of fact, yes" said Sirius proudly, quite certain he would regrett that later. Snape cackled and James shoved him out of the way

"Move it you little grease ball" he growled

"Ask nicely Potter" he smirked, James, with a glare, raised his wand and-

"_Stupefy!_" Remus had pulled his wand from his pocket and beaten James to the hex

"Remus!" said Sirius with a laugh "It's not like you to be-" Remus rolled his eyes and interupted Sirius

"I know and I don't care, now get me down to the fucking shack" he snarled

"Yes sir" said Sirius with a smirk.

*

Not too long after that full moon, Sirius was struck with an idea

"I want revenge of Snivellous" he snarled

"Why for goodnes sake? He didn't do anything to you" begged Remus

"he needs to know not to get in out way like that" said James in agreement with Sirius

"We haven't pulled a prank in ages" said Peter "With the war, it'll be exactly what people need to cheer them up"

"Exactly, we'll be doing a public service" nodded James

"Fine... can you just... don't aim it specifically at Snape" said Remus "Sometimes... well it just... Do something to the Slytherins instead... if you get all of them, it'll be funnier"

"That's an idea" said Sirius menichally, a plan forming in his head "Something to piss off every single member of Slytherin house..."

"That sound like a little much"

"No... we can do it... we just have to think big" said James joining Sirius with plotting

"We could do someting to their common room" suggested Peter

"Yes! Genius!" said James, Peter grinned. Remus rolled his eyes

"What are you going to do to their common room?" he shook his head at them

"We could booby trap it" suggested Peter again

"Too simple, too juvenile anyway" James frowned a little

"Juvenile? Is there such thing as a mature prank?" snorted Remus

"Yes, if it involves complex magic"

"Complex magic eh?" said Remus, getting sucked into the plan making, as he always did, eventually "You could transfigure a load of the furniture into wild animals, make their common room like a zoo" he proposed. Sirius, James and Peter grinned at eachother

"Don't I have the best boyfriend" said Sirius wrapping his arm round Remus's waist and giving him a proud kiss on the cheek

*

"..._Absaloutley unbelievable_! How the four of you could manage to do this... It's..." Slughorn twiddled his huge moustache

"Impressive?"

"NO MR POTTER IT IS NOT IMPRESSIVE"

"It was only a suggestion Proffessor Slughorn"

"Detention! All of you for three weeks!"

"Proffesor, I have classes to teach"

"Oh that right Mr. Lupin... fine, no detention for you, but you're banned from the years remaining Hogsmeade trips"

"Fair enough" shrugged Remus

"Three weeks detention is a little harsh sir, considering we already turned all the animals back to furniture" Pouted Sirius

"A little harsh? If anything it's extremely gracious! Just three weeks detention! Compared to all the time Filch and the house elves are going to have to spend cleaning Zebra droppings from the common room! The Hogwarts teaching staff are often far too easy on your your little gang of... _**Marauders**_" he spat, James giggled and beamed

"WHAT are you laughing at Mr. Potter?"

"Nothing it's just Marauders... sums us up perfectly"

"Indeed... as I was saying; The Hogwarts teaching staff are oftn very easy on you four, apparently talent in the classroom makes up for misdemeaner's outside it. This is not the kind of behavior that should be accepted or even tolerated from _fourth year_ students. At such a time of war as well" he shook his head violently "I am especially disappointed in you Mr. Lupin, you should know better"

"I should?"

"Yes! You're on McGonagall's shortlist for Prefects next year, and I suggest, that if you wish to gain that honour, you buck your idea's up!"

"Okay... can we go sir?"

"You will go when I say you can go!" Said Slughorn furiously. He looked back and forth and faltered "...You may go" The boys stood up and left Slughorn's office. As soon as they were deffinately out of ear shot, James burst out laughing.

"What's wrong with you" said Peter curiously

"Moony!"

"What about me"

"Slughorn! Thinking being a prefect is an honour! What a burke!" he cackled "The way he was talking, it was like he expected you to stop having fun just so you could be a prefect" Remus smiled

"He's a tosser, but I wwouldn't mind being a prefect you know" he said casually "the bathroom's really... useful" he winked at Sirius

"You're guaranteed to get the badge though, aren't you" said Peter "with all the tutoring you do"

"Honestly, I doubt it. I'm friends with you three aren't I" he smiled

"Yeah, but you're the best one out of all of us. You hardly ever get in trouble, you don't pull all the pranks like us" said James

"You seem to be forgetting who the mastermind behind this plan was" Said Sirius, smiling proudly at Remus

"I suppose" Said James "It would've been all the more impressive had he thought of a way to make sure Slughorn and Filch didn't catch us"

"We should've brought that weird arse sixth year along with us" said Sirius with a smirk

"Who?" asked Peter

"You know, the one who reckons she can see into the future" he explained

"Oh! You mean Sybill Trelawny" exclaimed Peter

"That's her!" said Sirius with a snap of his fingers

"Something tells me that she's lying" said Remus with a smirk "she goaded me into having my tea leaves read in my first year. She got all teary and said, "my dear, I am afraid I foresee terrible things... in your twenty first year you will be bitten, by a werewolf" needless to say I practically pissed myself laughing"

"Bless her, the stupid bint" said James with a roll of his eyes "It's a shame she can't acctually do it though. I'd happily let her hang round with us if she did. Think of the potential of knowing when a teacher or a Filch was coming..."

"Acctually" said Peter with a knowing smirk "I've heard of a way you can" James scowled and looked over at Sirius and Remus

"Seriously?" said James doubtfully

"Mmhmm, enchanted map"

"Enchanted..." James blinked and shook his head, a grin forming on his face "Peter, you're a genius! A complete genius... I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner" James continued to shake his head and doubled his speed

"Where are you going" asked Sirius

"Where are we going"

"Whatever"

"To the library my fellow Marauder"

"ugh, Why?"

"To do some reading on plotting and enchanting maps" He grinned and began to jog. With a roll of their eyes and a few apathetic shrugs, Sirius, Remus and Peter followed.

*

Since the idea had hit him, James's had become obsessed with plotting a map of Hogwarts. Over the next few weeks neither Remus, Sirius nor Peter saw him without his nose burried deep in one book or another on map making, or bent over a piece of parchment with a pencil, his wand and a quill. He had also begun incessantly reffering to him and his three friends as the Marauders, something which ammused Remus and sirius, but confused Peter, as he no idea what the word meant.

*

They sat down at the first breakfast in May. There hadn't been an attack in a while, and a thick fog of tension and unease hung in the great hall as the post and_ Daily Prophet_s arrived. The muggle born and half blood students seemed to be waiting for news of an attack on or the death of a relative or a friend and all took their letters from their owl's gingerly and opened them like the letter might explode. Remus bought the Prophet and an owl dropped a letter in his lap. He nervously opened the prophet and scanned the front cover for news of an attack

"Oh Shit" he groaned, his heart skipping a beat and a nervous sickness filling his senses

"What is it?" asked Peter. Remus read the headline

"_13 Killed in_ _Attack on Post Office [see page 3]_"

"And?" frowned Peter

"Moony's dad works at the post office" said Sirius sharply. His voice becoming gentle he shuffled closer to Remus and grasped his hand under the table. McGonagall walked briskly into the Great Hall and Put her hand on Remus's shoulder

"Mr. Lupin... I'm afraid I have some bad news for you... I'd like you to come with me, up to my office" Remus ignored her and began to read the article

"_Yesterday evening, as day employee's were preparing to leave, four masked wizards forcefully entered the Hogsmeade Post Office. The wizards demanded every employee to come to the front of the Office and state their blood purity. All Wizards and Wiches of a pure blood status were allowed to leave, provided they would not alert the authorities for atleast one hour. An instruction which most ignored, as aurors were on their way within ten minutes of the employee's release._

_Unfortunately in that time, the 13 half blood and muggle born employees [see below for names] of the Post Office were" _Remus swallowed, praying the next word would not be what he knew it was_ "killed... by the four wizards, later identified as some of Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters. Upon investigation, none were tortured and all appeared to have died without pain._

_The Death Eaters were not identified and are still being tracked by the entire Auror department..." _There was more left to read, but Remus stopped. He began to shake, he felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach and broke out in a cold sweat.

"Don't panic Rem" said Sirius voce full of dread. Remus dropped his paper, hands goign numb, he was unable to hold it

"I think my dad is dead" he said flatly

"Mr. Lupin, I suggest you come with me" Said McGonagall urgently

"No, he won't be" Sirius shook his head

"He's muggle born. Of course he is" the numb feeling spreading up his arms. Sirius shook his head, and grasped wildly for the paper

"He might not be... you didn't read the list of names at the bottom... he might've gotten away!" said Sirius, messily opening the paper, dropping loose pages fom it's centre everwhere "Wait.. listen" Remus didn't want to listen. He wanted to read the letter on his lap.

"Mr Black, do not-" McGonagal's snap was interupted

"Names of the desceased" read Sirius quickly "Sylvia Brand, Romona Brown, Thomas Drewer, Penny Edwards, Alex Gordon, John Lupin... oh" he said nervously. Remus ignored Sirius, taking his hand out of Sirius's and opening his letter. From his mother. The handwriting was barely legible, irratic and spidery, and there were tear stains on the parchment, the ink had run

_Dear Remus – There was an attack on the post office yesterday night. Your father was killed. They said, at the hospital, that he didn't suffer. It was a simple Avada Kedavra. The funeral is on Thursday and I've written to Dumbledore, he's giving you Thursday and Friday off. I'll be coming to Hogsmeade to pick you up, you'll be meeting me at the station, and I'll take you home. All my love, mum x_

"Mr. Lupin?"

"Yes Proffesor"

"Please come to my office"

"Why... he's dead... what else is there to say?" Remus got up from the table, pushing past McGonagall, he began his way, slowly and shakily up to Gryffindor tower. He wondered if his friends or the proffessor would follow him. He didn't care. He just wanted to be alone. It had seemed like an eternity before he finnally got to his dorm. Where he sat quietly on his bed and drew the hangings around him, his mother's letter gripped tightly in his numb, shaking hand. The door creaked oped slowly.

*

Sirius begged Peter, James and McGonagall not to come with him as he followed Remus up to the dorm. He had called after him, but Remus was either too wrapped up in his thoughts to hear him or choosing not to. He entered the dorm tentaively

"Remus?" No answer, the hangings were drawn around Remus's bed; he was there, Sirius had watched him go up to the dorm "I know you're there Remus" still no answer "Are you okay?.. stupid question... of course you aren't... erm... is there anything I can do to help?..." no answer "Remus... please... I don't know what to do... but..." he sighed "oh I don't know..." Remus stuck his head out through the curtains, his face eerily expressionless. He got up and threw himself at Sirius, knocking Sirius to the wall plunging his tongue deeply into his mouth

"Remus, what the hell are you doing?" Remus ignore him and began to unbotton Sirius's shirt

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he said flatly, pulling the belt from Sirius's trousers

"Well... This isn't a good idea"

"It is. I need a distraction. You're perfect"

"Rem... Come on" he said, stepping away from Remus

"Just do me a favour and shut up for once" Remus dropped to his knee's and unzipped Sirius's trousers, yanking them dow to his ankles

"I... I don't understand why you're doing this" Remus fingered the elastic of his under wear, his hands cold and clammy "I mean, taking your mind off this, I understand... but... is this an appropriate way to do it?"

"Absaloutely not" said Remus nodding in agreement, slowly pulling Sirius's underwear down. Sirius blushed, ashamed he could be so aroused in a situation like this. He opened his mouth to protest, but this died away the moment Remus's hot, wet, mouth softly worked it's way onto Sirius's hard, wanting flesh.

_A/N – A slight warning here! I'm going to be visiting family (ugh, I know, stupid fucking families : P) till next Wednesday so the next update will take a lot longer than usual, sorry! In my absence feel free to give me lots of wonderful reviews to come home to! _


	25. The Funeral

_A/N. Hey hey hey! I've returned from the family with a new chapter (w00t!) It's a bit depressing, absaloutley no fun to write. Damn that Voldemort! Damn him!_

James Potter had, at age nine, begged his parents to allow him to join the local boy scout group. And though he was thrown out after two weeks, (having being involved in the mysterious hanging of another little boy, from a tree, by his underwear) James had taken their motto of "always be prepared" to heart and so, always tried to prepare himself for any difficult situation which rose.

As he made his way up to Gryffindor tower, ten or so minutes after Sirius, Peter closely behind him, having told Professor McGonagall he'd bring Remus to her office before the hour was finished; he prepared himself for the worst. He prepared to see a distraught Remus or an angry Remus, a crying Remus, perhaps even a crying Sirius. He was not, however, when he entered his dorm prepared to Sirius pushed up against a wall, trousers round his ankles,Remus on his knees in front of him, head bobbing slowly back and forth. Nor was he prepared to see Sirius with his face twisted up in ecstasy, with hands tangled in Remus's hair, muttering and groaning. Feeling rather uncomfortable and with Peter hot on his heels, James slammed the door shut

"_Remus... fuck... oh, fuck..." _groaned Sirius so loudly, he was heard very clearly outside the room. Peter spoke at double the volume he usually spoke, trying to drown out Sirius's enthusiastic, pre-climactic moans.

"WE'LL GIVE THEM A MOMENT BEFORE WE GO IN"

"SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA TO ME PETE"

James squirmed uncomfortably and Peter looked like he'd just eaten something very unpleasant. There was another very loud groan from the dorm, followed by another stream of swear words, James and Peter both very quickly jammed their fingers into their ears, Peter began to hum Mary had a Little Lamb, though this did little to drown out Sirius's moans and cries

"SOUNDS LIKE HE'S IN PAIN" Shouted Peter, taking a brief break from his humming

"I VERY MUCH-" There was a bang, a loud groan of

"_Rem, I love you... love you so much" _broken up by exhausted pants and sighs

"- Doubt that" finished James. He and Peter stared at each other, Peter looking strangely flushed but also very pale at the same time. Peter reached for the door handle, but James grabbed his wrist

"Probably best to knock first mate"

"Right" Peter scowled and knocked

"_Just a minute!_" called Sirius "_Just hang on!" _he was considerably flustered "Wait... right... okay, yeah, you can come in now" They entered to find Sirius leant on the wall exactly where he had been, looking extremely flushed. Remus was gargling (mouthwash, presumably) in the bathroom. He exited, his face frighteningly lacking any kind of expression, his voice, exactly the same

"What?" he asked lazily as he perched himself on the end of Sirius's bed

"We were just wondering if..." James was going to say if you were alright. But evidently, he was. James shook his head, dumb founded by Remus's behavior. He stood for a moment before snapping "Right! What the fuck is going on?" Sirius shrugged. Remus rolled his eyes

"I think James is confused by how I'm reacting to my father's death. To which my answer is: I'm feeling strangely hollow... But not sad... more numb than anything. I assume you were expecting tears"

"well... yeah... I... uh" James faltered

"They haven't come yet. They might... I don't know. I just feel really... weird" Said Remus, still completely emotionless "it's quite difficult to deal with so, for the time being. I'm not going to"

"okay..." said James quietly

"What's wrong with Peter?" asked Sirius "He's got a funny look on his face" James turned around. Peter was still scowling, his lip was curled

"Oh... dunno" said James quietly. "McGonagall wants to see you Moony" Remus sighed "Oh, and she said to pack... 'cos you've got to meet your mum in Hogsmeade soon"

*

Remus stood in Hogsmeade station, McGonagall standing with him. She had, when they first left the castle, made an attempt at trying to speak to him, ask him how he was feeling and so on, but she had quickly realised that there was no point. Remus had felt his usual air of politeness wain, and he couldn't be bothered to humour the old woman by answering her.

With a loud crack Remus's mother appeared in the station, the peircing blue of her eyes highlighted by the now red and swollen, whites of her eyes. It looked like she may have made an effort to straighten herself up before she came to collect Remus, but she was looking noticably dishevelled. Her long curly hair was unbrushed and frizzy, her usually obsesively clean and pressed clothes were creased and marked and her shoes were scuffed and dirty. The necklace that she had recieved from his dad at christmas hung elegantly on her neck bright and sparkling, the only clean thing on her. She opened her mouth, an attempt to speak resulted only in a strange thick squeaking sound

"Mum?" said Remus concernedly, never having seen her insuch a state. She squeaked again, and took Remus's arm. She began to speak, very shrilly and shakily

"Thank you, Professor" could just about be decifered

"My condolances Mrs. Lupin. It is a terrible loss. John was a very talented boy... such a shame" said McGonagall in a softer voice he'd ever heard her use, she acctually sounded quite tearful. His Mum squeaked again, just audible

"Thank you... were... one of his favourite teachers... shame... shame" she kept muttering shame very quietly before pulling Remus closer to her. "Thank you... good b-b-bye" she said. McGonagall gave a pitying half smile and half wave. Soon Remus felt the unpleasant crushing sickly feeling that side along apparation always gave him, and he was standing in his front garden. He took his bag from his shoulder and walked toward the door, his mother scurrying by him to open it. She shuffled into the house. The living room was still as clean and sterile looking as Remus remembered it. She sat on the sofa and put her head in her hands and immeadeatly began to wail, making possibly the loudest noise she's made in months.

"Mum... I..." Remus suddenly had a new sympathy for Sirius "I... do you want a cup of tea?" she nodded, an "mmhmm" just understandable through her sobs. Remus walked into their kitchen, his hands almost immeadiatly begining to shake again. That strange numb feeling that was overwhelming him almost moments ago was now quickly fading and being replaced with a crippling realisation.

He wouldn't be there to look embarressed or uncomfortable, he wouldn't be there to force awkward conversation out of, he wouldn't be there for his Mum to wind up, he would be there to care too much about the post office, he wouldn't be there to... well... he just wouldn't be there anymore. Remus forgot why he was in the kitchen, he forgot about his mother.

His vital organs had all suddenly crashed together inside him. His throat was expanding, lumped and aching. His legs shook so violently he fell back against the wall, which he soon slid down. He burried his face in his knees. His eyes stung. Reality seemed to be crashing down on him all at once. He had said "he's dead" very casually back at Hogwarts, the word's true meaning never quite resinating with him till just a moment a go. It hadn't felt real at all, but now, with the sight of his mother and the sound of her grief, it suddenly felt very real. Painfully real.

*

On Thursday afternoon, after the funeral, Remus sat in his living room, looking very drawn and thin in his too big, black dress robes. Assorted relatives and family friends were standing in small groups around the living room, wondering when it would be appropriate to suggest some one break out the alcohol. His Mum, who hadn't really stopped crying and after the funeral was promptly whisked upstairs by her older sister, his aunt Sylvia. A woman whom Remus quite enthusiastically despised. Unlike his mother, she was loud, dominating and so unnecessarily critical that she was disliked by about eighty percent of the people she came into any sort of contact with (the other twenty percent were made up of men she'd slept with, not including her husband, and Remus's mum and their parents). He'd hated her since his seventh birthday party, the full moon a day away, he was ill and frightened. The woman had him cuffed him round the head when he began crying, and told him not to be so ungreatful.

Remus had spent the entire day on his sofa clutching his stomach because he hadn't quite lost that awful feeling of realisation that had churned his insides so. He was constantly approached by distant relatives and people he'd never met who gave him patronsing advice, sympathetic head tilts and comforting hands on shoulders.

"Remus?" said a familiar voice, which belonged to the dreaded husband of the dreaded Aunt Sylvia. Uncle Nick. A man so chipper and smug and unashamedly posh, it was difficult to look at him without wanting to hurt him

"Oh... hey Nick"

"You're not looking very well" he said sadly, but still somehow, chipperly. Remus did not dignify this with a verbal response, but with a look that said: _my dad just died, you twat_. Nick gawped "Well... I suppose... that's for – for obvious reasons. You don't look that bad really."

"Right... thanks Nick" Nick sat down next to him on the sofa, shaking his head, putting his arm round Remus

"Good man, your dad"

"I know"

"You must be so sad... so angry"

"yeah..."

"But you know, that Voldemort" Remus felt a slight twinge in his already twisted aching insides "they'll catch him soon enough"

"The Prophet reckons he's built up an army"

"Nah, sensationalism. But you're alright aren't you Remus?"

"As alright as I'm going to be"

"You weren't crying during the funeral"

"Nope" Remus rolled his eyes, sensing where this was going

"it's okay to cry you know"

"I know"

"No one will think any less of you"

"I know"

"Do you want to cry?"

"No..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep... I'm" Remus shrugged Nick's arm away "I'm going upstairs to see my mum"

"Okay Remus, just remember-"

"- it's okay to cry... I know" Remus ran from the living room, up the stairs, all the while clutching his stomach. He did wonder why he hadn't cried yet, but he didn't let it bother him. He approachd his mother's room, knocking softly on the door.

"Mum?"

"Come in" answered not his mother's soft whisper, but Aunt Sylvia's nasel, inadvertant half-snap. Remus opened the door and entered the room. His mother was sat cross legged on her bed, surrounded by used tissues, Sylvia was leant against the wall, lit cigarette dangling from her crimson painted lips. Sylvia didn't look much like his mother, she had a bigger nose, thinner lips and narrow, almond shaped, muddy brown eyes. She had the same curly black hair, but hers had, many years ago, been bleached blonde, cut into a severe bob and had had all the life straightened out of it (Remus had sneaking suspicion that they have different fathers).

"Hi Remus" said his mum, even quieter than usual. Her tear flow had stopped for the first time and she was staring blankly downward, thumbing her necklace "Are you alright, sweet heart?"

"Not really" he said, closing the door behind him "you've stopped crying"

"mmhmm... I'm just feeling a bit..."

"Numb?" suggested Remus, she looked a bit like he must have yesterday

"Yes, that's it" she looked up, her face dry, her eyes still red and swollen. She looked so drawn and tiny, almost like a little girl. "I think... I think I should do something to take my mind off of it"

"Exactly what I've been suggesting for the last two hours" said Sylvia sniffily "Go down stairs and have a drink. God knows the people down stairs have been waiting for you to tell them it's alright to get pissed"

"You're right Sylvia" she stood, a small fall of tissues cascading to the floor as she got up "Being an awful hostess" she shuffled from the room

"So" said Sylvia, scrutenising Remus, with the muddy narrow eyes "You could've worn a tidier set of robes"

"I don't own a tidier set of robes"

"Oh... what a surprise" she rolled her eyes. She'd always held significant contempt for Remus's father, simply because he never made much money "I'd better get down stairs and control my loser of a husband. No doubt he'll drink as much as he can, come home and vomit on our furniture if I don't" she scowled, conjured an ashtray, extinguished her cigarette in and bumped past Remus, who's stomach still ached, he wished he knew where his mum kept the pain killing potions.

*

Rhea Lupin, rarely drunk. As a small woman she could never really hold her alcohol, and had always been a light weight. After two hours of uncharacteristically heavy drinking, discouraged by her son but, to his irritation, encouraged by her older sister, she was completely and utterly smashed. When the sun finnally set, a work friend of her husband's sheepishly entered the kitchen, where Rhea, Sylvia and Remus were sat round the table. Remus glaring at Sylvia as she shoved another glass of firewhisky into her sister's tiny trembling hand.

"Rhea, Remus?"

"yes?" they both answered

"I'm Holly, Holly Blake. I worked-"

"- at the post office, I know. John mentioned you once or twice" she slurred

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am... he was a relly sweet man... really lovely. I..." Holly's lip wobbled "I... I want to apologise as well... I... the Auror office... I didn't..." a tear rolled down her face "I wanted to find a fireplace as quickly as possible... and I... I... wasn't thinking" She sniffed and raised her hand, obscuring her eyes "Could've had them there so much quicker... I'm so sorry" more tears were falling. Remus looked over at his mum, her lip was now wobbling as well

"It's not your fault... don't get upset"

"I'm sorry I really am... so sorry" she snorted tears falling faster. Rhea stumbled up from her seat, and walked sloppily over to the crying woman

"Don't cry... because... becuase if you cry then... then" but it was too late she had already burst into tears again, Sylvia stood up

"Alright, thank you, apology accepted" She ushered Holly back into the living room. Where people were all looking a tad too merry for a funeral. Remus got up from the table, to tend to his wailing mother. He put his arms round her and guided her back to her chair, frowing at himself as he pushed the glass of whisky back into her grip. As he left the room, assuring his mum he'd be back in a moment, to get her the box of tissues, Sylvia was standing in the middle of the Living room, telling the guest's it was time they all left. For the first time all evening Remus agreed with her.

The guest filed out slowly, popping their head round the kitchen door to offer a miserable, tissue brandishing Remus and inconsolable Rhea their last condolances. After a moment, Sylvia reentered, snapping at her husband

"_Nick you stay in the living room, you only ever make things worse_! You still crying, love?"

"Yes" she answered shakily

"I thought you were feeling better as well. Oh well. I'm going to leave now, because Nick's pissed. Moron. I'll be back tommorow" Sylvia gave her sister a kiss on the cheek and left the room.

Remus had no idea what to do now. Not being able to think of anything to say, he sat quietly holding the box of tissues.

"I'm so sorry Remus" she said thickly and jerkily

"Sorry for what?" he asked sadly

"Sorry for – for not being strong for you. For c-c-crying so m-m-much"

"Mum... it's alright. I don't mind"

"No, it's not alright. You p-probably already feel like shit and – and me crying is probably only making it" she inhaled squeakily "Worse for you"

"No... no.. it's not" he lied

"Whatever you s-say, I'm still sorry"

"alright."

"You know something sweet heart" she slurred, grabbing the bottle over fire whisky and tipping what was left into her glass

"what is it mum?"

"You are the only person I love that isn't dead"

"Alright..." he said uncomfortably, really not liking where he could sense this conversation going

"My parents are dead. Every single pet I had, dead. My best friends, the Robinson's, do you remember them?"

"Vaguely... when did they die?"

"'71... really funny looking murder as well. Probably fucking Voldemort as well, now I think about it... and Your brother, Romulus dies... you were a twin you know"

"I had no idea" Remus dropped the box of tissues. Why hadn't anyone mentioned this to him before?

"I never told you... your dad told me not to... Because you know I had you premature. Two month premature. You were so tiny... so was Romulus... you were so much stronger than he was and he... he died after a few days. You've always been so strong sweet heart" tears cascading faster than ever down her cheeks

"Thanks mum"

"Just like when you were bitten. We were positive we were going to lose you. He.. he bit you right on the neck... and when they told us the statistics for survival of child victims of werewolf bite and child werewolves. Your dad cried" she let out a weird little snuffle, tears still falling hard and fast "it's the only time I've ever seen him cry. I was a wreck after Romulus... but he held me together, reminded me I still had you... but I when you got bitten he was worse than I was. Much worse. But I suppose, with good reason..." her eyes looked glazed beneath the tears, her speach was more slurred than ever, she tailed off. "But anyway... you're the only person in the world I love Remus... and I do love you... so so much" she broke off into sobs again.


	26. Are you alright?

"Dumbledore said you could have the whole week off if you wanted" said Remus's mum. It was Monday morning and Remus was preparing to go back to school. He was feeling very guilty about leaving her, but he just couldn't stand being around her crying any longer, he couldn't stand being around his Aunt Sylvia either, who had turned up everyday, offering sympathy to his mum, but only dirty looks and snide remarks to him.

"I just... I really just want to get back to school... I want to take my mind off of things... I'm really really sorry mum" he said pleadingly. She gave him a very tearful smile and said

"There's nothing to be sorry for. I understand... I'll get back to work soon as well. Well, I have to. They keep attacking bloody muggles though don't they. Paperwork keeps pouring in, it's hard thinking of so many excuses. Just glad I'm not an obliviator any more" she muttered shaking her head, a tear rollign slowly down her cheek. Remus wondered how such a tiny woman could have so much spare liquid in her body.

"I sorry mum"

"It's okay Remus. It doesn't matter. I wouldn't want to be hanging round here if I were you. Especially if I had friends and my boyfriend back at Hogwarts"

"It's not that I don't want to be here... I just..."

"Don't want to be here?"

"Mum..."

"Let's just drop it. Alright? Dumbledore's letting you use the fire in his office. That's good isn't it. I know how much you hate apparating"

"Yeah it's great... look mum... I'll stay if you want"

"Sweet heart, you want to go, so go. I'll be fine. Sylvia's coming over soon" She wiped her face and forced a smile. Remus grabbed a handful of floo powder and threw it into the recently lit fire

"Albus Dumbledore's office" Remus jumped, a booming voice rose up from the flames

"**PASSWORD**"

"Jesus Christ... Ice mice"

"**CORRECT**" The voice died and flames went an emerald green, Remus stepped into the fire. Just before he was trasported, his mother didn't wait quite long enough to collapse in tears on the sofa. Before Remus could fully register what he'd just seen, he was sucked up into the floo system. Blurred images of other wizards living rooms flashed by him and he was spat out of the fire place in Dumbledore's office

"Aah Remus, so nice to see you've arrived" Dumbledore said sadly "It really was terrible to hear of your-"

"Don't try and change the fucking subject Dumbledore" growled, to Remus's surprise, his defense against the dark arts professor, Professor Sheilds. The usually sweet and encouraging woman was looking flustered and had an ugly scowl on her face

"Please wait outside Remus, I would like to speak to you but as you can see..." Remus nodded and left Dumbledore's office and stood in, what he supposed was, the enterance hall. Closing the large wooden doors behind him he heard his professor screaming at Dumbledore

"_My FAMILY Dumbledore! I just thank god my children moved out! It's a miracle my husband escaped!" _he heard the soft murmur of Dumbledore's voice "_No! No Way Dumbledore! It's to dangerous!" _more soft murmuring "_SHUT UP! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUR JOB! AND FUCK YOUR FUCKING __**ORDER!**_" she emphasised the word "order" mockingly "_I'll finish this year, then I'm gone! And make no mistake, I'm finishing the year for the kids, not for you!" _she finished and banged through Dumbledore's doors dramatically. She smoothed down her clothes and hair, turning to Remus, she said softly

"My condolances Remus, it's terrible, it really is" she shook her head and left the room. Remus was shocked, he'd never heard anyone get angry at Dumbledore before. Nevermind swearing at him. He poked his head round the office door, Dumbledore ushered him in

"Have a seat Remus" he took the seat at Dumbledore's desk "I suppose there's nothing I can tell you that you won't have heard already"

"No, sir probably not"

"But let me tell you how saddened I was by the news. When I knew John, he was always a very able and kind boy, a Gryffindor so obviously brave, obviously noble. A prefect as well... Alas, we are at war. Though the Auror office and I myself are doing all we can, casulaties cannot be avoided. It is a disgrace that you should have to lose your father at such a young age... but as I said, people are doing all they can to battle Voldemort" Remus felt the same twinge he'd felt when his Uncle Nick mentioned that name at the funeral. Recognising his dicomfort Dumbledore continued "Remus, I'd like to remind you that fear of a name only increases fear of the thing it's self"

"I'm sorry Professor"

"No need to apologise. How is Rhea holding together?"

"My Mum? She's... she's not so good sir... hasn't really stopped crying for the last five days... she's got a lot of work to do and my aunt keeps visiting her so, it'll take her mind off Dad"

"And how are you Remus?"

"I'm... I'm... fine I suppose. I felt really sort of... hollow and weird at first... then I was sort of overcome with like... shock. Then my started to stomach hurt... still does... then I was just miserable. I'm still pretty miserable in all honesty"

"Are you sure you're ready to be back Remus?" asked Dumbledore earnestly, his eyes peering sadly through is half moon spectacles

"I'm sure Professor. Being at home really won't help me feel better"

"I see" he nodded, understanding that Remus couldn't bare to be around his mother. Remus now adding unbelievable guilt to his list of shitty feelings. "I understand how you feel Remus. If I were you, I'd just want to have my mind taken off of the whole situation" Remus sat for a moment, too curious to contain his next question

"Is Professor Shields leaving sir?"

"It would appear so. She will be finishing the school year"

"I know... I heard"

"I really must refresh the silencing charm on those doors" he smiled serenely

"Were... were her family attacked, sir?"

"They were" Dumbledore stood up "I won't keep you any longer Remus, as I'm sure you would much rather be with your friends, who have been pestering Professor McGonagall and I for news on you and your return for the last few days"

"They have?" Remus blushed "Oh... sorry sir"

"One Sirius Black, has been particularly... hmm, a more polite word for irritating is needed" he smiled knowingly at Remus, who blushed a deeper red

"I'll go then" he said shyly. He picked up his bag, which he'd dropped when he came out of the fire place "What time is it, Professor?"

"It is ten to ten"

"Oh... I'm late" said Remus, making his way for the door "Thanks professor"

"You are very welcome Remus" he smiled warmly and Remus left the office for Gryfindor tower, to pick up his things for his morning lessons. He was rather looking forward to the distraction Herbology would provide him.

*

Sirius scowled as he re-potted the ugly Bubotuber plant, irritated at how careful he was having to be with the vile slug like thing. Where the hell was Remus? He was supposed to be back three minutes ago...

"Why have I got to be so gentle with it?" he snarled, not to anyone in particular, Lily Evans replied smartly

"Because if you're rough with it, you'll get pus all over you and the pus'll damage your skin"

"Damage how?" he asked

"Boils I think" she replied

"You're so clever Evans" said James, messing up his already untidy Black hair "Look how gentle I am"

"Yes, I see Potter"

"I'm told I'm a very gentle lover" he said with a smary raise of his brow "Want to go out with me?"

"Fuck off" she said flatly, continuing to tend to her Bubotuber

"You're so smooth" smirked Sirius. James scowled

"She doesn't know what she's missing Prongs" said Peter

"Bloody hell Wormtail, could you get any gayer?" said James contemptuously

"Yeah, I could start shagging Moony" he sniggered

"Don't be a dick" said Sirius "I'm not shagging him yet anyway" he said begrudingly

"Really? Merlin's beard Sirius, why not?" said James curiously. Peter squirmed and busied himself with his bubotuber

"We're just going to let it happen when it happens... it hasn't happened yet" Sirius sighed

"Why not?" Asked James

"You're a bit too interested in this for a straight guy" said Sirius with a smirk

"What? You're my best friend, and you're going out with my second best friend, am I not allowed to be interested in your relationship?"

"Out relationship, fair enough, our sex life, a bit weird"

"Sor-ry! I'm just curious is all, if you don't want to talk about it" James pouted

"I'm only teasing you fool" he punched James on the arm "no need to get pissy, I don't mind talking about it"

"Cool, so why hasn't it happened yet?"

"I don't know... when it looks like it might we keep getting interupted"

"Sorry about that, by the way" said James with an evil smirk

"It's fine" sighed Sirius "I just hope you know, if you ever snag Evans, I'm going to put dragon dung in your bed"

"Fair enough" he shrugged

"And if we don't get interupted, then we end up doing other... _stuff._ And after the... _stuff _ atleast one of us is usually to tired to do anything else"

"Aww, lacking stamina in your old age?"

"No, usually it'll be at night, so we're tired before hand anyway"

"You do stuff while me and Pete are in the dorm?"

"We wait till you're both well asleep first"

"Eww... The stuff that goes on behind closed curtains" James said shaking his head, Sirius sniggered, feeling a little more cheerful than he did before

"Oh, and there's no way we'll be having sex for a while considering what's just happened"

"Why not?"

"His dad just died Prongs! It would be like taking advantage of him"

"Aah, I s'pose... he's back today isn't he?"

"Yes... He's late, as a matter of fact" said Sirius glancing at his watch with a frown.

"He is? I though he was due back at quarter to ten"

"Exactly, it's nine minutes to, he's late"

"Six minutes!"

"Exactly! Six minutes he should've been here for... where is he?" Sirius frowned and craned his neck, looking outside for any sign of Remus

"He'll be here soon, a watched pot never boils, you know" smirked James. Sirius's frown decended to a full blown scowl

"Shut up" Sirius sighed and checked his watch again (he was seven minutes late now)

"What've we got next lesson?" asked Peter

"DADA I think" said Evans helpfully when Sirius and James both ignored him

"Did you hear about Professor Shields's husband?" said the girl standing next to Evans. She was quite small and slim and had short dark hair and a round face. Sirius nudged James and whispered

"_what's that girl's name_?"

"_Alice_"

"Oh yeah" he said loudly. She hangs round Evans a lot... Sirius used to sit with her in... was it astronamy or transfiguration?

"Did you hear about it, Sirius?" she asked

"No, I was saying "oh yeah" about something else. What happened?"

"It was in the prophet this morning. Her husband got attacked by Death Eaters. He escaped but he's a bit banged up. They think the death Eaters were after her son and daughter, Jo and Jack, 'cos they just started auror training, but they moved out of Professor Shields's house a few weeks ago."

"That's lucky" said Evans

"It really is, I think it all looks a bit dodgy to be honest." James, Sirius and Evans gave her a confused look "Not that her kids moved out, that her husband escaped. He's not like an Auror or anything, he works in Flourish and Blotts, you know, just a bit wierd that fully trained auror's haven't managed to fight them off, but some guy who works in a book shop managed to get away alive." Said Alice quietly, checking over her shoulder

"That_ is_ a bit funny isn't it" said Evans chewing her lip "Maybe he made a deal with them or something"

"That's what I thought" said Alice with an enthusiastic nod

"Maybe we should tell Dumbledore..." said Evans warily

"Chances are ladies" said James smugly "Dumbledore's thought of it already" he messed his hair up again

"You're probably right Potter" said Alice, with a slight sigh, she squeezed her bubotuber which began to seep foul smelling puss on her hands "Ugh!" a series of very painful looking boils erupted on her hand "I hate Herbology" she growled "Professor Sprout! My bubotuber started... pussing, can I go to the hospital wing?" Professor Sprout rolled her eyes and sighed

"Yes yes, go on. I did tell you about being gentle with them"

"I know Professor" Alice moaned as she made her way out of the green house, boil covered hand held aloft. "Oh, hello Remus" she said happily

"Hey Alice" he repiled miserably "Bubotuber puss?"

"Yep, one of these day I **will** have a herbology lesson where the plants don't assult me"

"I doubt that Alice" called Evans, grinning. Sirius dropped his bubotuber and ran over to Remus, excitedly pulling him into a furiously tight hug.

"Sirius... you're crushing me" said Remus, Sirius released him with an apologetic smile and shrug

"Are you alright?"

"I'm a bit shit, but I'm nothing compared to my mum" he said exasperatedly as they walked back over to James and Peter

"Aww, is she bad?"

"She's really really bad. She didn't really stop crying for the entier time I was home" he sighed "I felt really bad about leaving her but... it was just so awful being around her" he said sadly. Remus looked completely despondent. His face was fixed into the puppy dog eyes that Remus only usually used as a weapon.

"It's alright Remus... I get that, you don't have to feel bad" said Sirius sadly

"You alright Moony?" said James concernedly

"Are you okay Remus?" asked Evans, moving closer to them and putting a hand on Remus's soulder

"No... I'm er... I'm not too bad.... I – I... don't want to talk about it" he shrugged Evans's hand away and dropped his eyes to the floor

"Mr. Lupin, you're back" said Professor Sprout "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine" he said, eyes fixed on his shoes

"Well, the lesson's only got ten minutes left so, just work with one of your friends, I'll give you your own plant next lesson, when we'll be harveting the puss" There was an audible groan from everyone in the class "I'm sorry class, but Madam Pomfrey has run out of puss completely! Apparently it's the only thing stopping some students cursing their acne off"

*

Sirius spent his entire DADA lesson staring nervously at Remus. Remus who still had that terrible miserable look on his face, that threatened to tear Sirius's heart in two. He felt helpless.

Nothing he could say. Nothing he could ask. Nothing he could do.

He stared. Remus usually looked a bit tired and a bit sad (it's the eyes that did it) but today, he just looked awful. Sirius was sure Remus had gotten atleast two shades paler (he was almost _Snape_ pale) and a stone lighter since the last time he saw him. The gold eyes and thick lashes were just visable behind heavy black bags. The honey coloured, neatly toussled, mop of hair Sirius was so used to, was looking atypically lank, messy and flat. He looked like a particularly tortured cross between a panda and a herion addict.

Remus looked so miserable and ill Sirius was sure he even caught Snape eyeing him with a flicker of sympathy on that cold sallow face. Professor Shields was ranting on about the importance of knowing how to cast a proper shield charm, she was looking quite viscious as she marched back and forth across the classroom. Sirius, in a moment of desperation, slid a note over to Remus

_**Is there absaloutly anything in the world I could do to make you feel better? x**_

Remus looked at him, the heavily bagged eyes looked as if they had a war waging behind them, he pursed his lips, twisting them round his drawn face. He shrugged shook his head and slid Sirius's note back over to him. Sirius wrote to him again

_**Have you eaten or even slept lately?**_

Remus shook his head and scribbled on the parchment. His usually ridiculously neat hand wrtining was shaky and unfamiliar

_Neither since Friday, my stomach has been hurting. _

_**You look so pale Rem. You really have to eat **_Sirius was about to slide the note across the desk. He quickly added _**And sleep, you have to do that as well **_

_I know mummy, I'm sorry. _Remus gave him half a cheeky grin, which Sirius earnestly, desperately, returned. Sirius began to gnaw at his fingers, a nervous guesture which he thought he'd grown out of early on in third year. Nibbling at his own skin, had a slight calming effect, so did the knowledge that he could atleast do something useful for Remus, he could feed him.

"... some people who work in the Department of magical law enforcement can't even produce a decent enough shield charm. It's insane, it really is. Now I doubt many of you will be able to produce one first time, but why don't we let our resident defensive genius" Professor Shields smiled proudly at Remus, who's eyes didn't leave Sirius "That's you Remus" He looked over at her

"It is? Oh.. sorry"

"Nothing wrong with a bit of modesty Remus. I'd like you to come up here and demonstrate a shield charm for the class"

"I... I don't know Professor" her face dropped to a sympathetc smile, she titlted her head to one side

"Not feeling up to it eh? Are you alright?"

"I... I... erm" Remus blushed. Sirius looked around him, the whole class had turned around to look at Remus, all with their heads tilted on one side, smiling sadly. Remus frowned and cleared his throat (Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to put up with this level of attention and sympathy for too long) "Acctually... just a shield charm... I'll be fine to do it... I'm alright"

"You're sure?" said Shields sweetly

"I'm fine" He got up from the desk, he stumbled a bit as he stood and tracked to the front desk. He took his wand in his right hand. Sirius noticed him make a pained face and snake his left arm around his torso as he walked to the front of the class. He stood facing the professor

"Class" Professor Shields began proudly "you are about to see one of the most effictive shield charms you'll ever see, are you ready Remus?"

"Yep"

"Right, 1, 2, 3 _Stupe-"_

"_Protego" _said Remus, almost lazily. The jet of red light sent from their teacher's wand bounced away from Remus and hit the ceiling, a small fall of plaster dust crumbled from the ceiling "oops... sorry" Professor Shields beamed

"No problem at all Remus. With any luck, atleast one of you will be able to produce something half as effective as that. Would anyone like to have a go?" before she'd finished speaking both Evans's and Snape's hands flew into the air, both of them producing quite pathetic "ooo ooo ooo pick me" whines.

"Okay, Severus, come up to the front" Snape stalked excitedly to the front of the class room. James nudged Sirius in the ribs and whispered

"_This'll be a laugh" _he sniggered "_Snivvely thinks he's absaloutly shit hot at this subject you know. Just 'cos he fucks around with Dark arts... prick. Watch him make a complete tit of himself" _James leaned over Sirius and gave Remus a pat on the back as he sat down and a thumbs up, which Remus half heartedly returned

"You know the incantation Severus?"

"Obviously" Snape sneered

"Right... okay, 1, 2, 3 _stupefy!" _the jet of red light blew from the end of Professor Shields's wand

"_Protego!" _called Snape, his shield charm failed. Miserably. Snape fell back onto the floor, his head making a heavy thunk as it hit the ground. Sirius, James and Peter broke off into a quiet fit of laughter and snorting. Evans turned round, her deep green eyes drilling furious holes in them.

"Now class, this is what happens when you're arrogant when it comes to deffense. Mr. Snape here, swaggers up, thinking the charm is so easy to perform..." Shields continued to ramble. James turned to Sirius

"Brilliant! And he has the cheek to call us arrogant" said James

"Might be true to be honest, but atleast we have the talent to back our arrogance up" said Sirius rolling his eyes "God he's disgusting" Sirius scowled at Snape. He was so greasy and dirty looking... Sirius bet he'd acctually be sticky to touch. He unconciously wiped his hands on his robes at the thought.

*

"Come on Moony... eat something, please?" pleaded Sirius. His initial happiness at the prospect of being useful had quickly faded. Remus, now in the unforgiving light of the Great Hall was looking even thinner and sicker than he had a mere hour ago, his left arm still snaked around his stomach, right arm being used to bring a goblet of pumpkin juice to his mouth.

"I feel sick Sirius... I really can't"

"You feel sick because you haven't eaten or slept in days... come on Rem... you're going to end up in the hospital wing" Remus didn't answer in words, but with a twinge of his brow and a twist of his mouth. Sirius decided to try a different tactic. He stuck his bottom lip and fluttered his eyes "Pwease Wemus? If you're not vewy well, then I'll be sad" he made his lip quiver. Remus snorted, put down his goblet of pumpkin juice and picked up his fork. He stabbed weakly at a stem of broccoli and popped it in his mouth. He chewed slowly and, with what looked like a great deal of effort, swallowed.

"Happy now?" said Remus his face still twisted

"Not really... eat a bit more"

"I..."

"Come on! Do it for me!" Remus's eyes flicked down to his virtually untouched dinner "Please Remus" Sirius sighed, he swallowed, nervous about words he'd only said twice before, and only when he very little control over himself "I love you, you know... and... and if you make yourself ill... I'll..."

"Love you too" said Remus quietly "listen... if I end up vomiting later-"

"I'll take full responsibility... I'll even hold your hair back for you" Said Sirius triumphantly. Remus ate very slowly, and only his vegetables,completely ignoring the much needed helpings of carbs and protien on his plate. But at least it was something.

"What time is it?" asked Remus

"quarter to seven, why?"

"Oh bollocks, I'm extremely late for my DADA group" Remus slammed his fork down, quicly drained thelast of the pumpkin juice from his goblet and ran from the hall. Sirius got up and made his way, alone, back up to Gryffindor tower.

*

Fisher and Katrina were sitting quietly when Remus arrived. Katrina was laughing very awkwardly, hunched up with her hands in her greasy strawberry blonde hair, to hers and Remus's delight, her skin had cleared up very nicely over the last few weeks and she had been growing more confident. Fisher was smiling at her and pushed his glasses up his nose, his sea green eyes twinkling.

"So nice to see you've eventually decided to join us Remus" he joked with a smirk

"Sorry... time got away from me a bit"

"No matter, is it Trini?" She shook her head

"I'm really sorry ab-b-bout your D-d-dad Rem-mus" she said sadly, briefly making eye contact with him

"Me too Remus... I mean... shit, I can't imagine... are you alright?" added Fisher nervously

"If I had a galleon for everytime some one had asked me if I was alright, I'd be a very rich man" they smiled at him "I'm pretty crap to be honest with you" Katrina looked despondant at this. Fosher stood and put his arm round Remus's shoulder, squeezing him a little

"You'll be okay... time heals all wounds you know" He scowled at himself "Ugh! Sorry, what an awful thing for me to say..."

"It doesn't matter Fisher, it's true... Let's change the subject. Erm... it's... what three weeks till your OWL's now?"

"Two" corrected Katrina

"Really... Shit" said Fisher "I though we had longer" he laughed "Oh well... I'm pretty confident with everything acctually" he grinned "Especially DADA. Professor Shields says on my way to an Outstanding!"

"She said that t-t-to me as well" beamed Katrina "I've n-never gotten an oustanding in anything before"

"Bull shit woman!" said Fisher with a wider grin "Your potion work is shit hot! And you're the only person who has a hope in hell in divination"

"My G-g-grandmother was a seer... I've never made a real p-p-p-prophecy b-before though. I'm just a g-good guesser. P-people are very p-p-p-p-p" she sighed "very p-p-p-p" she groaned a little "P-predicatble" she smiled

"So you're telling me, you don't need me any more?" said Remus, mock offededly. Fisher chuckled

"for the time being, no. But when my NEWT work grades come crashing down because you haven't been there to help me, I'll need you again" Fisher sniggered again but Katrina's face dropped

"I just realised... this'll p-p-probably b-be our last week of lessons, won't it?" she said sadly

"It's not like you won't see us again Trini!" said Fisher

"I know... it's just... sad"

"It is sad... because this is our _last_ lesson" said Remus "I have to spend more time with the transfiguration group and since you two were doing so well, I... this sucks" he sighed deeply and dreaded who he might be forced to teach next year, she shook his head and, for the second time that evening, hastily changed the subject "Is there anything on the curriculum either of you aren't sure about?" He looked at Katrina and Fisher, Katrina shook her head

"I'm alright mate... really alright acctually" said Fisher, Katrina began to nod in agreement with him

"Wow... I... er... well... I suppose you can go early if you want"

"We can?" said Katrina excitedly "C-cool... thank you so much Remus... I'll see you b-both lat-t-ter" She skipped out of the room, uncharacteristically jolly

"What's gotten into her?" said Remus with a grin

"She has a date" said Fisher with a grin

"Good for her! Who with?"

"Jack Clunes" said Fisher with a swift eyebrow raise. Jack Clunes was the sixth year seeker for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, so good looking that he turned heads when he walked down corridors and was often the cause of much sighing and swooning

"Wow" said Remus

"I know! Out Trini's done well for herself, hasn't she?" said Fisher beaming even wider

"I'll say" said Remus with a chuckle "I thought you fancied her" said Remus offhandedly. Fisher turned to face him

"Me and Trini? No way... don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous but... I don't know. I alway... fancied someone else in this class more" Fisher said sheepishly he began to blush and had a _Bollocks did I just say that?_ look on his face. Remus's face dropped and he put his hands on Fisher's shoulders

"Oh no... I had no idea... it must have been so hard for you losing her"

"What?"

"Well... you meant Annabell, didn't you?"

"No... I meant" he went redder and pushed his glasses up, he cleared his throat and pulled his glasses of, revealing slightly wider, still twinkling green eyes. "I meant you... Remus"

"Oh jesus... I-" he began, but he was interupted by Fisher, who had decided that this was an appropriate moment to kiss Remus, very hard on the mouth. Remus panicked and disconnected himself, jumping very far back "I had... what?" Fisher put his glasses back on, an absaloutly furious shade of red

"Shit... I'm really sorry... you don't... I'll go" Fisher started for the door

"NO! I'm sorry Fisher... It's not that I don't like you..."

"It's just that you don't find me attractive, it's fine..." his voice was thick, the sea green eyes swam with humiliated tears "I understand" he ran for the door

"FISHER! Wait..." it was too late, Fisher was gone. Remus heard him run up the corridor and Remus knew he had no chance of catching him. He felt insanely guilty. His stomach seized up even more than it had before, he slumped down at the nearest desk. He hadn't meant to hurt poor Fisher but what was he supposed to do? He was dating Sirius! He was in love with Sirius! He couldn't have just stood there and kissed him... Why did he run out without letting Remus explain... It's not that he didn't find Fisher attractive, he did, he was a really good looking boy! He just didn't think of him like _that_, these days, he rarely thought of anyone apart from Sirius like _that. _He slammed his head down on the desk, smacking it repeatedly on the wood

"This has been the worst week of my life" he thought aloud "If it wasn't for Sirius, I'd hurl myself off the astronamy tower"

"You would?... but who would teach me Transfiguration?" flatly asked a familiar, cold, clipped, refined voice

"Narci- Miss Black"

"You might as well call me Narcissa now... after all... you are the only reason I'm going to pass this exam, with flying clours, by the look of things" she said casually, leaning against the classroom door, she examanned her perfectly manicured nails

"Thanks..."

"I'd like to thank you as well Lupin. For giving up you time to help me" she said this sarcastically and begrudingly, but Remus knew her well enough by now to know that she acctually meant this thanks and she was simply trying to keep up appearances. At least, he hoped so.

"It was no trouble... I love to teach"

"Quite" she said coldly. She gracefully kicked the classroom door shut behind her as she entered the room. She perched elegantly on a desk "My cousin, Sirius"

"What about him?"

"You're... fond of him, aren't you?"

"Yes... quite fond of him"

"And he, in turn, is quite fond of you?"

"Yes.. yes he is"

"Well, I'm going to repay you by not mentioning your mutual _fondness_ to my family and by making sure none of them find out"

"You will?"

"Mmm, I do not like Sirius, I make no mistake, but I don't wish to see him removed from the family tree, not do I want his parents to mistreat him as, alas, they do poor Regulus"

"Thank you Narcissa"

"You're welcome, Lupin. The conversation we just had never leaves this classroom, understand?"

"Of course Narcissa"

"I'm sorry to hear of your father"

"You are?"

"No, I was being polite. But thank you any way, I am greatful. Goodbye Remus"

"Er... goodbye Narcissa" She stood up from the desk and glided out of the room. Leaving Remus to think about the surreal events of the last half an hour

*

Sirius was surprised at how tired he was. Being around Remus today had been very draining. He trudged up to Gryffindor tower and told James and Peter he was going upstairs for a nap, not even bothering to draw the hangings on his bed, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was having an interesting dream in which pirates heavily featured when he was woken up by the sound of Remus slamming the dormitory door behind him.

"You're early" he said enquiringly, beckoning Remus to join him. Remus kick his shoes off and pulled off hs robes and threw himself down on the bed next to Sirius "Rough night?" Sirius asked as he drew the hangings round his bed and subtly cast a silencing charm

"You have no fucking idea... I just... I could've done without stuff"

"tell me all about it" Remus snuggled close to him

"You know Gabe Fisher from my DADA group?"

"Blonde, Ravenclaw in the year above us?"

"That's him. He fancies me"

"What?"

"Yeah... He kissed me. Obviously I didn't let him... he went bright red and looked all teary, muttered somethign about me not finding him attractive before bolting... more guilt to add on top of leaving my mum... oh my mum..." Remus's voice began to crack "I'm so exhausted Sirius" he snuffled, Sirius felt his tears dampening his arm "I'm so so exhausted... physically, emotionally, mentally" he let out a small whimper "And you know what?"

"What?" said Sirius, holding Remus close and stroking his hairm wiping a tear away with his thumb

"I miss my Dad" at which point Remus started to sob. Hard. Feeling oddly paternal all of a sudden Sirius held him tightly, as tightly as he could till his sobs died away and drifted into heavy breathing. Sirius lay a deeply sleeping Remus down on his back. He watched his chest fall and rise. A stray tear every now and then falling from his flickering eyes.

_A/N you know, I intended this chapter to be a bit more cheerful than the last..._

_Oh well, Review, favourite etc. If you aren't too annoyed with me for writing depressing chapters : P _


	27. Instability

The full moon came the next night and the wolf was completely merciless. It ignored, almost completely, the stag and the dog which were there to control it, and seemed to want to do nothing more than slam into walls, bite itself and claw through it's own flesh. As many attempts as James Sirius made the prevent this viscious unpitying beast from huting itself, it was useless, the wolf had no desire to attack them and was completely focussed on itself. As shocking as all the violent, self damaging escape attempts they'de seen the wolf make over the last year were, they were nothing compared to what they had seen that night, they'de never seen the wolf attack itself. Attack Remus.

Sirius had hoped, desperately, that after the other night, he might be feeling better. The wolf's performance had cruelly quashed his optimism.

As soon as the sun came up and Remus transformed back, he lay on the floor, shivering in a ball, in a pool of his own blood. The pale skin on his bare chest jaggedly shredded, blood cascaded down him in congealed crimson ribbons, his arms covered in angry bite wounds and bruises, his legs with cuts, scapes and claw marks. His face also harboured more than a few gashes and wounds. He had also snapped his left femur clean in two, Sirius knew this because it had broken through Remus's pallid thigh and was sickly on display. Remus, in his unconcious state, began to twitch and shake. Peter let out a cowardly whimper

"Go back up to the dorm, Peter" commanded James. Peter, didn't budge, he stared at the ashen, blood soaked Remus and let out another whine "Go!" James ordered. Peter scampered out and down the tunnel, still whimpering. Sirius took Remus's cloak from his neatly folded pile of clothes and wrapped it round him.

"We'll hurt him even more if we try to carry him" said Sirius hopelessly "I couldn't conjure a stretcher to save my life"

"I'll... I'll give it a go..." James pulled his wand and searched his mind for the incantation. With a relieved sigh, he remembered and muttered it with a long swishing motion. The stretcher he produced was a little flimsy looking but it would do. They gently moved Remus onto it, him still twitching and shivering.

"_Locomoter stretcher_" said Sirius, it began to hover. Sirius tucked the cloak tighter around Remus and then trotted across the room to scoop up the pile of clothes, which he lay carefully on the stretcher, as Remus, being curled up in a small shaky ball, was not taking up much room. Sirius picked up Remus's shoes and they made there way steadily into the tunnel, where they began to jog, the stretcher just ahead of them.

"How do we explain why we're here to Madam Pomfrey" asked James breathily

"We tell her what I thought of six months ago" tutted Sirius

"What?"

"Well, the first moon we spent with him, I brought him up to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey asked why I was with him. I told her that Remus told me where her went to transform a few days ago, and that I'd decided to check on him that morning, then I brought him up. She thanked me and I told her I'd be happy to bring him in, in the mornings after transformations and she told me to go ahead and do it"

"Aah, well done Padfoot" smiled James "We'de better speed up"

"You're right... he'd lost a lot of blood, hasn't he" They broke into a run

"More than we've ever seen him bleed before. He really went for himself tonight" Sirius felt a lump rise in his throat "I thought he might've been feeling better as well"

*

"Good morning boys" said Madam Pomfrey brightly as they burst throught the Hospital Wing doors "I see you've conjured a stretcher, that's quite impressive magic you know" she strolled over to them and pulled the cloak back and, before taking Remus's torn and shredded form in properly, conjured a hospital gown onto him "Oh my Goodness" she said urgently

"He... he must've attacked himself really badly last night" Sirius said as she moved Remus from his stretcher to a bed

"I'm going to have to ask you two to leave for the time being."

"Why!? I want to stay" whined Sirius

"I'm sorry, you'll just get in the way..." She began to usher them out. As they left, she hastily said "Thank Merlin you were there to bring him in... Lord knows how much blood he's lost" she muttered as she shut the doors behind James and Sirius.

"Are you coming back to the dorms?" asked James

"No"

"Sirius... she's not going to let you in"

"I know... I just..."

"C'mon Padfoot, come back to the dorms, you've been up all night. We both have. Remus won't apprciate you making a fuss, you know for a fact he won't"

"I'm not fussing! I... Oh for fucks sake, you're right" They began to trudge wearily back to Gryffindor tower. James pursed his lips and sighed.

"What?" asked Sirius

"Oh nothing... it's just... you really like him, don't you?"

"Moony? Well... Yeah"

"Do you... do you love him?" asked James coolly

"Er... yes. Yeah I do"

"You won't hurt him, will you?"

"No James... I won't... I wouldn't dare" answered Sirius as sincerely as possible, staring earnestly into the concerned hazel of James's eyes

"Good. 'cos if you do, I'll break your legs" they both chuckled tiredly, James suddenly deadpanned "I'm not joking mate, I acctually will"

*

Sirius slept well. He always slept well, sleep was high on a list of many things Sirius could manage with little effort. Though his dreams were filled with images of a broken, bloody Remus, he was too exhausted to wake up; that is, till James shook him awake at eight o'clock

"Sirius wake up!"

"I'm awake you bastard, get your hands off me" Sirius rolled away from James

"Hurry up and get dressed"

"I am dressed... I slept in my clothes"

"Good thinking! Well, get up and we can see if Madam Pomfrey's sorted Moony out" said James, with that Sirius hopped out of bed

"Well, what are we waiting for?"

"Wormtail... he's taking a year to tie his shoes again" James smirked and nodded his head at Peter, who has his tongue poking out with effort as he evened out the loops on his shoes

"Oh fucking hell" snarled Sirius, picking up his wand and aiming it at Peter's shoes, his laces tied themselves

"Oh... thanks Sirius"

"Let's go!" he snapped, storming out of the room

*

"Absaloutly not" she said, attempting to close the door, which Sirius was blocking with his foot

"Please! Please just let us see him!" begged Sirius

"No. I'm _very _busy _healing_ him" she held up her bloodied hands and went to shut the door with such strenghth that Sirius reflexively yanked his foot back. James sighed angrily.

"We'll check in at lunch"

"Brilliant" Sirius said sarcastically, he tossed his arms in the air and growled as he stomped off to breakfast. James and Peter exchaning a glance before they followed him

*

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" Remus cursed as he woke. His arms were on fire, his chest positvely seered, there was a deep throb running through his left leg and, as per usual after a full moon, he ached everywhere. The flow of the stream of swears emmitting from his mouth stemmed when Poppy Pomfrey entered the room.

"You're awake Remus" she said with a sigh of relief, as she helped him sit up. Remus looked down at his chest and arms, he was heavily bandaged and these were spotted with blood.

"I wish I wasn't" he groaned. With that, she pushed a bottle of potion upto his mouth, he drank

"That should help with the pain a bit"

"How long does it take to work?" he asked deperately

"Not long" she said lovingly

"What happened to me Poppy? Why do I need bandages? Can't you just heal me?"

"You attacked yourself-"

"What?" he interupted. He hadn't attacked himself in a very long time, since he'd gotten to Hogwarts he'd taken to attacking everything in the shrieking shack and throwing himself up against walls; and, of course, of late, attacking James and Sirius.

"You attacked yourself. You've bite wounds all over your ams and a lot of very deep claw marks on your chest... a few on your face as well. You need bandages because werewolf bites and the like, self inflicted or not, are a damn sight more difficult to heal than your normal injuries" Remus snorted, "normal"

"Do I have to stay here?" he asked, he moved just a little and sent a tremor of pain through his entier body, shocked, he inhaled sharply and wished he hadn't asked

"I don't want you back in school Remus. I want you to take more blood replenishing potion... Your left femur was openly fractured and the muscle around it was torn, I want you to rest it"

"Poppy, can you knock me out... please?" he begged, sure he was about to pass out with that mental image on top of his excruciating pain. She frowned at him and sighed

"Are you really in that much pain?" she asked. He nodded furiously, then groaned at the pain he'd caused himself by doing so. Poppy's face suddenly became much softer, she trotted to her potions cabinet and pulled out a powerful sleeping potion. "A dose of this should knock you out for three hours... I'll work on your cuts a bit more while you sleep"

"Thank you Poppy"

"These will deffinately scar Remus... I'm sorry"

"Poppy I really couldn't care less right now, give me the potion" he snapped, feeling guilty, but not enough to apologise.

"There's no need to be rude" she warned as she administered the dose of potion she had just measured. Remus soon felt his awareness of his pain slipping away, though it was still deffinately there, he slipped into a peaceful slumber.

*

"Can we see him now?" beseeched Sirius, attempting to use Remus-esq puppy dog eyes.

"Oh fine" Huffed Madam Pomfrey "I'm warning you though, he hasn't been awake long, he's in a lot of pain and... well honestly, he's a bit grumpy"

"That's nothing new, he's always in a bit of a bad mood after the full moon" Said Sirius casually as he sauntered into the room, James and Peter following him. Madam Pomfrey opened her mouth to speak, but decided against it and retreated to her office. Sirius strolled up to Remus's bed, he was scowling, very heavily bandaged and hugging a pillow. Sirius was a bit taken a back by Remus's face, which was now scarred. Before, he'd had a few very faint, well healed ones on his cheeks but now, he was sporting a very poorly healed gash that ran from his right eye brow to the left side of his forehead, where it disapeared into his hair. There was one, better healed than the one on his forehead, that ran down the side of his nose and two very nasty looking ones running down his cheeks. Not entirely knowing what to make of Remus, Sirius smiled compassionately and spoke softly,

"How you doing Moony?"

"Shit" he snarled abruptly "Complete shit. Worst fucking week of my whole fucking miserable life. Even worse than the week I got bitten by the werewolf" Sirius glanced over to James and Peter, as if they might know what to say. Remus continued to grumble, sounding bitter "I attacked myself, properly attacked myself. I haven't done that since I was ten. I must've looked like such a prick, standing gnawing at my arms and clawing at myself. I'll have new scars from this because that's EXACTLY..." The other Marauders jumped back in fright from Remus's sudden shout "... what I need right now, isn't it? More scars. My body looks bad enough as it is and now my face, as if it wasn't bad already-"

"- I love your face _and_ your body Moony. Scars and all" said Sirius with a wink and a smile. Remus gave an acidic and joyless laugh. James and Peter both looked shocked and backed away fom Remus's bed, looking as if it might be time for them to make a hasty exit. Remus stopped laughing and looked down at his bandaged torso, heaving a sigh.

"You must be stupider than I thought" he said sadly, that bitterness still clinging to his voice "Either that, or you need your eyes checking"

"Stop it Rem. I'll have no more of this self... hating...ness"

"I'll self hate all I want... after all, that's why I've done this to myself" he huffed, Sirius gave him a questioning look, James blureted out

"What's that suipposed to mean Rem?"

He suddenly became very sad looking and screwed his eyes tightly shut. Sirius thought he might be about to cry again, until he began to speak, his voice clear and steady.

"I think I might go back home for a bit"

"What?! Why?" asked Sirius desperately

"My mum... I think I attacked myself because I feel guilty for leaving her" his voice dropped, eyes still shut tight "I... I can't go back though" he exhaled sharply "I can't stand her being sad... I can't stand being away from her" he suddenly gave a frustrated growl that made Sirius, Peter and James all jump back a pace. He burried his head into the pillow he was hugging and continued growling. He then said in a muffled shout "_Leave me alone please... you three just go... I'm sorry... just go"_

*

"Grumpy my arse! He was like... unstable!" said James, jaw disenaged in shock as they sat down in the Great Hall for lunch.

"He's not unstable! He's just having a shit time at the moment, that's all" said Sirius, nervously gnawing at his fingers "Do you think he will go home?" James and Peter shrugged.

"It didn't sound like he wanted to" said Peter quietly

"But he feels like he has to... for his mum" Said James worriedly "Maybe it's the best thing he can do. If guilt's what's making him attack himself" Sirius blurted in reply

"But he can't be around her right now! He feels just as bad as she does and... What if she makes him worse?"

*

Remus was let out of the hospital wing late that evening, not really wanting to see anyone, he walked as quickly as he possibly could, with his now bad leg and took a route which he was sure he would encounter the least people. He went via the library, and it was when he bumped into a smiling Lily Evans, a Snape with a dreamy smile (that never lost it's sneering look) and an Alice who had her head burried in a Herbology text book.

"Oh hello Remus" said sadly "Is your mum any better?"

"No... no she's really sad and she's still sick... it's not looking good for her" he lied, deliberately standing out of the light, trying to keep his scarred face covered, not having thought of an excuse yet.

"You poor thing" she said sadly, pulling Remus's achiching broken body into a tight hug and into the light "It's not fair that you-" she was interupted by a scowling Snape

"What the hell happened to your face Lupin?" he asked coldy

"What... I..." Remus couldn't think of what to say, Lily let go of him and Alice looked up from her book. Both girls gasped at his newly mutilated face

"What happened Remus?" asked Lily, her emerald green eyes wide with fear and concern

"I... when I was visiting my mum I... I got in... in an accident"

"What do you mean?" asked Alice, her voice full of worry

"Like a car accident?" asked Lily

"Yeah! A car accident" a story suddenly formed itself in Remus's head "I was taking my mum back from St. Mungo's... she'd been for a check up. We had to get a cab because she's too weak to apparte. I was in the front and I didn't have my seat belt on. I hit my head on the dash board and I got cut with some glass from the... big window thingy"

"Why would you be taking a cab back home? St. Mungo's is in London, I heard you live in Yorkshire" Said Snape, his face twisting suspiciously

"I do. My mum's staying with my aunt in London"

"Why didn't you just floo to your aunts house?" he interrogated

"She lives in a flat, doesn't have a fireplace"

"Severus! It doesn't matter what happened!" Snapped Lily "You are so insensitive sometimes!" she scowled at the hook nosed boy, who shrank back, shooting a dark look at Remus. Lily's face softened again as she looked back at Remus, giving an apologetic smile

"Was your mum okay?" asked Alice, closing her book and raising a hand over her mouth

"Yeah, she was in the back seat, and she had a seat belt on. Got a bad shock though"

"Are you okay? Is it just your face?" asked Lily, she ran her finger across a scar on his cheek. He couldn't help but notice Snape was glaring enviously at him. Remus decided he might as well kill a few birds with one stone.

"My chest is pretty much shredded and I got an open fracture on my femur" Lily and Alice's faces twisted with disgust

"That's awful Remus" said Alice sadly

"I thought you were limping" said Lily "You must want to go to bed. You've had a bad week haven't you Remus?"

"Yeah" he said dejectedly. "Worst week of my life" Lily and Alice both went

"Awww" very sadly. Both their eyes filled with tears, Snape, still glaring behind them, distinctly mouthed _I'm watching you Lupin_, Remus gave half a wave and carried on limping to Gryffindor tower.

Over the next month Remus approached Dumbledore's office four times, trunk packed ready to go and visit his mother. But everytime he reached the Gargoyle gaurding the office, he turned his tail and ran (not easy with his leg, which was still very stiff), images of his drunken, crying mother flooding back to him, along with that awful cramping in his stomach.

Even by June, after another bad full moon, though not half as bad as the last, Remus still couldn't work up the courage to visit his mother. He was twice as miserable as he had been and felt twice as guilty. He'd barely even written to the poor woman, convincing himself she'd have too much paper work to read a letter or reply to him anyway.

On top of his mother based guilt, he had Sirius based guilt making him miserable. He'd barely been able to let Sirius touch him since he'd gotten out of the hospital wing after the May moon, and he could see the badly disguised frustration and anger on his face everytime Remus turned him down. He'd barely spoken to him, James or Peter.

He hadn't been able to catch Fisher to talk to him either. Everytime he'd seen Remus coming, he glowed red and made a futile attempt to run away or hide. He was so desperate to avoid Remus, he'd even ducked behind a Slytherin seventh year when Remus tried to approach him in the library and earned himself a punch in the face. When Remus made a desperate attempt to speak to him on the train, he almost knocked himself out trying to run into a compartment and failing to notcie the door was closed.

Remus spent the rest of the train journey chewing his lip and worrying about the state his mum would be in when he got home.

_A very sycophantic A/N: Thanks for reading! Of late, I have been ignoring my awesome-ass reviewers! I'm going to try and get back to you more often, but for now – feel the love! In chronological order of first review, long over dues shout outs going to:_

_MrsRemusLupin1_

_LURVEuALL_

_Mimichang_

_Saralynfara_

_fan girl 666_

_Moonfoot13_

_Lady Annikaa_

_xLivingALiex_

_rekahneko_

_Simplicity Is Bliss_

_jamie the marauder_

_ive-already-seen-hell_

_Xxmgxx3445xX_

_Planeteer-rach_

_PetitLapin_

_aquakim_

_StoryofGreen_

_XXShatteredXxMirror_

_MoonBay11_

_RaeGhost_

_Madelasha_

_Mandita_

_Mad-Mad-Maddy_

_FictionIsME_

_NasuadaNightstalker_

_RankEgg_

_pumpie2_

_lanek_

_BellsOfPeace_

_eamonn_

_LiteraryCrush_

_MissusPotter_

_TeddyBear 8P_

_xxDoctorisinxx_

_nekoearlover_

_TheThreeSexyMusketeers_

_Appelmeisje_

_Emilie Austen Winchester_

_Moony's Daughter and..._

_Alexandros Black_

_All of you, absolute legends! Seriously wouldn't have made it anywhere near this far without any of you! Especially a few of my more devoted reviewers, who've reviewed virtually every chapter they've read. You know who you are :D Keep reading and keep reviewing... the button's right there... all you have to do is push it and tell me how awesome I am :P_

_My Love and gratitude, Pandapens x_


	28. Summer: The Penseive

Sirius frowned as Remus limped across the platform to his mother, huddled and even thinner than he had been, without saying goodbye to him properly. He understood how bad Remus felt, how crap things were for him, how guilty he felt, blah blah blah. But that didn't stop Sirius from feeling ever so slightly, completely and utterly neglected and pissed off with his boyfriend. Who'd barely spoken for six weeks. He picked up his trunk and pulled it off the train. He stood just outside one of the doors and waited for Regulus to get off. Sirius saw a group of second year Ravenclaw girls who pointed and turned pink when they saw Sirius, he gave them a smile and wink and they collapsed into fits of giggles. Regulus frowned at them as he stepped off the train, dragging his trunk

"What was wrong with them?" he asked. Regulus had certainly changed over the last year, he was taller, his hair was darker and his cheek bones were more prominent. He was shaping up to be very handsome and elegant looking. Though Sirius still couldn't help but notcie that his little brother had begun to develop a common facial feature among members of the Black family, he'd started to look like he had bad smell under his nose. Thankfully, the gene that gave you that look had certainly skipped Sirius.

"I winked at them" said Sirius casually

"All that because you winked?"

"What can I say Reg, the ladies love me" they began to walk, when Sirius felt a light tug at his trouser leg.

"Master Sirius and Master Regulus?" Said a squeaky voice. Sirius looked down. Kreacher. Bloody Kreacher, Sirius hated that fucking elf.

"Where's Mother?" asked Regulus

"Mistress is away with Master. She'll be back tomorow. She sent Kreachur to get you, she did" Kreachur snapped his fingers and Sirius, Regulus were standing in the Grimmauld Place eneterance hall "Would young Master's like anything to eat?" he asked

"I ate on the train" said Sirius, starting for the stairs "Put our trunks in our rooms" Kreachur snapped his fingers again and the trunks were gone.

"I don't want anything either" said Regulus, following his brother. They reached the top of the stairs, far out of Kreacher's earshot. "Hey... Sirius?"

"What's up Reg?" asked Sirius

"Oh I... There've been rumours going round a lot this year... about you and that half blood"

"Remus"

"Yeah... Is...Sirius... are you... are you-"

"Spit it out Reg"

"... It doesn't matter. It's just a stupid rumour... it's bollocks... I'm going to my room. Homework and stuff you know"

*

Remus looked back at Sirius as he limped across the platform, he was scowling. He was scowling at Remus. Remus hunched his shoulders even more than he had been and smiled at his mother. Her long drak curly hair had, the last time Remus saw her, only had one or two premature streaks of grey; the grey had spread and now her hair was much more liberally streaked with silver, she looked like she'd lost as much weight as Remus had and had dark bags beneath her eyes. She looked so much older than she had just two months ago. Atleast she wasn't crying.

"Hi mum"

"Hello sweet heart" She'd gotten quieter. She gave him her tiny smile, which quickly dropped "Your face..." she said, reaching up and putting a dainty hand on his cheek.

"I know... I had a couple of bad moons"

"Oh my poor baby" she took his arm and apparated out of Kings Cross to the path infront of their house. She trotted ahead and opened the door, Remus dragging his trunk in behind him. To his relief, their small house was still as compulsively tidied as it had been, at least his mum hadn't been too sad to clean.

"Have you been... alright... and stuff" he asked shamefully, avoiding her penetrating gaze

"Yes, I've been okay" she said with a smile and a nod which said, _I've been fine, honest _

"I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what sweet heart?"

"Sorry for leaving you... sorry for not writing, sorry for being so selfish, sorry for not being here for you when you needed me most, sorry for being a bad son, sorry-"

"_Remus!" _she snapped "You are not a bad son, okay?"

"Okay" he said doubtfully

"I'm going to be honest with you Remus" she took his hands in hers. Giving more earnest nods

"Okay"

"I would have wanted you to stay. But it was better for both of us that you didn't. I was miserable, I was making you miserable and both of us would've just been doubly miserable and walking around on egg shells for two months. You probably would've started to resent me and that's the last thing I want. You're all I have left" she said sadly, her eyes wide and painfully blue. Remus felt tears stinging the back of his eyes again.

"Sylvia has been here though, hasn't she? You haven't been all on your own, have you?"

"Yes, she's been been here. A lot. But, honestly I don't like her. I love her, she's my sister... but I don't like her"

"Not many people do" said Remus, feeling his guilt lifting a little. Just a little.

"I know... I... got J... his will" she said quietly

"You did?"

"Mmm, he specified I give you this... added it into his will just after you had your argument last summer" she spoke even quieter and walked into the kitchen. He heard the light bang of cupboard doors openeing and, to his dismay, the distinct clinking of empty bottles. She re entered the living room and handed him a small round package wrapped in brown paper.

"There you go" she said, staring longingly at the package

"Do you know-?"

"No... sorry... no idea" she said, almost whispering. She looked at her watch "I have to be at work in a few minutes"

"Mum... you can't be ready to properly go back to work yet"

"I couldn't get summer off this year... We can't _afford_ me having summer off this year. And my compassionate leave is up faster because of V-v-voldemort and his followers causing so much trouble with the muggles"

"Alright... just... be... okay?" he said, completely unsure of what he was supposed to mean. She smiled confusedly at him

"I will... whatever that was meant to mean... bu-bye sweet heart" She lit the fire with her wand and grabbed a hand full of floo powder, stepping into the green flames, she waved sadly. Remus let a few tears trickle down his cheek before pulling himself together again. He sat on the sofa with the round brown package and tore the paper open.

"A Penseive" he said. The small round package had, in fact, been a small round basin, filled with the pearly liquid/gas. There was a letter attatched to the bottom, the envelope read

_Watch it first, then read_

Remus was overwhlmed with curiosity and plunged his head into the basin, instantly pulled into a memory. His Dad's memory.

*

Remus was in a muggle hospital. He remebered being told the stroy of how his mother went into early labour in the middel of a muggle shopping centre. They must have rung one of those muggle cab's with the sirens and flashy lights.

He scanned the waiting room for his parents, it wasn't too long before he spotted them. His mother was wailing, clutching her large pregnant stomach, a young blonde doctor was pushing her along in a wheel chair and Remus's dad was trotting behind them both. His Parents appearance was jarring. His mum's her hair was double the length it was now and she was twice the weight. His dad didn't have the creases round his eyes Remus was used to and he was clean shaven, which just looked bizzare, the strangest thing was, that his father aged twenty and him aged fifteen had almost exactly the same hair style. The wheel chair came blurring past him and Remus ran along side his father.

"Mrs Lupin, We're going to have to give you an emergancy c-section" Said the doctor

"C-SECTION!? WHAT KIND OF RIDICULOUS MUGGLE PROCEDURE IS A C-SECTION?"

"Muggle?" said the doctor, still pushing her along. Dad dropped down to her height, still running.

"Rhea, that's when they cut your stomach to get the baby out"

"WHAT? CUT ME? I HATE YOU BLOODY MUGGLES AND YOUR KNIVES! SO QUICK TO START SLICING EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE UP WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO, IS GET A FEW HERBS AND A BIT OF DRAGON BLOOD-" she wailed, the doctor interupted

"Mr Lupin, I'm afraid your wife may be delirious"

"I AM NOT! YOU ARE!" she argued, Remus laughed "I REFUSE TO LET YOU COME NEAR ME WITH A KNIFE. THE BABIES AREN'T EVEN DUE TILL JANUARY!"

"Mrs Lupin, the babies have to come now, they'll have a chance if they come now, if they don't you will lose them" His mother's face lost the defiant look it had had. She looked paniced and grabbed her husbands sleeve, violently yanking him down

"NO! GET THEM OUT, I WON'T LOSE THEM, GET THEM OUT NOW!" The doctor nodded and pushed her through into the near by operating room. His father followed. Having absaloutly no desire to watch his own birth, Remus waited outside the OR until he heard the strangled cries of a baby, then another. Remus went through into the room to see his parents holding a tiny baby boy each.

"Got names?" asked his dad thickly. His mum looked at each baby, she had done wailing and was back to her usual tiny quiet voice, she pointed at the baby she was holding

"Romulus" then at the baby his dad was holding "Remus"

"Romulus and Remus... I like it... haha... hi Remus... hi"

The memory swirled away and Remus was pulled into a new memory. His mother was crying, looking pale and drawn, she was in a hospital gown and fluffy dressing gown, she was clutching a baby, him presumably, in a light blue blanket. His father was behind her, his large hands with a firm grip on her tiny shoulders. Remus looked away from his parents, they were standing over a baby in a plastic box. His face masked by breathing aparatus, wires hung from his writst, one from his chest. Remus thought this would probably be for his heart, but he wasn't sure. The baby, Romulus, was so tiny, even more tiny than his own babyself. Romulus wiggled made a muffled whine. His mum was looking desperately at him, she let out a tiny cry and his dad squeezed her shoulders

"He'll pull through Rhea... just look at Remus, barely even in one of those... boxes a day and look at him now. Thriving... Romulus just needs a bit longer. He'll been fine"

"You think so? You really think so?" she said with a quiet fury

"Honestly?"

"Honestly... I want honesty"

"I don't know Rhea... I want to think he will, I do... but... he's just so..."

"... weak"

"Not weak! Just..."

"Weak. I wish we could take him to St. Mungo's... I hate muggle medicine. I hate it"

"Rhea... if we take him out of the... the box thingy... he will-"

"-die, I know John" she sniffed, she gave another little cry before breaking into full sobs. He shuffled uncomfortably and began to speak, he kept pausing and sounded as awkward as he did sad.

"Rhea please... I know it looks bad right now... but... don't cry... I can't bare it... I... Look at Remus... he's happy, he doesn't want his mummy crying... we have him Rhea. Even if we end up without Romulus... we'll still have him. We'll have Remus. Look at him... just look at him... he's..."

"Beautiful... they _both_ are"

"Just like their Mum"

"And their Dad" She smiled sadly at her husband, tears still tracking steadily down her face, the baby in her arms stirred an gurgled

"Remus has your eyes"

"Romulus has yours... what will we do if we lose him John... I don'tknow if I'll be able to deal with that"

"You'll deal with it. You'll deal with it for me. And you'll deal with it for Remus" he said firmly. She looked down at Romulus in his box and handed the baby Remus over to her husband. She lay her hand against the plastic box.

Remus felt a lump rise in his throat. He didn't need to see this. He was sick of looking at his parents with such awful, distressed looks on their faces. Remus could tell his mum, even though she had calmly lain her hand on the box, wanted to open it, scoop up her baby and apparte to St Mungo's.

To his relief, this memory started to fade away as well.

He was in his kitchen, himself as a child was sitting at the kitchen table drinking juice. Remus assumed he must be between four and six. Deffinately before he was bitten by the werewolf. His face was full and his cheeks were pink. His eyes were still blue. He acctually looked a bit tanned. He looked healthy. His eyes were staring, huge and peircing, at his dad who was tying up his cloak and preapring to go to work.

"What're you staring at?" he laughed

"You"

"Why Remus? I'm not particularly interesting, There are birdies outside, you usually watch those. Don't you like to read the paper?"

"Birdies are silly and the paper is boring. You're much much more interesting today"

"He is, is he?" piped his mum, who entered the kitchen with a hige smile on her face "Is it because of his new job"

"Yeah! My Daddy's a proper auror now, not a pretendy one"

"I was never a "prentendy" auror, I was an auror in _training_"

"Pretendy" the child Remus nodded. His dad laughed and kissed his wife on the cheek. "Errr" child Remus grimaced

"Quiet you" said his mum, mock scoldingly, Remus and his younger self giggled "I am so proud of you John... think of all the money you'll be pulling in! I might be able to stop obliviating"

"Don't get your hopes up Rhea"

"I want them up! Do you know what your first assignment is?"

"No, Charlus Potter, my boss, sent a letter through to me earlier on, but Remus wouldn't give me the letter till he'd read it"

"I'm done now. It said you're cracking down on werewolves because of all the attacks that have... erm" his child self looked down at the letter again "Erm... occ... cow...red-"

"Occoured" his mother corrected

"Occoured, lately" He smiled brightly. His dad took the letter and read it hungrily

"Brilliant. We're going after Fenrir Greyback and his little pack. Those scum need a taste of their own medicine" he said happily. His mum frowned and put her hands over her son's ears.

"You know, for a muggle born, you're terribly prejudice"

"For a pure blood you're terribly tolerant. They're attacking people, they're blood thristy scum, they need to be stopped. End of"

"They can't help attacking people... it's not they're fault"

"Haven't you ever read about them? They do it for fun, they love hunting"

"They can't help hunting"

"What about Fenrir Greyback? Deliberately transforming in populated spaces to feed his blood lust"

"He's just one werewolf... I bet they aren't all like that"

"Of course they are Rhea, they're monster's, dark creatures, foul things" he said shaking his head. She pursed her lips

"I don't like you filling out sons head with nonsense like that"

"It is not nonsense! There's proof, Greyback for one-"

"Oh grow up John! Go to work before I hex you for being an arse"

"I'm not being an arse" she shot him a dangerous look "Okay, fine, I'll go" he frowned, she released child Remus's ears "You know, I'm bloody surprised you weren't in Hufflepuff"

"Mummy's too clever to be a Hufflepuff. That's why she was a Ravenclaw. And you were in Gryffindor because you were too stupid for Ravenclaw" said child Remus with a giggle

"And you say _I_ fill out son's head with nonsense. I was in Gryffindor, not because I was too stupid for Ravenclaw, but because I was much too brave for them

"I'm brave" child Remus said happily

"I know Remus"

"I'm clever as well... Where will I go?"

"I don't know Remus"

"But... but... but... I'm sneaky too... and... and... nice... I can't be in all of the Hogwarts houses"

"Remus, talk to mummy about this. I have to go to work"

"And an auror and... do you have to be brave to be an auror?"

"Of course Remus, very brave"

"I want to be a Gryffindor and... and I want to be and auror, I want to be like you daddy" His dad chuckled and ruffled his sons hair. Remus looked around the room and saw the calender up on their kitchen wall, it was hung on September 1965. Remus felt a little jolt in his stomach. He knew that in one year and four months, the bright, healthy, tan, blue eyed little boy would be replaced by a new one.

He would be pale, he would be sickly, he would be in pain, he would be scarred and his eyes would be gold.

Remus found the memory fading away around him again. He was outside, it was freezing cold. He saw a tall broad man running toward him, his dad. Running past him. Remus caught up with his dad, he was chasing another man. His dad shot jets of light from his wand, silent stunning spells, judging by the colour. Three hit the man square in the back and he fell to the floor with a loud thud.

"HAHA! MAYO! PERRY! COME QUICKLY, I GOT HIM! I FUCKING GOT THE BASTARD! Haha! You're mine Greyback! You're mine!" he cackled madly and picked Greyback up off the floor

"Fucking hell, Lupin! You did get him! I'll signal for back up and we'll bring him in!" said one of the two auror's that had just bounded up behind him

This memory faded as well. There was a very short snippet of a memories. A Judge's deep voice echoed round a ministry courtroom

"Fenrir Greyback – I hearby sentence you to a stay in the St. Mening's Hospital for Criminally Insane Wizards" Greyback was being dragged from a ministry courtroom by a pair of St. Mening's healers. He growled

"_I'll get you Lupin! I'll get that wife of yours... or that kid. If it's the last thing I do_!"

The short memory melted away, he was in his kitchen again, the calender read December 1966. His dad was reading the paper. He slammed it down on the table, making his wife and son jump up with fright.

"What the _fuck_?!" he growled, at the paper by the looks of it

"Language! What's wrong?" asked his mum. The child Remus looked frightened and got up from the table, he went to read in the living room.

"Greyback's out of St. Mening's" he growled

"What? But... but... he's insane... he was commited... he... he deliberatly attacked people!" she said confusedly

"Apparently, he's completely rehabilitated" his dad held his face in his hands "I'll call into the office, I'll have them send some extra security round for you and Remus. Do not leave the house after dark" he said forebodingly, his mum nodded worriedly and began nibbling delicately at her finger nails, the memory dropped away. Remus was in his kitchen, several days later. It was dark, his mother paced back and forth in the kitchen, her face streaked with tears. She was using the muggle phone and spluttering

"He's six years old, has light brown hair and blue eyes... about 4ft... thank you, please please ring as soon as you hear anything" she put the phone down and collapsed at the kitchen table sobbing.

"What did the muggle police say?"

"They'll get every policeman in the town out looking for him"

"The entire Auror department is out looking for him too" to Remus's surprise, his father burst into tears. He banged his head against the kitchen table

"This is all my fault"

"Stop it John... both of us crying isn't going to help the situation" she sobbed

"This is all my fault" he wailed

"John please. I'm going out to check the feilds behind the house again" she said, wiping her nose and standing up to pull on her cloak

"This is all my fault" he banged his head on the table again

"John I want you to come with me-"

"My fault, my fault, my fault"

"I KNOW! OKAY, SO SHUT UP AND HELP ME LOOK FOR REMUS"

"No! No... You stay here, I'll go. The house is protected, I don't want you leaving it"

"John I'm coming-!"

"NO. SIT DOWN" he commanded, she dropped to her seat and he flew out of the room. The memory skipped a bit and Remus found himself in a field his father running past him, again. Remus looked up at the sky. Full moon. He panicked for a moment, then remebered there was no need to worry. It was only a penseive.

The silver, moon light filtered down through a thin layer of cloud and glistened on a small shivering lump in the middle of the feild. His dad dropped to his knee's by child Remus, who was lying, gurgling and crying in a pool of blood

"Remus? Remus... oh Jesus Christ... Remus..." He was frantic, his voice was thick with tears. Remus themubed his bite scar through his clothes "... not your neck... he got your neck" He scooped child Remus up, carefully

"_Daddy_?" he sounded terrified, he was sobbing so hard he was almost screaming

"Yeah Remus, it's daddy. You have to do me a favour, okay? Stay awake. Don't go to sleep"

"_Hurts Daddy... really hurts_"

"I know Remus. Don't go to sleep" They apparated back to the house.

"_want to sleep daddy_" child Remus gave a strangled wail "_Hurts... wanna sleep... hurts_" His dad burst through the front door

"Rhea I've got him!"

"Thank Merlin" she sobbed,

"He's been bitten." he sobbed in reply. He grabbed a handful of floor powder and leapt into the flames "_St Mungo's Hospital_" he stepped into St. Mungo's and was immediately greeted by a pair of healers running toward him and taking child Remus from his arms, they ran up a flight of stairs, his dad behind them, they asked

"What happened here sir?"

"Werewolf bite" he was still bawling

"Merlin... how old is she?"

"He, he's a he... he's 6... he just turned 6" The healers exchanged a horrified glance before banging into a operating room. His dad attempted to follow them in but was escorted out by a middle aged, matronly looking witch. Probably a nurse "_Let me in_" he growled, scowling furiously at the nurse.

"I'm sorry sir, you'll have to wait out here"

"That's my son"

"Exactly, you'll distract the healers and get in the way, stay out here please" The nurse conjoured a chair outside the OR. He began to wail, Remus couldn't help but cringe at the sight of his father, his tall broad father, with his masculine features and his beard weeping like a little girl. Remus began to feel tears trickling down his own face again. He didn't remember much about the night he was bitten by the werewolf. By Fenrir Greyback. He remebered wanting to play outside and his mum telling him no, he then remembered sneaking outside and running out into a field. He remebered a pair of glowing golden eyes and nothing else. The memory faded again. Remus was standing in the St. Mungo's childrens ward. His child self was curled up in a bed asleep, head buried into the pillow. An angry crimson bite wound on his neck, his mum stroking his hair. All the other children in the ward were awake ans staring at Remus's father, a young looking healer and a stout ugly man

"Healer Rogers, I _demand_ you have this man's child _removed_ from the children's ward!" he ordered

"Why should he be moved? He's a child, he'll be frightened in the other parts of the hospital!" his father snapped indiganatly, turning to the healer for support

"_It_ is not a child, _it _is a monster!" the stout man snarled. The healer scowled and opened her mouth to speak, before she could, his dad punched the stout man squarely in the jaw, knocking him to the floor. He delivered a hard kick to the stout man's stomach

"_**My child**_" he kicked again "_**is not**_" he kicked again "_**A monster**_" the healer pulled her wand and was about to stun his dad. He turned around and said "I'm done. No need to stun me. I'm done" he sat by his wife, who had a half shocked half proud expression on her face. She patted his arm and smiled and went back to stroking the child Remus's hair.

*

The memory's ended after that. Remus pulled his head out of the penseive and set it down on the coffee table. He need a moment to take everything he'd just seen in before he opened the letter. His dad had been an auror... he didn't remeber that at all. He swallowed, his face was still dampened with tears. He opened the letter, instantly recognising his father's large, curly writing

_Dear Remus._

_You almost died today. You almost died and said some terrible terrible things to you yesterday. Why I said what I said, I'm not sure. I was shocked. There's no denying I'm disappointed. But I'm not ashamed of you and I still want you to call me dad_. _I know I said don't, but I didn't mean it. I'm proud of you, I love you, you're the strongest person I know. I am so proud of you. I already said that though, but I am. I never told you and you almost died and you would've died thinking I was embarressed of you and I'm not, I'm really not. I'm very very stupid but I'm not embaressed. I always try to tell you how proud of you I am and how much I love you, but the words never come out properly. And I can never make the words come out properly, even while I'm writing this stupid letter my hands are shaking and I feel shy. It's not just you, I've always been a bit crap with your mum as well. But you'll see that when you watch the penseive._

_Because you almost died today, I decided there were a couple of things you needed to know, your brother and the fact that it was Fenrir Greyback who bit you. And that it was my fault. But you know that already by now. _

_First your brother, your mum wanted us to tell you together but everytime she thought about it she just got herself so worked up and I can't bare seeing her cry so I decided it was best just not to tell you, that we'd do it one day. But we never got round to it. But you know now. I'm sorry, I'm rubbish at this. I thought writing it down would make it easier._

_And your bite Remus. I am so so sorry. I should've asked them to change my assignment, I should've known someone as unstable as Fenrir Greyback would want revenge. It was selfish of me, but I was so excited to start being a proper auror after three years of training. I didn't think and because I didn't think I ruined your life. I am sorry. The english language should have a more powerful word for sorry than sorry, but it doesn't. After what happened, I had to quit my job, I couldn't bare the thought of putting you or your mum in danger again and I started to resent you a little. That was stupid. I started to think that, if you'de just done as you were told, and stayed in doors that night, you would have been fine and normal and I could've had my dream job back. I'm a big dense thick idiot for doing that. Half of what I've written doesn't make sense and I'm sorry. I know for a fact I'll never have the courage for you to see this while I'm still alive, so I'm going to request this be added in my will. The worst thing is, I know I won't apologise to you properly because I'm a coward. A stupid idiot coward. Some Gryffindor, eh? That is, unless your mum makes me. I'm rambling._

_I just want you to know so badly how much I love you Remus._

_Love Dad._

Remus read the letter. He read it again and again. He wished the big idiot had told him this while he was alive.

It was true that his Dad_ did _apologise and _did _tell him he was proud and he loved him. But Remus hadn't taken it entirely seriously, mostly because his mum had to make him apologise. He hadn't, at the time, apprciated just how hard that must have been for the poor awkward man to say. He'd always wondered if his dad really did love him. Now he had proof.

Remus was crying again.

*

Sirius practically tore the letter from the Potter family owl's leg. He almost ripped the letter as he opened it

_Sirius!_

_My mum said it would be alright for you to come and stay with us for a few weeks this summer!!! She says Rem and Pete can come too, you in? As if I need to ask. Write back soon and you can come over on Wednesday! James_

Sirius thanked god he hadn't done anything to get himself locked in his room yet. He ran down stairs

"Mother? May I stay at the Potter's for a few weeks?"

"Absaloutly not. Your Grandfather Pollux is coming to stay and I will not have this family's heir off galavanting with filthy blood traitors like the Potters" She spat in reply. Since Voldemort and his followers had begun to attack people, the Blacks had instantly declared their support for him. Because Charlus Potter had begun to fight the Death Eaters, the Potters had been declared blood traitors.

"Mother... wouldn't it be better for me to be away while Grandfather is here. So he doesn't have to know what an emabressment his heir is" Walburga didn't reply, but Sirius could see her shaking her head "I mean Merlin knows what might slip out while he's here. He doesn't know I'm in Gryffindor yet, does he? Or that I hang round with blood traitors and mud bloods?"

"_You wouldn't __**DARE**__"_ she growled, her nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Watch me" He scowled back at her. She huffed and stomped, still growling in a way that remided Sirius of Remus during his transformations.

"Very well. But you do not mention this to your grandfather. Or your Father. _Neither_ would be pleased. Both would punish you severely, as will I. I hope you know Sirius, you are coming _**dangerously**_ close to being disowned by this family" she sounded furious, Sirius decided it would be best not to hit her with a snarky comeback, but nod curtly and return to his room.

*

_James! _

_Black mailed mother into letting me come! How awesome is that! See you in a couple of days!!!! Sirius!_

_*_

_**Remus!**_

_**My parents say they want you, Sirius and Peter to come and stay for a couple of weeks this summer. Sirius and Petr have already written back saying they're coming. Are you in or out? James (because you're SO in, you can come to my house on Wednesday morning)**_

_James,_

_They want all four of us? The poor people don't know what they're getting themselves into, do they. I'm not sure James. I just got back to my mum, I'm scared she's started drinking. Wednesday is too soon. Maybe later on in the week or early next week. Sorry, Remus._

_**Remus**_

_**No need to be sorry, I understand. I hope your mum's okay. See you soon then? James**_

_A/N I swear to god I wanted this chapter to be happier... then I had the idea about the penseive and ugh... sorry._

_Thanks reading and favouriting etc. Special thanks for reviewing to all of the awesome saucy people that reviewed last time! The reviews are like oxygen for my ego and I'm glad you're keeping it breathing! So... er... button's right there so just... go on... you know you want to_


	29. Summer: Shiny, noisy, dangerous love

"Padfoot?" asked James as Sirius and Peter unpacked their things.

"What?"

"You and Moony... are you fighting or something?"

"No" said Sirius, rather too abruptly

"Liar" said Peter with a smirk

"Fuck off" snapped Sirius, Peter flinched "You know as well as I do Moony's barely spoken for almost two months" Sirius sighed "Which means he's barely spoken to _me. _Which means he hasn't let me touch him for the same amount of times" Sirius flicked his hair huffily from his eyes "And I need a haircut"

"You're damn right you do, every girl you've done that flicky thing near has had a border line orgasm" said Peter resentfully

"What do you mean border line?" smirked Sirius

"It's not fair!" said Peter, angrily slamming the lid of his trunk shut

"What isn't?" asked James, half amused

"_He _gets to look like _that_" he guestured at Sirius. His long dark hair, his lean elegant frame, his height, his classicly handsome, aristocratic face. Everything Sirius had, Peter lacked. "_and _every girl is in love with him and he's not even interested in them" Peter scowled at Sirius "It's not fair" James sighed. It really wasn't fair

"You know, I hadn't realised I was so ironic" said Sirius cooly, flipping his hair again. James wondered if he did that deliberatly

"Oh you sod off with your hair, Sirius" Peter sulked, melancholically twirling his own whispy mousy coloured locks around his fingers.

*

"Are you sure you're alright mum?" Said Remus, his hands trembling with worry as they approached the Potter's Devon cottage

"I'm fine Remus! I'm busy, Sylvia's coming round later, I am fine" She said calmly. Remus was sure he'd heard her crying again last night.

"Okay..." before he could think about what he was about to say, he blurted "No drinking"

"Remus! _I'm_ the parent here, remember that" she said, aberrantly stern. Remus couldn't help but be distrustful at her sudden change in tone. He was sure that after she'd gone up to her room to "do some paperwork" the last few nights, she'd come down stairs again distinctly wobbly with the suspicious smell of too much toothpaste on her breath and the lightest scent of firewhisky that Remus wouldn't have caught were it not for his hightened sense of smell.

"I know mum. Just promise me you won't" He said, trying to sound as stern as she had

"Oh alright... I promise. Now go and have fun with your friends"

"Thank you" He said with a smile "I won't have to worry then?"

"Oh for goodness sake sweet heart! Of course not. Now come on" She smiled and knocked on the door, both James's mother and father answered it smiling.

"Hello Remus!" said Dorea Potter merrily, ushering him in

"How've you been Rhea?" said Charlus Potter, offering the sympathetic head tilt. She shrugged and blushed.

"Not bad... I s'pose" she said particularly quietly. Dorea joined her husband in the tiliting of their heads "I'm going to head off then. Enjoy yourself Sweet Heart" she smiled and waved, walking a little whle down the path before she disapperated

"So nice to see you came Remus" said Dorea kindly "The boys missed you on Wednesday and yesterday. Sirius has just been so sulky" she gave a little grin, embarressment flooding over Remus as he remembered the Potter's New years Eve party, when everyone had seen Sirius give him an entirely innaprpriate New Years kiss. He still turned bright red at the memory

"There's no need to be embarressed Remus" said Charlus earnestly "We're very opened minded people" he clapped Remus on the back

"I'll have the house elf take your bag upstairs" said Dorea with a smile, she clapped twice and an elf with giant purple eyes appeared with a soft crack, took Remus's bag and disapeared again.

"Er... thanks"

"Well, go on upstairs then" she said, still smiling. Remus nodded curtly and trotted upstairs, he followed the sound of voices down the long hallway and entered James's room, it was exactly as Remus had remembered it from New years.

"Moony!" Yelled Peter enthusiastically, jumping out of one of James's plush, red and gold bean bags, running over to give him a speedy hug.

"Nice to see you've finnally graced us with your presence" Smirked James, giving him a longer hug

"I'm only two days late, and I had a fair reason" said Remus indignantly

"You feeling... better?" asked Peter tentatively

"Yeah. A lot better. Mum's not half as bad as I thought she might be and she's drinking, I know she is, but she promised she wouldn't before I left. And she wouldn't break a promise" said Remus confidently

Sirius looked him up and down coldly, he had not gotten up to greet Remus, but sat in his bean bag, staring sullenly out of the window.

"Padfoot... I... I'm sorry. I've been ignoring you, all three of you, the last couple of months and... I'm just sorry. I've had a lot to think about. A lot. And... I just didn't want to see anyone... I felt really bad and... sorry" Said Remus hesitantly. Sirius sighed irritantly

"I'm sorry for being a twat and getting angry and stuff. I'm a nob. Sorry." Said Sirius, not making eye contact with Remus. He still had trouble with apologies if he had to mean them.

"s'alright" said Remus quietly, not looking at Sirius, but turning to James instead, who quickly began to plan their next few days

"Fancy going into town tommorow?" He said brightly

"I've only ever really passed through muggle towns before" said Peter excitedly

"My Mother would blow a gasket if she found out. Brilliant" Sirius grinned and got up from his bean bag

"I've been to a lot before" said Remus "Been to some of the bigger city's quite a few times, with my parents. They didn't want me growing up completely clueless about Muggles so they used to take me out to muggle places alot. London's fun, a bit busy though and the people can be rude. Leeds is nice, so's Newcastle, I like Liverpool too." he said quietly, his eyes flicking back and forth from James, to Peter, to Sirius, to the floor. Back to Sirius. Back to the floor. "Are we... alright Sirius?"

"Yeah, course we are Moony" he said sadly "like I said, I've been being a nob."

"A sulky whingy nob" added Peter. Sirius frowned and pulled his arm around Remus, he said quietly into his ear

"_You are deffinately feeling better though aren't you... you're not bottling anything up. You're not lying to make us feel better?_" Remus smiled shyly and shook his head.

"_I'm fine Padfoot_"

"_Okay. I'm sorry for not being a better boyfriend and stuff..."_

"_I know you are. It's okay"_

"Oi" snapped James "I'm trying to sort out what we're doing tomorow while you two are sitting muttering sweet nothing's into eahother's ears! I need your help Moony, you're the one who knows most about the muggles and stuff!" Remus laughed and Sirius gave James the finger. All four of them were relieved things were normal again.

*

"_Psst_" Remus sat up in his bed. Dorea had conjured her guest's three four poster beds, sound proof hangings and all, and James's large red and gold room now looked like a very plush Hogwarts dorm. "_Psst! Moony? You awake?" _Sirius had poked his head through Remus's hangings

"Mmm, just about" he replied sleepily, Remus could see his smile in the darkness as he hopped onto his bed, pulling the hangings shut.

"Considering that you're fine and everything now... can I come within ten feet of you again? Or will that be invading your personal bubble" they smirked, Sirius adopted a more serious tone "You sure you're deffinately alright?"

"Yeah. Mum's a lot better. She still cries at night. She drinks. But once she's stopped drinking, which she's promise me she will, she won't be as depressed and the crying will probably stop. She'll be alright" Remus wondered if he was trying to reassure Sirius or himself, he pushed the thought from his head "I'm a lot better too. My dad... he left me a penseive and a letter. Made me feel a lot better. Made me miss him more but... made things a lot more clear for me"

"Dare I ask what said penseive and letter contained?"

"You'd better not. I'll get upset. I really don't want to be uspet right now" He smiled timidly at Sirius. "So about this coming within ten feet of me thing... you know... I've been thinking of reducing the size of my personal bubble" He crawled closer to Sirius, who smiled lasciviously

"I've been thinking of popping it" Sirius moved closer still. And their mouths crashed violently together, in disbelief that they'd gone almost two months without connecting. Remus nipped savagly on Sirius's bottom lip and Sirius ran his hands up into Remus's hair where they tugged , slightly too hard. Remus's teeth slipped as he yelped with fright

"Ouch!" they dissconnected

"You bit my tongue!" said Sirius his tongue dangling from his mouth

"You pulled my hair!"

"I thought you liked that?"

"Not really... I think it's you who likes the hair pulling Sirius. I try to avoid pain whenever necesary"

"Oh... thorry" said Sirius, tongue swelling. Remus giggled

"What?"

"Thorry, I thaid thorry" Remus snorted again "Fuck oth, thith ith your fault"

"I can't understand a word you're saying"

"I thaid-" Remus cackled before he could find out what he'd _"thaid"_ "Oi! Thtop it!"

"Thorry Thiriuth" Mocked Remus

"You're a vicouth little thit when you want to be, you know"

"I'm a what?" he giggled

"Thut the fuck up Remuth"

"Make me" they grinned. Sirius launched himself at Remus, knocking him on his back.

"Oh I will Moony"

"You know, that is perhaps the least sexy nickname ever created"

"Thinivelouth ith worth"

"True" they smiled again and Sirius bent down for another kiss. A gentler one, no teeth or hair pulling. Remus ran his tongue over Sirius's swollen one and tasted blood from where he'd bitten him before. His wolf gave an internal growl at the strange metallic flavour. The internal bark became an external growl and Sirius pulled off of him

"Did you juth growl?" he asked. Remus blushed

"Yeah... sorry... blood set the wolf off. Sorry"

"Don't be thorry... it wath incredibly thexy"

"Unlike your lithp"

"Thod off"

"It's my bed you're in! You sod off!"

"I don't want to thod off"

"Well shut up and kiss me" Remus winked and gave a teasing growl and with a low rumble of laughter, Sirius lowered himself onto Remus again.

He felt happy for the first time in months.

*

"Are we there yet James?" moaned Sirius

"We've been walking for aaaages" whined Peter

"I told you five minutes ago, we're about ten minutes away!" snarled James

"Sor-ry!" said Sirius hufily. Remus tapped James enthusastically on the shoulder

"What is it Moony?"

"I can't believe I forgot to ask sooner! How's the map going?"

"The Map is... well... I took a load of really dodgy measurments when I started drawing it. There's a lot that needs correcting" he sighed and fluffed up his hair "But, on the bright side, I found this very old and" he dropped his voice to whisper "very _illeagal_ book in our library"

"You have a library? In your house?" asked Remus, astoundedly

"Yeah, so does Sirius" he said off handedly, like it was the most normal thing in the world "Anyway, this book, it tells you how to plot people properly. How to tell who they are, track their acctual movents and positions, not just nameless approximations of where random people are. 'Cos they tell you that's the only way to do it in that leagal crap we got from the Hogwarts library"

"I hope you know what you're doing James, you could be in a lot of trouble if you get caught" Remus cautioned

"I know mummy, thanks for the warning. But I know a way to protect the map, we could wipe it after every use with a sort of password"

"That's clever Prongs" said Remus, giving a smile and raise of his eye brows

"I know" he grinned "D'you think Evans would be impressed?" Sirius sighed

"For the love of all that's good and Magical James! Will you shut up about that stuck up bitch for five minutes!"

"Lily isn't stuck up" Defended Remus

"She is a bit" said Peter. James began to argue with Peter and Remus dropped behind them and walked along side Sirius.

"How's your tongue?" he asked shyly, taking Sirius's hand

"Not swollen, still very sore" said Sirius, with a smirk he stuck his tongue out, a large purple welt at it's centre

"Bloody hell Sirius! I'm so sorry!"

"S'alright. I think you made it up to me last night" he winked lewdly, Remus flushed and punched him lightly on the arm.

*

The four boys arrived in town, Remus quickly released Sirius's hand when the muggles started giving them a few funny looks.

"Right" said Sirius "Now what?"

"Er... we could get something to eat?" suggested Peter hopefully

"We only had breakfast an hour ago!" James sneered "All you think about is food"

"We've been walking though..."

"What've they got round here shop-wise Prongs?" asked Remus

"Usual muggle stuff, clothes, books, music, shoes and stuff" he replied

"Can we go and have a look at the muggle music? That record player you got me a while back has had nothing but the same three albums to play for ages" said Sirius

"They're bloody good albums!"

"They are! But there's only so many times I can hear _Diamond Dogs _before I want to tear my ears off. The same goes for _Dark Side of The Moon_ and _Sticky Fingers_ I'm afraid. I need some new stuff"

"Come on then, there's a record shop down the street" said James ushering them forward

"I don't get your obsession with muggle music. Wizard stuff is much better" Peter huffed

"Bollocks. Every witch, wizard _and_ muggle knows who the Rolling Stones are, whereas absaloutly no one apart from a few magical teenagers have heard of the shite you listen to" Sirius scoffed

"My music is not shite"

"It is Pete" said James "Especially that one band you play all the time"

"Which one?"

"Er... Someone and the Pixies or something" said James, not even really trying to remember the name of the awful band

"Pixie Boots and the Unicorns?" he suggested brightly

"Yeah! That's the one! Fucking shite" said James, ignoring the fall of Peter's face

"Back me up here Rem, they're not that bad, are they" he said pleadingly

"Pete... I'm sorry but... they're shite. If it's one thing muggle's do right, it's music" said Remus apologetically as they entered the muggle record shop "_Remember to mind what you say_" he hissed at James, Sirius and Peter.

"Alright Moony, we're not stupid you know" tutted James. The boys browsed the records, music playing quietly in the background

"What's wrong with these posters?" asked Peter, prodding at a Talking Heads poster. "It's not moving"

"Keep your voice down!" snapped Remus before whispering "_they're not meant to. Muggle pictures don't move, remember?_"

"Oh yeah! Boring" snorted Peter "Who'd want a crappy poster that didn't move?"

"I might" said Sirius sauntering over to the posters "These would drive mother mental!" He started pulling at a few random band posters, and began to consider a few posters of a few bikini clad girls, and then a few vaious posters of a topless David Bowie, which he went to pick up with an evil grin on his face. James grabbed his wrist

"Topless, bisexual, muggle man, wearing make up. Do you want to piss your mum off or do you want her to kill you?"

"Good point... I'll just go for a few of the half naked women, shall I?" James nodded in agreement. Posters under his arm, Sirius strolled over to the nearest shop assistant and asked him

"Which record do you think will piss a Mother off the most?" The shop assistant smirked and picked a few records out, stuffing them into Sirius's arms

"_Physical Graffiti _the newest fromLed ZepplinIt's a must. Do you have _Zepplin iv?_"

"Er... no"

"Well, take it. _Paraniod_ by Balck Sabboth'll get on any parent's tits... so would _Who's Next _by the Who. It's a bit old, have you got that?"

"uh uh"

"Shit, have you been living under a rock?"

"No! I like... The Rolling stones and Bowie and Pink Floyd"

"Now you're talking. Have you got _Sticky Fingers_?"

"Yes acctually, I do" said Sirius haughtily "Can I buy these?"

"Yep" the assistant hopped behind the checkout "That'll be £12" Sirius looked frantically over at Remus

"_Remus_" he whispered all too loudly "_Can you do the money_?"

"Er... I can try... Can I have the money James?" James pulled a handful of muggle notes and coins from his pockets and gave them to Remus "Thanks... erm... I think this is a... 10? Yeah and the gold one's are pounds... right so... is that right?" The Assistant eyed them suspiciously

"Yeah..." he hesitantly took the money "Are you two foreign or something?"

"Yep" Remus said quickly "Erm thanks. Are you two done?" James and Peter nodded and they stumbled quickly out of the shop.

"Do we look foreign?" asked Sirius, before any of them could answer, there was a loud buzz, which evolved into a roar and Sirius saw one of the most beautiful sights he ever would see. A huge siler machiene, flying gracefully and noisily on two huge wheels, glinting alluringly in the bright summer sun light.

"What was that?" he beamed, eyes wide and dancing

"A motor bike, I think" said Remus curling his lip at the horrid arrogant machiene "Loud and dangerous, so many muggle's die on them. I can't bare them"

"Motor bike..." said Sirius in a daze, clearly having become selectively deaf at the words _dangerous_ and _die _"How many bits of muggle paper do you think I have to give to someone to get one?"

"Lot's, they're bloody expensive" said Remus, frowning "And you have to be seventeen to learn to ride one"

"How hard can it be?" said Sirius cheerfully, Remus put his head in his hands "Just like riding a broom, but bigger and on the ground, isn't it?"

"No. Not even remotely"

*

"Hello boys! How was your day?" asked Dorea who was in the kitchen bent over some hosptal paper work

"Really good, Peter expeirienced a muggle burger for the first time, Remus bought himself a small library, Sirius got enough muggle music and posters to make his mum want to beat him to death and fell in love" Sniggered James. Sirius sighed

"Motor Bike..."

"Oh bloody hell. Those are very dangerous Sirius" warned Dorea

"Shiny"

"They kill hundreds of muggles a year"

"Really fast"

"They injure thousands"

"Mother would get so angry... I wonder if she'd catch fire"

"I've tried warning him Mrs. Potter, I really have, but I don't think he cares" shrugged Remus, sighing "I'm going to take a shower... if that's alright" Mrs Potter nodded.

"Fancy coming up to my room for a game of Gobstones" suggested James

"Go on then" said Peter with a smile, and they all trotted up stairs. Remus collected a towell from the Potter's airing cupboard and entered their huge bathroom. The giant bath, which was more like a small pool, reminded Remus of the one in Hogwarts prefect's bathroom, apart from the large shower head that hung from the ceiling at the centre of the bath. He twisted a few taps before finding the one that controlled the shower, took off his clothes, lay his towel on the side and climbed down into the bath. The water was cold at first but almost instantly adjusted to Remus's preffered water tempreture (not too hot, not too cold). He stood under the water, tepid drops of water beating down sharply onto his plae scarred skin. He looked down at his scars, some of the newer, deeper, badly healed ones on his chest, he ran his fingers across them and sighed. Wondering how Sirius could bare to look at the angry purple blemishes, when he could barely stand them himself. He hated his body, he always had. He was all skin and bones. All skin and bones and scars. He heaved another weighty sigh, and scrubed at his wet hair, absent mindedly watching beads of water dropping off his fringe, he didn't even hear someone stumble into the bathroom.

"Hey hey Moony" Sirius grinned, locking the door behind him. Remus panicked and ran to the edge of the bath, grabbing his towel and wrapping it quickly round his waist.

"Sirius! Knock first!"

"Oh come on Rem, I've seen you with your kit off before"

"Yeah... but not with it all off, in broad daylight!"

"Stop with the shyness Remus. If it makes you feel any better, I'll get naked too?"

"Sirius..." he tailed off, flushing a deep red and not really sure what his answer should be, but Sirius was alreay pulling off his clothes, and hopped into the shower, pressing his groin up against Remus. He sighed.

"You'd better not be thinking about motor bikes"

_A/N:It's my birthday on monday. It would be mean to deny me a review :(_


	30. Remus Lupin and the crappy romance novel

"Moony?" said Sirius, they were curled up underneath a towel in one of the Potter's bathrooms, Sirius was thankful that no one had tried to disturb them. Remus was lying with his cheek on Sirius's chest, absent mindedly tracing circles round he belly button.

"Mm?" he replied drowsily

"Do you ever just feel... like... happy?"

"What d'you mean?" he asked, sitting up, his cheek peeling from Sirius

"I don't know... just happy. Like I mean, just happy. Nothing else"

"Erm... No, actually" Sirius's face fell "Well, I am happy, don't get me wrong, I haven't felt this good for months. But, I don't just feel happy. I never _just_ feel happy"

"Really? What else do you feel right now" he asked, wondering how Moony could feel anything but contentment right at this moment. The air thick with that drowsy post orgasmic satisfaction, that seemed to radiate from the two of them. The warmth between them. The fact that they were just there, curled up together, snug and nude and fulfilled.

"I feel... tired"

"Well I'm tired as well Moony" he snorted "And you don't see me making this moment more complex than it should be"

"Sorry... it's a little more than tired though... I feel..." He sighed and ran his fingers through his half wet half dry hair "Drained"

"Drained?" said Sirius disappointedly "Why?"

"Sirius don't pout"

"I'm not pouting"

"You are. We're together again. It's wonderful. Forget I said anything Sirius, I'm very happy."

"Alright" said Sirius. He knew he should have pressed Remus for what was _draining _him but, he was tired of complex emotions. Complexity and sadness was all he got from Remus now. He wanted his simplicity, he wanted his happiness... he wanted Remus's happiness, feigned or not. It wasn't that he didn't care, because he did, he really did. It was more like he couldn't be bothered to care anymore, that he was perhaps feeling a little _drained _himself. He wove his arm round Remus's shoulder and his fingers into his hair, pushing Remus's cheek back down to his chest again. Remus's gold eyes shone up at him. A flicker of annoyance and indignance there, but just a flicker. Only a flicker. There was a soft knock at the door.

"_As much as I don't want to disturb you two, I'm dying for a piss and I won't make it to the downstairs bathroom!!!" _whined James. Remus and Sirius exchanged a little smirk; Remus snatched the towel and wrapped it round his waist, poking his tongue out as he did so. Sirius gave him the finger and quickly pulled on his jeans as Remus scooped up his clothes, they left the bathroom, James dancing on the spot outside the door.

"Piss away Prongs, it's all yours"

"Merlin's beard thank you" said James as he pushed past them, not bothering to close the door and giving a disturbing wail of relief. Remus quickly pulled on his underwear and jeans before unwrapping the towel from his waist and pulling on an old, bright yellow and red polyester t-shirt.

"What are you staring at?" Remus smirked

"Nothing. I'm just not used to seeing you in colour, that's all"

"I've been wearing this shirt all day"

"I know. I just hadn't realised"

"Oh... you come out with the oddest stuff sometimes Sirius"

"I've got Moony fever; it goes straight to your brain... I've had it a while, hadn't you noticed?"

"You, Padfoot, are cheesy as fuck!"

"You love it!" Sirius sung, Remus smiled at him, shaking his head

"I do"

*

_Moanna stared deeply into Bruce's eye_

"_Why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go and leave me like that Bruce?" She begged, dropping to her knees and wishing he would look her in the eyes_

"_Moanna... I wish I could tell you why but I can't. All I know is, I love you. You're a cheap nasty thieving whore, but I love you"_

"_Bruce, my daddy would kill us if he found out... you being the farm hand and all but... " she said, her loins burning as she slipped off her dress, revealing her supple breasts "Make love to me, right now, in the back of Daddy's barn" He walked-_

"Hogwarts letters boys!" called Dorea from outside James's bedroom door. Remus snapped back to reality.

"Why does it bloody matter? We got in already didn't we?" moaned James as he dragged himself out of bed. Remus rolled his eyes, he'd been sitting in one of James's bean bag chairs (which he had to admit, were getting more and more comfortable everyday) reading one of the cheap muggle books he had gotten last week in the town. He had, he swore, entirely out of curiosity, bought some trashy looking romance novel and, to his dismay, he had been quite unable to put it down. The characters had stupid names, said stupid things and were in utterly stupid situations but Remus had found it strangely compelling. More compelling, at least, than _Emma_, which, despite Lily's assurances he would love it, Remus had just found soppy and irritating. And it was soppy and irritating without the filth that gave him a sort of cheap thrill like his lovely trashy romance novel.

"We need our new book lists" said Remus "And what if they throw a ball or something this year, they need to warn us to get dress robes or bring out old ones at least" he finished, eyes not leaving the page of his book as he found out exactly how Moanna and Bruce made love in the back of that barn without being caught by Moanna's father, Farmer Jobbs

"Come on Moony, put the book down, Mrs. Potter's been feeding you up nicely for me but you're still a bit on the skinny side" Sirius teased. Remus frowned and put his book back with his things. The four of them traipsed downstairs and sat at the Potter's kitchen table, letters already put on the table in front of them. James, Peter and Sirius tore their letters open quickly, Remus had been momentarily distracted by yet another hole forming in the knee of his cheap jeans.

"Fuck yeah!" called James

"What?" asked Peter, craning over the table to look at James's letter "What is it?"

"I'm Quidditch captain!" he grinned and held a small crimson badge aloft

"Nice one James, all the privileges of being a prefect with none of the responsibility" said Sirius, leaning casually back in his chair

"There's some responsibility! I've still got to run the bloody team! But... I was positive they'd give it to Cheng what with him being a seventh year" said James, Remus opened his letter. He scanned it, same old same old, new books, timetable, a plea for the ceasing of mischief, bring dress robes for ball (_that should be interesting_ thought Remus) new DADA teacher, appointed Gryffindor prefect, new... Remus's eyes re read that last sentence.

"I thought they'd give it to you. Cheng's a nice guy and a good player but, he's no captain" shrugged Sirius. Remus re read that again and again... him... prefect. Were they fucking serious!? Had McGonagall looked at his fucking friends lately? But it was true; he felt a small bulge at the bottom of the letters discarded envelope. He quickly tipped it out and stuffed it into his jeans pocket. He would never hear the end of it if the other Marauders saw this.

"What was that Moony?" Asked Peter

"What was what?"

"That! The thing I just saw you put in your pocket" Peter pressed

"Nothing, I was just checking my pockets were empty"

"Bull shit!" snorted Sirius. James was giggling

"They haven't" he sniggered

"What" snapped Remus defiantly

"Given you the badge"

"Of Course not! Don't be ridiculous"

"Liar Liar pants on fire!" sung James "Our Widdle Wemmy is a Pwefect!" he mocked

"Okay... so what if I am s'not like it matters" he mumbled as the other three boys cackled with laughter

"I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!" Screeched Sirius

"Shut up!" Snapped Remus over the laughter

"Or what? You going to give us a detention? Report us to McGonagall?" Cackled Peter

"This is priceless" James wiped a tear away from his eye, giggling manically "You should see the look on your fucking face Moony" Remus heaved a heavy sigh.

Remus spent the rest of the day with his head buried in book. He was finding the trials of Moanna and Bruce far more tolerable than Sirius, James and Peter's piss taking.

*

_Dear Mum,_

_I'm having a great time at James's, for reasons unknown to me, I've been appointed prefect. I don't mind, I've always gotten on well with prefects and I suppose you'll be proud because you and dad were both prefects. I just wish James, Sirius and Peter would stop taking the piss. It's not like I asked to be made prefect or anything! But it doesn't matter. I am fine, the letters said we needed dress robes; can we afford new ones for me? I don't really care; __I'll__ just wear my old ones._

_I hope you're okay and I hope work is going alright, we've barely seen Mr. Potter, so things must be busy._

_Don't Drink!_

_Remus_

_*_

_Dear Remus,_

_Congratulations on becoming prefect! I'm very proud of you! Work is hell; they've taken everyone working in the muggle worthy excuse committee and put us back on Obliviating on top of having to make excuses. My work load has doubled; life would be so much simpler if Voldemort would stop attacking muggles. _

_There's no way we can afford new dress robes on top of new books and school robes, sorry sweetheart._

_I'm not drinking, I promise_

_Love Mum_

_*_

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter stumbled through the leaky cauldron out into Diagon Alley. It was a particularly hot day and as a result many of the witches and wizards were in light muggle attire.

"So... where do we start?" Said Sirius confidently

"Dunno this is the first year I've done the back to school shopping without my mum" said Remus

"Same here actually" added James

"And me" Piped Peter

"My mother had the house elves do it" said Sirius, flicking his hair elegantly out of his eyes and causing a girl Remus recognised as a Slytherin third year to squeal delightedly. He flashed winked and she giggled madly before skipping over to her parents. Remus elbowed him in the stomach.

"C'mon, we've got robes to buy" he said with a frown. The four boys trotted down the street to Madam Malkin's, the witch greeted them brightly

"Hello Dears! Plain Hogwarts robes for all four of you?" They nodded and they were soon holding a bundle of new robes, they handed their money to her.

"And you'll be wanting some dress robes fitted as well, I imagine" she added

"Yep" said James grinning

"Actually, I won't be getting new robes" said Remus shyly

"What? Why?" asked Sirius

"Can't afford it. Money's always been tight... but now dad's... we just don't have enough" he said, a blush creeping up his face as he tugged at his worn t-shirt

"I'll lend you some money Moony" said Sirius

"I don't need your charity Sirius" Remus replied, more coldly than intended

"Are you sure?" Sirius continued

"Yeah, I'm sure. The three of you, go to the fitting room, I'll be waiting out here for you" Remus said, sitting down on a chair by the fitting room door.

"Okay... see you in a few minutes Moony" said James quietly. Remus slumped in his chair after they left, the small robes shop was hot and stuffy, he could see sweat causing his t-shirt to cling to him, the light ridges of his scars visible. He plucked at the shirt and sighed, sinking lower in his chair. The shop door opened, a familiar head of blonde hair dampened by perspiration was visible above the racks of robes. A pair of sea green eyes framed by spectacles twinkled nervously as they peered at him; a hand flew up to the face and pushed at the spectacles.

"Fisher?"

"Er... no..." Fisher ducked behind a rack of clothes "I'm not Fisher, who the hell is Fisher any way?"

"Fisher, don't be pathetic" he snapped, impatient with the heat. Fishers head appeared again.

"Sorry..." He said anxiously "I'll go... shit, I'll just go. Oh fuck" he muttered

"No!" called Remus, hopping up from his chair as Fisher turned to leave "Wait! I've wanted to talk to you for months!"

"Yeah... sorry about avoiding you by the way"

"You were avoiding me? I'd never've noticed" Said Remus dryly with a little smirk. Fisher went crimson almost instantly.

"Er... listen... it was just a silly crush Remus... I'm like... over it now... sorry for kissing you when you obviously weren't like attracted to me or anything..." he laughed sadly "Why would you be?"

"Oh shut it Fisher. You're really good looking, you know you are. What I've been trying to explain to you for about 2 months is that, I didn't push you off me because I don't find you attractive, I pushed you away because... and you have to promise to keep this secret"

"Of course" Fisher nodded urgently, Remus looked around, to check there wasn't someone in the shop he hadn't noticed

"I'm seeing someone" he said quietly

"What?! Who? I thought... I... I mean I knew _you_ were gay... and now I know _I'm _bi... I didn't know there was anyone else..." Said Fisher, more curious than shocked

"Well... you must not repeat this to _anyone,_ understood?"

"Right"

"Sirius Black"

"_BLACK?!" _He said, mouth hanging open "But... he... he's slept with all those girls... I heard... even my sister apparently... wait no... When did you...?"

"Uh... November-ish"

"Wow... I..." he cleared his throat and pushed at his glasses "I stopped hearing stuff about him with girls round then... Shit... so it's pretty serious then?"

"Erm... yep"

"Ha... well that makes sense... er haha... so... you're seeing him... and it's serious. Well... and there's no chance of you two breaking up anytime soon?" he said, a smile sneaking onto his chiselled, scarlet features, Remus smiled back sadly

"No... No I don't think so"

"Well... if you ever do... you know where to find me" he grinned, his eyes snapping back and forth from Remus to the floor, pushing at his glasses again, he was about to leave the shop

"Don't you need to buy robes?"

"Yes but... well... shit I was going to hide outside and wait for you to come out of the shop before I did" he said shyly

"Oh... don't let me stop you!" Laughed Remus awkwardly

"Ha! I won't!" They laughed again, and Fisher slunk out of the shop, looking completely mortified and hitting himself on the head as he shook it.

"Poor Fisher" Said Remus aloud to himself "Poor bloody... fancying me... stupid... why would you" he muttered, promptly stopping when another customer entered the shop. A girl Remus recognised from Hogwarts, she was older than he was, a seventh year. She had blonde hair and sea green eyes.

"Hey" she said casually

"Hi"

"I'm Iris Fisher" She smirked "so... you're the kid my brother's trying to fuck then"

"Er... quite possibly" said Remus nervously

"Hmm" Her eyes ran around his face "You're cute... I like the scars"

"I was in a car accident" he said suddenly

"Right, I didn't ask, but thanks for that" She raised her brows "Gabriel's pretty hung up on you. You don't think of him that way though?"

"Well... I'm seeing someone"

"Aha... but you do like him? As a friend, I mean"

"Of course, Fisher's great"

"Good... Can you do me a favour? And Gabriel?"

"Yeah, alright"

"Stay out of his way. The last thing I want is my little brother having his heart broken" She said this firmly, but not coldly or angrily. Just firmly

"Alright... okay"

"And don't tell him we spoke. I just came in here to buy his robes for him" she smiled and winked

"Right"

"Oh, and tell that friend of yours he was a shit fuck anyway, and I don't care he never spoke to me afterwards" She said coldly as she picked out a few sets of plain robes

"Will do"

"What do you think for his dress robes" she held a set of dark blue ones against her frame "Blue or..." she held up a set that were a rich lilac "...purple?"

"Neither... I'd get him green"

"Nice idea. It'll bring out his eyes"

*

"James, Moony and me, d'you reckon we're about the same height now?" Said Sirius and Madam Malkin put the finishing touches on his Gryffindor red dress robes. James and Peter had gone with navy and black but Sirius was in the mood for something a little more vibrant.

"Yeah, give or take an inch" shrugged James

"Great. Madam Malkin?" The witch looked up from his wrist, where she was adjusting the cuff of his robes

"Yes dear?"

"I want 2 sets of dress robes fitted"

"Sirius... he said no" warned James

"I don't care; I'll make this his birthday present"

"Sirius, I don't think he's bothered" Said Peter as he put his new dress robes into a bag "He's never been one to fuss over how he looks"

"Don't care; I want him to have something nice for once" scowled Sirius

"Alright, but when he tells you to fuck off with you charity, don't say we didn't warn you" snapped James

"Whatever"

"What colour would you like for this set dear?" asked Madam Malkin shyly

"I'm thinking... gold"

"Oh I bet Moony will love that" said James sarcastically "He seems like the kind of person who'd wear a lot of gold" he rolled his eyes

"It'll bring out his eyes" said Peter. Sirius and James eyed him oddly "What? I was only saying!"

*

"Okay Moony, we're all done" said Peter smiling

"Thank God for that! Do you have any idea how hot it is in here?" said Remus irritably, plucking at his sweat soaked t-shirt

"There was nothing stopping you from going outside mate" snorted James

"Oh yeah... fucking hell" Remus slapped himself "The heat's boiled my brain, it's made me an idiot"

"Cheer up Moony, we're book shopping now, your favourite" Beamed Peter, Remus perked up a little

"Flourish and Blotts is usually nice and cool" he smiled

"Exactly" said James

"Oh, Sirius, I ran into Iris Fisher, ring any bells?" said Remus wryly

"It... might" he said sheepishly "...why?"

"She wanted me to tell you: you were a shit fuck and she didn't care that you didn't speak to her afterward"

"I am not a shit fuck!" He said outraged

"Don't shoot the messenger Padfoot!" giggled Remus "Now take me out of this shop before I start to cook" They nodded and exited Madam Malkin's and the temperature was not much different outdoors, it was humid and without a breeze, it was almost unbearable

"Bloody hell" exclaimed James "I hope the books shop have the sense to put up a few cold air charms" They pushed through the crowd; it was particularly busy that day. Suddenly Peter piped

"Have any of you heard anything about the new DADA teacher?"

"No, actually" said Remus

"I've not heard anything" added Sirius with a shrug

"Dad said something the other day." Began James "Apparently they're bringing in some young guy; he's only barely twenty or something. He like just finished auror training under my Dad and erm... I think Dumbledore wanted an auror, any auror, what with the war and everything, to teach us... I can't fucking remember his name either... for fucks sake! He was in Gryffindor; he had the dorm next to ours before he left"

"Oh! You mean Frank Longbottom?" suggested Peter

"Yeah! That's him! Frank! Or, Professor Longbottom now I s'pose" smirked James

"Brilliant! I always liked Frank" said Sirius with a grin "He liked us as well, didn't he? We'll be able to get away with anything in his lessons"

"C'mon, we still need to treat him with respect like any other teacher" said Remus with a frown

"Don't be a wet blanket Moony" said Sirius with a roll of his eyes, Remus frowned at him as they entered Flourish and Blotts.

"Fucking hell! It's absolutely packed in here!" shouted Peter over the loud rumble of the crowd

"It's not that bad" called Remus as someone elbowed him in the stomach "at least they've got some cold air charms blowing" someone knocked past him and he stumbled backward

"OUCH! MOONY YOU'RE ON MY FOOT!" Snapped James

"Sorry James!!!"

"You're fucking heavy for someone so skinny" he frowned

"Bugger off" said Remus

"I don't think I can be arsed with this" said Sirius, frowning and flicking his hair "It would make more sense if just one of us got everyone's books. It'll be quicker and it'll save all of us from having to push and shove their way around everyone" They all exchanged glances

"BAGSY NOT ME!" shouted Peter

"Not me!" added Remus and Sirius simultaneously. James eyed them darkly.

"Fine! Everyone give me your money, I'll do it" James rolled his eyes and waded into the thick sea of body's, his book list held aloft.

Remus, Sirius and Peter hung round outside the shop for James to return, they stared in through the window at the mass off people inside

"We shouldn't have sent him into that hell hole alone" Said Sirius warily

"At least that hell hole's cool, I'm cooking out here!" said Remus shaking his head

"It's not that bad! Wormtail's alright and he had ten times the amount of insulation you do" Sirius teased, prodding Peter's belly

"Fuck you!" he smacked Sirius's hand away. Sirius sighed

"Sorry" he said defensively.

"What colour dress robes did you two end up getting?"

"Navy blue" said Peter, flashing Remus the inside of his bag.

"Red" said Sirius proudly "Proper Gryffindor red"

"They look a bit like your Quidditch robes" said Peter

"Don't be stupid Peter, these look far more expensive than my Quidditch robes" snapped Sirius

"Can I have a look at them?" asked Remus, his hand going towards Sirius's bag

"No! No, not yet" said Sirius holding his bag behind his back

"Why not?"

"Because... you're sweaty and these weren't exactly cheap" said Sirius, deliberately haughty

"Oh... fair enough" Remus looked down, his shirt was completely soaked in sweat

"Why are you so hot Moony?" Peter curled his lip at his damp friend

"Just the way God made him Wormy" Sirius grinned and winked at Remus, who couldn't help but smiling back

"I meant temperature wise you stupid poufs! Is it something related to your furry little problem?"

"No... I think it's just something to do with me being very intolerant of the heat"

James emerged forty minutes later, panting with four bags full of books

"All of you fucking owe me for that!"

"How bad was it?"

"It just looks busy from out here, but in there" He shook his head "Worse than the goblin riots Professor Binns is always on about"

"You actually listen to Binns when he speaks?" asked Remus curiously

"Well yeah... I want to get marks and I can't get by in that on talent alone! Don't you Moony?"

"No... I honestly didn't think anybody did" he laughed. Sirius snorted at James

"_I get by on talent alone! _You arrogant prat!"

"Oi! Pot, kettle, black!"

*

"_Moanna, please, you can't keep lying to me!" Bruce shrieked_

"_I know Bruce" she wept "I know"_

"_Whose baby is it? Mine? Reginald's? It's not that Bentley's is it!?" He roared, stumbling drunkly towards her curvatious frame_

"_Bruce... baby please... I never meant to"_

"_Lies Woman! I always knew you were a whore!"_

"_My whoring days finished when I met you Bruce"_

"_Stop lying to me!" He struck her hard on the face "Whose baby is it?"_

"_The baby... it's... it's... my father's!"_

"No fucking way!" muttered Remus. He'd always had Farmer Jobbs down as a bastard, but a rapist? He'd never of seen that coming.

"What is it Moony?" asked Sirius, his eyes never tearing away from the intense game of exploding snap he, Peter and James were having.

"Nothing, just this stupid book"

"Alright... What time's your mum expecting you?"

"Five o'clock"

"And what time is now?" asked Sirius sadly. Remus looked at his watch and raised his brow in surprise. Time really flies when you're reading stupid muggle romance novels

"It's five Sirius. I'll have to go"

"Can't you stay just a bit longer?"

"You'll see me next week!"

"I know... but I'll miss you for a week"

"Oi" snapped James

"I'll miss you and Peter as well, of course" he said lazily "I'm dreading going home... it'll be worth it to see the look on Walburga's face when she sees the posters though" he grinned evilly.

"Please don't wind her up too much Sirius, I won't be happy if you come back to Hogwarts in bits" warned Remus with a smile, as he approached the fire place with his bags.

"Don't worry Moony" Sirius abandoned his game "I'll be alright" he gave him a particularly sloppy tongue kiss

"My eyes!!! Fucking warn us next time you do that!" Shrieked Peter

"For fucks sake just get over it Wormtail" growled James. Sirius sneered at Peter and smiled at James

"See you later Moony. Oh! Just leave the bags; we'll have a house elf send them over"

"Oh okay" he smiled and dropped his bags "Bye guys!" Said Remus as he threw a handful of floo powder into the fire "The Lupin's house, Yorkshire" He hopped into the emerald green flames, and sure enough as he arrived, his bags were there already.

"Mum, I'm home!" He called, no response "Mum!... Muuum! Mum?" he checked the kitchen, no mum; he went upstairs and gingerly opened her bedroom door. She was curled up asleep on the bed, surrounded by papers and broken quills. There was a spilt cup of tea soaking into the carpet and, to his dismay; she appeared to be clutching an almost empty bottle of wine. He sighed

"You promised me you wouldn't you stupid bint" He scowled and cleared up around her, stacking the papers on her desk, throwing out the quills and cleaning the tea out of the carpet. He gently pried the bottle from his mother's arms and tipped what little of it there was down the kitchen sink. Remus set out on hunting down all of the alcohol in the house, and making sure every last dropped was poured down the drain.

*

"Sirius... are you sure this is a good idea?" worried Regulus

"I've never been more sure of anything" he smirked as he stuck up the last of his muggle girl posters with everlasting magical glue

"She's going to go mental" said Regulus chewing his lip

"Good" grinned Sirius "And now... for the finishing touch" he flicked on his record player, which instantly began blaring loud heavy metal

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

"THAT, DEAR REGULUS, IS BLACK SABBATH" He laughed manically as he heard his mother begin to stomp up the stairs, Regulus panicked and flew from his brothers room into his own.

"SIRIUS! MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT YOUR GRANDFATHER IS STILL HERE, AND STILL VERY MUCH ASLEEP" she shrieked, bursting into the room "IS THAT THE NOISE OF FLITHY MUGGLES I HEAR?!"

"WHY... I DO BELIEVE IT IS!" he sneered. She glared viciously

"_EXPULSO_!" There was a bang, Sirius's record played had been reduced to small pile of dust

"What the fu-!"

"_Don't you dare think of using a profanity now __**boy**__!"_ she spat "_We have __**always**__ gone easily with you when it came to punishment. We mustn't hurt our heir too badly. That ends today. You have pushed too far boy" _she advanced, her wand raised, she snarled like a rabid dog.

_A/N __**This chapter took me bloody ages, didn't it! Ack! Sorry! Hope it was worth the wait!!! Remember to be cool a review, 'cause if you don't you won't be cool. And nobody doesn't want to be cool! **_

_**(The last chapter got the most reviews I've had for chapter! How 'citin is that :P)**_


	31. Rope Burn and Fan Girls

Sirius stood before his mirror and carefully thumbed the slowly healing friction burns on his neck. Walburga Black had been using a chocking curse of her own invention on Sirius over the last week, it felt like invisible ropes had been tied round his neck and pulled so tight Sirius had thought his head might explode. She had only called the curse off just as he fell unconscious. The burns were sore and gave off searing heat but he had been, and he was disgusted in himself for it, too _frightened_ to ask for burn potion. He looked around his room and tugged on a polo neck, buttoning his school shirt over the top of it and opting for his favourite bell bottom jeans over his school trousers. He had carpet burn on his thighs from writhing around on the floor during one of his mothers choking sessions and the jeans were much comfier than his school trousers.

He stuffed a few more pairs of socks into his trunk and tugged it down stairs, he shot his mother a dark look and she sneered at him. She began to protectively stroke Regulus's hair, who was deliberately avoiding Sirius's eye and staring at the floor.

"Kreachur will take you both to the station" she smiled cruelly "remember" the smile broke into a animalistic and vindictive grin "_Behave_"

*

"Stop scowling mum" snapped Remus, his mum had been sulking about him getting rid of her drink for the whole week

"I'm not scowling" she scowled

"You bloody well are"

"Remus! Need I remind you who the parent is again!"

"_You wouldn't have to if you stopped acting like a thirteen year old_" he muttered meanly

"What did you say?" she said, her eye brows high and defiant

"Nothing..." there was silence as they approached kings cross, which Remus angrily broke "It was for your own good and you know it! Stop acting like such a brat, you can't drink all of your problems away!" he yelled, dropping his trunk on the floor. Her scowl softened

"I know Sweet Heart... I know" she sighed "I always knew you'd end up having to look after me... I just expected to be in my eighties when it happened... not my mid thirties" She said quietly, her tiny voice trembling.

*

"Mum please, people are looking" begged James, his mum's arms were wrapped around him tightly

"I'm sorry James" she let go "Remember, don't get into too much trouble"

"Alright"

"Because you're get a little old for all of your pranks and your father and I do not approve" she said sternly

"Liar! You both think they're hilarious!"

"We do not" she was already smirking "Go on, I have to get back to work in a matter of seconds anyway"

*

"Pete! PETE! OI! WORMTAIL, OVER HERE!" called James across the platform, waving his arms madly. Peter gave his mummy a quick kiss on the cheek

"Bye mummy, love you"

"I love you to Petey!" she said loudly Peter blushed and trotted over to James with his trunk.

"God... mum's eh?" he said in a stupidly deep voice.

"Yeah" smirked James "I saw you coming so I thought I'd wait, c'mon, train's leaving soon" he ushered Peter onto to the train where they found Remus looking for a compartment.

"Hey hey Moony, how's it going?" said Peter brightly

"Morning guys" he smiled "I'm alright, can't find a bloody compartment though"

"Seriously? Ugh... I don't want to share" sneered Sirius who had just appeared behind them

"Hi Padfoot" beamed James

"Hi Prongs, Wormtail" he winked "hey Moony" he opened the nearest compartment door, a small group of fourth year girls, a Hufflepuff, two Gryffindors and a Ravenclaw, were huddled within

"Hey girls" said Sirius, flipping his hair out of his eyes, the girls giggled and blushed "Do you mind clearing out of here so we can have our own compartment?" he flashed his winning grin at them and leaned elegantly on the compartment door. The girls all looked at each other, one of the Gryffindors in the group stood up

"We can't leave, but you can share with us, if you like" She said, batting her eyelids at Sirius. Remus rolled his eyes

"Just do it, we're causing a traffic jam" he said impatiently. The four boys filed into the compartment and stowed their trunks away

"It's a bit cramped in here" said the Hufflepuff, shooting a contemptuous glance at Peter, who was taking up rather a lot more room than anyone else. One of the Gryffindor girl stood up again and held her hand out to Sirius

"Hi, I'm Chloe" She had short dark hair and blue eyes, which she kept batting her lashes over

"I'm Sirius" he smiled and very quickly shook her hand

"I know your name, obviously, everyone does" she smiled pertly and hid behind her hair, which fell over most of the left half of her face. She ignored the other boys and shuffled herself into the seat next to Sirius, expelling Remus over to the other side of the compartment, where he occupied the seat of Chloe. He sat by the Ravenclaw, she was rather chubby, had thick glasses, braces and a long ginger coloured plat which hung down her back. She smiled shyly at him

"Hi" he said

"erm... hi" she replied curtly

"Remus Lupin"

"I know... you tutored my sister Katrina. I'm Melpomene... just call me Mel"

"Oh, nice to meet you" Said Remus, she nodded furiously and buried her nose in a potions text book. James appeared to be deep in a Quidditch based conversation with the other Gryffindor Remus recognised as Toby Cheng's little sister, Yumiko. The Hufflepuff who had been scowling at Peter was now staring at Sirius and was, like that Chloe girl, staring lustily at Sirius, who had relaxed in his seat and appeared to be enjoying the girls dribbling over him. Remus curled his lip.

"I think I'm going to go and speak to Lily"

"Oh, tell her I said hi" said James before returning to talk to Yumiko. Remus nodded before striding out of the compartment with a huge scowl on his face. He wasn't bothered by the girls, but the wolf had been growling since the Chloe girl had first started batting her eyes. He shook of the angry feeling the wolf was trying to force in him and began to look round for Lily and her friends. He opened her usual compartment door, but she wasn't there.

"Hullo Remus" Beamed Alice

"Oh hi" he smiled "You haven't seen Lily around have you?"

"Er no, she disappeared off somewhere before" said Alice. A fair haired girl sitting by her added

"We thought she was with you"

Alice looked round at her group of friends and quickly mouthed _Severus Snape _Remus nodded in response and gave her a quick thumbs up.

"Okay, well thanks anyway" He turned around and left, set on finding Snape's compartment so he could speak to Lily. But he didn't need to find her because she stormed out of a compartment to his left, scowling and huffing.

"I can't believe that... Oh, hello Remus" she smiled sadly

"Hi Lily... are you okay?"

"Yeah, Severus is just being a bit weird with his new friends, that's all. Nothing Serious" she shrugged, Remus suddenly found his shoes very interesting so Lily could have time to dab up the tears building in the corners of her eyes. She cleared her throat and straightened out her robes.

"Did you get the badge?" asked Remus, knowing she must've

"Yep!" She grinned "Did you?"

"For some reason, yes, yes I did" he said showing her the small scarlet badge that had been in his pocket for some time. Lily was already wearing hers proudly on her chest.

"Ooh Remus! That's wonderful! I feel like we've hardly spoken lately! It'll be great to be able to spend some time together again!" She grinned and stood on her tip toes to throw her arms around his neck. "So" she grinned wider "How's things with Sirius?"

"Great again" he smiled "Well, vaguely annoying... he's currently being fawned on by some third years and he's making no effort to tell them to sod off" Remus scowled

"What a dick, that's really off" She scowled in agreement

"Isn't it?" he sighed "I never used to notice how much he let people flirt with him but lately it's just" he bared his teeth and growled in frustration "He kept doing it right through the holidays as well" he took a deep breath "I'm in love with a complete arse, Lily"

"I know Remus, I know" she said sympathetically patting his shoulder. "Your scars are fading nicely though" she smiled and ran a finger along the scar that ran down the side of his nose. The ring on her finger brushed against his cheek. It felt like someone had just flicked boiling water on his face, he inhaled sharply and hopped back.

"That ring's not sliver is it?" he said, trying to breathe through the pain with his hands massaging high cheek

"Yes, yes it is" She said, her hands were clapped over her mouth "What is it? What happened?"

"I'm highly allergic to sliver"

"Oh god Remus I'm so sorry, are you alright?"

"It gave me a shock when it touched me, that's all"

"I'm really sorry! I'm allergic to certain fruits and it really stings when the juice gets on me" Remus took his hand away from the spot on his face and Lily gasped "Oh fuck! That looks like a blister!"

"Not a blister... just a little rash"

"I have some antihistamines in my hand bag, do you-"

"Honestly Lily it's fine, doesn't even hurt anymore" he lied "Don't we have some kind of a meeting we have to go to?"

"Yes! We do! We need to go and speak to head boy and girl in the special prefect compartment thingy. I was just about to come and find you for that actually"

"We'd better get a move on then"

"We'd better had" He and Lily walked to the large plush compartment at the very bottom of the train, where the new head boy, Christian Boot of Hufflepuff, and new Head Girl, Urania Pecknold of Ravenclaw, were giving out details of when and where people would be patrolling. Remus didn't really listen, as he had moved his eyes around the room, scanning to see who had been made new prefect for the other houses. There was Ruth Cohen and Orestus Albert from Hufflepuff, Jim Tracy and Vivian Clement from Ravenclaw and Trinity Greengrass from Slytherin. The Slytherin boy hadn't arrived yet. Urania began to talk about the importance of upholding your authority but Remus had been distracted, he had spotted Fisher. He was slumped right down in his seat, hiding behind Urania while she gave her speech. His hand was held over his clearly reddened face. Remus pretended not to notice him and took up a sudden and intense concern with the dirt under his finger nails. There was a crash as that oh so familiar hook nose appeared several seconds before the sallow face, skinny body and curtains of greasy black hair. Snape. Fucking Snape, who glared at Remus and gave Lily the most sincere apologetic look Remus had ever seen grace that sneering ashen face. Lily rolled her eyes and gave a tiny smile in return as Snape sat down next to Trinity, who wrinkled her nose and smiled insincerely. Snape gave her a curt nod, his eyes still fixed on Lily, who was now watching Christian Boot give a lecture on not taking fuck off for an answer when giving detentions.

*

"_I swear Bruce. I swear I thought the baby was daddy's. After everything he did to me, I was sure Bruce, I was so sure" She wept_

"_Well you were wrong weren't you, you filthy slut! That baby is__*****__ black! So it's not mine, it's not Reginald's, it's not your daddy's... it can only be that Bentley's" He screamed, striking her hard on the mouth. Her sexy eyes swam with angry, scared but mostly angry tears of defiance_

"_You know what Bruce. It is, and I loved every minute I spent with Bentley. He might be a pirate and a petty thief, but I love him! I love more than I've ever loved you" She screamed back at him. He hit her again_

"_Don't lie to me you whore!"_

"_I'm not lying, I love him! Not you! Him! In fact I-"_

"Remus, we're here" said Lily kindly. Remus frowned slightly and shut his book, it was just getting to a good bit as well.

"That was quick" he said with a smile. The fair girl from before scoffed at him

"It was four hours"

"Oh... well times flies when you're reading a good book" he said cheerfully.

"My spinster aunt has all of them... they're shit"

"I know..."

"Leave him alone Michelle" said Alice annoyingly motherly. The fair girl, Michelle, sighed and pulled her trunk from the compartment. Remus waved them a quick goodbye and trotted up the train to his compartment. To his irritation, that bloody Chloe girl was twiddling with Sirius's hair and the Hufflepuff girl was giggling insanely. Yumiko and James seemed to be going through idea's for formations and Mel still had her nose buried deep in her potions text book.

"Where've you been for the last four hours Moony?" asked Sirius snappishly

"I was in Lily and Alice's compartment, reading"

"You could have read in here" he pouted  
"More room in there. No giggly thirteen year olds" He said snidely. That Chloe girl and the Hufflepuff scowled at him.

"What a prick" said the Hufflepuff as she picked up her trunk. She smiled flirtatiously at Sirius "Bye Sirius" she waved, Chloe followed her out the compartment, snapping

"Yumi! Mel! Come on!" Mel looked panicked, closed her potions book and hurried out with her trunk, as Yumiko was about to leave the compartment

"Er, Cheng?" James mussed his hair

"Yeah Potter?"

"Are you going to try out for the Quidditch team this year? Just 'cause, what with Flowers and Collins leaving, we're in need of a more players, if you're half as good a flyer as your brother, we could really use you. Your tactics are bloody brilliant" Yumiko grinned at James and combed her fingers through her shoulder length black hair.

"Alright" she nodded "When are tryouts?"

"Not sure yet really"

"Oh okay"

"For fucks sake Yumi hurry! We need to talk to you!!!" Called the Hufflepuff

"Right!" she called back "Bye lads. See you soon Potter" she waved. Sirius coolly pushed his hair back and grabbed his trunk.

"So Moony? Feeling a bit jealous of my groupies?" teased Sirius

"No" ..._yes _

"You sure Moony? You looked like you wanted to punch Lauren and Chloe" said Peter

"Was Lauren the Hufflepuff?"

"Yeah"

"Well you're not exactly wrong, but it's only because they were annoying"

"Whatever you say babe" said Sirius casually, running his hand across Remus's arse. Remus glared

"Don't call me babe!"

"Why not?"

"It's incredibly emasculating"

"I'm only trying to-"

"Shut the fuck up and get off the train" yelled James, shoving them out the compartment with his trunk.

*

The sorting was a bit awkward. Things between Sirius and Remus were a bit tense still. Though Remus had said he wasn't jealous or annoyed by Sirius, that it was the girls that had been annoying him, James couldn't help but notice that every time Sirius smiled at a girl, Remus's nostrils would flare or his lips would momentarily tighten. James had thought, at first, Remus was over reacting, and he was just being silly for getting wound up at Sirius for a little bit of harmless flirting. But then James thought about Lily, and how furious he got if he ever saw Lily talk to any boy that wasn't him, never mind wink at them or smile or do any of the stuff Sirius was doing. Just the _thought_ of Lily flirting with another boy made his blood boil.

"James?" asked Peter.

"What?" he growled. His hands were shaking from his too tight grip on his goblet of pumpkin juice, his knuckles were white. He was also glowering at his mashed potato.

"You looked all angry all of a sudden... you alright?"

"Yeah" James let his face relax "Sorry... I was just thinking about something"

"Oh, I know what you mean. Sometimes thinking does that to me too" Peter nodded with an almost wistful look on his face. James curled his lip and wondered how much wasted space there was in Peter's skull. There was probably one brain cell in their sitting in there, playing rock, paper, scissors with a monkey as they ordered Peter's thoughts. The monkey was probably the brains of the operation. James smirked. He looked away from Peter, who had begun chatting with Sirius about why girls were getting so obsessive. Remus flared his nostrils again and stabbed at his meal. James scanned the Gryffindor table for Lily. She was talking animatedly with Alice who was giggling at her. She'd cut her hair over the summer, so it fell just past her shoulders instead of down her back. James loved Lily's hair, it was fantastically shiny and a shade of auburn he'd never seen on anyone else. He loved her eyes as well, bright emeralds that glittered out of her pink beautiful face, when he watched her in lessons, he saw her thirst for knowledge burning in them as she furiously took notes.

Alice tapped Lily on the shoulder and whispered Lily turned to James

"Stop staring at me Potter" she snapped

"Someone obviously thinks very highly of themselves, I might've been staring at Alice"

"Were you?" scoffed Alice

"No, but that beside the point" he snorted, he fluffed up his hair "You cut your hair Evans?"

"Yes, I have" she ran her hand across it

"Looks good. You look... erm really pretty" said James quietly. A light flush crept across her face

"Thanks" she said suspiciously turning back to Alice, who was smirking madly. He cleared his throat and messed his hair up again. Remus was smirking at him.

"What?"

"Nothing... well... it's just... you're lovely really, aren't you?" said his face neutral, his voice still smirking.

"Mr. Moony, I have always been lovely"

*

Remus slunk in the bathroom the next morning, Sirius was getting dressed after his shower, his robes, tie, socks, shirt and (For some reason) polo neck were heaped on the floor waiting to be put on. He was already wearing his trousers and was just buckling his belt.

"Sirius, we need to have a chat" said Remus sternly "The flirt..." he tailed away. Sirius's neck was covered in what looked like a rash. Bright red and the skin broken in some places, his whole neck was covered in sore blue/grey bruises. "... your neck... what happened to your neck?" asked Remus, all his anger melting away as he ran toward Sirius and began to examine the marks.

"Oh... it's rope burn"

"What?"

"Mother punished me with a choking curse she invented. It's like having a rope tied around your neck and being pulled around" Sirius flinched away as Remus placed gentle fingers on his neck "Don't touch it!" he yelped.

"Sorry!" Remus pulled his hand back and stuffed it into his pocket. With his other hand, he drew his wand, and placed the tip on Sirius's neck. Before he even cast the incantation, Sirius's bruising started to fade and the rope burn shrank away while the broken skin repaired itself.

"Wow" said Sirius

"Did you see that!?"

"Yeah! Non verbal healing charm Moony! That's fucking brilliant!" Sirius grinned at him, he grinned back and Sirius clapped him on the back.

"Padfoot... can you do me a favour?"

"Yeah, 'course, anything" said Sirius as he examined the once again flawless skin on his neck.

"Could you just tone down the- the hair flipping and the winking at the girls"

"Aww Moony! You were jealous"

"No! I'm not I'm... it just pisses me off. You shouldn't be giving them more attention than you give me! We're going out!"

"Tell you what Moony" Sirius stepped close to him, the tips of their noses brushed against each other, he wrapped his arms around Remus "Why don't drop to my knees and beg for your forgiveness?"  
"But Sirius, there are far funner things you can do for me while you're on your knees"

"True..." Sirius fingered the waist band of Remus's trousers "very true" he tilted his head, about to kiss Remus, but there was a loud crash as Peter stumbled into the bathroom

"That door is an absolute bitch to open" he frowned at the door

"That's because it was locked" Sirius said through gritted teeth, glowering at Peter

"Sorry... were you busy?" he said blankly

"Well, I'm half naked and Moony has a hard-on"  
"I do not!"

"Liar. Anyway, so yes Wormtail I'd say yes, yes we fucking well are" Sirius said contemptuously. Peter frowned at them

"Eww... Be quick whatever you're doing, I really have to take a dump" Peter left the room grimacing and Remus began to giggle uncontrollably.

"Why must our friends be such mood killers?" sighed Sirius

"Oh it's probably better he killed the mood then, not about two minutes later. That would have been traumatic for all of us" Remus checked his watch and groaned "We have charms in ten minutes anyway. You need to get dressed, or you'll be late. You should eat too, breakfast is the most important meal of the day" Remus smirked, Sirius rolled his eyes

"Thanks mummy, I'll get right on it"

_A/N: If you give me a lovely review, I shall mentally hug you ___

_* 100,00__th__ word! Woot!_


	32. Sensitive like a Rock

_**Slight Warning**__: There will be smut. ( though, light and none graphic it will be)_

*

_Dear Andy_

_I'm really sorry I didn't come to the wedding! I'd want to tell you that mum wouldn't let me go but in all honesty I forgot. Sorry, sorry and sorry again._

_Regretfully, Sirius_

_Dear Sirius, _

_It's alright, I'm sure you were busy with schoolwork and your friends. No need to be sorry, but you are forgiven. You did miss Narcissa making a surprise appearance. She watched the ceremony from the back, then left. I wasn't sure whether I should be scared or touched. _

_Bearing no hard feelings, Mrs. Andromeda Tonks (yay!) _

*

Remus's eyes flicked up from his potions essay. Potions being by far his least favourite subject (The one he was worst at. Not that he was bad though) he had opted to go the library to concentrate, James, Sirius and Peter had wanted to partake in some Snape torture that evening and Remus was simply not in the mood for standing by and feeling guilty or even to try and talk them out of it.

He looked around, he was sure he'd just heard a soft cough from behind the p-q shelves in the transfiguration section, which Remus had a clear view of from where he was working. He shook his head and returned to his essay.

_Barely a month into OWL work and I'm already imagining things _he thought as he dipped his quill into his ink well.

All that could be heard in the library was the turning of pages, sometimes gentle, sometimes frantic, and the scratching of quill on parchment. Remus chewed his lip for a moment, trying to remember what exactly, the other property of moonstone was... he was sure it was the important one he was forgetting. He furrowed his brow and got up to pull out a book on moon stone from the M shelf in the potions section.

As he walked back to his table he was positive he saw someone crouched behind the p-q shelves. He placed his Moonstone book down on the table and poked his head round the shelf.

"That's not who I think it is, is it?" Remus muttered, raising his eye brows at the tall blonde boy who appeared to be looking through a gap in the books which was adjacent to Remus's table. He had frozen with panic.

"No..." he said quietly

"Fisher..."

"Nope."

"Fisher I know it's you. I'm standing six foot away from you and it's broad daylight"

"Alright then... afternoon Remus" he smiled, his hands shaking

"What were you doing?"

"Nothing" he said far too quickly. Remus began to feel quite nervous.

"I thought you said you were over me"

"I am! I just... I was look for a book on plant to animal transfiguration and there was this little gap in the books and there you were and..." he shrugged

"How long have you been here?"

"Just twenty minutes, I swear"

"Right. Okay."

"I never told you what I got on my DADA OWL" said Fisher, a little grin creeping onto his face

"You do alright?"

"Outstanding" he beamed, Remus swelled with pride. He was about to ask Fisher if he'd like to sit down and have a chat, but then Fisher gave him a longing stare, his eyes running all over Remus's body before settling on his eyes, where they gazed, quite frankly, adoringly. Iris Fisher's words echoed loudly round his brain

"_Stay out of his way. The last thing I want is my little brother having his heart broken"_

"Well... wonderful. Please... don't do this Fisher"

"Do what?"

"This... pining...Get yourself a girlfriend, a boyfriend anything... stop this"

"But I don't want just any girl or boy... I lied... I want you. I want you"

"Fisher..." Remus focussed on making this sound as firm and fair as Fisher's sister had made it. "do us both a favour and stay out of my way. I'm with Sirius and I don't plan on breaking up with him any time soon... You'll just end up... upset" Before Fisher could respond Remus scooped up his things and left for the common room.

Once he reached the common room he decided that it was far too noisy to do his essay, and he could see Alice looking a bit bored with whatever homework she was doing. Remus saw her smile expectantly in his direction, as she was about to get up, he pretended he hadn't seen her and bolted up to the dorm, where he dumped his things his things on Sirius's bed and flopped on his on with a soft thud. And a squeal... Squeal? Remus jumped back up and tore back his covers. There was a small house elf, a light red/purple in colour, curled up in his bed and staring up at him with bulgy brown eyes.

Remus wasn't entirely sure what to do, he was always rather unsure around magical creatures, especially house elves. He knew they existed specifically to serve but, they unnerved Remus.

"Er... hi?"

"Is very sorry master sir... will go sir"

"No it's alright... are you-" but before he could finish the house elf burst into tears and disappeared with a soft crack.

_It could have been worse, _he thought, _it could have been Fisher curled up in there._

*

"So Snivellus" said Black, a nasty grin splitting across that undeservedly handsome face.

"So?" Severus replied

"What do you think you're doing here?" snarled Potter, giving Severus a shove

"Nothing... I was just on my way to the library"

"Really. So you haven't been hanging round here for the last half an hour, rehearsing a sad little speech to give to Evans?" said Potter, the same nasty grin on his face as was on Sirius's.

"I... I" Words failed Severus. All he could do now was try and keep his composure and not look too embarrassed.

"You what? Snivelly?"

"Nothing"

"That's what I thought you greasy git" said Black, giving him a mean smack on the cheek. Pettigrew laughed behind them. Severus was sure that out of the three of them Pettigrew sickened him the most. Fat thing that wasn't clever enough to think of insults or hex Severus with anything he couldn't block. Black and Potter on the other hand were in possession of some very undeserved talent as well.

"You better stay away from Evans you slime ball" growled Potter

"Why should I Potter?"

"Because Evans is mine"

"Oh Potter... I don't know why you keep fooling yourself. She hates you! She hates you more than I do and I wish death upon you on a daily basis"

"Shut the fuck up" Potter said, his face contorting with anger. Severus laughed coldly

"The truth hurts, doesn't it Potter?"

"I'll show you hurt" He growled, drawing his wand and launching himself at Severus.

*

Remus sat cross legged on his bed his thoughts full of crying house elves. Why did it cry? Did he upset it? Should he apologise? Do you apologise to house elves? What was it doing there in the first place? It was really bothering him and it had absolutely nothing to do with moonstone or its properties and uses. There was no way that essay was getting done tonight. Remus chucked his stuff into his trunk and set out on finding Sirius, James and Peter. He assumed they'd be outside, it was just summery enough at this time of year that they could be outside in the dying daylight and not be too cold.

On his way out Snape had bumped shoulders with him, he had a black eye and was walking shakily, wincing.

"Oof! Ouch... Sorry!" said Remus, rubbing his shoulder

"Fuck off Fruit Lupe" Snape snarled

"Right back at ya Snivelly" he sighed. He made his way outdoors and, sure enough, there they were in the shade of the big tree by the lake. Sirius lounged elegantly by the tree, brushing his hair from his eyes, looking rather bored by James's was excited talk about his plans for the Quidditch tryouts whereas Peter sat with his mouth open, gazing indulgently at him. Remus waved at them, a smile broke across Sirius's face. Remus threw himself down beside him.

"Hullo gorgeous" said Sirius, he leaned forward and nuzzled Remus's earlobe, he wriggled appreciatively, Peter made a face a Sirius stuck his fingers up at him. "Get fucked, fat boy" he scowled. Peter's face fell, he mumbled sorry and returned to speaking with James. Remus flicked Sirius disapprovingly and gave a warning frown. Sirius shrugged and lounged back, stretching out on the grass, amber pink light of the sunset lighting his face beautifully, flecking his stormy eyes with gold. Remus was positive that, aside from the wispy looking hair on his chin, Sirius was getting better looking every day, while he was sure it was quite the opposite with himself.

Remus knew he had never been exactly conventionally attractive, he was pretty, he had always been pretty, but he was never handsome. Sirius was handsome.

And it seemed of late, that he was even losing his prettiness. His jaw had gotten wider so his face was more of a heart than an oval, his face had become gaunter and his eyes more sunken. Things that should have been cured by a good night's sleep and a few good meals but he wasn't hungry. He wasn't hungry and he couldn't sleep.

"What's up Remus?" asked Sirius, propping himself up on his shoulders

"Hmm?"

"You were staring"

"I was?"

"Yes"

"Oh... sorry"

"Something on your mind?" Sirius sat up further

"Nah... nothing important... vanity" he muttered

"Come on Moony, I'm not stupid"

"You want to know the truth?"

"Yeah"

"I was staring at that crap all over you chin"

"What crap?"

"I believe, dear Padfoot, Remus was referring to your face pubes" said James with a giggle.

"I just haven't had the chance to shave yet this week... that's all" he said petting the soft hair.

"Right, whatever you say" Remus smirked

"Cheeky bastard" Sirius smiled and tugged Remus down onto the grass with him. They lay for a while, staring up at the sky, while James and Peter discussed, Lily, Quidditch, Yumiko Cheng, Lily, Lily and Lily.

*

"Students!" Said Slughorn, silencing the class "The next part of your OWL coursework requires you to do an investigation on a potion of your choice, this will include a lot of research and work, so you'll be needing Partners" There was a mutter in the class. Sirius and James both leapt at Remus

"BAGSY MOONY!" They shouted in unison.

"I'm having Moony!" Whined Sirius

"How's that fair?"

"I might not want to work with either of you" began Remus defiantly "you'll just make me-"

"_I _will be partnering you up class" said Slughorn importantly. The stout man read from a scroll of parchment that lay just beside him. He cleared his throat.

"Lily dear, I've put you with Mr. Potter" Lily banged her head on the desk and walked begrudgingly over to James.

"_If you try anything funny Potter, I will castrate you with my bare hands!_" She whispered dangerously

"_Was that flirting Lily? I think it was flirting. You love me. Admit it_" James replied, leaning close to her, she moved back and snapped

"_Fuck Off!_"

"Now now children, play nicely" drawled Sirius, who was huffing already.

"Mr. Black, you are working with Alice" said Slughorn, waving Sirius in her direction, he half smiled

"See ya Moony" he mumbled as he dropped his cauldron down next to Alice, who smiled politely, then rolled her eyes at Lily, who reciprocated the gesture.

"Mr Pettigrew, I'll have you with Miss Greengrass" Peter beamed, Trinity was very pretty and most boys would have given a limb to work with her. She flipped her yellow hair and sighed, not even looking at Peter as he sat down beside her. Slughorn paired a few more people together before he reached Remus.

"Mr Lupin, I want you with..." Slughorn smiled warmly "Severus" Snape glowered the man who was commonly known to be his favourite teacher. Snape made a meal of picking up his cauldron, slamming it down by Remus's, then doing the same with his books and bag, slamming each thing down separately with the same amount of force.

"Hello" said Remus, trying to remain cheerful. Snape didn't respond, he simply sneered out from behind his greasy black hair. "How are you?" Remus asked brightly. Snape scoffed and turned away. "Never mind then..."

"I will only answer you if what you say is relevant to work. I refuse to take part in of your any inane chit chat" Snape said coldly

"Oh... alright then..." Remus shuffled awkwardly. Why couldn't have Slughorn put him with someone remotely pleasant? "Which potion will we be covering then?" asked Remus. Snape gave no reply. "'cause I'm pretty easy to be honest... I'll do anything" shrugged Remus. Snape smirked at him

"Evidently..."

"Excuse me?" Remus cocked an eyebrow at him

"Enjoying being Black's little fuck toy?" Snape gave his most awful sneer and Remus had a flash of fury

"Get fucked Snape, you slimy cu-"

"Mr Lupin!" Remus looked up to find Slughorn a matter of inches from his face "Imagine a prefect using such language! Twenty points from Gryffindor!"

"Oh bollocks..."

"That's another ten, Lupin"

*

"Class? Class... please? Class for the love of Merlin shut up!" Frank begged the loud class

"Sod off Longbottom. You were sharing a common room with half of us two years ago" laughed James setting an enchanted paper aeroplane free, which zoomed around the class room, till it reached Evans where it circled her until she set it alight with her wand

"Sod off right back, Potter you juvenile prick" Frank snapped

"Ooo Professors aren't supposed to swear at the students Frankie!" teased Sirius

"I don't want to have to take points from my own house you know-" began Frank

"Idle threat" Sirius said lazily throwing a ball of parchment at Frank

"Behave Sirius" warned Remus, flicking his prefect badge. Sirius snorted

"Oh yeah, 'cause you're going to give me a detention, aren't you Moony?" he said dryly "I'm terrified. I'm quaking in my boots. Prefect Moony's going to give nasty Padfoot a detention." He laughed "Yeah right"

"Sirius... you have to respect my authority..." said Remus uncomfortably, his gaze on the desk in front of him, not Sirius

"Oh shut your face Moony" said Sirius lightly, cuffing his boyfriend playfully across the ear.

"Don't tell me to shut my face, arse hole!" snapped Remus

"I'll say what I like"

"No you won't!"  
"I will!" Sirius hadn't noticed their gradually increasing volume, Frank was giggling at them

"Why don't both of you ladies shut your faces?" he said mockingly

"Yes sir..." they muttered in harmony.

"Right! May I please get on with the lesson?" there was a murmur of disagreement

"Oh come on!" Yelled Alice, standing on her chair "He's only trying to help! Would you rather sit around talking every DADA lesson or listen, have a bit of respect and learn how to defend yourselves?"

"I refuse to listen and give respect to someone who I once found nude and lying in their own sick in the common room" piped James

"We are at war people! I don't know about you, but I'd rather listen to Longbottom than die." Alice proclaimed. A murmur of apology followed as she sat down.

"Thank you Alice" beamed Frank, she blushed

"It was no trouble Fr- Professor Longbottom... sir"

The lesson would've been perfectly fine had Alice made her speech fifty five minutes earlier.

*

"Hey... steady Rem" said Sirius, catching Remus as he stumbled in the dorm on his way out the bathroom. Remus smiled appreciatively

"Sorry... a bit wobbly this morning"

"How long till the full moon?"

"Tomorrow" said Remus as he sat on his bed, pinching the bridge of his nose"

"Cool, that'll be something to do"

"Your sensitivity never ceases to amaze me" Remus muttered sarcastically.

"Hey! I'm sensitive"

"Sensitive like a rock. I need you to help me with something"

"What is it?"

"I need some help with the house elves"

"Why?"

"I came back from the library a couple of days ago and there was one curled up in my bed. I didn't know it was there and I sat on it"

"And..."

"well... I want to apologise... I made it cry" Remus's face dropped at the memory, his eyes became huge and his bottom lip jutted out, like the worst thing he'd ever done was make some house elf cry

"Aww" cooed Sirius

"Don't Aww me"

"But you're so cute Moony! Just look at your little sad face" He stood and pinched Remus's cheeks

"I'm not cute. I'm six foot tall and I could beat you to a pulp with my little finger"

"And you even look cute when you're threatening me"

"Stop it! I need to go down to the kitchens and I want you to come with me"

"Alright. Why?"

"I may be six foot tall and could beat you to a pulp with my little finger, the house elves still give me the shivers"

"You're kidding"

"No... it's just the idea that all they want to do is serve... they've got those freaky ears and those big bulgy staring eyes" Remus shuddered

"You're scared of house elves, aren't you Moony?"

"No..."

"You are, aren't you? That's why you never come to the kitchens with us, isn't it?"

"okay so I might be... only a bit though"

"AWW!!!"

*

"Master Black!" chorused the elves happily, immediately rushing around, fetching cakes and sandwiches

"And he has a new sir with him!" sang one elf, running toward them with a bowl of popcorn

"Er... I'm looking for a house elf" said Remus nervously. Hundreds of huge bulgy eyes stared up at him

"I think you need to be a tad more specific" suggested Sirius

"Aah, right... A house elf... that's young and is sort of a reddy purpley colour with brown eyes" He jumped when he felt an elf tug at his trouser leg

"Sir, Wiggles might knows which elf you is looking for" it said, looking up at him expectantly

"Oh good. Could you take me to him... or her"

"Is a her sir. But first would sirs like something to eat? Wiggles can bring you so many lovely things..."

"No no... we're alright"

"Actually, I'm quite-"

"Alright not to eat as well" said Remus firmly

"Please Moony! The cakes are like little slices of magic that melt in your mouth and-"

"_I want to be in and out of here as quickly as possible_" Remus growled in a whisper. "_There will be other cake_"

"Alright! Calm down... bloody Moody Moony" Wiggles tugged at Remus's trousers again and lead them to the back of the kitchen

"Is this her sir? The elf you wanted to see sir?"

"Er yeah... thanks" Remus looked down at the terrified little elf. She was considerably smaller than the rest of the elves and she seemed to be trembling

"It was an honour sir" Wiggles bowed

"Save some cake for me mate?"

"Yes master Black sir" Wiggles hurried away. Remus bent down to the little elf's level, suppressing the urge to shudder and leave when it's eyes bulged at him.

"Hullo, I'm Remus, what's your name"

"Shawnee sir..." she said quietly, her lip wobbling "Is terribly sorry for sleeping in your bed sir. Shawnee was very tired sir. Very very tired from cleaning the tower. Not that she minds doing it sir-"

"It's alright I-"

"Shawnee begs of sir not to report her to Dumbledore, she was a very bad elf and she is very sorry"

"I'm not going to report you! I wanted to apologise for sitting on you" Remus smiled, the elf looked even more terrified

"House elves is only supposed to give apologies sir..."

"Well.... your getting one" Remus thought for a moment "Is that why you cried? Because you thought I was going to report you?" Shawnee nodded slowly "Why ever would you think that? You only fell asleep"

"Shawnee has a history of sleeping on the job. When she used to clean Slytherin a boy reported her when she went to sleep in his trunk" she said sadly

"I don't suppose this boy was pale, with mingy greasy hair and a huge nose?" asked Sirius

"House elves is not supposed to speak ill of wizards sir"

"That's a yes then?" She nodded "That git Snape! How could you report a sweet little house elf for falling asleep?"

"Is a very bad elf sir... he said I needed more punishment than just reporting" she held up a small purple arm, which was littered with criss-crosses of lilac scars

"That looks like his bloody Sectum Sempra curse." Sirius snarled furiously "You're a good elf Shawnee... that Snape git is going to get it" Sirius stormed out

"Don't you think you're just looking for trouble with him now?"Called Remus

"THE ELF MUST BE BROUGHT JUSTICE!!!" he called dramatically as he exited the kitchen. Shawnee's eyes bulged with something between adoration and terror. Remus smiled at the elf and ran like the wind after Sirius.

*

"Oi, Snivellus!" Called Sirius. Snape had been easy to find, he was always skulking around somewhere in the dungeons. He wrenched Snape round by the shoulder to face him and slammed him against the nearest wall.

"What do you want now Black?"

"Just been down to the kitchens, I hear you've been picking on house elves, bloody _little_ **female** ones as well"

"Is this about the thing that fell as sleep on the job?"

"You're damn right it is" Sirius fingered his wand in his pocket. Snape laughed coldly

"She needed a punishment, I needed a test subject"

"You oily, hook-nosed cunt" Sirius snarled, he put his wand to Snape's throat, looming over the scrawny boy who was tiny compared to Sirius. Remus skid round the corner of the corridor they were in, almost slipping as he stopped. He sprinted toward Sirius and pulled his arms back, putting Snape out of harm's way.

"That's a detention Black" Snape muttered as he crept away. Remus coughed, his chest tight from running, his legs sore and wobbly. Usually a run wouldn't have affected him so badly, though his strength always increased before the moon, his stamina was virtually nonexistent. He let go of Sirius's arms as soon as Snape was out of view.

"You don't... bloody... detention! Not how... you deal... just ignore him... tell a professor..." Remus wheezed.

"It's alright Moony, I won't do it again. Please sit down. Do you want to go the hospital wing?" asked Sirius, guiding Remus down onto the cold stone floor against the wall.

"Mm fine. Need a minute to" he drew a deep breath "get my breath back, I'll be alright in a minute" Remus sat for a moment and di just that, his breathing even, he tugged Sirius down onto the floor with him. "I hate this"

"What"

"What do you think. Being a werewolf. It's not fair. The mood swings, the crap stamina, the wobbly sickly feeling" he laughed "the lack of humour brought on by the mood swings" he sighed

"It's not fair Moony. I know... if I could do anything to help... anything, I would"

"You already do. You could get sent to Azkaban if the ministry found out about you being an animagus"

"Oh yeah... I don't think I could handle prison. I'm too pretty, I'd end up someone's bitch"

"I doubt it. Not all prisons are like the ones in those preposterous muggle films you and James watch. Especially Azkaban, as pretty as you are Sirius, I think the Dementors drain any ounce of... erm... sexiness out of people"

"Good point" they laughed for a moment and before they knew it, they were locked in a feverish kiss. They moved into a nearby alcove behind a suit of armour, soon the robes were torn off and belts were unbuckled, Remus sunk his teeth into Sirius's bottom lip, he let out a soft whine as he fiddled with the zip on his trousers. Remus busied himself with Sirius's neck, creating what was sure to be a vicious looking hickey. He bit and sucked and Sirius could barely keep his hands steady to get his bloody zip undone. He gave up on the zip, throwing his head back to give Remus easier access his neck. His pulse was racing, he grabbed a handful of Remus's shirt as he brought his knee up into Sirius's crotch. Sirius rubbed against the knee, he whined and moaned, moving faster and faster. And when Remus let out a low rumble of delighted laughter and tongues his ear lobe, he was done. He bit down hard on his lip and swallowed a loud yelp. Electricity shooting through him, sending a tremor through every muscle. Sirius's head flew back so quickly he hit his head on the wall behind him.

"Ah fuck!" He slid down the wall panting and rubbing his head. Remus offered a hand which he took, soon they were both laughing again.

_A/N Please do review my dear reader. Any thoughts on the light smut? (Oh I do hope it wasn't too dispointing)_


	33. What NOT to do at Quidditch try outs

James sniggered when he saw Sirius the next morning.

"What's Moony been doing to your neck?"

"What?"

"I'm referring to the huge hickey currently residing to the left of your Adam's apple"

"Oh no... how bad is it"

"It looks like a bludger got you"

"Merlin..." Sirius leaned over to his bedside table, a massive purple blotch was, indeed, residing to the left of his Adam's apple. James snorted and tore Remus's hangings open

"Oi Moony, wake up!"

"'s full moon James so' off" Remus nuzzled his pillow and shrank beneath his duvet

"Look what you did to Sirius's neck!"

"Can't be arsed" he groaned, shrinking even further bellow his scarlet quilt. James shook the quilted lump that was Remus

"Get off him James, it's full moon tonight and it's Saturday, let him have a lie in." Sirius warned, his eyes fixed tenderly on the Remus-quilt-lump

"Alright. Have you seen my Quidditch robes?"

"What? Quidditch season doesn't start for another month!"

"Yeah, and we're short two chasers... I told you a million times we had try outs scheduled today!"

"If I'm honest James... I'm thinking about quitting the team"

"WHAT?!"

"Well, it's just I-"

"NO"

"Don't I get a say in this?"

"No! You are not quitting!"

"But..."

"No"

"I-"

"NO!"

"FINE! Merlin's beard you're grumpy in the mornings... hey, Moony"

"mmm" he mumbled from under his quilt

"If you want me, James and – is Peter coming"

"He's trying out" said James, his eye brows raising

"For chaser?" laughed Sirius

"Yup"

"Fucking hell... any way, if you want me, James or Peter, we're all down at the Quidditch pitch"

"M'kay" he mumbled again, a pale, bony hand appearing from under the duvet pulling the hangings shut. Sirius and James were about to leave the room, when Remus's head, wan, gaunt and exhausted, hair sticking up at odd, James-ish angles, poked through the hangings

"Did you just say Peter was trying out for chaser?" he asked with a curled lip and a yawn

"Yep"

"Jesus fucking Christ" he sighed. Disappearing again, a soft thud as his head hit the pillow

*

"Okay who's up first Jamesy?" said Sirius, straightening out his Quidditch robes while Toby Cheng gave Samantha Bradley the signal she was safe to come into the boys changing room.

"Fuck me Black! What on earth happened to your neck!?" Samantha exclaimed, giving his hickey a little jab

"er..." Sirius faltered. He couldn't remember if him and Remus were being secretive or not. Every other day they seemed to discuss why they should tell everyone or the next day why they should keep it quiet. His vote, at this moment, was on keeping it quiet.

"Say no more" she frowned contemptuously. Samantha was one of the few nice-looking girls in the school Sirius hadn't slept with (Though not through lack of trying) and she clearly held him with a fairly high level of derision for his womanising ways. Even though he hadn't been near a girl in almost a year, rumours were always flying around about him.

"I shan't Samantha, dear. You were about to tell me who was up first James"

"Er..." James looked at the crumpled and torn parchment he'd written the names on "Cheng"

"What?"

"Not you Toby, your sister"

"Oh yeah" Toby laughed at himself. The boy looked very peaky and his eyes were unfocussed

"You hung over _again_ Cheng?" tutted John Mitchell, a tall broad beater with short black curly hair, who had sworn off alcohol after one particularly dodgy incident, after he'd downed a bottle of _Rubtsovsk's finest Goblin brewed Vodka,_ with a wet start firework last year.

"Might be..." said Toby tentatively

"I hope your sister won't be as irresponsible" said Samantha coolly, pulling her wavy brown hair into a very tight pony tail and then forcing it into an equally tight bun.

"She's not on the bloody team yet!"

"I've seen her tactics Cheng, if she can fly decently, she's guaranteed a place" said James, awing over the memory of the girls ideas

"So you'll be having her do your captaining for you?" Sirius said snidely

"No! She'll just help me with formations and stuff, that's all"

"Right... whatever. So who else is trying out then?"

"Seven more. From second year there's just Teresa Jarman, from third year there's Mickey Bell, Phil Stone and Annie Noble and then as well as Cheng, there's Balthazar Piotrowski and Timothy Barat from fourth year. Just Peter from our year and no one from sixth or seventh"

"By Peter" began Samantha with a sneer "Do you mean the fat blonde lad you two go round with?"

"I'm afraid I do" said James with a scowl

"Oh... is he a good flyer then?" asked Toby with a distinct note of amusement in his groggy voice.

"No. Not at all" Sirius twisted his lip "He's going to make a tit of himself"

"I know Sirius"

"And we're going to have to tell him he can't join the team"

"No, _I'm _going to have to tell him he can't join the team, I'm bloody captain, remember"

"Sweet" said Sirius casually "Should we go and have a look at James's future girlfriend?"

"She's not my future girlfriend! Just probably my future chaser"

"Hey, woah now Potter" Toby scowled dangerously "You're not planning on shagging my sister, are you?"

"No! I just want her on the team, that's all! I have no romantic intention towards her what so ever"

"Oh, so she's not good enough for you? Not pretty enough?"

"No! She's really pretty"

"So you want to shag her then?"

"Stop it Toby, you're being a dick" Samantha snapped "C'mon, they're freezing their arses off out there" Samantha stepped out of the changing room onto the pitch and the other players followed her. She mounted her broom and took her place in front of the goal posts, giving James a thumbs up as she pulled her gloves on.

"Alright. Yumiko Cheng!" James called at the stands where the seven hopefuls were sitting with their brooms "you're up first!" Yumiko smiled and kicked off on her broom. She flew well, very well, actually and scored seven of her ten attempts to get past Samantha. Annie Noble was next, who scored six of ten, her aim wasn't bad but her flying was rather a bit too wobbly to get a place. Mickey Bell looked like he might be a good bet, he scored eight out of ten, a better aim then Yumiko but like Annie was a bit of a dodgy flyer. Timothy Barat completely cocked up, crashing into a goal post before he could even attempt a goal and had to be taken to the hospital wing, and Balthazar, who was a bit small to be a chaser any way, fell of his broom when Samantha misplaced a kick at the Quaffle he'd just thrown, also had to go to the hospital wing. Phil Stone wasn't bad, 5 goals scored and a fair flyer. Soon all that was left was Peter and Teresa Jarman. Peter took a moment to mount his broom, which then took a moment to leave the ground and then took a long time to get all the way up to the posts and then got distracted when Samantha bent forward on her broom and Peter realised he could see down her robes. Because he lacked any sort of subtly, the rest f the team looked up when they heard a cry of

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, YOU FAT PERV!" a few argumentative squeaks from Peter followed and before James knew it, he was racing into the air on his broom to catch Peter, who Samantha had just hit with a very nasty bat bogey hex.

After James had taken Peter to the hospital wing, it was just little Teresa left to try out. A tiny, plain looking second year with large brown eyes and a bouncy ash blonde bob.

"C'mon then love" said James patronisingly "have a go and then we'll wrap try outs up" she smiled, un able to disguise a little frown at James. John poked James between his shoulder blades.

"We're having Yumiko and Mickey, right?"

"By the looks of it" said James

"You never know, Teresa might be good" Sirius said watching the small girl whiz from the ground up to the goal post

"It looks like a stiff breeze would knock her off her broom" said James with a frown. To everyone's surprise a breeze did not knock her from her broom, and neither did a lethal (if accidental) kick from Samantha, who looked twice the other girls height. Teresa scored all ten of her goals and landed with a smug grin and a dumb founded Samantha.

"Oi! You four, down here!" yelled James. The remaining hopefuls trotted down onto the pitch from the stands. "Okay, Yumiko, Teresa, you're in" they both beamed, Yumiko hissed a yes under her breath and punched at the air.

"Mickey mate, you try again next year when Toby's gone, you'll definitely get in. Annie, Phil... you just keep practicing, we'll need another beater and a keeper next year as well. Annie you're built better for keeping anyway" Annie smiled sadly and walked off, Mickey nodded enthusiastically, his thanks and assurances he'd try out next year tinged with bitterness. Phil didn't try to mask his disappointment, cursing and kicking at the ground as he left.

"Alright team! We'll have the usual captainly lecture from me, then a quick run through of some of our formations"

"What about the three in the hospital wing who didn't get in?" asked John

"They don't need telling they were shit, do they?"

*

Remus awoke with a start as he heard a flop and a muffled whine. His eyes snapped open, he had slept very late, his bed and hands dyed scarlet by the daylight filtering through his hangings. He let out the obligatory just-woke-up groan and rubbed his face. He pulled himself up and stuck his head through his hangings

"Peter?" Peter was lying on his bed, his broom thrown on the floor "I thought you were at tryouts" he yawned

"I was... then I looked down Samantha Bradley's robes" Remus snorted at him "Shut up, she's fit alright. So anyway, then she hexed me, I fell off my broom and James had to take me to the hospital wing" he sighed "I fucked up so badly"

"'course you did. Anyone could've told you Samantha is known for kicking the arses of men who objectify her"

"Really?"

"Yep, a bit of a feminist. Lily loves her"

"She's probably a dyke"

"Just because she doesn't appreciate tubby, mouth breathers leering at her doesn't mean she's a dyke" snapped Remus. As Peter's face fell, regret consumed a hormonal, grouchy pre moon Remus "I'm sorry Pete... you're not tubby"

"Thanks" Peter sighed "I think I'm to go down to the kitchens for some comfort food, wanna come?"

"You do that" Remus smiled "Before you go, what time is it?"

"2 o'clock" Peter replied, leaving the room. Remus stretched, deciding it was, perhaps, time he got up. He ran his hands up and down his lightly scarred frame, his fingers lingering on his ribs, where they skittered up and down. He wasn't sure if getting up was the best idea. Because it would involve wearing something other than his comfy pyjama bottoms, it would involve having to see people and his tolerance was low at this time of the month, but most unfortunately of all, it would almost certainly involve movement. He was stiff all over, his back felt as if it had knotted itself cruelly and intricately while he slept. Remus cracked his neck and climbed back into bed.

*

He awoke again, to something much more pleasant than the sound of Peter huffing and grumbling.

Remus was lying on his stomach, he felt a heavy weight on his lower back and hands rubbing his shoulders.

"Sirius?"

"Hey hey sleepy head" Sirius leaned forward so Remus could feel his breath tickling the hair on the back of his neck "When I got here, your back was all tensed up" he pressed at the nape of Remus's neck with his thumbs, Remus whined at the combined pain and release.

"Thanks... my back's been killing me" He sighed and relaxed, enjoying the feel of Sirius's Quidditch roughened hands pressing gently on his aching rigid back. Nothing was said for a while, only the occasional moan passing Remus's lips.

"Peter totally cocked up his try out" Sirius said , his amusement completely undisguised

"I heard"

"He was looking down Sam Bradley's robes and she hexed him. Hi-fucking-larious" Chuckled Sirius "Horny little twat" he added affectionately. Remus had a sudden panicky flutter in his chest

"How much longer till sun sun down?" he tried to sit up but Sirius eased him back down

"Don't think about it right now"

"I need to know Sirius, I-"

"Just trust me Remus. I've got it sorted. I know when you need to go" he sighs, his pressure deepening and increasing "Trust me"

Intense words said with no intensity to them. As a simple request that Remus couldn't decline.

"I do"

"Good" Remus heard the smirk on his voice "Now shut up and enjoy your back rub"

*

"C'mon, wake up Moony" Remus's eyes flicker open with a low grumble "There we go" Sirius smiled at him. He smiled back. He pulled Remus up and placed a supportive arm around him.

"We need to get down now James, you let him sleep far too long"

"_We _let him sleep too long Sirius. Don't push all the blame onto me" growled James "It's almost dark... look at him, he's shaken, he's white as a sheet, he's barely even conscious. There's no way we won't attract attention" He sighed angrily. "And where the fuck is Peter?"

Sirius tugged a t-shirt over Remus's head, he snuffled and mumbled something resembling "What?"

"What are you doing Sirius?"  
"The only thing more conspicuous than a half conscious, clammy, moaning pre transforming werewolf is a half naked one"

"Good point"

"Hey guys" Peter sauntered into the dormitory coolly, clearly having forgotten it was full moon.

"_WHERE THE FUCK-_"

"Not enough time Sirius, get angry later" said James, hoisting Remus over his shoulder and jogging heroically from the room, Sirius and Peter close behind him.

The hoisting and running would have looked incredibly impressive, had James's knees not given way half way down the dormitory stairs, resulting in him and Remus crashing at the bottom of them with a loud crash.

"Well done" sneered Sirius pulling Remus up and supporting him as he usually would.

"I thought he'd be lighter. He's so skinny"

"He's six foot tall James! Of course he's bloody heavy" Sirius rolled his eyes, suddenly thankful the common room was empty. Well, almost.

"What's wrong with Remus?" asked Alice, hopping from her seat to help. Lily got up behind her and grabbed her friend's shoulders

"Remus has a touch of the flu that's all" said Lily sharply, shooting James a knowing glance

"But he looks... very flu-ish now you've said it"

"We're just taking him to the hospital wing now" said James quickly.

"You'd _better_ hurry. He looks veryill" said Lily dangerously. The three boys nodded and flew from the room, grateful of the low light. It was dusk and Filch didn't light the Hogwarts candles till the sky was black giving them just enough cover of darkness to be able to run the main route, and the shortest one, from Gryffindor tower to the Hogwarts grounds. They all ran till Peter got out of breath and transformed into a rat early, taking a seat in James's pocket so as not to slow them down.

When they reached the willow, James practically chucked Peter out of his pocket and down b the tree. They bolted through the tunnel and scrambled into the shack with a good ten minutes till moon rise. James and Peter retired to a small room in the shack, just off the main room where Remus transformed. Sirius pulled the now profusely sweating and shivering boy's clothes off and joined them, leaving Remus to transform in private. He closed the rickety door behind him and snapped it's rusted latch shut. James hastily cast a weak silencing charm, weak enough so they knew when Remus was done but powerful enough to drown out the screams and the cracking of bones. Sirius folded Remus's clothes and popped them in the corner of the room.

"D'you think he'll attack himself this month?" asked Peter, breaking the tense silence "just 'cause, he only started after his Dad was killed and he seems much better about that now and-"

"If I'm being perfectly honest Peter, I think this is just what he does now" said Sirius darkly "The wolf gets bigger every month and the shack gets more and more... like a cage... he's a wild animal... they don't generally take kindly to being caged" Sirius nibbled his fingertips and James pursed his lips.

"This is going to sound a bit... mad right" James began

"Right"

"But... do you think, maybe, just maybe, we could take him out into the forest... let him out for a run, so he can... you know feel... free? The he might stop attacking himself" James looked oddly at Peter and Sirius, waiting for their approval, something which James rarely did. Sirius grinned

"I like it... in fact, I love it" he giggled "You're a genius Prongs"

"Moony would never go for it" said Peter. Sirius sighed, of course he wouldn't

"Maybe, if we explained it to him like Prongs just did then-"

"No, Pete's right Sirius, he wouldn't. He'd think it was too dangerous"

"Which it is. Hogsmeade is just over there" Peter pointed in no particular direction "He'd get someone killed"

"He wouldn't if we were watching him properly" Huffed Sirius. James opened his mouth to reply, but he was interrupted by a loud crunch at the door.

"That'll be Remus then" said James, terror clearly present in his cracking voice.

*

"Why haven't you been in any classes this morning Lupin?" asked Snape flatly, his eyes narrowed as he bent over their cauldron

"I had a fever. Just a twenty four hour thing, sweated it out over night but Pop- Madam Pomfrey kept me in this morning, just in case" said Remus. He'd been planning his excuse all morning, Sirius told him that Alice had seen them and Lily had told her he just had a touch of flu, so he couldn't use his usual, "Sick mother" excuse. He made a mental note to talk to Lily in private later.

"Chop these roots" said Snape.

"Okay..." Remus pulled his potions things from his bag, taking out a small stainless steel knife. He took the thin straggly roots from by the bubbling cauldron and was about to begin cutting when Snape grabbed his arm.

"What are you doing?"

"I was going to chop the-"

"With a knife which is _clearly _made of stainless steel" he sighed "you have to use the _silver _knife Lupin"

"What does it matter?" Remus swallowed as Snape pulled a silver knife from by his side and offered it to him

"_What does it matter_?!" he snorted "Don't you know _anything _Lupin? Silver is pure, stainless steel will only contaminate the roots. Lessen their magical properties" he rolled his eyes "idiot... no wonder you're only getting an E"

"An E is a good mark! I don't understand why I can't just use the stainless steel knife-" began Remus. Snape have his horrible, snide, distinctly Snapey smile.

"Lupin... you wouldn't be _allergic _to silver, would you?"

"No... no" he cleared his throat, reaching for the knife and pulling his sleeve down over his hand he-

"Remus!" Called Lily, bounding over and giving Remus a hug, knocking the knife from Snape's hand. "Oops! Sorry Severus" she bent down and picked the knife up. "There you Remus" she smiled and pressed the knife into Remus's still outstretched palm. It didn't burn, she smiled and he began to calmly chop his roots, shooting a smug look at Snape.

A moment later, while Snape had gone to badger Slughorn about the next meeting of Slughorn's hideous little club, Lily turned around and tapped her nose, waggling Snape's silver knife. She tossed a note over to him.

_Simple spell Wizards would use to cheat muggles out of money. Makes steel, iron and copper look like any precious metal. It only looks like silver, doesn't have any of its properties. _

_I know, I don't care_

_Lily x_

_**A/N: **__Hello beloved reader! I will be visiting the beautiful city of Paris from next Sunday till the following Friday, and, as I am absolutely swamped with coursework etc. At them moment, so I fear there may be no updates for a while (__**not **__a __**long **__while, about two weeks maybe)_

_So sorry about that!_

_But! On the Brightside! I do have another fic in the making!_

_It's an AU, will feature Remus and Sirius being brought up on a dodgy council estate, Remus doesn't go to school, so he's a bit withdrawn and he can't read (I know!) and Sirius goes to the local muggle school. He's really poor because the Black dynasty had collapsed house of Gaunt stylee (though a council flat in place of a filthy shack with snakes pinned to the door) and then they grow up, Remus doesn't go to Hogwarts and later slashiness ensues. It was inspired by this __**AMAZING **__one shot I read on LJ by __**Minnow 53**__ called __**Ain't No Bitches**__ it's breathtaking, I cried!!!!_

_But any whoooo enough of my shameless shameless plugging and onto shameless shameless pleads for reviews_

_PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!_


	34. Fear and Loathing

_It's full moon, but they have me out in the Forbidden Forest rather than the shack. We run, Sirius is a Dog, James a stag, Peter a rat rested on James's head. Me, the wolf. It looks as though they're chasing after me, like I've escaped. I stop, them still running at me, and I turn around, my teeth bared. No longer are James, Sirius and Peter in their animagus form, they are human, standing pink and vulnerable before my wolf. I leap, tearing into Peter's throat, dead. The same again to James but he doesn't die, he lies gurgling and choking on his blood on the forest floor. I approach Sirius, mouth dripping with blood and foam. He whimpers "No Moony" But I don't understand him "please Moony" I growl, I don't understand. All I know, is that I'm hungry, ravenously hungry. I get closer, Sirius falls back and I pin him to the ground, my jaw unhinged. "Don't Moony" My Jaws around his neck "Please Moony" about to bite down "I love you Moony" and a strangled cry, I stand alone in the forest and devour their corpses. Hands begin to shake at my shoulders and-_

"Moony? You alright?" asked Sirius, his voice groggy and hoarse

"Wha'? Yeah, go back t'bed" Remus grumbled, shrugging Sirius's hands off his shoulders

"You were growling and whining in your sleep, is all"

"I was?"

"Yep. Bad dream?" Sirius sat on the bed, Remus shrugged, half nodded "Aww, poor Moony"

"It was just a dream, no need to feel sorry for me"

"What happened? House elves ate your skin? Fisher boiled your pet bunny?" Remus heard the smirk on his voice and punched him softly

"Git. Nothing like that, I barely even remember"

"It was house elves wasn't it?"

"No! I don't have nightmares about House elves"

"Whatever you say Moony" Sirius climbed under the covers "but just in case, I'll stay here and keep you safe from the scary elves"

*

"You're joking!" exclaimed Frank, as he perched himself on the rattling desk the class was gathered around. Sirius shook his head and replied

"Sorry Frank-"

"_Professor Longbottom!_" Frank corrected, Sirius rolled his eyes and continued

"right, whatever, anyway, we've never tackled a Boggart. Montague, the guy we had before Professor Shields, left half way through third year"

"I remember that, after the accident with that hybrid Hinkypunk" said Frank, eyes looking up into his head as he remembered. Sirius frowned at the second interruption.

"_anyway_, then Shields came along and just assumed we'd done Boggarts, and we were almost finished the dark creatures topic by then, so it never came up" Sirius shrugged brushed his hair out of his eyes and grinned at Valerie Taylor, the fair girl who Evans and Alice sat with, who had been quite blatantly staring, Snape tutted at him and Sirius flashed his preferred obscene hand gesture.

"This is insane! Getting rid of Boggarts is usually on your practical exam... or at least the theory appears on the written paper" he sighed and rubbed his temples "I thought this was just going to be a revision lesson I'm going to have to teach you this from scratch"

"Most of us know the theory sir" said Lily "We just haven't had the chance to fight one yet" she smiled at Frank, her and Alice had taken to being overly supportive of Frank, to the point that it was patronising.

"Oh, so you'd all be prepared to fight one today?" he asked, hopping up from the rattling desk to grab his wand from his cloak pocket, which was hung haphazardly from the back of his chair. There was a murmur of agreement in the class. "Excellent!" Frank pulled the class's register from his own desk, which was crushed into the corner of the classroom. He ran a finger down the piece of parchment.

"Oh, first, for those that don't know, the Boggart takes the form of your biggest fear. The best way to defeat a Boggart is with laughter, so you have to picture a way to make your biggest fear look stupid. When you do that, and you have to picture that clearly, you cast the Riddikulus charm. Any volunteers?" Frank asked. Sirius looked around, no one appeared to be willing, so he lazily raised his hand. Frank smiled and beckoned him forward and Sirius pulled his wand from his pocket, and stepped toward the shaking desk, Frank hastily unlocked the desk's large drawer and ran back, leaving Sirius standing on his own, circled by the class. The class jumped as the desk drawer banged open, Sirius swallowed, his throat dry. The Boggart had taken the form of Remus being dragged away by ministry officials, he was dirty and hurt and too weak to fight them off, the Boggart had also added Sirius into this, Boggart Sirius appeared to be restrained as well, though he grabbed desperately to save Remus, who was still being dragged ever more roughly away by ministry officials. Remus, the real Remus that is, blushed next to him.

"What the fuck" sneered Snape snidely "You're not even trying to hide it are you Black?"

"Hide what?" asked Frank, the look on his face indicating that he just realised how unprofessional that question was

"Why, whatever do you mean Snivellus?" said Sirius coolly "_Riddikulus!" _Suddenly the ministry officials found themselves in full drag, while Boggart Sirius was dressed as a pirate. Boggart Remus, now free from his restraints was dressed like a damsel in distress and, after he and Boggart Sirius performed rather elaborate dance routine, Boggart Sirius stuck the two ministry officials with what appeared to be a wooden sword. There was a thunderous shriek of laughter from the class, Sirius smiled at his wonderfully ludicrous creation and stepped back. Frank grabbed the nearest student, Valerie Taylor, and threw her forward. She faltered, the Boggart morphed into a huge snarling pit bull, Sirius was suddenly reminded of his mother. Valerie gasped and sputtered

"R-_Riddikulus_!" The Pit bull was suddenly wearing a fluffy pink bow round it's neck and was having it's leg humped by a tiny Chihuahua. The class, including Frank, cackled, the pit bull looked panicked.

"Potter, go!" He shouted, the Pitt Bull took the form of a broken broom.

"You've got to be kidding" giggled Sirius

"What? It would kill me if my broom b-b-b" James's face dropped "_Riddikulus!_" The broom was repaired and was now being ridden by Snape, who was struggling to stay on the broom. Everyone but Snape, Frank and Evans laughed.

"That's 10 points from Gryffindor Potter" snapped Frank. James wiped a tear from his eye

"So worth it"

"Go on Lily" Frank called, giving her and encouraging nudge forward. The Boggart became a middle-aged couple and a girl, a little older than they were, with blonde hair, lying dead in the middle of the floor, the dark mark hanging threateningly above them. Evans whimpered and scrunched her eyes closed

"I can't think of a way to make that look funny, Professor"

"Perfectly understandable love, Alice, you go instead" Alice stumbled forward past Evans, who looked unusually pale, the Boggart changing into a tall dark woman with snow white skin. She hissed, revealing long sharp white teeth, a vampire, she lunged forward and Alice squeaked

"_Riddikulus!"_ The beautiful vampire grew a huge Snape-ish nose and was suddenly afflicted with a bad case of acne. There was a titter from the class, who were still recovering from the sight of the dead people on the floor, people who Sirius assumed must have been Evans's family.

"Lupin, go on!" called Frank, Remus shot a panicked glance at Frank, his mouth forming an O in realisation. He gave Remus a discreet kick in the shins and he fell forward. "What happened there Lupin?" said Frank overly shocked. The man was a bloody terrible liar, he sighed exaggeratedly "Wasting too much time, miss Greengrass, you instead"

*

"Lupin? Could you hang back for a moment?" Asked Frank as the students filtered out. Remus waved his friends goodbye, assuring them he'd meet them in the Great Hall. "Close the door behind you as well"

"What is it Professor?"

"Sorry I kicked you mate. But I think we both knew if you went up against the Boggart..."

"It would have had something to do with my condition. Thanks for realising Frank... oops, sorry, Professor Longbottom... it would have been... well... the obvious... and I'm very grateful because... Snape..."

"What about him?"

"I think he knows, or at least he has a suspicion. He tried to make me use a silver knife in potions a couple of days ago" Remus felt his pulse speed up with the memory.

"Hmm..." Frank frowned "I'll have a word with Professor Slughorn about him"

"No! Don't... I'm sure Slughorn would sort it out but... well... he's not the most _subtle_ person in the world, is he?"

"True... alright... you have any more trouble with him, come and have a word with me" Frank smiled, Remus smiled back. He found it amazing someone who came from such a long line of purebloods would be so accepting.

"Thank you Frank"

"I just thought... was that what Black's Boggart was all about? Someone finding out what you were and you being dragged off by the ministry?"

"Yes" Remus blushed again "I assume so"

"You two must be... close" Frank cocked his eyebrows in thought and Remus was about to leave the room, before Frank noticed the shade of crimson he'd just turned

"Oh Lupin!... before you go" Frank fumbled in his robe pocket "The Head Girl finally got the prefect patrolling rotation sorted. Here's your copy" he handed Remus a crisp piece of parchment.

"Thanks again" Remus smiled as he left the classroom, he stopped outside it to read his rotation.

**Prefect name: Lupin, Remus John.  
Year: 5****th****  
House: Gryffindor**

**Monday – **_Fifth floor corridor, 21:00 – 23:00  
__**Partnered **__– Stonewall, Delphini Marine, Slytherin, 6__th__ year_**  
Wednesday – **_Astronomy tower, 21:00- 23:00,  
__**Partnered**__- Fisher, Gabriel Thomas, Ravenclaw, 6__th__ year_**  
Friday – **_Library corridor, 22:00 – 00:00  
__**Partnered**__- Albert, Orestus, Hufflepuff, 5__th__ year_**  
Sunday – **_Gryffindor tower surrounding area, 21:00 – 23:00,  
__**Partnered**_** -**_ Evans, Lily Guinevere, Gryffindor, 5__th__ year_

Remus groaned. Of any of the Ravenclaws they could have picked to do prefect duty with him! It was bad enough he was going to have to patrol with Delphini Stonewall, who was a bitch even by Slytherin standards. Remus had never met her, but barely a week went by without him hearing "Delphini stole such and such's boyfriend" "Delphini said this about whoever" "Delphini did this to who-gives-a-fuck". At least he had Sundays with Lily to look forward to, and Orestus Albert was a nice guy, someone who Remus had always wanted to get to know better. He frowned at Fisher's name on the page again and trudged down to the Great Hall, bumping into a tall thin girl, with fine strawberry blonde hair

"B-bloody hell, sorry" she mumbled, her eyes, which were on the floor, flicked up for a moment "Remus!"

"Katrina! Christ it's been a while! How's the NEWT DADA going?"

"Outstandingly" she grinned, rather uncharacteristically, and clapped him on the back "Thanks to you"

*

"Ha! Evans's middle name is Guinevere" giggled Sirius

"I think that's a nice name" pouted James

"Oh, Remus has been lumbered with Delphini Stonewall" grimaced Peter

"She's fit" shrugged James

"If you like your girls pure evil" Sirius shook his head

"She's a bit... pointy looking for my tastes" Said Peter

"lucky bastard gets to spend two hours with Lily on Sunday night! That's not fair! Even if he does have to hang round with Delphini"

"Who's Orestus Albert?" asked Sirius

"Hufflepuff, dark hair, a bit chubby" James shrugged "Nothing special, you wouldn't notice him in a crowd"

"What the fuck!" growled Sirius. Peter jumped at his sudden snap

"What? What's wrong"

"Gabriel Fisher... Gabriel fucking Fisher"

"so? Nice guy, clever, friends with Remus"

"Nice guy, clever, very _handsome_ and _fancies _Remus" Sirius pouted "Practically in love with him" he scowled

"Pardon? Fisher? _Gabriel _Fisher is bent?" snorted James

"Bisexual, apparently" Sirius sighed "Remus told me he stood watching him in the library for twenty minutes last week"

"That's really weird" Said Peter screwing his face up "What did Remus do?

"Said something that translated loosely as, sod off I'm taken" Sirius said proudly, giving a smug smirk at Fisher's name on Remus's timetable. "Serves him right as well. Shouldn't be trying to steal my Remus"

"I hardly think Remus is the type that allows himself to be stolen" sniggered James

"He's not" said Remus, who had just re-entered the dormitory after his shower "Have you three been snooping in my things again?"

"Maybe..." said Sirius, annoyance at Fisher draining away at the sight of a wet Remus with a cottony towel hanging from his hip bones. Remus blushed as he jumped onto his bed and drew the hangings around him to get dressed. "Why do you always do that?" asked Sirius

"Do what?" questioned Remus from behind his hangings, a soft rustling as he put on his clothes

"Get changed in your bed"

"Because we aren't all exhibitionists Sirius"

"Don't roll your eyes at me"

"I didn't roll my eyes"

"I heard you roll them"

"You two are like an old married couple, you know that?" said James, who definitely did roll his eyes as he left the room "I'm going to go tidy up some of the measurements on the map, you coming?"

"I'll come" said Peter merrily following James

"You up for it Padfoot?"

"Nah, it was me who gave you half the dodgy measurements in the first place"

"Suit yourself, Moony, you coming?"

"Can't, I've got some reading to do to prepare for my tutoring. McGonagall says she's drawing up classes for me and I've got my first patrol in a bout twenty minutes so I can't do it later" replied Remus, immerging from his bed fully dressed

"I repeat, suit yourself. C'mon Wormtail, let's go" James strode from the dorm, quill, ink, wand and half drawn map in hand, Peter trotting excitedly behind him

"What are you reading? Transfiguration or DADA?" asked Sirius

"Transfiguration, I'm not as good at that"

"Moony, you are such a geek" giggled Sirius

"We can't all be as effortlessly talented as you are" Remus sighed, pulling an advanced transfiguration textbook from his trunk. Sirius had never really thought of himself as effortlessly talented, but when he thought about it, he supposed Remus was right. All those tests he got O's on without going within fifty feet of a text book, all the times he was first to perform the charm or transfigure the animal or make the potion without something exploding.

"Yeah well... so are you"

"I am not" he laughed

"You are! You get brilliant marks"  
"But I have to study, very very hard for them"

"What about DADA, you're better at that than me _and_ Prongs without even trying"

"That's one lesson" He said lightly, opening up his transfiguration book and plopping onto the bed "I don't care Sirius, it's a fact of life that some people are just brilliant while others aren't"

"But you are brilliant Moony!"

"I never said I wasn't... just not as much as you. Not anywhere near as much"

"Shut up Moony, you're brilliant, just as much as I am, or James is or Pe... well not so much Peter but-"

"Just drop it, will you Sirius? I'm trying to read"

"Well... fine... I can read to you know"  
"Wonderful"

"Hmm..." Sirius scanned the book littered area around and under Remus's bed, he picked up the one Remus had been reading for a while now. It had a muggle woman on the cover, she wasn't moving, her lips were bright red and her tits were huge and squeezed into some muggle costume from a bygone era, she had a burly muggle mans arm wrapped around her waist "what the fuck is this?" he sniggered

"What the fuck is what?" asked Remus without looking away from his text book. Sirius flipped to the page that Remus had his bookmark/sock placed and read aloud

" "_Oh Moanna" Bentley sighed "How can you love an old sea dog like me?" Moanna shuffled, her breasts round and pink in Bentley's strong rough piratee hands_" Remus's eyes darted upward, he sprung from his bed and made a grab for the book. Sirius dodged him, cackled and continued reading

"_Simple Bentley" she sighed erotically "I love you because you're you, and you are a sexy pirate with a huge_" Sirius couldn't stop himself from laughing "...Aww Moony!" Sirius giggled "And all this time I've been thinking you've been reading great master works of fiction!" Remus blushed

"I... I don't usually read stuff like this... it just... it caught my eye and I started reading and... It's like literary crack Sirius. Once you start something like this you can't stop till you're finished"

"You're unnecessarily embarrassed by this Moony" Sirius said, replacing the bookmark/sock and placing the book back down on the bedside table "When do your little tutees start stealing you again"

"After Christmas, I'm not sure why McGonagall's taking longer to give them to me this time but..." Remus shrugged "there you go"

"That woman gives you too much bloody work. Tutoring two subjects and making you prefect... wonder what her last bloody slave died of"

"I was thinking of asking her to let me drop transfiguration tutoring. I bet she could get Alice to take the job over, she's top of the class at the moment... would've been you had you not decided to release McGonagall's frogs into Snape's dorm last week... I still don't even know how you got the password"

"I charmed it out of Delilah Dirge"

"Oh bloody hell Sirius!"

"Well I had a box full of stolen frogs, what was I supposed to do with them? Then it hit me and I realised I didn't have the password and Delilah was so close and she'd been batting her eyes at me all the way through breakfast..." Remus cut him off with a half sigh half growl "C'mon Moony, you know I've only got eyes for you"

"Well you know, sometimes it's bloody hard to believe"

"Remus... just because I sometimes flirt with girls... you know it's just for fun don't you?"

"How would you feel if I started flipping my hair and winking at Fisher?"

_I'd break his fucking neck, the I'd beat you to death with his corpse_

"Wouldn't mind"

"Really? You honestly wouldn't care? At all?" Remus's face was blank, his eyes were wide and questioning

"Nope. 'cause I know you wouldn't mean it, so I wouldn't care. Just like you shouldn't care when I flirt with girls"

"Oh... well..." Remus cleared his throat "You don't care then"

"Nope"

"Thanks Sirius. Good to know" he looked at his watch "Well, looks like it's patrol time. I'll say hi to Fisher from you then, shall I?"

"Do what you like"

"And since you don't care, I'll maybe tell him that he looks sexy tonight?"

"Fine with me"

"Oh, is it really? Well if it's fine with you, maybe I should tell him that our relationship is quite obviously a casual one"

"Whatever"

"Tell you what, considering you care _so _little, I'll just drag him to the top of the astronomy tower and fuck him on Sinistra's desk, how's about that?"

"Absolutely _fine_" said Sirius calmly, admittedly through gritted teeth

"Wonderful. I hope you have as wonderful and evening as I'm about to Sirius" snapped Remus, striding out of the room heavily, slamming the door shut behind him. Sirius waited until he heard Remus reach the bottom of the stairs. He growled and kicked at his bed, too proud to go after Remus.

*

_BastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastardBastard_

Thought Remus as he stomped his way up to the astronomy tower.

_Doesn't fucking care, does he not? He'll see how much he fucking cares after this_

Initially, Remus had felt more hurt than angry. But now hurt and anger had mixed into one big huge mess of negative, vengeful emotion. Remus knew he was reacting in a rather ridiculous, immature manner, but Sirius had chosen to hurt his pride far too close after full moon, the after affects of which, were beginning to linger longer and longer. He wanted to believe Sirius hadn't meant what he had said but... he couldn't... he just couldn't. Bastard.

_God knows how many girls he's done that to since... God knows what else he's been doing with girls... Trust me. He asked me to trust him just a few days ago... bastard! I asked him over a month ago to stop it as well! Argh! Bastard! Bastard! Fucking bastard! _

And soon the anger shrank again, as Remus was never angry for long, and a Sickly knot found its way into his stomach.

_He doesn't care._

He saw that familiar flash of blonde hair and waved politely, trying to regain at least some of his composure.

"Hey Fisher, how's things"

"They're not bad" he said shyly, pushing at his glasses "And how are things with you?"

"They're not too good"

"Thought you looked a bit miserable What's wrong? Is it Black?" He asked, quite unashamedly hopeful

"No... well... Yeah... he's... he's just being a bit of a twat at the moment"

"If you ever need a shoulder to cry on Remus. I'm here"

"Thanks... listen, Fisher I-"

"Remus... do me a favour"

"What?"

"Call me Gabriel would you?"

"Why?" asked Remus, Fisher snorted  
"It's my name"

"Oh, alright then... well, listen Gabriel I... I'm sorry I was so... harsh in the library a few weeks ago"

"I understand... I was watching you after all... even I can admit that's some fucking creepy shit... I'm not going to lie again and say I'm over you... but... I'm not going to stalk you or anything. I just want to reiterate that, if anything ever goes wrong with you and Black... I'm here" Remus nodded and they stayed silent for a while as they walked up and down the tower's corridor and round it's stair case. They stopped on the balcony outside the classroom where the telescopes were set up. Leaning against the stone barrier, Fisher turned to him and said "Are you going to tell me what that shit Black did to piss you off then?"

"Oh... I found out he got into the Slytherin common room by flirting the password out of a girl... it doesn't sound that bad but... I... he does it a lot... and I've asked him not to do it before and I..." Remus sighed heavily "It drives me crazy"

"Twat" said Fisher coolly "You know, if it were me" he stepped closer to Remus, who was still too busy wallowing in anger and self pity to notice "who was going out with you" he stepped closer again, Remus was looking at the grass far below him "I wouldn't look at anyone else... girl or boy... a veela could come dancing up at me, naked as the day she was born and I wouldn't look at her... not if I knew it would upset you" Remus laughed, unaware of how close Fisher was, about to scold him as he turned his head, he was not met with an expanse of space, Fisher standing a few feet away from him, but was instead met by a pair of lips. A pair of lips which were soft and careful and had just sworn they wouldn't look at anything else if it would upset Remus. Lips which were faithful, loyal, romantic and clever. Soft, wet and delicate, eager to please. They became deeper and faster, but lost none of their softness of romance. They broke apart for air. Remus's stomach knotted. He just kissed Fisher. Fisher who, for all his skill and tenderness, he wasn't particularly interested in kissing. Fisher, who was _not_ Sirius.

And Sirius, who _was_ Sirius... who he loved

Who he'd just cheated on

_Oh fuck._

Fisher smiled and moved in close again.

"I'm sorry Gabriel... I can't do this" He backed away, back into the class room calling "Sorry... I am so sorry" as he left.

*

Sirius slapped himself after half an hour of stroppy furniture based violence. He was being a prat. A big one. He shook his head and pulled on his cloak, heading up to the astronomy tower. He jogged along, rehearsing and apology in his head, which mostly involved things like, "I'm a tit" "Of course I'd care if you fucked Fisher" and "I won't so much as look at a girl again". He jogged around the astronomy tower's surrounding corridors looking for Remus, no sign of him. So he went to the tower itself, he ran up the staircase into the classroom, where they were nowhere to be found. Sirius frowned and perched on one of the desks, when he heard the sound of a slightly gravelly, deep voice, with a Yorkshire lilt from the balcony, which opened at a arch into the classroom. Remus.

"and I've asked him not to do it before and I..." he sighed heavily "It drives me crazy" Sirius got up quietly from the desk, and stood at the arch, making sure he could see them but that he was covered by shadow. He heard a slightly lower voice speak, smoother, posher and more brusque than the last. Fucking Fisher.

"Twat... You know, if it were me" he stepped closer to Remus, who was staring at the floor. Sirius felt his chest tighten "who was going out with you" he stepped closer again, Remus still had his eyes in downward. And Sirius was staring daggers at the handsome blonde boy who was advancing on _his _Remus "I wouldn't look at anyone else... girl or boy... a veela could come dancing up at me, naked as the day she was born and I wouldn't look at her... not if I knew it would upset you" Sirius grimaced. But Remus appeared to have found Fisher's stupid joke fairly amusing. He laughed, and turned his head. Sirius saw the look of shock on Remus's face when he saw how close Fucking Fisher had gotten. Then Fucking Fisher leaned even fucking closer. And Fucking Remus didn't stop him. Then their mouths were upon each other and still Remus did nothing. Sirius felt a painful jolt run through him. He looked away and buried his head in his hands. He ran, not wanting to know how long this kiss was going to last or what they were going to do afterward. The tightness in his chest was replaced with a hollow ache, his eyes stung. Everything stung and everything ached, and everything was hollow.

_A/N: Yay! Managed one last chapter before Paris! But seriously, after this none for a little over a week :P And on a cliff hanger. I am a bastard_

_Remember to review people. Less than 10 last time. Made me cry tears on the inside of my heart! On the Brightside, my daily hit traffic has only dropped below 100 twice this month, so thanks for that! But still! Review! Review!_

_C'mon... :) you know you want tooooo!_


	35. Love Springs Eternal

There was a soft knock at the dormitory door

"Sirius, are you here?" asked Remus nervously. Sirius said nothing. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now, least of all Remus.

"I think you might be... your hangings are drawn and... well, my light is on behind you any so I can see your silhouette" Sirius cursed the laws of physics under his breath, damn silhouette causing lights

"I'm assuming you don't want to see me" continued Remus "but I want you to know, I only said what I said to –to – to upset you... because you upset me and you weren't giving a reaction and that's all I wanted you to give me....I wouldn't touch Fisher, you know I-"

"Fucking liar!" shouted Sirius, outraged that Remus would tell such a blatant lie to his face... his hangings rather... but that wasn't the point!

"What do you mean?" asked Remus, he was clearly trying to sound confused but his voice was riddled with guilt and anxiety

"_If a veela came dancing up to me, naked as the day she was born, I wouldn't even look at her, not if I knew it would upset you_" said Sirius in a mock, sing song version of Fisher's annoying, deep, posh-as-his-mum's-best-dress-robes voice (which wasn't all that different from Sirius's if he was being honest)

"Where did you..."

"I followed you to apologise for what I said. I saw it Remus" Sirius snarled

"Sorry" he mumbled. Sirius heard his feet shuffle, he heard him walk to this bed

"Yeah. Yeah you are" Sirius spat. Remus frowned and folded his arms.

"... It was your fault!" he spat back venomously

"Excuse me?"

"It was your fault I didn't push him off me right away"

"What?"

"You didn't care, you said you did care, you said you didn't care... he said he did"

"You should have know I didn't mean it"

"Do I look like a fucking mind reader Sirius!? What the fuck! _You should have known!?_ How should I have known!? I'm... I..." Remus sighed "Pathetic" Sirius scowled and ripped his hangings open

"You blamed me! I blamed you back! It's not just me who's pathetic alright!"

"Fine... fine... but you have no right to be angry with me!"  
"You have no right to be angry with _me_! We both fucked up. It's done"

"Fine"

They said nothing for a while. Remus sat down on his bed without breaking eye contact with Sirius. They sat and stared, glaring in a furious silence which hung in the air like some ugly banner with "_UNCOMFORTABLE!!!" _emblazed upon it. Remus groaned and dropped his head into his hands, Sirius massaged his temples and furrowed his brow

"Remus... we've fucked up, haven't we" he huffed

"indeed we have Sirius" Remus sighed in reply

"It's my fault. And it's yours. And everything is fucked up now" Sirius moaned despondently. Remus's head snapped up from his hands

"... it doesn't have to be... does it?" he said sadly. Sirius looked at Remus, his eyes in full puppy dog mode, rage bubbled up inside him

"You cheated Remus!" the memory of what he had seen made his chest ache. Hollow and painful and sickly.

"You said you didn't care!" Remus whined, his arms flailing pathetically in the air. And the hollow feeling is his chest sent another excruciating pang through him.

"Yeah well... maybe I don't anymore" he said defiantly. As if trying to convince that chest pain. Tricking it into going away

"Don't be petulant" snapped Remus

"I'll be as petulant as I want!" Sirius snapped back "_You. Just. Cheated. on me_!" he emphasised every furious spat out word

"And as soon as I realised what I was doing I ran down here to apologise!" growled Remus, now equally angry.

"This all fucked up now! It's all fucked up" bleated Sirius through gritted teeth

"I know Sirius. And pointing it out **isn't** going to help!" yelled Remus his anger clearly growing by the minute and his voice hopping up an octave or two in frustration

"But it is fucked up!" declared Sirius again, the most insolent look he could muster on his face. Enjoying shade of pink Remus was slowly turning.

"I know!!! This is getting us no where!" Remus took a deep breath and looked Sirius in the eye. He sighed and relaxed his voice, so it was deep and calm again

"... Sirius" he began steadily"... we both messed up... can't we just" he sighed and scrubbed at his hair "... forgive and forget?"

"I dunno" Sirius scowled and shook his head "... points out a lot of... problems we have in this _**thing**_ we have" he spat his words again, even more angrily than before

"Our relationship, you mean?" suggested Remus, simultaneously peeved and miserable sounding

"No..." The rage boiled over inside Sirius again. The ache is his chest panging again and he had to hurt Remus. Make him hurt like Sirius did now "sometimes it doesn't feel like a relationship to me..."

"But you..." Remus swallowed, his eyes fell to the floor "you've said you loved me... and I've said it back" his voice was thick and his eyes refused to meet Sirius's, Sirius's chest ached again

"But I'm beginning to question whether I meant it or not now"

"... I'm not... Sirius... do you actually mean this or - or are you just angry... because that's... that's the sort of thing you can't take back once you've said it"

"I don't think I want to take it back Remus. I think it might be true. And I don't think you love me either. You wouldn't be jealous and... you'd trust me"

"_**I'd trust you with my life**_!" shrieked Remus

"But you wouldn't trust me with a girl" Sirius yelled back, slamming his fist on his bed post

"I don't _not_ trust you Sirius!" he said desperately "I just get jealous" it was whined so morosely and pathetically that the rage in Sirius exploded from his mouth in a blaze of malice and pain. All that mattered was making Remus hurt like he had when he saw him and fucking Fisher snogging and every time he had to remember.

"I don't love you. I'm 15 I don't even know what love really is. I don't love you. And now I don't even trust you"

"I don't understand Sirius" said Remus thickly, clearing his throat and clearly concentrating hard on his voice staying even

"What's so confusing about it. Don't love you, never have. Now piss off" said Sirius flatly and coldly, as if he was bored by Remus. Him and everything about him. What had happened. Remus scowled and walked away as if he was about to leave, he had his hand grasped firmly around the door handle. All of a sudden his hand fell slack by his side then balled into a fist. In a flash Sirius felt a numbing pain in his nose that spread down to his jaw and made his teeth tingle and ache. He hit the ground. His head spun and he tasted blood. He heard an infuriated growl. His words sounded distant and fuzzy. Sirius wondered if he'd hit his head when he fell.

"_Sometimes you just make me so... grrrr... too fucking close to full moon for me to deal with you, you stroppy fucking shit_" Remus banged his fists on the wall again and again and again "_Know exactly what to fucking say to get me so wound up don't you? "__**Don't love you, never have**__" prat. Insensitive fucking prat" _he smacked his fists against the wall again "_What the fuck... "Don't __**love you, never have**__" you say it like it's one of your garden variety wind ups Sirius! But it's not! It's fucking not! It's like you don't even have any idea h-h-how m-much that could hurt a person_" This time he tugged on his hair and gave the wall a kick "_Hurt__** me, **__Sirius. How much it could hurt__** me**_" He flopped down onto his bed face first, his hands still twisted painfully in his hair, he inhaled and exhaled too sharply and quickly. Sirius sniffed and dragged a hand across his nostrils, a long trail of blood was left up his arm.

"Moony... I'm... really really sorry"

"_Fuck you!_" Remus's words were muffled by the bed, he took another sharp tug at his hair

"Remus..." Sirius sniffed and wiped at the blood again. He stood up, his head spinning as he did, and walked over to Remus. He placed his blood streaked hand on Remus's shoulder, which he quickly shrugged away. He tried both hands on both shoulders, then just his right hand. Remus growled (he was always particularly growly when he got angry)

"_**Get. The fuck. Off of me**_"

"I'm sorry Remus... I'm so so sorry" Sirius said. Remus gave another sharp tug at his hair. Sirius took hold of Remus's thin wrists and attempted to dislodge his boyfriends frustrated hands from his abused flaxen mop. Remus said nothing. He let out a long shuddering breath.

"C'mon Moony. Calm down. Speak to me... forgive me?" Sirius begged. Remus raised his head off the bed, his eyes were screwed up shut and his face had dissolved into that awful wolfish glower Sirius despised.

"You just don't say things like that to people Sirius" he hissed, looking like he was trying to suppress the urge to give Sirius another smack. Sirius busied himself with untangling Remus's hands before solemnly agreeing.

"I know"

"Not to people who love you" he hissed again, his voice thicker with less of a growl

"I'm sorry"

"Especially people who love you like I do" the growl almost fully gone, the eyes unscrewed, huge, miserable and shining with hurt and anger... resentment? Sirius swallowed

"I didn't mean that. I didn't... Merlin knows you know I didn't... forgive me... please?" Remus sighed and released his hair

"Only if you'll grant me the same courtesy... Sorry I kissed Fisher... and sorry I broke your nose"

"No problem... I don't think it's broken anyway... sorry I made out like I didn't care what you did either and sorry I keep flirting with girls... I'll stop, I won't even look at them, I-"

"I don't care about the occasional wink Sirius... it's when you let them fawn over you and when you fawn back that gets to me"

"Sorry"

"I've had enough of sorry for one evening Padfoot"

"Me too" Sirius smiled. Uncaring that blood was now pouring all down his shirt and onto Remus's bed. Remus smiled back.

"Come here, you big stupid fucking mutt" He pulled Sirius close for a damp, bloodied hug.

"Oi... I'll mutt you, you stinking bloody werewolf"

"Get fucked Sirius"

"I love you too Moony"

*

Gabriel Fisher stared out over the grounds for a moment. He let his tongue drift across his lips as he picked up the last of Remus's saliva. Which tasted mostly like his last meal (something with butter... probably the mashed potato), and ink from his quill and, for some reason unbeknown to him, it had the faintest aftertaste of wet dog. He obliterated that after taste from his memory, wanting to remember the moment as perfectly as possible. As perfectly as he'd thought it might have gone were it not for that fucking Black and Remus being so hopelessly loyal to the nasty shit.

But, Gabriel supposed, he might not like Remus as much if he weren't so loyal. So good. So... Remussy. He chuckled to himself and let his fingers trace across his lips.

"Best kiss I'll ever fucking have" he thought aloud. He wanted Remus to know that, he might have still been nearby. Though Gabriel knew he wouldn't be within earshot.

When he'd first gotten that fucking prefect rotation he was sure, he was so fucking sure, they'd been thrown together for a reason. Destiny. Fate. Tonight had been the night.

Gabriel wondered if he should have brought fireworks or candles or something... something fucking stupid to show how desperate and pathetic he was. He sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose before returning to Ravenclaw tower. He smiled when he remembered that he'd managed to smuggle Katrina in before he left. She was in Gryffindor but Gabriel had always had an unspoken suspicion she would have been far happier in Ravenclaw, with him. They'd never been close until they started being tutored together and now they were close to being best friends. Hell, they were. And she had grown so much more confident of late, he hardly ever heard her stammer. He frequently speculated on whether this had something to do with the fact that, since her acne had cleared and she started washing fucking hair more than once a week, people had begun to notice just how beautiful she was. Gabriel had always thought she was beautiful. Even way back when she was fat, he thought she had a very pretty face.

He sighed. It was the first night in weeks he'd managed to drag her away from Useless Fucker of the Month. And at some point, Useless Fucker of the Month would split up with his poor Trini because she wouldn't do whatever to Useless Fucker of the Month's cock. And Gabriel would be left to hold her. Pick up the pieces. As a tear tracked down his face, he thought Trini would have to pick up his pieces tonight. A few more tears spilled as he walked. A few... a few dozen.

He dabbed his eyes and took a deep breath. He came to the old wooden door with its bronze Eagle knocker. The eagle opened its mouth and asked

"What is the sound of one hand... are you alright kid?"

"I'm shite. Ask the fucking question"

"Alright! What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

"Fuck me, why do these always have to be so awkward" he sighed and pushed at his glasses. He smirked and raised his right hand, moving his fingers up and down so they hit his palm

"Haha, very funny" tutted the eagle

"Wit beyond measure is mans greatest treasure" the eagle rolled it's bronze eyes and the old door swung open. Gabriel stepped in to find Katrina sitting on his favourite armchair, her knees tucked under her chin.

"It didn't g-go well then?" she asked. Gabriel shook his head, fighting to stop his lip from shaking. Trini smiled sadly. "My poor Angel" she mumbled as she pulled him into a hug. _Angel _was something that Gabriel's sister, Iris, used to call him to piss him off. He quite liked it coming from Trini's mouth though. "Forget about him" she said "Like you always t-t-tell me. Plenty more fish in the sea... plenty more boys... plenty more girls... it's not like you're low on options" Fisher chuckled and held her closer. He caught the scent of water melon on her hair. Water melon, and absolutely nothing at all resembling the smell or taste of a wet dog. They pulled back. She grinned

"What the fuck are you smiling at" he grinned back

"Your eyes are twinkling" a faint blush spread across her delicate cheeks "I love it when they do that"

"Thanks Trini" he felt himself blush back. "You look lovely tonight" her faint blush deepened. So did his.

"T-t-t-thanks"

"Are you erm... still seeing what's his face?" he asked surreptitiously

"No... I d-dumped him this afternoon... he told me to stop-" she gave a nervous chuckle that Fisher hadn't heard for a while "he told me to stop banging on about you and I..." she tailed off and dropped her eye contact

"You what?"

"I told him to go fuck himself"

"That's my girl, Trini" he smiled to himself "my girl, Trini" he repeated.

"Your girl" she let her eyes meet his again. They stared for a while, at each other. Gabriel, steadily reassessing how he saw his best friend. Wondering why he got himself in such a big fuss about Remus.

*

"Why hello there Evans" said James lasciviously, waggling his eye brows at Lily Evans. He turned to Peter and whispered "_Take the map and scram Wormtail_" Peter nodded and scurried away.

"Back to the common room Potter before I give you a detention" she said coldly

"Ah yeah, you're patrolling aren't you Evans. Punishing naughty boys and girls who are out of bed"

"I'm warning you Potter" James grinned and fluffed up his hair. Giving it that fresh off the broomstick look the ladies loved.

"I've been very naughty Evans, haven't I?" she cocked her brow "perhaps some sort of spanking is in order?"

"Sod off Potter, I mean it" she said bitterly, her eyes full of intense scorn and hatred

_Lily, you're the most beautiful I've ever seen. I love you, and every time you look at me like that, some tiny part of my soul dies a million agonising deaths. _

"Don't give me that look babe. You know you'd love to give me a nice hard spanking"

"Detention" she snapped, walking very quickly away from James, who followed

_How I long to run my fingers through that stream of silken fire that is your hair. Capture those bottle green emeralds the God's have gifted you with eyes as my own. Capture that strong valiant heart of yours as well. _

"You're looking particularly fuckable tonight Evans"

"Another detention Potter!" she said more harshly than the last time, her walk sped up, so did James's

_The graceful swing of your hips screams sex, yet remains lady like and elegant all the same. Like some princess educated in the art of making everything you do sexy without being like a common tart. You, Lily Evans, could never be such a girl._

"I'm liking the way you walk Evans. Great arse you've got there"

"Please leave me alone Potter"

"If go out with me"

"I'd rather lick a Flobberworm"

_And your rejections... they tear at my poor broken heart like a heard of crazed Hippogriffs. And, alas, in my heartbroken state I am unable to resist an innuendo._

"You could lick my Flobberworm if you want"

"_Detention, all week_. Now leave me alone"

_I can never leave you alone. You always carry my heart with you Lily. I am yours, forever and always. Yours._

"Alright Evans. See you in potions tomorrow! Be sure to think of me the next time you come!"

"In your dreams Potter"  
"But of course!"

_

* * *

_

_A/N: Sorry about the wait! I hope that was worth it... maybe worth it enough for a lot of sexy awesome wondersome reviews? Thanks for all that I got last time (20! Wowza!) and I'm so sorry I didn't get back to some of you! Hopefully, it won't happen again!_

_Do remember to check out my side project, the Simplest Things. It's an AU RL/SB fic and I'd love you to give it a read._


	36. Code of Conduct

"HELL YES!" Screeched James at an unnecessarily high volume, as he opened the package his family owl had just

"What?" asked Sirius. James ignored him, he grinned and jumped up, punching the air.

"Dad's giving me his invisibility cloak!" He grinned again "Come on, I'll show you!" He grabbed Sirius's arm and pulled him up from the breakfast table, Remus lay down his fork and followed behind. Peter looked mournfully at his half finished breakfast and trotted after his fellow marauders.

When they reached their dorm, James did a short victory dance, grinning like a mad man.

"I can't believe you have aninvisibility cloak." Said Remus, a clear envy on his voice. "How come your dad's giving it to you now? Isn't he using it for auror stuff?"

"This one's going spare" beamed James, wrapping the cloak around himself and giggling at his now undetectable form

"Well, it's not really spare" said Sirius with a little frown, he turned to Remus "_That _one is an antique. We're talking multiple centuries. He almost got it damaged in a duel... am I right James"

"Yep" James said distractedly, Peter laughing and applauding as he wrapped the cloak around his head

"So old Charlus had a new one shipped in from Egypt"

"A _new _invisibility cloak! Fucking hell" said Remus shaking his head "you know, I'm lucky if I can afford a normal cloak"

"Yeah, well the Potters are almost as bad as us when it comes to excessive spending" shrugged Sirius

"Get fucked, we're much better with our money than you lot" snorted James

"You wanna bet? How much did your Dad's new cloak cost?"

"er... 32, 000 Galleons"

"That's double what we've got in Gringott's at the moment" Gaped Peter

"It's more than triple what we have!"

"Wow... why's that? I thought your mum got paid alright?"

"She does... But my dad's wage used to help us a lot" Said Remus, that forced positivity crow-barred uncomfortably into his words. Well, not so much positivity as it was not-sadness. Sirius smiled and gave Remus a half hug, saying nothing. James's smile dropped all of a sudden and he pursed his lips.

"Prongs?" enquired Peter.

"Nothing" He forced a smile and picked up his invisibility cloak, continuing to play with it. Remus looked worried but Sirius gave him a comical looking pout. Remus smirked and kicked at the floor, Sirius kissed him on the nose.

As Peter felt a little jolt of envy run through him (_Bloody couples. Always touching each other.)_, he decided it really was time he got himself a girlfriend.

*

**Daily Prophet**_**, December 3**__**rd**_

_**Ministry Commended for New Werewolf control and Management Policies**_

_In light of the news that the self appointed "Dark Lord" Voldemort may be recruiting werewolves, the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures has, today, announced a reinstatement of the 1947 werewolf Registry act, declaring that all werewolves above age must register themselves with the ministry. The registry will be open for the public as soon as it is as near to completion as possible. Werewolves under the age must be on a private registry. Any werewolf that refuses to register will be captured and taken to Azkaban immediately. The werewolf registry act has been coupled with a new code of conduct, which all werewolves must abide by. It goes as follows:_

_All Werewolves must report to the ministry for registration [see Werewolf registry act 1947 for details]_

_All Werewolves must be in the care of the highly skilled and trained or the care of the ministry during the full moon._

_Werewolves must not be formally educated. Anyone caught attempting to educate a werewolf will serve five years in Azkaban. No Trial. No Parole. _

_Any British werewolf caught at any magical education facility in Europe will be expelled and sent to Azkaban for five years as soon as they are of age. No trial. No Parole. _

_If a werewolf is found to have attacked and/or killed any human being, the punishment is no longer a life term in Azkaban, but twenty years in Azkaban, when this term is served the werewolf shall receive a Dementors Kiss. No trial. No parole.  
Any Witch or Wizard responsible for an underage werewolf must serve 10 years in Azkaban should the werewolf in their care attack and/or kill any human being. Trial. No parole._

_No werewolf shall be associated with a "pack". Any werewolves found to be moving in a "pack" will serve a twenty year sentence in Azkaban. No trial. No parole._

_Any Werewolf caught interacting with the following: Fenrir Greyback, Adolpho Keller or Gene Brenner will receive a ten year sentence in Azkaban. No trial. Parole possible._

_Any Werewolf caught assisting or hiding a known attacker of any human being will be sentenced to twenty years in Azkaban. No trial. No parole._

_Any Witch or Wizard caught assisting or hiding a known attacker of any human being will be sentenced to five years in Azkaban. Trial allowed. Parole possible._

_Any werewolf or Witch or Wizard responsible for a werewolf will be charged an extra one hundred galleon monthly tax to compensate for the burden they cause the ministry _

_When the head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of magical creatures, Isabella Henge was asked why now, she replied:_

"_I drew up these laws simply because they are needed. They have been needed since Greyback faked his way out the loony bin [St. Mening's hospital for criminally insane wizards] and started attacking people's children left right and centre. And then all these little packs started to spring up. Scum. The lot of them" _

_An member of the Ministry's Muggle Worthy excuse committee and Obliviator, wishing to remain anonymous said, in response_

"_The tax... oh goodness the tax... Oh... Isabella Henge can get f****d."_

_The employee was later dismissed from her post. _

_Head Auror Charlus otter has also expressed his displeasure at the new werewolf policies, declaring: "Some of them are scum. Greyback's scum, Keller's scum, Brenner's scum. We all know that. But not all of them. I don't understand why Henge can't get it through her thick skull they're not all like that".  
When Potter was asked how he knew this, he replied:  
"I've met more than one in my line of work, a third of them are just scapegoats being used by You-Know-Who's Death eaters, the other third are just the ministry being a bit trigger happy with the auror squad. Not investigating accusations properly before they send out the Aurors. The other third... misguided kids, being messed around with Greyback or one of the other big pack leaders. It's only a tiny fraction that are scum. The tax is ridiculous as well. They can't hold steady jobs, Henge knows that. Evil woman."_

_*_

"Remus? What's wrong?"

"He must've seen the paper"

"One hundred Galleons a month!"

"Yeah... are you-"

"One Hundred Galleons a month! One hundred galleons!"

"You'll be alright Moony"

"Will I fuck"

*

_Dear Remus,  
I don't know if you read the paper this morning, but some new guide lines have been released in regards to your condition. I must urge you to take extra precaution during and around full moons, as the consequences do not bode well for you, your mother or I._**  
**_Albus Dumbledore_

_*_

_Dear Remus, Don't Panic!  
I lost my job yesterday when I was asked about the new werewolf code of conduct. Sorry about that Sweet heart.  
We'll be alright though, I can get another job easily. The tax will be no problem.  
Love Mum xxx_

_*_

"I'm sorry Padfoot, but Lestammer's got nothing on Evans"

"I don't know Prongs..." Sirius, who was lounging down on the floor, smirked at James who was sitting across from him, Peter crouched next to him.  
"Just think about it, Evans's eyes, all big and bright and almond shaped... gorgeous. Evans's skin, perfect. Evans's hair, amazing. Evans's tits" James smiled and made a cupping gesture at his chest "and her arse... don't even get me started on her arse" he sighed and licked his lips "And let's put that up against Lestammer. Eyes, blue, big, nice. Skin, greasy prone to acne. Hair, yuck if she doesn't wash it every day she can give Snivellus a run for his money. Tits and arse, none existent. She makes Moony look positively voluptuous" James fluffed his hair and sat back against his bed with a cocky smile. Sirius wished he'd never suggested that _maybe _Katrina Lestat was better looking than Evans.

"Right, you win Prongs"

"So you agree, Lily Evans is the best looking girl, with the best body"

"Best body eh? Have you seen her thighs lately?"

"Yes. They're perfect"

"If you call dimply perfect"

"I do. So there" huffed James, folding his arms. Sirius rolled his eyes, regretting the decision to pipe in on Peter and James's _who's the fittest girl in school _argument.

"What d'you all think of Alice Prewett?" asked Peter

"She's alright" shrugged James

"I have no opinion on her either way" said Sirius

"What d'you think Remus?" Peter called over the dorm. Remus looked up from the neat copy of The Map he'd been drawing out for the first time in half an hour

"Of what?" he answered sleepily, heavy bags beneath his eyes

"Of Alice, Lily's friend"

"She's sweet, smart, I like her"

"Yeah, but do you think she's fit?"

"Does she have a cock?"

"No..."

"Well, no" Remus said yawning. He rolled his eyes and went back to the map.

"Why are you so interested in our opinions of her anyway?" inquired James with a devious smile

"I might ask her to the Christmas Ball... they won't let you in without a partner and... I want a girl friend anyway... and I think she's pretty so... yeah... I'm definitely going to ask her to the ball" he said with a forced casualness he often tried to copy from Sirius and James. But couldn't. Remus snorted.

"What? What's so funny Moony?"

"I just can't see you getting anywhere with Alice to be honest"

"Why not... you think she's out of my league?"

"She is, but I'm sure Moony has other reasons for his amusement" Grinned James "Namely, Frank Longbottom based reasons"

"It's not just me that's noticed then" said Remus with a small smile, as he carefully inked in a pencil line on the map.

"What do you mean?" Peter asked indignantly. Remus gave his mischievous crooked grin and put his quill down. He linked his hands together, holding them to his right cheek he fluttered his eyelashes and said in a high pitched voice

"Professor Longbottom? Do you need any help with your books?" James and Sirius burst out laughing, James dropped his voice as deep as it would go and copied Frank's thick Yorkshire accent

"Why thank you Alice love"

"No problem Professor Longbottom" Remus batted his eyelashes faster and sighed "You know Professor, I'm legal in six months" Sirius clutched his stomach, feeling like his sides were about to split. Peter frowned.

"Fine. What about Valerie Taylor"

"Bitch" said Remus as he put his quill between his teeth and picked up his pencil.

"I don't care about that really... do you think she's fit Prongs?"

"She's cute. A bit blonde for me. I don't like them too fair... or too dark really"

"It's well know that Potter men all have a Redhead fetish" smirked Sirius

"That's not true"  
"What colour's your mum's hair?"

"... red"

"And what colour was your grandmother's hair when she was younger?"

"... red"

"See! Fetish!" Sirius sung. He smirked as James pursed his lips and got up to join Remus on the bed. "alright Moonshine?" Sirius asked. Remus frowned and took his quill out from between his teeth.

"Moonshine?"

"Something I'm trying out."

"Stop trying it"

"How's the drawing going"  
"Monotonously, but... well" he smiled at his work. Sirius snatched the pencil from his hand and put the rough map, the neat map and Remus's ink onto the floor.

"Oi" he said weakly. Sirius widened his grin and drew Remus's hanging around them.

"At least wait till we're out the room!" called James.

"I'm casting a silencing charm, you're alright" Sirius called back. Remus tutted at him.

"I'm very tired you know"

"but, I'm very horny, you know"

"My heart bleeds for you Padfoot" Remus stretched and fiddled with the drawstring of his worn pyjama bottoms.

"So..." Sirius said hopefully

"I don't know... I'm still sore from the full moon... and with James and Peter right in the room! Silencing charm or not, that's still... yucky"

"Yucky? Your word power really does deteriorate when you're tired, doesn't it?"

"So what if it does?" Remus yawned and stretched again. His arms flopped lifelessly across his chest as he lay down. Sirius lay down next to him and snuggled up close.

"So what. Remus... I've been wondering lately"

"About what Sirius... nothing too heavy for bed time I hope" Remus said, nuzzling into Sirius and yawning again. Sirius felt Remus's breathing synchronise with his own. He smiled sheepishly, knowing what he was about to bring up was, perhaps a tad too heavy for bedtime.

"I've been wondering lately about... uh..."

"Spit it out Sirius... I haven't got all night m'planning on being asleep in around ten or twenty seconds"

"Um... I've been wondering about... sex?" He said with a nervous grin.

"What about it Sirius" Remus rubbed his eyes and frowned.

"Oh I don't know... Like... when is it going to happen?"

"I don't know Sirius" he said through yet another yawn

"I'm just saying it would be nice if it happened"

"It would be, I'm sure"

"D'you think it'll happen soon?" Sirius said impatiently

"I don't know"

"Why not?"

"I don't know" he sounded distinctly more irritable than he had before "Sirius... I'd like to allow for some spontaneity... and a decent night's sleep for the first time in weeks."

"You having trouble sleeping again?"

"I'm having trouble staying awake now" Remus closed his eyes and relaxed his breathing.

"Am I boring you Mr. Moony?" he said in a mock offended tone.

"Mildly... with your vapid sex talk..." Sirius widened his eyes and stuck out his bottom lip "and don't even attempt to use the puppy dog look on me. I invented that look... though I like the addition of the lip."

"Thanks..." Sirius sighed "bollocks... Are you seriously too tired? Can't you just lie back and think of England?"

"Sorry Padfoot... as much as it pains me to be like your dry old wifey... why don't you just wait till I'm asleep? Then you can do what you want with my unconscious body."

"Rape jokes Moony, how PC of you. I like you better when you're half asleep you know, you're much less reserved. You said cock before, you hardly ever say cock. You're funnier too."

"Hmm. Well, I'm going to sleep and in the morning reserved, mildly amusing Moony shall make a welcomed return. Bear in mind, though he is less funny, that's the Moony who can be bothered to give, do or receive whatever you shall have in mind"

"Does that mean-?"

"Probably not"

"You're a right tease" Sirius sulked

"Mmm" Remus mumbled as his breathing slowed. Sirius felt his tensed muscles relax against him.

"But you're my tease" he added affectionately, running a hand through Remus's hair

"Mmm"

"You're not even listening to me are you?" Sirius frowned. A long smooth breath was his answer "Fine. If you're actually going to sleep, I'll just go and talk to Prongs" another long breath, followed by a snuffle and a whine and Remus's arms curling tightly round Sirius's torso. "But, clearly you have other plans for me. I'll lye here and sulk while you use me like a human teddy bear all night then, shall I?" Remus hugged him tighter. "That's what I thought."

*

"Sirius" Remus mumbled "Sirius wake up, I can't feel my left arm" he tried to jerk his arm out from under Sirius, but he was too heavy "Come on Sirius, it's gone blue" Sirius's eyes blinked open, he peered down sleepily at Remus's arm and replied

"Exaggerating... s'purple not blue" he sniggered and sat up. Remus hugged his numb arm to his chest and waited for the feeling to return to it.

"How did you sleep?" Remus asked, he was often surprised at how inane he could be sometimes

"Fine thank you very much" an evil grin split across Sirius's face "In spite of what _you _were doing in your sleep last night Moony"

"What?"  
"You kept moaning my name... you even started humping my leg at one point, not that I-"

"You liar!"

"How do you know? You were asleep" Sirius winked.

"I know because I remember the dream I had last night, Snape was there, therefore, there was no leg humping"

"You were dreaming about _Snivellu_s!?"

"More of a nightmare really... I dreamt he found out about me and told everyone... then I think I got lynched... that bit's gone a bit fuzzy"

"You have some lovely dreams don't you Moony. Snape's not going to find out, I'll lynch him before he lynches you"

"That's... sweet?"

"Ooo speaking of Snape, we have potions this morning don't we?" Sirius beamed. Remus groaned and pulled the duvet over his head. "It's not all bad Moony! I'm going to talk to Alice for Wormtail. I know, I'm a genius. No need to tell me"

"It is a good idea, I suppose. There's no harm in trying. Check with Peter first though"

"I was going to!"

"Sure you were" Remus said sceptically "And while you do that, I'll spend the lesson trying to make Snape not hate me"

"Why would you want to do a thing like that?"

"The less he hates me, the less likely he is to want to find out what happens to me once a month"

"Clever Moony"

"Pissed off Moony. He's awful. I hate him. And there are very few people I actually hate" he sighed and pulled back his hangings, stretching as he stood "But I suppose I'll have to endure it won't I... me and my bloody blackmail-ability"

"If he tries anything, I swear I'll... I'll beat him to death with his whore mother's best stilettos" Sirius giggled and Remus felt his face twist into a grimace.

"Thanks for that mental image Sirius, because now I'm imagining Snape in bright red heels, a leather mini skirt and fishnet stockings"

"Me too... in your mental image is he leaning into the window of some strange pervy man's car asking them if he's looking for a good time?" Sirius said playfully, Remus let out a snort of laughter

"He is now. And for some strange reason, the pervy stranger in the car is Lucius Malfoy" They both began laughing quite uncontrollably, adding more and more detail to the increasingly disgusting mental image till James woke up and quickly joined in. They eventually calmed down and threw a boot at the sound asleep Peter when it was time to go down to breakfast.

*

"We're definitely sticking with The Draught of The Living Death then?" asked Remus, knowing full well they were.

"You know full well we are _Loony_" Snape sneered. Remus took a deep breath and calmly replied.

"I was only trying to make conversation _Severus_" he said politely,

"You aren't allowed to use my first name, mud blood" he spat

"You dad's a muggle" Remus replied rolling his eyes

"No he isn't" Snape said confidently. Noticeably swallowing. Remus felt a surge of pity for the boy.

"Snape... there's no shame in having a muggle parent" Snape didn't reply, he simply turned to Remus and scowled, chopping his ingredients more furiously than before.

*

Sirius nudged Alice as she carefully chopped a salamander tail, while Sirius skinned it's body.

"So, Alice..." Sirius said, putting on his bestest most charmingest smile, he was sure he saw the corners of her mouth flicker upward before she flatly replied

"So, Sirius..." her eyebrows cocked suspiciously

"You got a boyfriend at the moment?" Sirius asked lightly. Alice's raised brows furrowed.

"That depends who's asking"

"Not me" he said quickly

"Good." She replied sternly. Sirius rolled his eyes, knowing that Alice's general mistrust and dislike of him was just her trying to keep up appearances for Evans.

"Peter Pettigrew" he said hopefully

"Oh" her stern air dropped

"What do you think?"

"Not my type" she said disappointedly

"What's wrong with him?" Sirius asked

"I don't know... he's a bit podgy and a bit... ratty looking"

"What's wrong with that... you know, he looks a lot better when he's not standing so close to me, James and Remus"

"He's thick"

"He's average. He comes across a lot smarter when he's not standing next to me, James and Remus" Sirius smiled the charmingest smile even more charmingly. She slammed her knife on the desk and asked despondently

"Do you honestly think I can't do better than _Peter Pettigrew_?" Sirius couldn't remember the last time he saw a girl look so miserable.

"Er..." The obvious answer was no. But Peter was still one of his best friends, and he felt an odd rush of loyalty for the largely annoying little tag-along.

"Because I know I'm not very pretty." Alice pursed her lips, sighing a little "One must come to this conclusion quite quickly when they stand next to Lily Evans all day. But I'm smart and nice and funny... and thin. Peter is... well I'm sure he's perfectly pleasant to you... but all I've ever seen is a... well... a tubby, spineless, ass"

"Fair enough" said Sirius with a shrug. He ran Alice's last sentence over in his head. "I um... I think you're pretty Alice. Just as pretty as Evans" Sirius cursed the fact he was blushing. Alice looked up at him for a moment and mumbled a disbelieving

"Thank you" Sirius smiled shyly at her and cleared his throat, having never been one for dealing with people's self loathing. He never usually offered comfort to people though... but Alice made it sound like she thought she was ugly... and she wasn't. As he trotted over to the ingredients cupboard he looked over his shoulder and saw Alice examining her reflection in the back of her knife. She smiled, sighed and put the knife down. Her smile turned to a grin.

*

"So... did you er... talk to Alice for me" asked Peter nervously after potions, his watery blue eyes sparkling with hope

"Erm... sorry Pete... it's a no go. The girl's head over heels with Frank"

"Oh bollocks. Ah well... maybe Valerie Taylor will want to"

"That's the spirit Wormtail"

_A/N: I am seriously considering re naming this fic "Attack of The Adverbs"  
Any ways ____  
We must remember to review this time children. 9 reviews for the last chapter , poor show. Seriously poor show! I feel well uncomfortable updating if I don't get something above 10 or 11 as well... oh well!  
Thanks for reading and favouriting and adding me and the story to your alerts.  
The review Button's right there by the way... _


	37. A Few Developments

Remus tailed off midsentence as he caught sight of his knuckles, cursing mother nature, the cruel and unusual bitch that she was.

"Moony?" Began Peter worriedly. James and Sirius had been put on detention for something to do with the Quidditch stands and Evan Rosier's dress robes that Remus really did not want to know about. Remus found it made his life far easier if he simply turned a blind eye to his friends more morally dubious activities. Though he did know that when McGonagall had caught them Peter had bottled it, transformed and scurried off back to the common room to find Remus, brows pre raised for his friends' return. He had told Peter he simply did not want to hear the story and they had, instead spent the last half an hour or so discussing wizard music vs. Muggle music.

"Moony?"

"Yes?"

"You stopped midsentence. You said "I don't know Wormtail I..." then you stopped and stared at your hand... what gives?"

"I... there are hairs on my knuckles" Said Remus, holding his hand out so Peter could see the mousy coloured hairs sprinkled across his knuckles.

"And..." Said Peter, his eyes squinted as he looked for some sort of reason to be concerned about the seemingly harmless hairs. Remus sighed, reminding himself not to use a condescending tone whilst explaining these things to Peter.  
"Well, in every single book about my _furry little problem,_ every crazed hate monger likes to include a chapter on how to spot a werewolf in human form. The first points being, look for the eye colour and the hair on the knuckles. Peter, there are hairs on my knuckles. And I'm sure they weren't there the last time I checked"

"Oh. Why now? Why are they growing now?"  
"The wolf... Sirius told me it's... _I've_ been getting bigger? Is that right?"

"Yeah..."

"Uh oh"

"Uh oh? What does uh oh mean? What's wrong Moony?"

"I think the wolf is reaching maturity"

"But you've already..."  
"Yes I know, I'm pretty much done with puberty. But with your wolf side... well, you can never know exactly when it's going to mature. Hair on your knuckles and rapid growth in the size of the Wolf is a sign of reaching maturity"

"It is?"

"Yep"

"Then what? What happens when you- the wolf, sorry – reaches maturity? Apart from the knuckles and the wolf getting bigger"

"Well... the wolf gets...erm... even bigger. And stronger too... Jesus, James and Sirius are going to have their work cut out for them... and, you know how sleepy I get before full moons"

"Yeah"

"And you know how aggressive I can get... if I perceive my "mate" is being threatened"  
"Like the time you beat the shit out of Malfoy"

"Yes, exactly like that. Good. So, the good news about this is that I won't be as sleepy anymore"

"Great!"

"But, I might become a bit more... _a lot _more aggressive and possessive, of Sirius in particular. At least until I can handle the heightened level of testosterone the wolf reaching maturity will bring. I mean, it should settle a bit after a while and I'll learn to control myself but... just be on your guard round the next few full moons." Remus sighed and checked his watch "I've got to go for patrols now. So can you explain that to Prongs and Padfoot once they're back from their detention?"

"Alright... See you later Moony"

"Thanks, bye Pete"

"Before you go, who you patrolling with?"

"Delphini Stonewall"

"Ooh, harsh. See you later mate"

"Bye" Remus half smiled and left the room.

Every time he was supposed to have been patrolling with Delphini, to Remus's relief, something had gotten in the way. The first time she was ill, the second time it was just after the full moon, the third time she had been busy with homework and the fourth time so had Remus.  
He had been dreading it. After Narcissa Black left, rumour had it she took over as the Queen Bee of Slytherin, through cruel methods of hexing and bullying and boy friend stealing and the general bitchery her name was now synonymous with.

He just thanked various deities that they were patrolling the fifth floor corridor, Gryffindor territory.  
He made a short walk down the corridor from the portrait hole and met her just at the bottom of the corridor.  
She was a girl slightly taller than average with a slim build and broad shoulders. Her skin was pallid and near flawless and seemed even paler against her dark brown hair, which fell in waves just past her shoulders. Her harsh severe face was all sharp points and angles. Even the cupid's bow on her slight lips tipped to the sharp snub of her upturned nose in two perfect points. Her eyes were a ruthless and intense shade of turquoise. To Remus's surprise, a smile spread across her previously stern looking face, she stuck out a long elegant hand.

"Delphini Stonewall" she said in a clipped proper voice that screamed the blue blood that the Stonewall name was synonymous with. They were a family not as pure blood crazed or as well known or as old as the Blacks, the Potters or the Malfoys, but they were certainly far richer and just as well bred. His mother's maiden name was Stonewall, but he hadn't met much by way of his mother's side of the family, only his Grandparents and his aunt Sylvia , and his mother had never fully explained why they didn't see them much. He assumed that they were simply ignoring them because his mother had married his father, a muggle born.

"Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you"

"The pleasure's all mine" her smile widened. "How are you?"

"I'm... I'm good thanks"

"Really? You're looking a little uh... I would say like you've just seen a ghost but being that that's such a regular occurrence round here" she gave a soft laugh

"I'm fine honestly" _I'm just surprised you aren't an evil Narcissa Malfoy-esc bitch_ "How are you?"

"I'm quite wonderful thank you"

"That's nice to know"

"You really do look ill you know. Would you like me to take you to the hospital wing?"  
"No, honestly uh... Delphini, I'm okay"  
"Oh alright. But you really must let me do something, I fear you might have, perhaps something coming on, by the look of you. You are terribly pale as well" she reached to his forehead and placed a hand upon it "You don't feel hot I suppose... perhaps you're just like me, and you're always such a delightful shade of white" Remus grinned at her, and she grinned back, revealing white, straight, if slightly bucked

"Maybe"

"People are always asking me if I'm ill and telling me I look peaky. It is dreadfully annoying. But I do enjoy the look on people's faces when I explain that, that's just my face really... I'm talking far too much... I'm irritating you, aren't I? I'll stop talking now, sorry, dreadfully sorry. First I tell you you look ill, insult you really, now I'm going on and on"

"It's fine I don't think you're going on"

"No, no I am. My mother always tells me I come on too strong. It's one of my worst qualities. Coming on to strong, always got my feet in my bloody mouth- that's what"

"You're fine honestly"

"I am?"

"Yeah... you're only trying to be friendly"

"I am! I am! Most people just think I'm a tad off my trolley"

"I never said I didn't think you were" he smiled tentatively hoping the joked would go down well. She let out a surprisingly guttural laugh.

"You're quite funny aren't you?" She grinned, Remus shrugged "I suppose we should move, actually" she made air quotes "_patrol, _that sounds silly really, makes me feel like I'm a bloody prison guard"

"I'd never thought of it like that before"  
"Few have minds that work like mine... strangely, I mean. But normal is _frightfully _boring, isn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah it is" He smiled, not quite believing that what he was hearing was coming from the mouth of a _Slytherin_.

"Do forgive me for prying, but, and this is a sign of my pure-as-all-blood back ground, but, you look so dreadfully familiar to me and I don't recognise your last name. Lupin. Should I know it?"

"No, not really. My dad was a muggle born"

"Was?"  
"He was erm... killed... in May. Death Eaters."

"oh... How awful. The post office attack, I'm assuming" Remus nodded slowly. She cleared her throat and changed the subject "So er... your mother is she a muggle born as well then?"

"No, she's a pure blood. He maiden name's Stonewall actually"

"Really? I suspect we might be related then"

"Yeah, probably"

"What's her name, her first name?"

"Rhea" he said hesitantly. Though he wasn't entirely sure why.

"Your Grandparents wouldn't happen to be called Vesta and Virgil, would they?"

"Erm... yeah, yeah they are... how do you know that?"

"My Grandfather and your Grandfather, I think, were brothers... twins, in fact."

"Are... are you sure?"

"Quite sure. Spent the better part of my childhood being forced to memorise my family history" She smiled "our family history, I suppose. Though, I never read your name on the family tree."

"Probably because my mum married my dad... I always assumed that was why we never spoke to anyone else in the family"  
"Oh no, that wasn't it. None of us ever knew much about your mum or her aunt, we only knew their names and their dates of birth. It was over all that business with your Grandfather"

"What business?"

"Haven't you ever heard?"

"What? No? Could you explain please?"

"Oh erm, I suppose. Surprised you hadn't. Your Grandmother, I believe, is from a" she made air quotes again "_blood traitor_ family we didn't get on terribly well with. But for the life of me I can't remember which. Anyway, um, when your Grandfather and your Grandmother met, I believe she was pregnant with another man's child. Your aunt, I think."

"Sylvia. That's funny... she looks so different to my mum... I always thought that my grandma must have had an affair or something"

"No no." She said shaking her head "Anyway, Your grandparents, obviously, fell head over heels in love with one another, and he proposed. Obviously it caused quite a scandal at the time, the pregnant unwed girl from a blood traitor family and the" she snorted "perfect pure blood boy. I think he may have been betrothed to some member of the Malfoy family at the time. His parents forbade him, so they eloped. Ran off to Yorkshire, got married, had your Aunt, then your mum and... well I suppose you know the rest" she smiled "My grandfather was quite distraught about the whole affair and refused to ever go and meet them but rumour has it... and this is nothing but a rumour mind you, that _he_ was in love with your grandmother as well. But didn't have the back bone to pursue her... suppose it all worked out for the best in the end, didn't it?"

"I suppose"

"It's a small world, isn't it?" she smiled and laughed "I'll have to see if can get you and your mother round at Christmas. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Nope. Just me and Mum"

"Lucky you. I have an older sister and a little brother. Both of them are just awful. Though, I suppose to be fair, Paris is only five. But Eris has no excuse, she _is_ just awful. How she ended up in Ravenclaw and not in Slytherin I'll never know. She's sneakier than she is smart, all of her friends were Slytherins. I swear it was her and her little gang that started half of these rumours about me. And I assure you Remus, they are just rumours."

"I thought they might have been, I mean... it's quite evident you aren't well... pure evil"

"Oh good." she smiled "Hopefully it's evident that I'm not a massive boyfriends stealing slut?"  
"I don't know about that" he smirked, she smiled back and laughed.

"Those are the oddest rumours I find. I've never even had a boyfriend you know"

"Really?"  
"Nope. I do believe most boys are terrified of me now. It's fair enough though, with the rumours" she sighed "Oh well, that's just life I suppose. Anyone who knows me knows that that's rubbish. But I don't really have any proper friends. Friends get in the way sometimes though, I find."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's certainly nice to have them but, well, I want to be an auror of all things and it requires a lot, and I mean _a lot_ of hard work and, alas, I am not gifted with the talent that some are so that's even more hard work, isn't it?"

"It is."

*

_Prongs =)_

_**Padfoot? What do you want?**_

_Cheeky Bugger. Is the prefect even awake?_

_**Doesn't look like it**_

_Do you want to leave?_

_**But I'm almost finished my Transfiguration homework**_

_Can I leave then?_

_**No, I'm not sitting here doing homework by myself. Do I look like Remus?**_

_Nope. It would be quite fun if you did though_

_**You wipe that filthy smirk off your face NOW Black**_

_My face and my filthy smirk are my own, and I shall do as I wish with them._

_**As soon as we're out of detention I'll kick your arse**_

_No you won't. I'm twice your height you stupid twat_

_**Half a head taller than me is not twice my height**_

_It is when you've got a head as big as yours_

_**Pot. Kettle. Black**_

_Spoon. Spatula. Green. Your turn._

_**Oh haha, very funny**_

_That's me. So this Christmas ball thingy, who are you going with?_

_**Evans**_

_And when Evans rejects you, who will you go with_

_**Dunno. Probably ask Cheng**_

_Toby or Yumiko_

_**Again, away with the filthy smirk. Yumiko.**_

_She'll probably accept. She fancies you, you know._

_**She does not, it's a perfectly plutonic relationship and her brother is big and might hurt me so shhh**_

_You are such a pussy James._

_**Who are you asking then?**_

_Well I want to go with Remus. But we'll just be asking for some variety of arse kicking if we do. We will won't we?_

_**Very true. You will.**_

_So what am I going to do?_

_**Just take a girl**_

_Remus will be pissed_

_**Not if you take a friend. I thought it was the fan girls that got to him**_

_True. I'll take a friend. Do you think Peter would be upset if I took Alice?_

_**Yes, you complete bastard for even thinking about it.**_

_What? She's my only friend who's a girl who doesn't seem to obviously want my sex_

_**You're an arrogant twat. And Lily doesn't want your sex.**_

_Sorry mate, but she does. They all do. Even you do._

_**Sirius. Look at my frown. Are you seeing my frown? **_

_Alright. Maybe you don't. But most of them do, you've got to admit._

_**I refuse to feed your ego. Since when are you and Alice friends anyway?**_

_We've just been getting on well in potions lately. _

_**I wish I could say the same for me and Evans**_

_Poor Prongs. You done with the transfiguration yet?_

_**No. I've been passing notes to you stupid**_

_You have five minutes. Then I'm going._

_**Bollocks. You're just going to sit there and pout till I'm done.**_

_True. I'm not walking back by myself._

_**Exactly.**_

*

"So Moony, how was the evening with the Uber Bitch?" Asked Sirius, lounging on one of the common room's sofas. He lifted his legs to make room for Remus, who had that funny crooked smile on his face that Sirius loved so much.

"Actually, it was surprisingly pleasant" he said as he stretched on to the sofa

"You're kidding" laughed James. Remus shrugged.

"Most of the stuff people say about her is complete crap"

"no way" snorted Peter

"yes way"

"No!"

"Yes. She's lovely"

"really?"

"Yes!"

"Wow... that's... wow" James shook his head to himself and went back to scribbling at his transfiguration homework

"I know" Remus said. He leaned back on Sirius and quietly asked "Did Wormtail explain to you and Prongs..."

"Explain what? About the new developments with your furry little problem?"

"Yes. Those." Remus said quietly. Sirius Picked up his hand and analysed the dusting of light brown hair on Remus's knuckles.

"It'll be alright Moony." Sirius set Remus's hand back down on his own knee smiling "We've the Christmas ball to worry about before the next full moon" Remus dropped his gaze and sat up.

"About that... I can't go. It's our first Christmas without Dad... erm... and I'm not leaving my Mum by herself"

"You wouldn't have to. The ball's on the last day of term, people don't leave till the day after. I think all of us are going home again this year anyway"

"Oh... well I don't have any decent dress robes any way" Remus shrugged again. Standing this time

"We'll see about that" Sirius smirked

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing Moony. Absolutely nothing"

"The evil glint in your eye begs to differ... I don't have a date any way. Because I can hardly take you can I?"  
"Nope. Me and James discussed this before, we'd just be begging for trouble"

"James... the likelihood of Lily accepting your certain and imminent invitation isn't very high, is it?"

"A bloke can dream" James sighed

"Would you mind if I took her instead?" And as Remus asked, the pitch of his voice got as high as James's face got red

"That would depend if you'd mind being hexed back to the Goblin revolution"

"James, my intentions are pure! It's better your gay friend takes her than say... I don't know someone who might want to sleep with her"

"Excellent point Moony, ask away"

"Well that's that sorted" Remus smiled "Who are you going to ask Sirius?"

"No idea... I was thinking... Alice? If that's alright with you Pete?"

"Fine. Do you all know Kate Finch in Hufflepuff?" Peter grinned. Sirius had absolutely no idea who the girl was. He looked over to James who was equally confused looking. They both glanced pleadingly at Remus who replied hesitantly.

"Yeah, we know her" Remus said "She's very... er... quiet, isn't she?" Peter nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm taking her"

"Great!" Grinned Sirius

"Yeah, good for you Pete, she's fit... probably"

*

Remus awoke with a start as James jabbed him in the chest. He snorted as he woke

"Wha?!"

"Who the _hell_ is Kate Finch?" asked Sirius  
"You woke me up for that?" sighed Remus, pulling his pillow over his ear. James yanked it away.

"Yep! Who is she? Me and Padfoot have been trying to work it out for hours... since Pete fell asleep!"

"And we talked about it for like... half an hour"  
"We couldn't work it out"

"And by the time we realised we could just ask you"

"You were asleep!"

"And it's just been driving us mental"  
"So if you could tell us"

"We'd deeply appreciate it"

"Alright!" Remus sat up and rubbed his eyes "doing... that bloody... creepy sentence finishing... erm... you know Herbology class"

"Yeah?" said James hopefully

"She stands five people down from Sirius" James and Sirius exchanged a quick glance.  
"We still don't know who she is" said Sirius  
"Erm... muggleborn, small, mousey er... braces... always has her hair pulled back"

"Nope, no idea" James shook his head

"I'll point her out the next time we have a lesson with the Hufflepuffs" Sighed Remus

"Which is..."  
"Charms tomorrow" he huffed, and lay back down in his bed

"Right"

"Can I sleep now?"

"How about Prongs leaves and I hang round for little while"

"But I want to sleep..."

"But Moony..." whined Sirius

"But Padfoot..." Remus whined back

"But Moony..."

"But Padfoot..."

"But Prongs!" James said brightly "I felt left out."

"You can sleep here, but I'm not doing anything" Snapped Remus, he snatched his pillow back from James and lay it back over his head

"That'll do. Sod off Prongs!" Sirius hopped into bed and pulled the hangings around them

"Well... that was rude"

_A/N: Yay yay! Thank you so much for all the reviews I got in the last chapter :D Much love for all!!!_

_Keep reading, update in the none too distant future!_

_  
And remember this bit in the last chapter?_

"Thanks for that mental image Sirius, because now I'm imagining Snape in bright red heels, a leather mini skirt and fishnet stockings"

"Me too... in your mental image is he leaning into the window of some strange pervy man's car asking them if he's looking for a good time?" Sirius said playfully, Remus let out a snort of laughter

"He is now. And for some strange reason, the pervy stranger in the car is Lucius Malfoy"

_Well Alexandros Black wrote a fic based on it! Read it! Tis funny :D_

_.net/s/5127431/1/Pretty_Snivelus_

_And remember to read my other fic The Simplest Things, which also has an update long over due _


	38. Dates With Girls

"EVANS!"

She could hear a rapid thudding of feet behind her. Lily rolled her eyes, continuing to walk.

"OI! EVANS!"

Lily chose to ignore this second attempt at attracting her attention and was determined to get down to the Great Hall early for breakfast. She had been sure that James Potter had no awareness of a time before 8:45 (15 minutes before class. Bloody idiot... always late and one bloody stupid goofy grin and the teachers just told him to sit down and be quiet.) but she had, on this occasion, been sorely mistaken. She heard the thud of footsteps behind her steadily get louder and closer.

"Evans... finally caught up with you" He smirked and ruffled his hair

"What do you want Potter?"

"Fast walker you are"  
"What do you want?"

"I was wondering if you'd found yourself a date for the Christmas ball yet" Lily sighed, the inimitable sensation embodied by the phrase "_oh bollocks"_ washing over her.  
"Well Evans?"

"No, I haven't"

"You wanna go with me?" he asked, bloody stupid goofy grin on his face, the lightest flush of red, Lily had never seen on him before, lingering upon his cheeks. And to Lily's disgust, her first instinct, her kneejerk reaction, her spontaneous, unconsidered almost reflexive thought was to say _yes. _She opened her mouth without thinking and blurted out

"Y... No!"

"That was almost a yes wasn't it?"

"No"

"It was! You went, "Y..." "

"Did not"

"Did so"

"Did not"

"Did so! Evans you big, fat James-Potter-luvin, liar!"

"You're delusional Potter, you really are"

"Am not"

"Are too"

"Am not"

"Are... I'm not doing this Potter, sod off so I can go down for my breakfast in peace"  
"Don't be like that Evans... come on... go with me"

"... no"

"You didn't sound so sure that time!" He fluffed his hair again and Lily curled her lip "Come on, I know a lot of boys will be asking you to this" she _was NOT _going to blush. "but I got here first. Give me a chance Evans please?"

"Well-" she began "- I don't know"

"Oh come on! Who else are you going to go with!?"

"I don't know... I thought-" she decided against finishing her sentence. Knowing it would only cause trouble.

"What? who?"

"No one. Leave me alone please"

"Must've been someone embarrassing"

"Potter, go away please"

"Was it Peter?"

"Pettigrew... no!" Lily shuddered at the thought, then reminded herself she didn't judge on appearance alone and she was merely shuddering because Peter was a spineless prat.

"Ugh it's not someone disgusting like that greasy git Snivellus is it?"

"So what if it is?"

"You're kidding"

"I would _certainly_ rather go with him than you"

"You would?... wow... you must really hate me" James said casually, his disappointment expertly masked by everything accept the fact his eyes were no longer on Lily, but fixed to the ground. Lily merely shrugged and carried on walking to breakfast, leaving Potter standing alone in the middle of the corridor.

*

"CHENG!"

She stopped and smiled to herself. Chloe, Mel and Lauren giggled

"OI! CHENG!"

"Hi James... what's up? Practice time changed?"

"No, it's still Tuesday"

"Right, what did want then?" She said, rather too expectantly

"I was... erm... you got a date for the Christmas ball yet?"

"No, not yet"

"You wanna go with me?" he gave his sweet wide grin and Yumiko's insides flipped. She cleared her throat and raised her brow.  
"Lily Evans turned you down then?" His grin dropped and the lightest flush spread across his cheeks

"She might have done" Yumiko rolled her eyes at him. She wanted to go with James because he wanted to with her. Not just because the girl he really liked turned him down.

"So... you want to go with me or what?"

"I suppose... On the condition you don't spend the whole night gawking at Lily"

"Fine"

"And you have to dance with me"

"Cool"

"And no moping over Lily either. I won't tolerate gawking _or_ moping"

"Cheng, I will try my best not to do anything that will spoil your evening"

"Great" Yumiko smiled "Okay. I'll go"

"Brilliant" James grinned and she grinned back. "See you Tuesday then for practice and on Friday... I'll meet you in the common room at Seven"

"Okay. See you then"

"See you" James turned on his heel and went to leave

"James?" asked Chloe, smirking behind her hair

"Wha?"

"Before you go... Has Sirius found a date yet?"

"No... he's been fighting them off but he hasn't picked one yet... he wants to ask someone, he just hasn't gotten to her yet" James gave her a look that Yumiko knew meant _that's not you, by the way_. But the look on Chloe's face screamed, _it's me! It's me! It must be me!_

"Alright then" she smirked and glanced at Lauren, they both giggled

"Right well, I'm off. See you Cheng"

"Later James" she waved as he trotted down the corridor. Chloe turned to Yumiko and grabbed her arm, her bright pink nails digging in to Yumiko's arm.

"I cannot believe James Potter just asked you out! How can you be so cool about this!"

"He's a mate... He's only asking me out because Evans shot him down."

"I know! But you like him! The ball is like your opportunity to pounce!"

"I don't want to be his girl friend if he fancies someone else"

"Come on! You so should! Then when I go out with Sirius-"

"- which you won't" cut in Mel. She had become increasingly confident since she started losing weight. She wore her hair down now and refused to wear her glasses. Some boy in fifth year had already asked her to the ball.

"Shut up Mel! God, it's like now you're not fat you think it gives you some kind of right to act like a bitch or some thing... Anyway, when I go out with Sirius, it'll be like, perfect!"

"Yeah... right" Yumiko rolled her eyes again when she caught Mel's eye.

"Ugh, fuck both of you. Come on Lauren" Chloe stormed off and Lauren shot them both a dirty look as she dutifully followed Chloe.

*

Alice dipped her quill into Sirius's inkwell and began to write up the results of their potions work, which was completely and utterly dull. At least she had DADA next lesson. She was beginning to count the minutes till she had her lessons with Frank.

"I'm not doing this all by myself Black" she warned as Sirius stretched and pushed his hair out of his eyes. He frowned.  
"I know! You do half, I do half!" he pouted "And call me Sirius. I know you have to pretend you don't like me when Lily's around, but she's all the way across the class room"

"True..." they smiled at each other "Sirius... is she still scowling at James?" she scribbled at the parchment, Sirius craned his neck

"Actually, it seems to be mutual scowling today"

"Really? That's unusual"

"That it is... uh..." Sirius shuffled on his stool "Alice?"

"Mmhmm" she mumbled, still scribbling at the parchment

"Have you... erm... erm..." he was muttering and stammering

"Out with it Sirius, I haven't got all day" she smirked.

"Have you got a... erm a date. A date, have you got a date yet" Sirius's eyes were on the table in front of him. Alice dropped her quill.

"What? You're asking me out? Sirius... I'm flattered but I really don't like you like that... I-" She stuttered

"Oh no!" he interrupted "Just as friends! I don't fancy you or anything... I mean not that you're not fanciable... I just... oh Merlin"

"No that's fine! I don't fancy you either"

"Oh good" Sirius smiled and relaxed, Alice laughed

"I've never seen you nervous before"

"Sorry... I'm not used to being the one that does the asking out"

"I suppose you wouldn't be... I've been watching the girls in the common room... in classes... in the corridors. And you've turned them all down?"

"Yep"

"But... Why? And why turn all of them down... pretty pretty girls. And ask me out?"

"They would've expected me to do stuff with them... And I didn't like any of them... I wanted to go and I thought... well... why not ask a friend? Assuming that we are... friends"

"We are! We are!" She smiled, and went to write a little more on the parchment "Thank you for asking me Sirius"

"I was surprised you didn't have a date already to be honest"  
"While we're being honest I have turned the boys who asked me away"

"Why?"  
"Same reason as you really. Didn't fancy any of them. And I'm sure half of them... half being two... I'm sure they were nursing pathetic crushes on Lily"

"And the other two?"

"They weren't what I was looking for"

"And what are you looking for?"

"The unattainable I suppose" She sighed and wrinkled her nose. Because she probably could never have what she really wanted. Not without someone getting into trouble anyway.

"Ah... so you do fancy Frank then"

"What? No! No..." she snapped. But then thought, _if he's guessed I might as well tell him. Wanted to talk to someone about it anyway_. "how did you know?"

"Remus had an inkling"

"Oh"

"So did James"

"Am I really that obvious"

"No. I haven't heard it from anyone else. Remus is very observant. So is James when he wants to be"

"What am I going to do Sirius?"  
"I don't know... wait a few years"

"A few years... a few years of torture... fucking hell... you know, I haven't even told Lily about this"

"Really? I feel honoured"

"So you should"

*

"Oi, Frank!"

"Professor Longbottom, Black! I've told you a thousand times you must call me _Professor Longbotto_m!"

"And it'll be a thousand times more before it sinks in"

"What did you want Black?"

"Do teachers have to get a date to the ball or can they just go."

"We're allowed to go alone. Lots of Professors invite their spouses or partners or whatever"

"Will you be brining you girlfriend Frank?"

"No, I don't have a girlfriend at the moment"

"Would you like one?"

"Are you coming on to me?"

"No! I was just curious"

"Could you be curious about duelling protocol rather than my sex life?"

"I wasn't talking about your sex life, I was only asking if you had a girlfriend. Would you like to talk about your sex life?"

"No Black, no I would not. Please get back to work and stop harassing me"

"Oh that means you haven't got any in a while"

"No... I- I... GET BACK TO WORK NOW!"

"And If that wasn't the cry of a sexually frustrated twenty something I don't know what is"

*

Lily sat drumming her fingers on the desk through most of the first half an hour of Arithmancy. Remus seemed to be taking his time on asking her to the ball, which he'd have to do eventually because he didn't really know any other girls and he could hardly take Sirius, could he.

"So Remus" she prompted "Got a date yet?"

"Ah, no. Have you?"

"Nope. It would be nice to get one soon though. Quite soon"

"Oh good. I was wondering if you'd like to go with me? Because well... I don't really know any other girls and I can hardly take Sirius can I?"

"Oh Remus I'd love to go with you!"

"You would? Brilliant. I am happy for you to dump me if someone better comes along"

"Meh" she shrugged "There isn't anyone I'd rather go with to be perfectly honest"

"Oh" Remus eyed her rather too warily "Okay then." He frowned and picked up his quill, before quite quickly setting it down again "Look, you know, you should just give James a chance"

"I don't want to give him a chance"

"He really likes you"

"He only wants me because he can't have me"

"You should hear the way he talks about you sometimes Lily. He thinks you're the most incredible thing to ever walk the Earth"

"He doesn't. There'll be other girls"

"But in his eyes none of them will ever come so much as close to you"

"Well... he's just bloody stupid then isn't he? Nursing some... some bloody... childish fruitless crush. I'm never going to go out with him, I never can go out with him. I am not physically capable of going out with him or... or loving him or anything and I never will be!"

"Hmm..." Remus frowned at her. Before muttering so softly she wasn't sure she'd heard it "_hypocrite_"

*

"Moony Moony Moony Moony" said Sirius excitedly, James grinning with his chin rested on Sirius's shoulder. Remus brushed some of the dragon dung off his Herbology gloves and set the small evil looking plant he was re-potting down on the work bench in front of him.

"What what what what?"

"Tell us who Peter's date is then!"

"Oh..." Remus ran his eyes down the short line of Hufflepuff girls opposite him. He stopped on a small mousey girl with her hair in pigtails. "That's her. That's Kate Finch" James and Sirius both lurched forward to see her. She noticed, turned pink and hid behind her plant.

"Oh... she's... erm-" began James

"Plain" finished Sirius

"Yeah, I was looking for a nicer word, but yeah."

"She's a perfectly nice girl." Said Remus, pruning his ugly plants leaves. James continued scrutinising the poor girl, who looked like she was shaking.

"Yeah, she's pretty much perfect for Peter isn't she" nodded Sirius. James smirked

"I can tell just by looking at her"

"Peter can finally be the one who wears the trousers in a relationship"

"That'll be nice for him" agreed James. "Did you ask Evans out then?" he asked begrudgingly

"Yep"

"Did she say yes?"

"Yep"  
"I hate my life" mumbled James

"No you don't, come on Prongs, let's go mock Peter" said Sirius tugging James's sleeve, giving Remus's arse a quick nip before they trotted over the green house to Peter. Remus jumped and resisted the urge to soothe his bum. Because it really was rather a hard nip.

*

Chloe stomped up to Sirius with a determined look etched across her face. Sirius was sitting with his friends, looking gorgeous by the way, and had his arm around the boy with light brown hair. Lauren thought he was hot, Chloe disagreed, but he might have been alright if he didn't look so ill. The brown haired by glares at her and she glared back.

"Hey Sirius"

"Hi... I want to say... Sheila?"

"Chloe"

"Oops."

"Doesn't matter. I was wondering, if you had a date for the Ball yet?"

"I do. Sorry"

"What?! With who?"

"Alice Prewett"

"You and her?"

"Yeah"

"But... but... you could do so much better!"

"Alice is wonderful"

"I'm wonderful"

"Good for you... erm well... what were you saying Moony" Chloe stomped at the blatant brush off, flipped her hair and stormed off. She didn't want to go out with Sirius Black anyway... he was probably gay or secretly fat or something.

*

"I was just talking about..." Remus wrinkled his nose "I can't remember"

"Silly Moony. Oh well. So Peter, how's the girlfriend? Are you ever going to formally introduce us" Sirius smirked

"I... Well I don't know. You have to promise not to be noisy or anything. She's very delicate, a small lovely quiet little thing, that none of you will know how to deal with"

"You've never met my mum have you Pete"

"No"

"Well, I assure you I can deal with small quiet people just fine" mumbled Remus.

"Katie's the most amazing girl I've ever met" Sighed Peter "She told me to call her Katie instead of Kate... she said her friends call her Katie"

"Yeah she sounds... amazing" said James shooting a sardonic look at Sirius, who caught it and reciprocated.

"I never thought I'd be looking forward to something like this, but I am. I can't wait" said Peter excitedly, grinning and bouncing on his chair

"I must say I'm dreading it" mumbled Remus.

"Why? Are you saying there's something wrong with Lily?" Said James dangerously.

"No, not at all... I'm just not looking forward to it that's all. Christ"

"I think it'll be fun." Said Sirius, flicking his hair out of his eyes "It'll take me back to the days I used to spend sleeping with the lady folk"

"What _were_ you thinking" laughed Remus

"I believe I was thinking. I fancy my friend, oh no, what to do, I'd better smash these thoughts and find some girl to sleep with because I'm going completely insane for every minute I'm not interfering with one of my best male friends"

"Aww, that's sweet" smiled Remus "James, are your parents having their New Year's Party again this year?"  
"We are indeed Mr. Moony. Invitations are going out in two days, you're all invited."

"Nice. My parents are making me come home again... fuckers" Sirius scowled.

"Come and stay at mine for the holidays. You can come the minute your parents give your permission and if they don't... well come any way. We'll keep you safe." James grinned "You can all come over"

"I'm not leaving my mum if I don't have to. I shouldn't have left her this summer... tell you what though, I'll ask my mum if you can all stay at mine for a few nights." Remus suggested. "She might be glad of the company."

"Sounds alright with me. Then we can come back to mine for New year and Remus can go home I suppose"

"Sounds good. All we have to do is get this bloody ball out the way" Remus sighed

"Cheer up Moony." Said Sirius "It won't be too bad. It's only Evans, she's hardly going to try and molest you, is she?"

"... no... I don't suppose she will"

"And you're not going to try and molest her _are you?_" growled James

"James! For goodness sake no!"

"Do you think Cheng'll be expecting me to molest her?" asked James "I mean, she knows I like Evans, but I haven't had a girlfriend in ages"

"Don't go out with her just for the sake of it if you don't like her"

"I do like her. Just not as much as I like Evans"

Remus frowned and slapped his hands down on his thighs.

"I'm going to go write to my mum and ask her if you three can stay for a little bit"

*

_Dear Mum,  
Would it be okay if James, Peter and Sirius came to stay for a few days between Christmas and New Year? I think it would be good for you to have a bit more company than just me.  
Love Remus.  
PS. If I find one drop of alcohol, magic, muggle or otherwise, I'll. Well I'm not sure what I'll do, but I won't be happy. I'll use the puppy dog eyes._

_Dear Remus,  
Calm sweet heart, there isn't any drink in the house. Any way, you can't use the puppy dog eyes against me, I invented the puppy dog eyes. Who did you think you got them from?  
I'm perfectly happy to have your friends stay. As long as they don't make too much noise. Or mess. Especially mess.  
Love Mum x_

_A/N: Hey my fanficking puppy shipping brothers and sisters (Why are my Author's notes always so retarded?) Okay, so I had like 20 reviews on the chapter before last then it dropped back down to like 10 on the last one. WHAT IS GOING ON PEOPLE!!!  
I hate to be a review whore, but come on! I'm on my cyber knee's here! Pwease pwease pwease weview! _

_Thanks for reading and reviewing and favouriting and blah blah blah._

_On the bright side, something that's actually interesting will happen in the next chapter! Yay Christmas Ball Plot device! (Plot... pa-ha. Who needs a plot)  
any way, I'll stop rambling. Just remember to review..._


	39. The Christmas Ball

_**Warning:**__ well... I hardly want to spoil it, it's not too graphic but I'd like to think I've earned my M rating thank you very much._

One of Lily's favourite nights were the nights she had patrols with Severus. With his new "friends" and everything, they hardly got to speak these days. Sometime he made her blush, sometimes he made her smile, sometimes he made her laugh and once or twice he made her cry. Not that she ever did this in front of him.  
"Lily..." he began, raising his hand to his hair, but quickly lowering it again. Lily turned and perked her eyebrows.

"Were you going to say something?" she asked. He shrugged.  
"The Ball. Are you going?" he asked quietly. She nodded. "With Lupin?"

"Yes." She frowned slightly, knowing Severus had been messing around with Legilimency lately. "How did you know?" She asked. His dark eyes rolled, he sneered.

"He's your friend. You _used_ to fancy him." He shrugged "It makes sense"

"I did not fancy him!" she laughed, only lying a little bit.

"Whatever." He sighed very heavily. And continued his voice cracking mid sentence "Why didn't you ask me first?"

"Well." His cold gaze caught hers. She narrowed her eyes dangerously "I assumed, with your new _friends_, you wouldn't want to be seen with me" Severus's face relaxed and he almost looked sad. Almost.

"I would never _not _want to be seen with you"

"Why didn't you ask me then?" she tutted.

"I don't know." He was sneering again "Thought you'd want to go with Loony Loopy Lover boy Lupin"

"Leave him alone Sev. I know you hate James and Sirius even more than I do but Remus isn't that that bad"

"He is! He is!" he spluttered Lily raised her eyebrows sceptically "There's something funny about him! He disappears all the time. Every month! Every _full moon!_ And I've seen them skulking around"

"You're obsessed"

"_You're_ either blind or stupid"

"Puh-lease! You're the blind or – or – or the stupid one Sev! I'd rather have gone with you. Any day I'd rather have gone with you"

*

"Sirius I don't know what to say" Mumbled Remus, plucking at the brand new robes he was wearing. They were gold and a bit loose in some places, but otherwise fit excellently. He smiled at himself in the mirror and couldn't help but feel just a little guilty. They must have been expensive. _Very _expensive. Sirius grinned and got up off his bed, he rested his chin on Remus's shoulder while he looked at the new robes in the mirror.

"What about thank you?" he suggested "Sirius you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me? Sirius you have impeccable taste? Erm... Sirius I'll do filthy filthy things as a reward?"

"All of the above... I can't believe this... they must have cost a bomb" he ran his fingers over the soft, impeccably stitched fabric.

"I'm a Black dear Moony, money is no object" Sirius tutted at him.

"Very true... Jesus..." Remus massaged his forehead, as if trying to rid himself of the small frown forming there "I did tell you not to give me your charity"

"If you're that bothered we won't call it charity" said Sirius with a roll of his eyes "we'll call it an early Christmas present"

"How about we call it an early Christmas present and you don't get me anything for the next ten years"

"Sounds fair." He grinned and snaked his arms around Remus's chest "I'll still buy you stuff anyway, but it sounds fair. So you like them then?"

"Yeah! I mean... I don't really wear gold but-"

"They'll bring out your eyes!" piped a half naked James (trousers and shoes, no shirt, jacket or waist coat or robes or whatever James had decided to wear) in a horrible girly squeak. Sirius scowled, let go of Remus and threw a nearby balled up pair of socks at him.

"Shut it you! We _were_ having a nice moment there!"

"Yeah and your nice moment is in our shared room, so I'll say what I like." James mussed his hair as he knocked Sirius and Remus out of the way of the mirror. He twisted at a strange angle and examined himself  
"Remus, you should know these things, how does my arse look in these trousers?"

"So much tact and subtlety" Remus rolled his eyes and sighed "It looks fine"

"Just fine?"

"It looks lovely"

"Excellent. I want Evans to know what she's missing" James mussed his hair again and went to put his shirt and robes on

"I don't think Evans will care mate, but please yourself." Sirius laughed. He then scowled at the bathroom door "How fucking long does Wormtail want to spend in there?"

"All night apparently" muttered James as he tugged on his shirt "But it's only you who hasn't showered yet so" James shrugged "Who cares?"

"I do!" snapped Sirius

"You'll get over it" James rolled his eyes and pulled on a jacket. Beginning to fasten an unnecessarily complex knot in his navy blue tie, which matched the rest of his outfit. Peter emerged from the bathroom fully dressed, his hair arranged into an awkward, ridiculous looking quiff.

"About bloody time" moaned Sirius, scooping up his robes and banging into the bathroom.

"Well?" said Peter expectantly. Expectantly at Remus, who rolled his eyes.

"You look very nice Peter. I'm sure Kate will be very impressed" Peter beamed and turned to James, the same expectant look on his face. James cocked a brow and gave a tentative thumbs up.

A moment later Sirius banged back through the bathroom door, his hair slightly glossier than usual, in his, bordering on obnoxious, bright red robes, tight fit on his torso and billowing toward the bottom over his tailored black trousers and expensive looking dragon hide shoes.

"I'll assume I look good from that look on your face, Moony" Smirked Sirius. Remus blushed.

*

Lily and Alice were already in the common room by the time they got down. Lily looked disgustingly pretty in a short green dress made out of a kind of silky floaty material, the hair on her face pulled back and the rest of it hanging long and full down her back. Alice was stood next to her, looking a bit wistful, in a longer scarlet dress, her dark hair back in a loose elegant bun, a few loose curls hanging down around her face. Her face twisted in a combination of annoyance and mild amusement when she saw Sirius.

"Jesus Christ. We match." She slapped her hands over her eyes "You could have warned me you'd be wearing red. I have a blue dress with me I could have worn instead, you know!"

"You'll get over it love. And may I remark on how ravishing the colour looks on you? Even if it does match me?" Sirius said with a smile, taking her hand and kissing it. She blushed.

"Sod off... And thank you" Sirius began what seemed like an almost pre-prepared speech on how nice Alice looked and Remus pretended not to be just a little bit jealous. He instead walked over to Lily and grinned  
"You look... gorgeous, Lily"

"thanks... you look nice too" she smiled "Gold? I'd never guessed you'd wear gold... it's nice to see you in colour though. Brings out your eyes" she said affectionately.

"Thanks... same with that green dress on you really... you do look really lovely, Lily"

"Thank you... I think it's too short to be honest..." she tugged at the bottom of her dress. Remus shrugged

"James doesn't thinks so" he smirked pointing at James, whose jaw had been on the floor since they had entered the common room. Peter was stood next to him giving Alice a longing stare. Sirius sniggered and called

"Put your tongue away James! It's rude to stare, never mind staring and dribbling" and James scowled and ruffled his hair

"I'm only staring because the four of you look like giant fucking Christmas decorations" The boys, especially Peter laughed hard, Alice sniggered and Lily frowned at James and tugged at her dress again. Lily patted Remus on the arm and said quietly.

"Can we go, please?" she asked with a bit of a desperate look on her face, like James's very presence caused her pain. Remus thought a moment.

"Um... Sirius, Alice? Do you want to go? Now?" he asked them. Alice and Sirius exchanged a glance.

"I don't want to leave without James" shrugged Sirius "Oh, and Peter, I suppose"

"I'm not bloody well leaving without my date" sighed Alice. Remus turned to Lily and shrugged apologetically, she gave an impatient smile and rolled her eyes.

Soon Yumiko appeared from the girls dormitories, her hair left loose, she was in a blue floor length dress which had some kind of intricate starry pattern at the bottom and at the centre. She looked hurried and had her shoes in her hands, she jerked her head behind her and snapped

"Move move move!" She ran to the portrait hole ushering them to follow her "I don't want to have to spend the entire evening with my friends! Chloe's just behind me! _Come on!_" with those last dangerously growled words James smirked and ran after her. Sirius ran after James, Remus after Sirius, Alice and Lily after them and Peter bounding slowly behind.

On the way down to the Great Hall they stopped off outside the Hufflepuff common room, to pick up Peter's date, Kate Finch. She was extremely quiet and quivered and blushed when James shook her hand. She had ditched her usual pig tails in favour of a plait adorned with an ornamental butterfly which matched her cheerful yellow dress. Peter fawned over the girl, who blushed and smiled but didn't take her eyes off James. Who didn't take his eyes off Lily, that is, until Yumiko slapped him and warned

"What did I say about gawking Potter?" she had a playful smile on her face but there was some exasperation in her tone that betrayed the girl knew she was in for a long night of gawking.

They weren't too far from the Great Hall and Lily and Alice were deep in conversation, so Sirius walked next to Remus and whispered softly into his ear

"You really do look great tonight Moony" Remus felt himself flush, Sirius grinned "Especially with that blush" Sirius stopped mid walk and grabbed Remus, letting the group walk a while ahead of them. He put his hand onto Remus's cheek, brushing it with his thumb and lay his forehead against Remus's, their noses touching as well.  
"Merlin, I love you" He kissed Remus quickly but deeply on the lips then grinned, grabbing his sleeve and leading him back to the group.

*

"I like your dress Yumiko" said Lily sweetly, ignoring James's beseeching stares.

"You do?" she smiled "I don't. My mum's making me wear it" She brushed her hair behind her ears and tapped James. "Can we dance?" James smiled and they went to the dance floor, near where Peter and Kate had been dancing for the last hour, Peter's face was bright red and his hair was damp with sweat.

Sirius smiled at Remus across the table. The Great Hall had been beautifully decked out with fir tree's decorated with enchanted tinsel, which changed colour every now and then from green to red to blue to gold, and never-melt-icicles hung from every extremity on the walls. The ceiling was showing a raging snow storm, swirling gracefully above them.  
Remus had been staring, utterly transfixed by the ceiling when suddenly his head dropped, and his eyes met Sirius's. A positively evil grin spread across Remus's face and Sirius felt something rather soft and sock like slide up his leg, he made a feeble attempt to kick Remus away (it was a _very _feeble attempt at that) but failed rather miserably and ended up clutching at the table cloth with a werewolf foot pressed against somewhere feet were not intended to be pressed.

"Is everything alright Sirius?" asked Alice

"Hmm!?" He said, painfully aware of how mental he must have look right now. His eyes were wide and he could feel the deep flush flowing on his cheeks.

"Erm... you look a bit... strange" she looked concerned. Remus snorted and crossed his arms.

"Pay no heed to that Alice, he always looks strange"

"Cheeky bastard" mumbled Sirius, fighting the need to squirm and cry out. He sank his teeth into his bottom lip and waited for this to be over.  
And just as it was _about_ to all be quite wonderfully, fulfillingly over Remus took his foot away. He took his fucking foot _away_.

"You know what Lily?" he said brightly "I think we should dance, I like this song" he grinned and she smiled

"Well, alright then" she smiled back and trotted onto the dance floor with Remus. Sirius glared at him.

"Fucker" he muttered under his breath, thanking Merlin that he'd gone for the robes that were loose at the bottom.  
"You're not going to want to dance at any point this evening, are you?" he asked Alice

"No..." she sighed "I don't dance... unless you want to?"

"No! No no. Thank Merlin for that" he sighed. He could sit merrily with his hard on all evening without having to worry about stabbing poor Alice on the dance floor. "How's the Frank situation going?"  
"There's nowhere for it to go Sirius, he's my teacher" she huffed

"..and?"

"What do you mean and? He could lose his job, I could be expelled" Her eyes were wide and miserable "It's like fucking molestation. He could even get put in prison for fucks sake."

"That's only if he gets _caught _molesting you though" Sirius winked

"I know that! But it's not like he even wants to molest me"

"True... why don't you seduce him"

"I couldn't"

"I bet you could!"

"No... M'not pretty enough, I..."

"Don't start this Alice. You're gorgeous, you're a hottie and a smoking one at that"

"If I was such a" she made air quotes "a _hottie _then why don't _you_ fancy me, eh?"

"Because..."

"Because why? Hmm?"

"Because... damn it woman, because I'm gay as a bloody may pole"

"What?"

"You heard me... I'm camp as a row of pink tents. Bent as a nine bob note. Queer as a flock of-"

"Alright enough with the similes, I've got it" she snorted and took a heavy gulp from her pumpkin juice "Fucking hell... you might have crushed the dreams of about sixty poor little girls" she sniggered "And sixty is a fucking understatement" She sniggered again. And Sirius shrugged. "I don't believe it you know... sometimes the universe just doesn't make sense to me. It made Sirius Black a poof and me hopelessly besotted with my Defence against the Dark arts professor."

"Well, I can't say I blame you. Frank is pretty fit" He snorted and she burst out laughing.

"This is so weird! Have you any other startling revelations for me. Since we seem to be getting our secrets out in the open"

"Go on then. You know why I was being weird before?"

"No, why?"

"Because Remus Lupin had his foot on my cock" he trilled. She snorted

"That makes sense" she smirked

"I was perfectly straight before he came along as well"  
"Well, maybe if Lupin can seduce you, there's hope for me yet"

"Frank will be happily molesting you before the end of the year. I bet"

"Bollocks. But thanks for the false hope" she grinned "Maybe we should dance"

"How upset would you be if I told you I couldn't because of the foot cock thing I mentioned earlier"

"I..." Her eyes widened and she sniggered again "Oh... gross!"

"It wouldn't be gross if I was Frank"

"Too bloody right it wouldn't" she said in a surprisingly lairy tone with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows.

"Alice Prewett, I am surprised at you! You're from a good respectable _pure blood_ family!"

"So are you!"

"Aah! Touché."

*

"Remus" said Lily as she placed her arm loosely over his shoulders when the song slowed down

"What is is Lily?" he asked taking a light hold of her waist.

"You really are a terrible dancer." She laughed "You know that?"

"Painfully aware of it" he mumbled as he bent his large feet awkwardly to keep himself from treading on her. "sorry"

"I don't care, I was hardly expecting John Travolta"

"Who?"

"Never mind"

*

"Oi, Potter"

"What?"

"You were moping... and gawking actually"

"sorry"

*

After a good half an hour of dancing James, Remus, Lily and Yumiko sat back at the table with Alice and Sirius, who were both giggling madly. Just as Remus was about to ask what was so funny, Samantha Bradley, the Gryffindor keeper, came over and gave the announcement of a piss up being held in the Common Room after the Ball.

"That should be fun" James grinned. There was a happy murmur of agreement

"I don't imagine any of your parents would be happy with you all coming home hung over" said Lily with frown. Sirius tutted at her.

"Don't be such a wet blanket Evans"

"I am not a wet Blanket" she tapped her foot defiantly

"Yeah you fucking are" laughed James

"Alice! Back me up here!"

"Lily..." Alice said tentatively "you do have some wet blankety tendencies"

"Just because I don't want to get drunk with the rest of you, that makes me a wet blanket"

"Well... yeah, it does a bit... it's Christmas. Lighten up!" Grinned Yumiko, Lily sighed.

"Maybe... I'm going to go and say hello to Valerie"

"Oh I'll come as well" piped Alice getting up and trotting after Lily with a smile. Yumiko slumped down against the table and pushed her hand through her hair, looking miserably at James as he stared longingly at Lily. Remus gave him a stiff kick underneath the table and he opened his mouth to protest, Remus glared and pointed his gaze at Yumiko. James sighed in understanding.

"You look beautiful Cheng... I haven't said so yet. But you do"

"Thank you"

"Do you want to go and dance again?"

"Erm... yeah okay. I'd like that"

"And no more gawking at any one other than you. I promise."

"That's what I like to hear" He took her hand and they went back out to the dance floor. And suddenly it was on Sirius and Remus left. Sirius leaned across the table and hissed at him

"You bastard"

"Why, whatever are you talking about Sirius?" he said innocently. Sirius narrowed his eyes

"Remus Lupin, you are the devil himself"

"Again Sirius, you must elaborate for I am quite unaware of what you're talking about" Remus raised his goblet of Pumpkin juice to his mouth to try and disguise his grin

"I'm talking about you and your bloody half finished... foot... jobs" Sirius pouted. Remus snorted at him

"Foot jobs! Brilliant"

"So... are you going to finish what you started?"

"Well... it would be nice if I did... but it would be far funnier if I didn't"

"If you take the funny option, I'll... beat you to death with your own shoes!"

"I'd like to see you try" sung Remus. Sirius looked desperately back and forth

"Look... there's what... half an hour, forty five minutes left before we go back to the common room. What do you say you and me get out of here?" Sirius grinned. Remus's first thoughts were _shouldn't we warn James? We should tell Lily and Alice certainly. Will Lily be upset if I just go? _But his second thoughts spoke in a louder voice, that over rode the others

_Fuck James, fuck Alice and fuck Lily. Fuck that bitch right in the ear._

He was shocked at his own thoughts. And it suddenly dawned on him how near it was too the full moon.

"Let's go"

*

They hit Sirius's bed with a loud creak of springs and the sound of lips and clothes and soft moans. The robes, the shirts, the trousers, the boxers hit the floor with the quietest flop of fabric on carpet.

"You ready?" Remus asked, sitting on Sirius's chest. Gasping and hard and _completely_ beautiful.

"For what?" Sirius asked dumbly

"What d'you think?" said Remus, with the ghost of a smirk on his face, panting, sounding breathy and hoarse. The light bulb of realisation lighting up in his head, he nodded. Slowly but surely, Remus nodded back. He leant over to grab his wand, muttering some incoherent spell on himself, then on Sirius, as he tugged the hangings shut around the bed. The light is faint and tinged red by the hangings drawn around them, intensifying the scarlet on Remus's cheeks. He spread Sirius's leg, resting his ankles on his shoulders, he smiled shyly and whispered

"This'll hurt... I'll be gentle, but it will hurt" He pressed his fingers against Sirius's entrance. He bent down and spoke so softly into Sirius's ear, his tongue drifting over the lobe as he did. "And you need to relax" and soon the fingers were replaced by something far wider and harder and clumsier. Sirius gasped and squirmed as he stretched and burned. Remus worked himself inside Sirius, distracting the him from the pain with affectionate kisses and touches on his face and lips and torso, murmuring declarations of love and reassurances and giving a hundred more kisses and light touches in the process. Once he was fully inside, they stayed still for a moment, panting, Sirius gradually getting used to the foreign uncomfortable feeling.

"You okay for me to move?" Remus asked gently. Sirius gave a little whine but nodded. "You sure? We can stop... we can try again another time if-"

"No! Please... just move" Sirius asked, trying to remove that whine still present in his voice. It hurt, but he was still painfully hard. He wanted Remus to move. He needed him to move. Remus slid back and gave a slow gentle thrust and another, gradually picking up speed. And soon the pain was overshadowed by pleasure, and they moved together. Remus hit a spot inside Sirius that caused his hips to buck. He lurched forward and groaned, electricity shooting all the way through him. Remus hit that spot again straight after and his hips bucked violently, he whimpered, he was close. Remus's breathing became unpredictable and his thrusts erratic, but he hit the right spot again, sending Sirius flying over the edge. His entire body convulsed as he came, his torso lurching forward and he called Remus's name breathlessly. A few more erratic thrusts later and Remus was finished too. Moaning loudly as he collapsed down onto Sirius.  
He moaned again, pulled out and rolled so he flopped down beside Sirius panting. Sirius grabbed Remus's arm and pulled it around him. His eyes heavy, every muscle in his body feeling achy and stretched, but incredibly sated all the same. Remus buried his face into Sirius's hair, muttering a final declaration of love, before the two of them fell asleep.

_A/N: Well it took me long enough but we finally got there, yay!  
Reviews are wonderful wonderful things that make desperate writers very very happy!_

_Thanks for all the reviewage and general readage and favouritage last time!_

_Yay exclamation marks!_


	40. Hold Your Tongue

There was something strangely satisfying, thought Remus as he awoke an hour or two later, about the idea that he had been the one to rob Sirius of the last bit of innocence he had.

The idea brought a smirk on to his face.

He rose from the bed a stretched. The sound of shouting and Wizard music (Remus's lip curled) told him that he hadn't slept through the Christmas piss up.

He pulled on a pair of old jeans and a scruffy jumper in place of his dress robes, which he quickly remembered were on the floor and scrambled to pick up, fold carefully and place in his trunk. He walked to the other side of the bed where Sirius lay, heavily breathing the corner of his mouth twitching into a little smile, with his hair messed all over his face, still damp with sweat. Remus touched his cheek, he made a little whimpering noise and rolled over and Remus didn't quite have the heart to wake him up.

He scribbled a hasty note on piece of parchment he found lying on the floor and left it on the bedside table. He put his feet in a very battered pair of slippers and left for the common room, closing the door as quietly as possible behind him.

Trotting down the stairs he was met with the sight of Peter splayed half way up them, lying in his own vomit. At least, Remus _hoped_ it was his own vomit. He carefully side stepped Peter, who appeared to be quite blissfully asleep and trotted into the common room which was filled with not just Gryffindors but Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws and even a few Slytherins. Remus could barely hear himself think over the talking and shouting and _awful _music which was filling the common room. He wasn't sure what exactly he planned to do here, he craned his neck and scanned the room for James but was suddenly rugby tackled by something rather ruffled and bony which smelt faintly of drink.

"Moony!" James said squeezing Remus's waist

"...James" said Remus, patting James on the head. James sighed

"You smell like sex and sweat" he giggled "... Where's Sirius?"

"Sleeping" said Remus curtly

"Oh, I see... finally make a woman out of our Padfoot did you?" Remus cocked an eyebrow "ah you should've been there Moony, when we came out of the ball, Sam and Cheng and some other people took me to get some drink! They showed me secret passageways and I can't believe I didn't find them before! The Hogshead gave us TWO GALLONS of Firewhisky for hardly any money! Amazing!" He released Remus, grinning like a mad man. A pissed mad man.

"Great well, we'll talk about this again when you're sober"

"Sounds like an excellent idea! Guess what I did?"

"What?"

"I put a line of aging around the dorm stairs so no one under thirteen can get down"

"That's... responsible of you"

"That's what Lily said! Then I grabbed her tit. She was not happy" he said darkly "now my arse is covered in boils! Doesn't even hurt!" He grinned, if it was possible, even more broadly. Remus took a step away from him

"... okay... how much exactly have you had to drink?"

"A few shots? Why?"

"You're like this after a few shots?"

"YES! Brilliant isn't it!"

"To a degree... where's Lily?"

"Her and Alice went somewhere to talk to someone about something"

"Specific. Did she seem annoyed at all?"

"Ah... at you? Yeah she was a bit. Once they'd realised thingy was gone as well they went all giggly and she was alright"

"Alright then"

"Okay well I'll see you later mate, me and Cheng are going up to the dorm room for..." he guffawed with a lecherous look in his eye "you know... stuff"

"James... at least chuck poor Sirius out before you start" Remus pleaded. James grinned

"Will do!" He turned around "OI! CHENG! COAST'S CLEAR... QUICK BEFORE YOUR BROTHER NOTCIES!" Cheng waved an arm and ran up to James madly giggling, equally reeking of Firewhisky. She waved at Remus then James took her by the wrist and dragged her up to the dorm room. Remus settled himself on a chair by the fire and watched the chaos around him. There were a group of seventh years running around in their underwear with ties around their head and a Hufflepuff fourth year girl and Gryffindor boy kissing on the sofa across from Remus, well, dry humping would be a far more accurate description. A small Ravenclaw boy was looking a bit lost near a group of people who were dancing, till what Remus supposed was a very dishevelled looking Trinity Greengrass - hair half pulled out, make up smudged, dress torn – tugged him in to a very close dance which involved lots of hip grinding that made the small Ravenclaw blush and shove his hands into his pockets. Remus spotted Katrina Lestat and Gabriel Fisher in the distance, dancing closely and far too slow for the speed of the music, wrapped up in their own private bliss. A dreamy smile etched across Katrina's face , the same on Fisher's as they swayed slowly and then kissed. Just over them Remus saw Sirius with his lip curled at the bottom of the stairs, topless with his t-shirt bundled up in his hands, barefoot and hastily checking his fly before putting the shirt on. Remus smiled, waving to catch his attention.

Sirius walked over beside Remus he shook his head at the scene and mumbled, he was to quiet to hear over the noise. Sirius pointed at the portrait hole and Remus nodded. The fought their way through the crowd till they were out in the corridor.

"It's like Sodom and Gomorrah in there" laughed Remus. Sirius smiled and nodded, they began to walk. Sirius didn't really say anything, but once they were down a darker corridor, he took Remus's hand. A rare occurrence, especially out of the dorm. Remus patted Sirius's hand affectionately with his other and suddenly felt much older as Sirius suddenly looked much younger. He wasn't sure why.

"Alright?" Remus asked, giving Sirius's hand a little squeeze as they walked. Sirius nodded and smiled in a way that didn't quite reach his eyes.  
"You're rather quiet, all of a sudden" Remus said lightly. Sirius shrugged then chuckled.  
"Come on, you're starting to scare me" he warned

"Sorry" Sirius blushed. Sirius almost never blushed "It's nothing... I'm fine, honestly"

"Is it about... before? Is that what you're feeling strange about?"

"... maybe. No... yes... no"

"That's a yes then" Remus said looking down at his shoes. Sirius shrugged.

"Not feeling strange... just different... you know because... I liked it. Really really liked it. And... well you know what it means... if I liked it"

"I suppose"

"And it's just a bit weird to know I definitely definitely am... like that"

"Like me"

"Yeah... like you. I mean... I was talking to Alice before... and I told I _was_ and it just rolled so easily off the tongue. I put it down to the two of us being al giggly and stuff but" He shrugged again "I suppose it just really... hit home" he sighed "I mean it isn't a bad thing though. I'm not sad or anything it's just... I was thinking" he sighed again and laughed "It's stupid really. But I was thinking about after Hogwarts. When James marries... I dunno... let's say Lily and they'll have their little kids, poor things'll probably end up looking like James with his crap eyesight with Lily's ginger hair. And Peter'll marry some mousey little thing like the girl he brought to the ball. And they'll end up with fat little mousey kids, who James's kids'll take piss out of for being fat and generally a bit rubbish. Then I thought about us. And I realised I won't ever have kids... we won't ever have kids."

"Hmm" Remus said, knowing he had been frowning through everything Sirius had said, and not meaning to "I've never thought of that before"

"It's weird isn't it?"

"s'pose" The fell silent after that. Remus taking a tighter grip on Sirius's hand, Sirius doing the same to Remus's. They stopped for a moment when they reached the area round the dungeons, almost constantly haunted by Slytherins after hours. They looked to each other, silently agreeing to let hands go, wandering into the dungeons. Remus wondering why they hadn't turned back about three minutes ago and wandered toward the kitchens instead. But they kept walking, for a while until they heard voices and footsteps and Snape... Rosier as well. And a higher younger voice that Remus thought must have been Regulus, and confirmed his suspicion when he took a look at Sirius's face, twisted into a suspicious scowl. Sirius grabbed his wrist and tugged into one of the thousands of alcoves Hogwarts boasted, just behind a bust of Elfrida Clagg.

"I really need to speak to him" Regulus said quietly.

"What for Black" Rosier snapped "What exactly was in that letter?"

"It's private"

"I already guessed ten minutes before you turned up Evan" Snape snorted "It's Black, the older one"

"The bent one" sniggered Rosier

"Shut up, he is not" They stopped just across from where Sirius and Remus were hidden. Regulus pouted just like Sirius did.

They did look disturbingly alike, Regulus's his hair was poker straight and quite a bit lighter than Sirius's, it being a dark chestnut colour, and his eyes pale blue. But, for the most part, Regulus was a younger, if slightly more delicate, reflection of his brother. He was skinnier and a lot shorter, but they had the same basic build, narrow waist and hips and broad shoulders, the lips were the same, full and red, and the eyes were the same prominent almond shape. Both their noses were straight and up turned and their cheek bones were equally high and aristocratic. One of the main differences was that Regulus's jaw was weaker, his chin pointed and far more feminine. He was a stark contrast to Snape, who he stood next to, who had been beaten rather viciously with Ugly Stick at a very young age and seemed doomed to remain that way.

"Their mother just wrote to Regulus informing him he should prepare to become the heir to the Black estate" Snape said coolly  
"You're joking!" Rosier grinned. Regulus shook his head. "Nice one"

"... she says he has one more chance. One more then..." Regulus looked up and made eye contact with Remus, who stumbled further back into the alcove "... then he's off the family tree. Disowned" Sirius's breath hitched. Remus hadn't ever seen a boy look as miserable as Regulus did.

"That's a good thing though. You'll finally be rid of that embarrassment" spat Rosier. Regulus shook his head.

"It's complicated. I... I've changed my mind, I'll go by myself. You two just go back to the common room. If I'm not back in an hour send out the sniffer dogs and tell my mother I love her" There was a ghost of a smile on Regulus's face. Rosier rolled his eyes, half smiling and Snape just sneered as he always did.

"See you later then" Rosier said. He and Snape began to bicker quietly as they walked off and Regulus hummed to himself as he walked in the opposite direction. A minute or two passed, both Remus and Sirius reluctant to say anything in case they were over heard when they heard the bounding of feet down the corridor and Regulus stopping in front of the alcove.

"Do you two have any idea what Evan might have done to you if he saw either of you?" He hissed, looking terrified, back and forth over his shoulder.

"Care to explain exactly what the _fuck_ is going on!" Sirius hissed back, slouching and bending so he was nose to identical nose with Regulus. The smaller boy stepped back and scowled

"I was just coming to find you to show you" he fumbled in the pocket of the trousers of his dress robes and pulled an envelope. "... this" and handed the paper to Sirius. Who snatched it with unnecessary spite and flipped the envelope open.

"Why are you in dress robes anyway? It was only fourth years and above allowed in and only with a date."

"A girl in fourth year asked me. I mean she did run up squealing, _oh my god, it's a miniature Sirius _but she was pretty so" he shrugged. The corner of Sirius's mouth twitched up, but immediately fell when he read the letter.

"One more chance eh?"

"Just one. Then you're off and I'm the heir"

"I know, you just stood and watched me read the bloody letter"

"No need to be such a twat, I was only trying to help! You don't want to get kicked out the house... do you?" Regulus's eyes widened. Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, as if Regulus was asking him the time "Don't be an idiot Sirius. Where will you live?"

"Dunno" he said coldly

"What will you do for books and Clothes? Buy second hand?" Regulus looked over at Remus "Er... no offense"

"None taken" muttered Remus, who tugged at the fraying sleeve of his ratty jumper, which was not, by the way, second hand. Granted it was three years old, stretched to buggery and patched in about six different places but it was _not_ second hand. Regulus smiled apologetically and continued

"Anyway, you won't even have money to buy second hand. You'll be on the streets" Sirius curled his lip. Regulus clearly unable to see Sirius was winding him up. Well, at least that's what Remus thought he was doing.

"I'd rather be on the streets than in that house, with those two"

"Who do you mean?"

"Who the fuck do you think I mean?"  
"... oh" Regulus creased his brow and stared up at Sirius. A mixture of worry and adoration etched on to his face. He frowned "So... you'd just leave me then?... Leave me with them"

"Well Regulus, I don't know " Sirius scoffed "you're obviously the favourite"

"_Now _I'm the favourite! I wasn't for..." Regulus gave a frustrated groan and huffed

"Regulus, do you have any idea what Mother did to me this summer?"

"Choking curse." He said bluntly "The same one she used on me since I was five" he snapped. Sirius bit at his bottom lip and tugged his brother's down collar. The skin on his neck was paler than the rest and seemed almost leathery.

"Fucking hell Reg" There was a long silence while the brother's exchanged various meaningful looks, between Sirius staring at Regulus's neck. Remus couldn't help but feeling he was intruding on something terribly private so much so, Remus was about to excuse himself when Regulus raised a hand a placed it on Sirius's arm,

"Please don't do anything stupid."

"Define stupid"  
"Don't talk about politics. Don't talk about muggles and don't play your bloody music"

"Rather difficult considering mother blew up my record player" Sirius pouted

"To be fair, you were asking for it"

"Don't side with her!"

"That reminds me, don't answer them back, don't argue"

"I'll argue all I fucking want"

"For the love of Merlin Sirius! Just hold your tongue. For once in your life, hold your fucking tongue." Sirius grimaced at Regulus, who was giving him a beseeching look that bordered on pathetic.

"I don't see why I should"

"Do it for me" said Regulus quietly. "Please." Sirius rolled his eyes, his scowl barely shifting at all. "Oh... never mind" muttered Regulus, flashing Remus a haughty look before striding down the corridor.

"FINE!" called Sirius. Regulus turned on his heel and ran back. He threw his arms round Sirius's neck and pulled back, blushing furiously before running off again. Sirius stood staring off at the wall for a moment.

"Well... this evening has certainly been eventful" he clapped his hands together and put his arm round Remus "Fancy a drink?"  
"Good God, yes"

*

"Oow" groaned Sirius as he woke up the next morning rubbing his head, feeling as if there were hundreds of tiny men trying to drill their way out of his skull. Accept they weren't using drills, they were using rusty spoons and cork screws and awful medieval things that his Grandfather kept up in the attic. And judging by the surrounding noises, Peter was still sleeping and James was also in some sort of pain, but Remus was nowhere to be heard or seen. Sirius didn't dare expose his tender eyes to daylight, keeping them tight shut.

"What happened last night?" he asked, blindly groping for his wand, in the hope he might remember some kind of headache curing charm

"... drink" muttered James, there was a decidedly _female _groan and a mutter of

"I think I'm going to be sick" the girl mumbled getting up with a rustle and heavy stomps. Followed by a delightful wretch

"Watch for Remus, he's had his head in the toilet for two hours" called James listlessly

"It's okay!" answered the girl's voice "I got it in the sink!" the tap went, and there was gargling and more footsteps thudded.

"Can you put some clothes on please?" asked James

"Oh yeah, who's going to care? We spent the night together, Fatty's unconscious, Lupin's bent and based on the position I saw them in when I woke up earlier on to be sick, so is Black."

"True. Don't put clothes on then, I don't mind" he chuckled and the sheets rustled again. Sirius cleared his throat, just managing to squawk out

"Who are you and what position did you find us in?"

"Yumiko Carolyn Cheng, surprisingly energetic blow job" she said sounding fairly impressed. "I'll keep quiet about it on the condition you do the same for me"

"Right O... erm... are you still naked?" Sirius asked, wincing in preparation for the answer.

"M'under the covers" she mumbled. Sirius smirked and stepped out of the bed, to find he hadn't changed out of the clothes he'd been wearing the previous night. The dorm looked as if it had been hit by about six bombs. Clothes and books, empty bottles and various other knick-knacks now carpeted the floor. Sirius tripped the minute his feet touched the floor.

"What the _fuck_!" he snapped, at no one in particular "What the fucking fuck!"

"I have no idea" muttered James. Sirius looked up at his friend who was lying in bed with his arm around Cheng. His hair was actually just vertical and his face was smeared with Cheng's lipstick. At least he hoped it was Cheng's lipstick. Cheng was looking equally dishevelled, her hair sticking out at all angles, traces of vomit clinging to her lips.

Sirius massaged his temples and screwed his eyes shut, he groaned and sat on his bed.

"_Accio, my stuff"_ and from the pile on the floor, his things separated and flew over to him at such a speed that Sirius had to jump, far faster than his aching muscles would want him to, across to Remus's bed

"That's my things sorted" he grinned and wandered into the bathroom, where Remus was moaning, muttering and on his knees, head lolling into the toilet

"You alright love?" snorted Sirius

"I have over indulged. And I am poorly" he muttered, not lifting his head.

"I don't suppose you have absolutely any idea what we did last night?"

"I remember you talking to Regulus. I remember him telling you to _Hold your tongue _because your mum was going to throw you out. I remember you suggesting we get a drink, then it's blank" Reus mumbled hoarsely.

"Yeah... pretty much the same here" Sirius leant against the sink, "I don't suppose you remember any head ache charms do you"

"... ngh"

"Was that a yes ngh or a no ngh?"

"... ngh"

"Bollocks"

"Have a glass of water... and please be quieter" he moaned before being sick again. He whined rather pathetically and finally flopped back from the toilet after flushing it, whining again when his head made a dull thud on the tiles "O-o-w"  
"Merlin's beard!" Sirius laughed, when he saw Remus's face.

"Do I really look that rough?"

"No it's not that... well, you do... but..." he snorted laughing

"What?"

"You've got a beard" he snorted again.

"What?" Remus sprung into a sitting position and looked as if he instantly regretted it, he raised a hand to the short but thick auburn stubble on his face "This is ridiculous... I barely even shave" he stood, groaning as he did and stumbled over to the bathroom mirror "Fuck me..."

"Has it got something to do with the testosterone... with the wolf reaching maturity?" asked Sirius. Remus glared

"Oh, no shit Sherlock." He snapped, his face softening in an instant "Sorry!"

"um... no problem... I'll erm... go and ask James if he remembers the charm" Sirius said quietly, making sure to close the door quietly behind him.

_A/N:Bloody hell we're on chapter 40... I am incredibly sorry for the amount of time it has taken me to update this! I've been busy and tired and would've much rather been writing fan fic._

_On the Brightside, Me and a few other girls from the R/S ship have started a podcast in association with www. Blacklupin .org _

_Which you can download at _http://www. Mediafire .com/ ?mnzkymceynw

_Obviously you have to take the spaces out :P_

_Thanks for reading and reviewing etc :D I love you all!_


	41. You can try

"Ngh!" Groaned Sirius, covering his eyes from the bright flashes of sun light as the train began to move.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Peter, absently, half asleep

"The light... it's horrific... why must the sun torture me so..."

"I feel like a hippogriff shat in my head" Muttered Remus, with his head in his hands, a few pieces of loo roll stuck to small spots of blood, where he'd cut himself shaving.

"You know what" James said defiantly "This whole pathetic sickly business can fuck off. Where's the hangover potion Moony?"

"Packed it somewhere near the bottom of my trunk. Did you add the Secret Passage ways onto the map?"

"Ya damn right I did Moony. The single greatest thing I did last night"

"Oi" snapped Cheng, elbowing James in the side

"Sorry Babe. The second greatest thing I did last night" he said with a big smirk, ruffling his hair.

"Don't call me Babe you twat" she growled, looking fairly green and rather like she was not in the mood to be messed with. James leaned back casually and spread his legs, looking really too pleased with himself.

"Don't call me a twat Babe"

"Fuck you Potter" she said with a smirk "I'm going to sit with my friends... see you in January, yeah?"

"Yeah" They exchanged a lascivious glance and wet kiss, which made the most unpleasant smacking sucking sound

"Fuck me! get a room" Groaned Sirius

"Fuck you! You're allowed to grope Moony with us in the room , so I'll grope Cheng all I want"

"Will you now?" She said raising a brow and a hand to her hip

"Hell yes I will" He ruffled his hair again. She rolled her eyes.

"Bye Potter" She said and exited the compartment dragging her trunk and kicking the door shut behind her. Sirius kicked James in the shin

"So what's going on with you and Cheng now?" he asked

"Oh it's wonderful Padfoot... she said the magic words to me!"

"What you mean... ?"

"Yes, that's right." He smiled dreamily "Fuck Buddies"

"Nice one James" Sirius nodded and smiled.

"Yes... good for you" Remus muttered, looking like he wished he hadn't put the hangover potion so far down in his trunk. James cackled.

"That'll make Evans jealous, won't it?"

"Yeah... course it will..." Sirius giggled

"Well, I think it's a good idea." Peter huffed.

"You would though" sneered Remus. His face evened out and he looked guilty "sorry Peter... didn't mean it to come out like that"

"Whatever... still think it's a good idea though. I mean, he gets to shag Cheng and make Evans jealous"

"I think Lily's more likely to give Slughorn a blowjob than she is to get jealous of James and his fuck buddy" Remus laughed. The other three Marauders gave him a scandalised look. He clapped his hands over his mouth "Jesus Christ! I'm sorry! It's like I'm just saying the first thing that pops into my head today"

"Is that the hormones as well" asked Sirius

"Maybe"

"Or maybe he's just using the hormones as an excuse to act like a dick?" James said with a scowl.

"Or maybe you're just grumpy because Lily hates you?" snapped Remus

"Or maybe you're just a moody ass?"

"Or maybe you're just an arrogant twat?"

"Or maybe you should stop bickering?" suggested Sirius

"Maybe you should butt out?" snapped Remus

"Maybe we should stop prefixing everything with maybe and talking in questions?" spat James

"You started it you great-!"

"SHUT UP" called Peter "EVERYONE IS ILL. EVERYONE FEELS LIKE SHIT SO WE SHOUD ALL SHUT UP SO I CAN SLEEP." He frowned and closed his eyes, lying his head against the window

"There is something truly wrong with the universe on the days that Peter Fucking Pettigrew has to tell _us_ to shut up" muttered Sirius. James stuck his middle finger up at no one in particular and shut his eyes as well.

"I'm going to the loo, Sirius"

"... because I needed to know that"

"... Just warning you, I'm going to the loo"

"Right... good for you"

"Are you coming?"

"No, no. I'm fine"

"oh for fucks.... Let me rephrase this. By going to the loo, I mean, going to an empty compartment. By are you coming, I mean; you are coming."

"... Oh right" Remus grinned and stepped out of the compartment, Sirius tripped over his feet chasing him.

*

"Sirius... come on gerroff you soppy bastard" Mumbled Remus into Sirius's shoulder as he gave him a rather too enthusiastic hug on the platform "You'll see me in four days... and you're hurting my ribs"

"Aah, sorry" Sirius let go "See you then, then. Don't bang yourself up too badly during the full moon"

"I'll be alright" Remus slapped his shoulder "There's mum... see you"

"Bye..." Remus walked away, Sirius pouted and bent his fingers into a heart. Remus mouthed _fuck off._

*

Rhea watched her son hug his boyfriend. Watched them make silly faces and watched Remus turn and walk toward her with a big grin. She couldn't help, among the warmth and happiness she felt – that Remus had something so wonderful in his life, so young - to feel the tiniest pang of jealousy. John used to hold her like that. With a great deal more effort of course, as he was far far taller than she was. He was huge. But she felt so safe, him wrapped around her. He was always warm. Remus dropped his bags at once and hugged her, she held him far far tighter than she should have. She shouldn't have cried either. She shouldn't have buried her face in his chest. She shouldn't have behaved like such a child. It wasn't fair.

"It's alright mum" he said quietly, his hand shook and lay on the top of her head.

*

Sirius was surprised to see his parents at the platform, rather than Kreachur. Mother's fingers were already tightly wrapped around Regulus's shoulders. The fabric of Regulus's robes looking desperate and near tearing beneath her finger nails.

"Orion will you look at that woman over there. Making an absolute fool of herself" she tutted "Some variety of mud blood, no doubt"

"No." Said Father firmly. "She's a Stonewall. The eyes." He said with a flair of his nostrils

"Well it's rather difficult to see when she pressed into that boy. If she's a Stonewall, then why don't we know her"

"Disgraced herself with some variety of mud blood, no doubt" he sneered. Mother's nostrils flared in agreement. "Are you ready, boy?" Father snapped, frowning at Sirius.

"... yes. I suppose. Why are you here?"

"Alphard." He said curtly "We're visiting him. He has been in rather ill health of late and won't be in a fit state to travel to our home this year"

"What's wrong with him?" piped Regulus. Mother cuffed him on the back of the head

"That is neither here nor there!"

"Now, Walburga. Best not be too hard on the boy. He was only curious, after all" He said rather condescendingly. Mother's eyes narrowed defiantly .

"Very well." They began to walk, Mother's hands tight on Regulus's shoulders all the way, as if she thought he'd run a mile if he let go. Sirius would advise he run three. "Come along Sirius" she snapped.

*

After the dampest hug of Remus's life, mum regained her composure, apologised thoroughly, looked incredibly embarrassed and apparated them back to the house. Remus began to tug his trunk upstairs.

"Let me do it sweetheart, I can just..." she pulled her wand from her sleeve and waved it.

"Oh, thanks."

"Stick the kettle on, will you" she called, as Remus heard the dull thump of trunk of his bedroom floor above. She appeared moments later, giving Remus a shock as he turned around to see her at the kitchen table. Her eyes swollen, red and puffy. He stuck her tea in front of her, remarking he still made how she liked it, the colour of used dish water. She snuffled.

"You've been alright?" he asked. She shrugged.

"Lonely. Sylvia got divorced again."

"That was quick."

"She might be moving in here after Christmas" She said, taking too big a slurp of her too hot tea, choking and swallowing thickly. Remus winced.

"Moving in?"

"I'm not ecstatic about it either. Merlin knows I'll be glad of the company."

"Jesus Christ mum... I'm sorry"

"For what Sweetheart?"

"... I'm just sorry... sorry about everything."

"Remus.... there's not much you can do about anything."

"I know..." he muttered, feeling useless. "You've not been drinking, have you?"

"No" she said, avoiding his eye.

"You're not lying mum?" He asked desperately.

"Oh alright, yes. Yes I bloody well have" she snapped. Remus was taken aback by her voice raising above it's near whisper. "It's one of the few comforts I have. I know you're only trying to help, but you aren't. You're just making me feel guilty, so please. Just stop it. Let me have my drink" Tears started to swim in her bright eyes again

"Ok-kay... okay. That's fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to... sorry"

"It's alright Sweetheart" tears tracking down her face, she fumbled in the pocket of her robes and pulled out a packet of muggle cigarettes sticking one in the corner of her mouth, lighting it with a snap of her fingers.

"Mum!" Remus's jaw dropped "What the hell are you doing?"

"Smoking... want one? Calms you down."

"But... it's bad for you! Dad said that muggles who smoke them always end up sick or dead."

"Remus for Merlin's sake" she threw her head back and blew a great puff of smoke into the kitchen. "Dad only said that to put you off, it's a habit he had that he was very embarrassed about. These are his fags, I found them sellotaped to the back of the headboard on our bed"  
"What? But he said-"

"As far as we know, Wizards can't get sick from them... just addicted" she muttered.

"... you're drunk now, aren't you" she shrugged. And stood, mumbling something having a report to finish.

*

"Alphard?" called Father. "Alphard, have your elf get the door, it's Orion and Walburga and the children" Sirius scoffed at being referred to as a child. An old shrivelled elf answered the door to them. Alphard's house was very much like Grimmauld place, it appeared to be your usual, tatty muggle terrace on the outside, but on the inside lay a large manor house. Not as large as Grimmauld Place, obviously but large, none the less.

"Master Black says come in" the elf said in a surprisingly deep gravelly voice. "Master Black says, hello and Patches shows you to his room. He says Patches has to take your cloaks." The elf, Patches, held out a pair of bony shrivelled arm, Mother and Father tossed their cloaks at the Patches who collapsed under their weight. After Mother cast tem a dark look, Regulus reluctantly lay his cloak upon the elf. Sirius was thankful he hadn't warn a cloak today. They watched the elf struggle to take the cloaks to the cloak room then, exhausted, he lead them upstairs.

"Master Black? Patches has brought your guests" He lead them into Alphard's bedroom, the curtains were pulled and the windows were blacked out. He lay propped up in his bed by a stack of expensive looking pillows. Sirius could barely see him in the candle light but he was looking very drawn and ashen and grey.

"Thank you Patches. Go give yourself a little treat, there are the biscuits you like somewhere in the pantry" he sounded as if he'd gotten up that morning and gargled with nails.  
"Thank you Master Black sir, Patches is eternally grateful for his biscuits sir" The elf trilled as he backed out of the room bowing.

"Alphard." Father nodded. Alphard nodded back. "How have you been?"

"... I haven't been out of bed in two weeks you stupid git! How do you think I am!?"

"There's no need to be rude"

"I'm old and I'm ill. I'll be as rude as I want"

"Aren't you on like... forty eight or something?" asked Regulus. Mother staring daggers at him. She was about to snap something along the lines of "Speak properly, boy" when Alphard cut her off with his answer.  
"Forty seven"

"S'not that old" Regulus shrugged. Alphard laughed, then wheezed, then coughed, then sounded like his body was prepared to cough up a lung right here, right now.

"Is there anything I can have the house elf get you?" asked Mother. Alphard scowled.

"Such a personal gesture dear sister."

"Can _I_ get you anything from the apothecary?" she snapped

"Doctor's coming in half an hour. Anything I need, she'll give me"

"She?" Father asked. Alphard rolled his eyes

"Yes, Orion, _She_." He sighed and coughed again.

"We have a gift for you" Father said stiffly, lips pursed he walked over to the bed and handed a bottle to Alphard.

"Aah. Booze... again... How personal..." He looked disdainfully at the bottle and set it on his bedside table. "Orion, Walburga, I'm going to ask you leave for a moment. I have something I wish to discuss with my nephew's."

"... very well" sighed Father, he then strode from the room, Mother following dutifully behind. Alphard told them to come closer to the bed.

"Boys... do me a favour... Get out while you still can"

*

"Full moon tomorrow?"

"Day after tomorrow... same day my friends are coming" Remus sighed and stretched. Mum and him had been sat in silence for two hours. Remus getting up every now and then to make more tea.

"You want to talk about him?" Remus asked. They hadn't properly spoken about Dad since...

"You want a cigarette?" She lit one and waved it in front of him.

"... okay" he took the cigarette and held it between his middle and index finger, following mum's example. He took a drag, choked and gagged.

"Did I ever tell you how we fell in love, Sweetheart?"

"No, you never told me" She smiled and patted his hand. "It's a beautiful story, I think"

"Tell me"

"Well, we were in the same year at school, which you knew. Him Gryffindor, me Ravenclaw. Believe it or not, I was even quieter then than I am now. Hardly said a word. Jumped a mile if anyone spoke to me" she smiled her very small smile. "I fancied your Dad from the minute I saw him in Charms. On our first day. Loud and tall and funny and..." she giggled "Gorgeous. Even as a kid Remus, he was lovely. I had no idea he even knew who I was... I would just stare at him all the time. Absolutely pathetic. I started to make friends, but I spent more time staring at your dad than talking to them when we were together. I got a boyfriend, in third year. Richard Vance. Blonde, glasses... cute" She stubbed her cigarette out on the table. Remus wincing before remembering she'd put a protection charm on it. "Your Dad comes up to me in Herbology, bear in mind we've hardly said two words to each other and says to me: you going out with Vance? And I nodded and he said: He's a right twat you know." She laughed, so did Remus "I told him I'd bear that in mind. So your Dad starts, not staring at me but, scowling at poor Richard. All the time. Richard cheated on me with my friend Tracy and your Dad beat him up" she smiled fondly "And you know, he was really upset afterward. Apologised to Richard. Bought him a drink in Hogsmeade."

"And then you two go together"

"You'd think so wouldn't you" she muttered. Her voice a whisper. "We started to make friends really. I stopped hanging round with my friends... never got on with them much anyway. And I started to hang round with him and his friends. They were the best friends I ever made. Your dad, David Robinson and Tertia Bones and Vivian Carl. David and Tertia got married. Dead now, but I told you about that and I've no idea what happened to Vivian.  
Anyway, so we were friends, then soon we were best friends. Best friends and that's all for two years. Even though you could cut the sexual tension with a knife." She snuffled again, Remus couldn't tell if it was with tears or laughter. "We both made prefect. And we had patrols together Tuesday nights. And after two years and three months of beating around the bush... you know what your dad's like. He said Rhea, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I said nothing, I just went red. And he said, you're a wonderful person and I really really want to be more than just your friend. But don't think he sound like that when he said it. He was considerably louder but he stammered and ummed and ahhed and Merlin's beard he sweated like a pig. And I still didn't say anything because I was so nervous, this was all I'd wanted for years. So I just" she giggled again, Remus seeing tears tracking down her face "... I pounced"

"You pounced!?" Remus laughed and coughed

"Pounced."

"Poor Dad"

*

Sirius heard a soft knock at his door that night. Long after he should have been asleep. Sirius tip toed over to allow Regulus in, who tiptoed past and plopped onto Sirius's bed.

"What do you want?"

"What do you think Alphard meant... Get out while you still can"

"I think it's fairly self explanatory... he wants us to get out of this family"

"but we can't get out of our family... it's our blood"

"It's_ bad_ blood Regulus"

"How can you say that?"

"Quite easily really"

"Well, if you think our family is... that we have bad blood then... then... you think I have bad blood."

"You don't have to"

"I can't help it Sirius. I'm a Black, so are you... you can't fight blood"

"Watch me"

_A/N: This chapter has taken a stupid amount of time to get out and I am very very sorry :( _

_If you're not too disappointed in me remember to review and read my other story if you've got a bit of time. _

_Thanks for reading and favouriting etc. x _


	42. Amber Liquid Evil

Christmas in the Black household this year could only be described as infuriating. Sirius was doing his best to stay quiet and "hold his tongue" as Regulus had advised him (no _begged_ him).

Though, he was satisfied to find that, this year his parents had decreed him too old for presents and he'd been given money by his carious doddering relatives instead.

He found Christmas dinner actually physically painful. Lucius Malfoy made a big show of how much he was going to spend on his and Narcissa's wedding, went on a rant about how _wonderful_ the new Ministry Werewolf regulations were, the Sirius's Father suggested they extend the regulations to muggle borns. Then they toasted Voldemort and cousin Bellatrix and Sirius was contemplating some sort of fork based suicide. Regulus did, at least, shoot continual apologetic glances in his direction but he did have the sheer cheek to give Sirius the pet lip when he left for Remus's on Boxing Day.

*

Mum had spent most of Christmas day practicing her usual obsessive cleaning. There hadn't been quite enough money that year to afford much by way of presents but there was a full Christmas dinner and, honestly, Remus would've been happy without presents. He'd spoken with her about the conversation he'd had earlier on in the year with Delphini Stonewall and asked her if she had any interest in getting into to contact with her family. She merely twisted her face and muttered something about not really wanting to associate with them.

He recognise that worried facial twist as the look she would give him when he asked about going to Hogwarts as a child, after he was bitten, when they were positive he'd never go.

*

James and Sirius arrived together, by floo, in true, unnecessarily dramatic, Marauder style. With a loud crash and a small explosion, sending ash all over the light blue living room. Mum twitched. An ash blackened Sirius cuffed James round the back of the head and snapped.

"I told you that was too much floo powder, you daft twat"

"Don't call me a daft twat you great nancy!" snorted James, a cloud of ash puffing from his hair as he ruffled it.

"A nancy who could _easily _hex you back to the dark ages" Sirius drew his wand. James's eyes narrowed

"I'd like to see you try" He wiped the ash from his glasses and went for his wand. Mum quietly cleared her throat, Sirius's and James's heads snapped round.

"No under aged magic in my house, please" she raised a brow and both boys backed away from each other, Sirius tucking his wand into his robes.

"Sorry Mrs. Lupin... and sorry about the mess... do you want us to clean it up?" Sirius said, a charming, apologetic smile breaking over his face. Mum rolled her eyes and flicked her wand, the room clearing of ash almost instantly, Remus noted she did leave James and Sirius sooty.

"Well... Alright Moony?" James said nervously, trotting over and giving him a very quick, very manly, very sooty hug.

"M'fine, how was your Christmas?"  
"Brilliant" he grinned "New broom!" Sirius rolled his eyes, giving James a little kick as he walked to where Remus stood.

"And he hasn't shut up about it all morning!" He muttered, casually slinging an arm around Remus "It goes this fast, and it does this, and it's got this new thing that does this" he snorted "I swear, he has some sort of sick broom fetish"

"I do not! It's just a nice broom is all, it's got this inbuilt compass feature in the handle and-"

"NO MORE ABOUT THE BROOM, JAMES!"

"Remus might be interested"

"I'm not"

"Mrs. Lupin?" He said hopefully, glancing over at Mum, who smiled warmly

"Provided I could deafen myself beforehand, I'd be happy to listen"

"Well, I see where Remus gets the sarcasm from"

"When Peter gets here, you can tell him all about it" Said Sirius, giving James a patronising pat on the head. James swatted his hand away.

"You never told me how Christmas went at Walburga Black's Asylum for Pure Blood's"

"Shite. Fucking shite... oh er, sorry Mrs. Lupin"

"It's alright... I'll get out of your way, I'm late for My job interview as it is." She grabbed a hand full of floo powder and called "Say hi to the Pettigrew boy for me" before the emerald flames swallowed her up.

"Your mum's weird" James murmured

"Get fucked. Any way, you were saying something about shite, Sirius" And Sirius opened his mouth to continue his rant on the Black Family Christmas, when he was interrupted by Peter, bounding in with a glow of green flame and a thud as he dropped his bag in the centre of the living room.

"Afternoon Wormtail" Said James with a grin as Peter joined them "I got a new broom"

"Oh really? Wow, what kind?" Peter asked delightedly, a look of sickening wonder spreading over his face as James went into details of his new broom. Remus rolled his eyes and beckoned Sirius into the kitchen, putting the kettle on before both of them sat down at the kitchen table.

"Wormtail is such a fucking sycophant" Sirius muttered, huffily flipping his hair out of his eyes.

"He'll get over it one day"

"I almost thought I saw some spine on him the other day on the train as well" he sniggered

"That wasn't spine, that was delirium caused by a combination of a hangover and us acting like arseholes"

"Weren't me acting like the arsehole, Wolf Boy"

"Cheeky Prick"

"Moody Git"

"Mangy Fleabag" Remus smirked and Sirius suddenly looked defiant, slamming a hand down on the table

"Oi! I'm completely flea free" He pouted.

"As far as you know. You might have them"

"I'd know if I had fleas" He crossed his arms and scowled Remus suppressed a laugh

"You have been scratching an awful lot"

"Remus Lupin, stop trying to plant ideas in my head" his arms raised, about to scratch his head, they suddenly dropped.

"I'm sure you were scratching as we were talking there" Sirius's arms repeat the same almost scratching movement.

"I will not play your mind games!" he huffed

"I bet you're itchy right now, aren't you?" Remus chuckled. Sirius frowned and wriggled on his chair, let out a frustrated growl

"Oh fucking hell!" he leapt up and frantically scratched his head, back and arms "Bastard! How long am I going to have to put up with you, like this? Believe it or not Moony, I'm begging to miss your sense of propriety"

"I'd've done that, sense of propriety or not" Remus laughed, watching Sirius as he dramatically scratched every inch of his body. Putting his hands and fingers all over his body... his toned, perfect...

"D'you want to go up to my room?" Said Remus abruptly

"Oh okay" Sirius grinned "What about the tea?"

"Sod the tea" Remus grinned back. "I'll race you!" he said, taking off into the living room and near flying up the stairs, Sirius moaning behind him

"That's not fair! You had a head start!"

*

"What's up with your ceiling?" Sirius sniggered, pointing at the elaborate night sky painted there.

"My mum used to paint" he flopped down on the bed, unbuckling his belt and tugging off his jumper "There used to be a full moon right above my bed. She ended up painting over that" he chuckled to himself "Lord knows why" he mumbled, beginning to unbutton his shirt, smirking as he did it.

"They won't hear us?" Sirius asked, unfastening his robes, he always had to wear robes at home. Remus shrugged, his shirt falling from his shoulders as he did.

"Not entirely sure I care"

"That's good enough for me" Sirius smiled and Remus undid his jeans, lying back and catching the other boy's eye as he did, his eyes not clouded with lust, as Sirius hoped they might be, but a little strange. A little pale. A little sad.

"Full moon tonight" he said quietly

"I thought it was yesterday"

"You thought wrong" he sighed "You won't be able to come with me"

"Why not? Your mum won't see, James brought the Cloak"

"if I'm home mum will normally sit up. The ministry will probably detect your transformation, anyway"

"S'pose" Sirius frowned "Will you be alright, do you think?"

"... I don't really want to think about it"

"Fair enough. Shame the full moon had to clash with the holidays, a bit disappointed I have to miss out on this month's fun, to be honest" Sirius said, dropping his robes to the ground and sitting next to Remus on the bed, while the other boy scowled and tugged his socks off.

"Well I'm bloody glad someone enjoys it"

"I didn't mean it like that"

"How did you mean it?"

"... I've no idea"

"Stupid git. And take your socks off"

"My feet'll get cold"

"But you look like a tosser"

"Do you care?"

"... not really, no" Remus grinned and began to plant a series of light kisses across Sirius's collar bone, lying his down and hooking his fingers into Sirius's boxers. "Why on earth are you still wearing these?" Sirius paused and thought for a moment.

"... I've no idea" Remus laughed and began working his way down Sirius's torso and then collapsed with a sigh when there was a loud crashing on the stairs. Peter and James banged through the door.

"We're here for all of eight minutes and you two are already..." James crinkled his nose in disgust "It's terribly rude you know"

"Duly noted." Remus sighed "Now would you mind fucking off?"

"No way! We're your guests! We want entertaining" Peter laughed. Remus rolled his eyes

"Would this count as entertainment?" He made a pull at Sirius's boxers. Sirius yelped and sat up, Peter flinched and James merely crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "... Ooh feeling brave are we Potter?"

"Not Brave. Just calling your bluff. An arsehole you are and exhibitionist however, you are not. And no amount of PMT or whatever you're calling it is going to changed that" James ruffled his hair and folded his arms, body language screaming _arrogant bastard_.

"I hate you" Sirius groaned.

"Yeah, I know." He smirked and clapped his hands together "Well, pub any one?"

"The nearest village is five miles away" Remus growled. James tutted.

"So? Like I said, we're your guests you should be entertaining us"

"I'm entertaining Sirius!"

"Yeah! He's entertaining me!"

"Don't care. You've got ten minutes to get dressed and have a cold shower" Sirius looked at a sneering James and a glaring Remus.

"Oh sodding hell" he groaned and slipped out from underneath Remus, heading for the bathroom, feeling Remus's glare burning his back as he left.

*

After a very unpleasant ninety minute walk in the bitter cold, with a whinging Peter, a sniggering particularly supercilious James and a hormonal, sexually frustrated werewolf in tow , they eventually reached the nearest village, finding the pub almost instantly.

As they stepped through the door, they were hit with a wall of cigarette smoke, darkness and the dirty looks of the largely middle aged and overweight locals.

"You won't get served" Peter mumbled, shaking his head. James scoffed

"Yeah, _I_ won't get served. We learned that the last time we went to the Three Broomsticks-"

"Had we gone to the Hogshead like _I_ suggested, we'd've gotten served" Remus muttered with a scowl.

"Oh shut up. Anyway, like I was say before I was so rudely interrupted, I won't get served, but I bet Padfoot would"

"What makes you so sure about that Prongs?" Peter asked.

"He's tallest" James shrugged. Sirius frowned

"Moony's the same height as me" he said. Remus stood nose to nose with Sirius. Sirius could see just over the top of Remus's head.

"See, I'm not. You got taller than me at some point." Remus smiled and Sirius frowned.

"Did I?" he said a little disbelieving. Remus had always been taller than him.

"Well clearly you did, you daft git." James sneered "And even if Moony was taller you still look older. He's too lanky" he laughed.

"Right. So I'm shorter than Padfoot, yet I'm somehow lankier." Remus said indignantly.

"Well, you are. You're all skinny and wonky" James grinned, locking eyes with Sirius, who grinned back.

"Can't argue with that mate, you tripped over your own feet twice on the way here" Remus glared at Sirius, mouth opening and closing, he sighed.

"... fair enough"

"So..." Sirius clapped his hands together "what will you all be drinking?"

"Muggle beer!" James called "Muggle beer for all! We'll have a lager, I think!"

"Right-o, wish me luck, fellows!" Sirius grinned and trotted over to the bar, slamming a hand on the counter "Four pints of your finest muggle larger!" The barman was, very much like his patrons, a large surly looking man, who looked at Sirius as if he'd just tried to fuck his mother.

"What did you just call me?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said, what did you just call me? You southern ponce." Sirius felt the bottom drop from his stomach. He thought fast.

"Ah... muggle... erm... in London... that's just like another word for mate"

"Whatever you say." He narrowed his eyes even further "Four pints of lager, was it?"

"Yes, yes it was my good... muggle"

"Right... that'll be four quid mate"

"Um... one moment please" Sirius scuttled back over to the group, who had taken a seat in a booth away from the bar. "You didn't give me the muggle money"

"Aah... I didn't bring the muggle money... bollocks" Remus made a nervous apologetic face.

"Oh for fucks sake Moony" James cuffed him on the back of the head.

"Well, why don't you try remembering to pick up a few bit of muggle paper with a massive hard on!"

"Stop bickering. I brought some just in case" Said Peter, proudly pulling a muggle twenty pound not from his pocket. James grinned.

"Oh dear sweet Wormtail. Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"No... no you haven't" Peter flushed, Sirius felt a bit sick and returned to the surly Barman, drumming his fingers on the counter.

"There you go, Muggle!"

"Enjoy your drinks" he said, Sirius was sure he heard the man mutter something like "Poncey, long haired tit" under his breath. Sirius carried two pints to the table, then returned for the others.

"I can't believe you got served" Peter chuckled, pulling one of the glasses toward him. "I wonder what this'll taste like"

"Can't be much different from butter beer, can it?" Remus said nervously, lifting his glass to his lips. Sirius shrugged and took a sip of the beer. It was nothing like butter beer. It was bitter. Extremely bitter. Possibly the worst thing he'd ever tasted in his whole life.

"What the fuck is this?" Sirius snapped, spitting half his beer back into his glass.

"That's fucking foul" spluttered James.

"It tastes like... evil... evil condensed into an amber liquid" Remus choked. Peter seemed to be unable to find words to fit his dislike, he merely scrunched up his face and shuddered. They all stared for a moment, scowling at the rank liquid before them, exchanging fretful glances.

"I'll give ten galleons to the first one of you that finishes it" James smirked. Peter, instantly jumping on the opportunity to gain some brownie points, picked up his glass and tried to pour it down his throat. Sirius, not to be beaten by _Wormtail _picked up his glass and began to drink as well. Remus, rolling his eyes and wearing a look that said _why the fuck not_, also joined in. They all finished at round the same time, slamming their glasses on the table and belching.

"That was too close to judge"

"Get fucked Prongs!"

"You didn't think I was actually going to give you the money, did you?"

"Fantastic. I just drank the yellowish-brown vomit of a fat Yorkshire man for nothing"

"... actually" Remus said, smacking his lips "I don't think it's that bad once you get used to it"

"You've got to be joking Moony" Said Peter, whose face was still screwed up in disgust. Remus Shrugged

"What? It's alright once you get used to the..." he tailed off, unable to think of the word.

"Rank bitterness?" James suggested. Remus shrugged again

"Yeah, pretty much"

*

Remus had another beer and Sirius, James and Peter tried the muggle vodka, which they also declared bitter and rank. It was only five o'clock when the sky began to darken and Remus decided they'd better get home before he transformed and savaged a village. It took them a little longer to walk back this time, considering they were all a little tipsy and by the time they did return to the Lupin's cottage, Remus's mum was already sitting on the sofa, nervously gnawing her bottom lip and shaking her foot. The radio was on but she didn't look much like she was listening to it. Remus, who had been growing steadily more wobbly, staggered to the cellar door and stumbled down the stairs. Sirius could just see him flopping down onto the floor, before the door was closed and bolted shut. James quietly asked if anyone wanted tea, Sirius nodded but Peter said nothing, focussing on Mrs. Lupin as she set up a series of wards and protection charms around the door, occasionally squeaking as she did.

"You alright Mrs. Lupin?"

"I'm perfectly fine" she said with a smile "I've done this about seventy times and tonight won't be any different" She rubbed the bridge of her nose "Just no John, this time." She sighed and walked to stairs. "You did all bring sleeping bags didn't you?" they shook their head. She smiled and waved her wand, conjuring four comfortable looking sleeping bags. Sorry about you having to sleep down here... no spare room and Remus's room's a bit small"

"It's fine, none of us mind"

"Oh good. Well... good night boys"

"But it's not even Seven O'clock yet" Said Peter

"I'm very tired" she said, near a whisper, walking up to stairs. They heard the gentle click of the door, then exchanged a glance.

"Fucking hell" James muttered, then sighed, turning to the radio "Oh well... do you think this picks up any muggle stations?"

"Dunno" Sirius shrugged James picked the radio up and began to twiddle with the knobs

"What's wrong with our music?" said Peter indignantly.

"For fucks sake Wormtail how many times do we have to go through this. Our music, or rather, _your_ music is complete shit" Sirius snapped

"You have to hand it to the muggles for their music. It's one of the few things they do a lot better than us" James shrugged

"My music is just as good as any of that muggle stuff" Peter huffed

"Wormtail! Accept defeat already, your music is a complete load of bollocks!" James shouted, continuing to twiddle with the radio. "Ah! Here we go!" James grinned. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen blasted out from the small speakers.

"Turn it down a bit!" asked Sirius, as the sound of Freddie Mercury's piano threatened to burst his ear drums

"Nope. Suns about to go down. I know you're a fan of Remus screaming-" James snorted.

"Not in this context, wanker!" Sirius snapped. James chuckled and turned the radio up a little more.

"What does Remus do for fun around here?" Peter asked, perching on the edge of the sofa.

"He reads" Sirius said. Peter screwed up his face at the idea. "Surprisingly Peter, not everyone's as much of a philistine as you"

"What's a philistine?"

"... exactly"

*

They spent most of the evening chatting and arguing over the radio. Mrs. Lupin must have put a silencing charm up around the cellar door, when the series of ear splitting shrieks Sirius was expecting never came. They went to bed quite early, James declaring he was going to floo home in the morning and pick up his broom, so they could go flying tomorrow.

*

Sirius woke at an obscene time in the morning after hearing an unholy crash from below him, which told him that Mrs. Lupin's silencing charms weren't quite as strong as they should have been. He squeezed his eyes shut and slid down in his sleeping bag but it did nothing to drown out the howls and bangs.

Giving up, he slowly unzipped himself and walked into the Lupin's kitchen, where Mrs. Lupin sat, swallowed up in a large fluffy dressing gown, a smoking stick dangling from her mouth and her knuckles white around a glass of Firewhisky.

"Mrs. Lupin?" Sirius asked, she looked up at him. Her eyes, wide, light and bloodshot.

"Call me Rhea, Sirius. Mrs. Lupin makes me feel very old" she whispered, taking the stick from her mouth, smoke curling from her nose and mouth.

"Sorry. Are you alright?" She nodded

"Fag?" she said, offering a box with the smoking sticks in.

"No thanks.... what is it?"

"A cigarette. Just some paper and a filter, filled with a dried up plant called tobacco, you light it up and breath it in." She coughed with a wheeze and took a sip of her drink. "Muggles smoke them. Calms you down" There was another crash followed by another howl. She shuddered and took a big gulp of the drink.  
"Did I wake you?" she asked. Sirius almost wanted to laugh, he'd hardly heard the woman talk above a whisper.

"No, you-" there was another crash and a furious sounding growl "-you didn't" Sirius stood in silence, Mrs. Lupin nibbling her bottom lip as they listened to the continual poundings, crashings, shrieks and howls.

"Sirius..." Mrs Lupin said "Erm... I'm going to need some help with him later. His dad always uses to help carry him out... both of us were always a bit hopeless at charms, you see. Didn't want to risk hurting his with a hover charm... any way... I'm not strong enough to get him so... since you're up-"

"That's absolutely fine with me Mrs. Lupin... erm... Rhea"

"Thank you Sweet Heart." She took another swig of her drink. "Look after him for me, won't you?"

"You mean tomorrow?" Their eyes fixed, she looked away quickly, mumbling and stubbing her cigarette out on the table.

"Yes... tomorrow... look after him. Please look after him"

"I will."

_A/N: Sorry for taking so long again! I suck... I really suck... but oh well! Now for the obligatory begging for reviews!  
*Drops to knees* please please please please please!_

_Dignity fail =D_


	43. Getting Frank Hammered

_A/N: Right. Took me bloody ages to get this one out.  
It's inexcusable and like any bad girl, I deserve to be punished. *Bends over*_

_Have at me_

*

As the sun came up and the howls died down, Mrs Lupin – Rhea – took the ward down off the cellar door and undoing the various locks and bolts. She cast a _Lumos _and stepped daintily onto the rickety staircase, Sirius following closely behind.  
"Usually, I heal the cuts and the minor broken bones" she whispered "but if he breaks anything too big or too fiddly or gets too deep a gash, it's straight to St. Mungo's" she sighed and continued down the staircase "You're not squeamish are you... sometimes he looks a bit..."

"I've seen him on the morning after before Mrs- er, Rhea. Don't worry"

"How have you seen him?"

"Oh, erm, we'll usually pick him up and take him to the hospital wing... he doesn't like Madam Pomfrey coming out to get him but... sometimes he beats himself up too badly and... well, we have to take him before he... bleeds to death..." he said nervously, Rhea only squeaking a thanks in response.

They reached the bottom of the long stair case, which, to Sirius's surprise, curled in on itself, leaving only a large wooden cylinder in front of the door.

"Why do you need the wards and the locks if the stairs do that?" Sirius asked

"You can only take the stairs down manually... there's a chance he might work out how to do it" she muttered "All you have to do is press the centre brick on the south wall and they're down again... where is he?" she asked "my eyes aren't what they used to be"

"erm... curled up in the far corner" Sirius said, jogging toward the shivering lump he'd identified as Remus. "You alright mate?" he asked, locating his shoulders and gently turning him. He was answered with a watery cough and a weak "What do you think?" then wheezed and promptly passed out. He was covered with the usual deep scratches on his torso and legs and bites on his arms. The whole right side on his body was badly bruised.

"Is he okay?" Rhea asked bending down beside them and running her fingers through Remus's hair.

"Don't know yet... he's unconscious"

"Move" she said quietly. She pulled out an odd baton-like contraption and ran it around Remus. "It glows red for a break, orange for a fracture and yellow for a dislocation. Blue for a torn muscle or tendon... flashes green for something life threatening" Sirius nodded. Sirius winced as the baton glowed red when Rhea ran it past his nose. They muttered bollocks under their breath. His left arm was fine, his right arm was broken and his shoulder was dislocated. Rhea sighed.

"That's enough to put him in hospital already"

His collar bone was broken again, his right ankle shattered.

"I can't heal any of these" she mumbled "Could you pick him up?" Rhea asked. "Gently" she added, a little unnecessarily. Sirius carefully scooped Remus, careful to support his neck and back. He was wet and sticky with blood. Rhea ran to the far side of the cellar, pressing the centre brick and the stairs unfurled. She trotted up the stairs a head of Sirius, he heard her light the fire and bang around in a few drawers, while Sirius carefully made his way up the stairs, trying not to drop the ton weight in his arms. When He got to the top of the stairs Rhea was already waiting at the fireplace with a hand full of floo powder. Sirius walked ever so carefully over to her and she threw the powder, calling "St. Mungo's, A and E ward" and he followed her into the flames.

Mrs. Potter was waiting for them as they stepped into the ward, quickly flicking her wand, a hospital gown appearing on Remus's bare frame. It was full of young haggard men, looking drawn and bruised and beaten up. Some were lying unconscious on bed, some were slumped, half asleep, against the walls. There weren't many women there, and most of them looked like they were there with someone. Mothers, daughters, sisters, maybe even wives. There was one girl, who couldn't have been older than twenty, lying with her hip bandaged up, six blots of blood soaking through the cotton bandages. There was a distinct green tinge to her skin, her eyes flickering open, out of focus, before healers came to move her. Probably to the Creature Induced Injuries ward.

"Morning Rhea," Mrs. Potter said with a yawn, snapping her fingers, a bed flying toward her as she did. "And Sirius? Nice of you to help dear. You're a good friend" Sirius thanked her and lay Remus down. "Right" Mrs. Potter said, clapping her hands together. "What's he done this time?"

"Broken nose" Sighed Sirius

"Oh yes, I can see that" she said. Pulling her wand out and resetting Remus's nose, which had been bent toward the left of his face and was now dead centre again, though there was now a small kink in the once dead straight bridge. She healed most of his cuts and bruises instantly, the bigger ones, healing but leaving red, shiny marks that would, with Mrs. Potter's assurances, fade eventually.  
"What else is broken?" she asked

"Collar bone, it breaks all the time" Sirius said, yawning.

"No surprises there" Mrs Potter said with a thoughtful frown as she healed it.

"His right ankle's shattered, his right arm's broken and his right shoulder's dislocated as well" Rhea added. Mrs. Potter rubbed her forehead.

"I'll have to take him to somewhere to get sedated before we pop that shoulder back in"

"But he's already knocked out" said Sirius, questioningly

"But he could wake up at anytime... waking up while we're resetting his shoulder would be... well it would be a bit of a shock, to say the least." Mrs. Potter made a face. A face which suggested lots of pain was going to be involved,

"Why?" Sirius demanded. Mrs. Potter relaxed her face again, though her eyebrows did raise.

"Because we'd have to do it the muggle way" she said patiently.

"... pardon? What exactly does _the muggle way_ entail, Dorea?"

"It's probably best not to explain... charms are far quicker but they just aren't as effective as popping the joint back in..." she waved her hands around as she searched for the word "manually"

"Manually? ... Sweet Merlin, I don't even want to know" muttered Rhea, pulling out her cigarettes

"Rhea you can't smoke in here. And may I say, I disapprove of this awful muggle habit. There's not actually any proof that smoking won't affect a witch or wizards health" Rhea shrugged and tugged the cigarettes back in her pocket, hands shaking. Mrs. Potter placed a gentle hand on the tiny woman's shoulder "You're looking a tad faint... you don't look to wonderful either Sirius... go to the visitor's centre. You can smoke there. Sit down, have a cup of tea and I'll come and get you when Remus is all patched up"

"Hang on" Sirius began, eyes passing over the room full of werewolves, clearly in need of some medical attention "are you going to all this trouble because you just would - with any werewolf – or is it just because you know us?" Mrs Potter pursed her lips, suddenly reminding Sirius an awful lot of James.

"Sirius" she said firmly "as a Healer, I am sworn to help everyone as far as I can and to the best of my ability. Remus is _my_ patient. And if you're worried about the others... well... there should be healers helping them... not everyone is as open minded as you or I"

*

"I owled James and Peter... They'll be along soon, if they're not asleep" said Sirius with a forced smile, sitting down beside Rhea, who was on her fourth cigarette in an hour.

"I did leave them a note" she mumbled

"Ah..." a silence befell them. An awkward one, Rhea's snuffling and sniffing the only sound. Sirius decided to break the silence "We won't be here much longer, will we?"

"No... no" she squeaked "... this... this wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Thank you for helping Sirius... for being here"

"No problem." He said, patting her back rather more gawkily than you would expect from a Black "I wanted to be here"

"It is terrible of me though. Putting you through this. Forcing you to deal with a whiny middle aged woman." She snorted a laugh, a few tears rolling down her face "... It's stupid... this is nowhere near the worst he's been hurt... he could have come out without a scratch on him and I'd still have struggled. I couldn't have done this" Her voice cracked on the last word, making it incredibly high pitched and near unintelligible "_alone_"

*

"I'm back" Remus said, hobbling as he walked, Mrs. Potter following him, wand at the ready, should anything go wrong. "On a scale of one to ten, how rough do I look"

"... you're about an eleven" laughed Sirius. Remus surreptitiously flipped him a middle finger. Mrs Lupin hopped up from her seat and gave Remus a very gentle hug. Sirius laughed as Remus's face twisted in, what he hoped was comedically exaggerated, pain and horror.

"You need a shave Sweetheart" she said, reaching up to pat his stubble covered face.

"I don't know about that..." he said, rubbing his hand on his chin "Don't I look rugged and manly?"

"While you're in a hospital gown?" laughed Sirius "No... no you don't"

"Shut your face and come here, so I can use you like a human crutch" Remus muttered. Sirius smirked and obliged, getting up to stand by Remus, allowing him to rest his weight on his own shoulders.

"Let's get you home, Sweetheart" said Rhea "Thank you again, Dorea"

"Only doing my job." She smiled "There's a floo point just over there" she said, ushering them all towards it. "See you all at New Year's" she waved, calling after them "Try not to make too much of a spectacle of yourselves, this year!"

*

"Moony really is a terrible host you know. Won't even come flying with us! And I brought a spare broom for him" Tutted James, the Marauders, sans Remus, trudged out into the fields behind the Lupin's house. Sirius smacked him round the back of the head.

"It was the full moon last night, prick!"

"No excuse" James sniggered. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Prongs? Why must you be such a cock?"

"I'm not a cock. I'm bored."

"You are being a bit of a cock, James" Peter said, gently

"And you're being a bit..." James groped around for insults "...Fat..."

"I'm losing weight!" huffed Peter. Sirius smirked and cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you?"

"Yes! I've lost... I dunno, but my trousers are looser" Sirius and James swapped a smirk and swallowed laughter.

"We might have been practicing engorging charms on them"

"... oh"

"Are we going to play or just go flying for a bit then?" said Sirius, hastily changing the subject.

"We'll play... Piggy in the middle." Said James

"Oh, cool. Wormtail, you're the piggy"

"It's always, bloody me playing piggy"

"Life's a bitch, Pete"

*

"Did you enjoy flying?" Remus asked, pulling himself up in bed, groaning as he did.

"It was fine for the first hour, then it started to snow and bloody James wouldn't let us go back in doors" Sirius huffed. His face was flushed bright red and his hair was soaking, a few strands might have even been tipped with ice. James shrugged and shivered

"I thought it might be fun to play in the snow"

"Yeah? Well, you thought wrong" snapped Sirius. "Where's your mum? I need some warming charms doing"

"She's at another job interview. You'll have to make do with the fire downstairs"

"But there's no Moony downstairs" Sirius whined, pouting.

"You two make me sick" James shuddered

"You're just jealous" laughed Sirius, ruffling Remus's hair and perching himself on the edge of his bed.

"Oh yeah, I'm so jealous of you two, I spend my nights uncontrollably sobbing between wanks" he sniffed. "I've got Cheng now anyway. The only loner here is Peter"

"No! What about Katie!" Peter said defiantly

"That's a good point, how far did you get with her at the ball?" Asked James

"Not very. I was kissing her and we were on our way up to the dorm" He blushed "then I was sick on her and I passed out"

"Smooth" Said Remus, with a smirk.

"Hey... she did like me though... she said so" he tapped his chin thoughtfully "Maybe I should owl her and apologise"

"You haven't apologised already?" snorted James

"Well I did at the time... I think"

"Fucking hell Wormtail... you have no idea how to handle women do you?" James said, patting his head condescendingly. Remus gave a loud_ Ha!_

"Are you kidding me? _Wormtail_ has no idea how to handle women! Jesus Christ in stilettos James! You're far worse than he is!"

"How? I've got Cheng!"

"Yeah, Cheng who you don't actually like that much! Who you only "have" through a combination of her being very tolerant of you and her being evidently quite desperately horny." Remus drawled, wriggling lower in his bed.

"Well..." James began "You're hardly the lady's man, are you?"

"James... I'm gay"

"You're hardly the man's man then"

"I pulled the Slytherin Quidditch captain when I was thirteen, kissed Lily Evans and I'm going out with by the best looking boy in the year, who could have any girl he wants."

"Aww, thanks love" Sirius trilled. Remus gave him a little smile, then continued.

"Compared to you Prongs, I'm Casanova"

"... A bit below the belt bringing up Evans" James said with a haughty look, worthy of the Blacks.

"Sorry... you antagonised me" Remus said quietly, a little blush spreading over his cheeks.

"You're meant to be the mature one though" James frowned. Remus considered arguing but, he found he was just too tired.

"I... Sorry"

*

"Happy New year... 's eve" Called Sirius as they stumbled through the fireplace into the Potter's living room.

"Oh Hello boys!" Mrs. Potter said brightly, planting a affectionate kiss on each of their foreheads "You're early"

"I thought we'd be allowed in a little early, considering I do live here and everything" huffed James.

"Oh hush James." Said Mrs. Potter, ruffling her son's already messy hair "Will Rhea be along soon?" she asked

"Yeah, she won't be long." Remus said. James grinned and clapped his hands together

"So, mum. Where's the drink?" he beamed. Mrs. Potter rolled her eyes and walked off without providing her son with an answer, tossing her hair dismissively. "Mum! Come on!" whined James.

"Merlin's Beard Prongs, you call yourself a Marauder" Sirius sighed. James blinked. "You should have just stolen the booze later. Where's the drink... honestly"

"What? I only asked"

"A Marauder never asks, James, they simply take" declared Sirius. James scoffed

"And who decided this?"

"I did." Grinned Sirius. "So, anyone interesting coming to this party?" asked Sirius.

"Frank Longbottom" James smirked. "And I have a cunning plan"

"A cunning plan you say?" Sirius and James swapped equally wicked grins. The kind of grins that made Remus's inner prefect feel very nervous and slightly itchy.

"I say, we get him drunk"

"And..."

"Well... watch him embarrass himself. He might be working at Hogwarts, but it's part of his Auror training. My Dad's still his boss" James cackled.

"James... don't get him into trouble! I mean, he's a bit of a prat but... he's still essentially a good person" Remus sighed "And he's not even really that much of a prat... You just don't like taking instructions from him"

"So... it'll be funny" James shrugged

"It'll be cruel" Remus protested

"Funny!"

"Cruel!"

"Funny!"

"Cruel!"

"Sirius!" James ordered, dramatically pointing at Sirius "Getting Frank drunk so he embarrasses himself: Cruel or funny?" Sirius paused, his grey eyes widening. He looked at James, the back at Remus.

"... Funny in a cruel kind of way?" Sirius said, already shooting an apologetic look at Remus, who rolled his eyes.

"Pete?" Remus said pleadingly

"Just sounds pretty funny, to be honest" Peter said with a shrug.

"See, it's three against one" James grinned smugly "Tonight, we get our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher hammered!"

"... You know." Sirius said thoughtfully "This has potential. We could accomplish so much more than just embarrassing Frank"

"Such as?" Remus lifted a brow

"We could spike your mum's punch. With a bottle of the strongest Vodka you have" Sirius said in a calculated tone. James rubbed his chin.

"Goblin made or Wizard?"

"Goblin made" Remus said immediately. They turned to him in surprise "What? Goblin made has virtually no flavour."

"How do you know that?" piped Peter

"I thought everyone did!"

*

"Evening Frank" Said Potter with a grin. A very suspicious grin. Frank shuffled and instinctively put his hands in his pockets, gripping his wand.

"Evening Potter... where are your little friends?"

"Little? Sirius is bigger than you"

"You know what I mean."

"They're upstairs. Mum told me to come down and say hello to everyone. So, Hello!"

"... hello"

"Have you tried any of my Mum's punch yet?"

"no?"

"You should try some" Potter nodded, thrusting one of the cups at Frank. Frank removed one hand from his pocket (the one that wasn't holding the wand) and slowly took the cup.  
"Well, go on then. Drink it!" Potter urged, grinning in a way which made his inner teacher terrified and quite frankly, very sick.

"What's in it?"

"Fruit juice. Fruit juice and a bit of hot butter beer. It's good. Try it!"

"... alright then. But if anything explodes, Potter, I will not hesitate to cause you serious damage... or tell your dad."

"Bloody hell Frank, I'm only trying to be a good host here. Just take the drink" Said Potter impatiently. Frank felt a little twinge of guilt, perhaps the boy did only want to give him a drink. And, besides, it did smell very nice.

And it tasted nice too. Burnt his throat a little as he drank, but it was sweet and warm and fruity.

"That's... that's nice" He smiled at the messy haired boy. Perhaps he wasn't that bad after all. "Thank you James"

"No problem Frankie"

"... Frankie... It's Professor Longbottom!"

*

"Hello Professor" Said the Lupin boy, rather begrudgingly at that.

"hello Remus. How are you? You're looking a little... annoyed"

"hmm. Have you tried the punch yet" he said flatly

"yes. It's very nice."

"Hmm. It is" He flared his nostrils outward then muttered "Well... bye Frank" and wandered off. If the music weren't so loud, Frank would've been positive he'd heard Remus shouting "There! That's as far as I'm going!" as he stomped up the stairs.

*

"Frank!" Peter Pettigrew smiled and handed him a cup of punch.

"Pettigrew..."

"You had the punch yet?"

"... yes"

"You should have more. It's really good"

*

"Frank!" Sirius Black bounded toward Frank like an over excited child, forcing a cup of punch into each of his hands. Frank blinked.

"... Black? What's the meaning of this"

"Of what?"

"Of you and your friends continually forcing punch on me?" Frank was concerned at the slur on his voice.

"We feel guilty for behaving badly this year... that's all" Said Black sincerely... fluttering his eyelashes? "We think you're a really good teacher. We're sorry"

"... really?" Asked Frank as he knocked back one of the cups of punch.

"Really Frank"

"Oh... oh wow I... I thought I was doing such a terrible job. I thought you all hated me" Said Frank, feeling, quite honestly, a little choked up.

"Frank don't be ridiculous! We love you!" Black hesitated, then clapped frank on the back. "Now drink up" He grinned and Frank grinned back, tipping the warm punch down his throat. He was feeling quite pleasant after that. Sort of loose and... the room was sort of nice and spinny. How lovely.

"Thanks for that Black... Sirius"

"No problem Frank, my friend"

"Say.. Sirius" Frank began. "You went to the Yule Ball with Alice Prewett didn't you?"

"Yep"

"Just a bit weird 'cause... I assumed you were... you know"

"What?"

"... um... playing beater for the other team?"

"... oh"

"Yeah."

"Hang on. So are you asking me if I'm gay or not"

"... Yeah pretty much"

"... are you hitting on me, sir?"

"No! I was just curious!"

"... Bi curious?"

"Right, sod off Black, forget I asked!"

"Okey dokey sir. Just want to add, nothing's going on between me and Alice!"

"Okay... like I care" Scoffed Frank. Black winked and trotted back up the stairs... Maybe he should have a little more punch. Why would Black feel the need to say that about Alice any way? She was a good student and nothing more. Frank liked her. She had a nice manner and attitude... a nice face... nice hair... And Frank decided, that more punch would be a very bad idea. It was time for coffee. Coffee and a slap round the face.

*

"How's the party going Padfoot?" Said James with a giggle.

"They all look completely hammered"

"Excellent" James said evilly, tenting his fingers. Remus sighed and frowned.

"What, exactly, were you planning on getting out of this?"

"... lots of really drunk people?"

"Lots of really drunk people, messing up your house?" Remus suggested condescendingly

"Oh! Well it's not like you had any better ideas!" James snapped. Remus shrugged.

"No. No I didn't" he sighed. James scowled. Then threw his arms in the air and stomped across the room.

"I hate this!"

"What?" asked Peter

"Being bored all the time! I hate it! One thing I can say for Hogwarts, it's hard work, but it's never boring!" he sighed "For fucks sake! I wish it was full moon or something!"

"... James?" Said Remus.

"What?"

"Please. Please shut the fuck up" Remus sighed "Have a drink. Go nick a cigarette from my mother. Just do something which involves something being in your mouth, causing your silence"

"Well... if you want to put something in his mouth-" Began Sirius with a wry grin.

"Don't even think about it!"

_A/N: I'm just glad you made it past that first Author's note... Goodness knows what came over me... (hehe... geddit... came over me!)_

_Any ways... Thanks for the continuing support of you reader people. I love you. With all being. _

_And I'd love you even more if you... you know... reviewed_


End file.
